Mother Shock: Tales from the First Year and Beyond -- Loving Every (Other) Minute of It

by Andrea J. Buchanan

According to Andrea Buchanan, "Mother shock" is the state in which many new parents exist during those first confusing, chaotic and often comical years of parenting. It is the clash between expectation and result, theory and reality. It is the twilight zone of 24-hour-a-day living; where life is no longer neatly divided into day and night; the triple-impact of hormonal imbalance, sleep deprivation, and physical exhaustion. It is the stress of trying to acclimate quickly to the immediacy of mothering; a new conception of oneself, one’s role in the family and in the world; a fearful new level of responsibility, and a new delegation of domestic duties.

In this much-needed and delightfully funny collection of essays, Buchanan shares the insight she gains as she moves through the stages of mother shock. From "Fear of the Double Stroller" and "Confessions of a Bottle Feeder" to "I’m an Idiot" and "Everything I Needed to Know I Learned in Playgroup," Buchanan details the unimaginably difficult and unbelievably rewarding process of becoming a mother.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Memoir, Essays, Humor, Biography Memoir, Biography

240 pages, Paperback

First published February 27, 2003

About the author

Andrea J. Buchanan is a New York Times bestselling author whose latest book is THE BEGINNING OF EVERYTHING, which was a finalist for the 2019 PEN/E.O. Wilson Award for Literary Science Writing. Her other work includes the multimedia young adult novel GIFT, the internationally bestselling THE DARING BOOK FOR GIRLS, her essay collection on early motherhood MOTHER SHOCK: LOVING EVERY (OTHER) MINUTE OF IT, and seven other books. Before becoming a writer, Andi trained as a pianist, earning a bachelor of music degree in piano performance from the Boston Conservatory of Music and a master's in piano performance from the San Francisco Conservatory. Her last recital was at Carnegie Hall's Weill Recital Hall. She lives with her family in Philadelphia.

Reviews

[Bianca · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thankfully I have some really good girlfriends that aren't scared to tell me that becoming a first time mommy isn't always what it's cracked up to be in the beginning and it's okay to want to escape in the middle of the night at first. It was nice to read an author that was also not afraid to speak the truth. Not everyone has a baby and is in instant bliss and that's okay. According to my friends and the author, it does get better!

I enjoyed the beginning of this book more than the middle and end as it became more of a recount of stories and events in the author and her new daughter's life, but it was still a good book and always beneficial in my opinion to take a glimpse into another new mom's life and what it might be like for me in a few months! Yikes!!!

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I bought this book right after having my son and realized that motherhood isn't always the dreamy la-la land that I had imagined when I was pregnant. The title pretty much says it all -- the author finds motherhood to be a land filled with great and shining moments and not so shining moments. I loved that she writes about how real mothers are often ambivalent about being a mother at times -- and that is OK. Becoming a mother is total shock to your system; your world is turned upside down and inside out, and this was one of the books that I felt was closest to my experiences as a new mom and captured some of those "not so good" feelings about becoming a mother.

[Krista · Rating 4 out of 5]

After reading another new mommy book I fell compelled to come back and write a review for this book as it was miles better.

I thought the use of the culture shock to break down the phases of motherhood cute and enjoyed her humor and thought she did a great job of drawing you into the first years of motherhood for her and her daughter.

All and all an easy enjoyable read that sheds some light on what the first years of motherhood are really like.

[Joanna Karaplis · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has two of my favourite essays: the one about a baby anticipating language ("What time is it? BATH TIME!"), and the one about how bittersweet it is when kids grow up and lose their cute mispronunciations. It was published in 2003, which means the author's kids are now both teenagers (they were 2 & in utero at the time of writing). Blows my mind!

[Courtney · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wish I'd had this book when Odin was born. It's so nice to know you're not the only one struggling with making the adjustment to motherhood.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This really spoke to me as a first-time Mom and I frequently give it to expectant mothers.

[Katie Kulp · Rating 5 out of 5]

A heartfelt and honest glimpse into the transition to motherhood - a transition that was just as “shocking” for me as it was for the author. I deeply appreciated this book.

[Sonya Feher · Rating 4 out of 5]

Separated into 4 sections: 1) Mother Love about joy and pre-partum, 2) Mother Shock “maternal anger, frustration, ambivalence,” 3) Mother Tongue “learning curve of early motherhood,” and 4) Mother Land about embracing the reality of motherhood identity as mother and separate self. Some essays were more universal than others. I especially liked and related to the Mother Tongue section.

Her expectations of motherhood in Mother Love are worlds away from mine with the exceptions of “Misconceptions” and “Separation Anxiety.”

I appreciate the list of mom positions in “Mother Shock”: “Maternal Assistant, Assistant Mother, Associate Mother, Mother, Senior mother, Managing Mother, Mother-in-Chief (p. 74). Her perceptions of advice givers in “Motherly Advice” were interesting and creative.

In Mother Tongue, my favorites were “Sleeping like a Baby” about the lies we tell about sleep, "Wednesdays in the Park” and “Everything I Really Needed to Know I learned at Playgroup” about the support system playgroups provide, not so much play for the kid as for the moms, and “Mother Tongue” about profanity and how we model then deny it to our children.

In Mother Land, her essay about practicing motherhood and music “Not Like Mozart” and her attempts to be flexible in “Zen Mom, Beginner Mom” were standouts.

[Keris · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think I'd had this book - which is subtitled "Loving every (other) minute of it" - on my Amazon Wishlist since I was pregnant with my son, who is now 4. I'm now pregnant with my second child and finally got around to buying it. And I'm so glad I did.

This book is a collection of essays examining Buchanan's experience, mostly of the first year of motherhood. She learned early on, that the transition to motherhood has much in common with the culture shock experienced when you move to another country and each section begins with direct comparisons, which are startling in their accuracy.

Buchanan then goes on to write about, as you would expect, her pregnancy, her daughter's birth, ambivalence (and fear) about having another child, miscarriage and more. Before she was a writer, she was a professional pianist and there's a beautiful essay about her daughter's burgeoning interest in the piano.

I'm constantly amazed and impressed by the honesty in these "mommy memoirs" and this one is no exception. Buchanan admits things in writing that I have barely even admitted to myself in my head. It's incredibly brave and incredibly comforting.

I actually loved *every* minute of it and would wholeheartedly recommend it both to new mothers and not-so-new mothers alike.

[carissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

"According to Andrea Buchanan, “mother shock” is the state in which many new parents exist during those first confusing, chaotic, and often comical years of parenting. It is the clash between expectation and result, theory and reality; a twilight zone of 24-hour-a-day living where life is no longer neatly divided into day and night. It is the stress of trying to acclimate quickly to the immediacy of mothering; of formulating a new conception of oneself, one’s role in the family and in the world; of shouldering a fearful new level of responsibility and a new delegation of domestic duties. In this much-needed and delightfully funny collection, Buchanan shares the insight she gains as she moves through the stages of mother shock. From “Fear of the Double Stroller” and “Confessions of a Bottle Feeder” to “I’m an Idiot” and “Everything I Needed to Know I Learned in Playgroup,” Buchanan details the unimaginably difficult and unbelievably rewarding process of becoming a mother. Spanning the first three years of her daughter’s life, these amusing ruminations on mothering will strike a chord with every new mother." - review from Amazon.com

[Tracy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked the premise of this book - comparing new motherhood to the four stages of culture shock. She addresses the emotional difficulties of becoming a mother and also how culturally we don't really accept women talking about those difficulties.

For instance, when people would ask her how she was enjoying the new baby, if she ever talked about the difficulties, that the person would usually respond with "but isn't it the best thing ever?" or with some other response to indicate that the correct response is to talk about how grateful and happy motherhood has made her.

She formats the book as a series of short chapters, each telling a different story. I enjoyed the first half of the book far more than the second half, although I am not sure if that is because I will have a different parenting style than her, or if that's my non-motherhood naivette speaking. It will be interesting to find out!

[Sandy D. · Rating 4 out of 5]

At first I was a bit bored by these essays, mostly because I'm past the pregnancy/first year stage myself, and didn't have much desire to re-live it, no matter how well it was described.

But they grew on me. I ended up liking the book quite a lot. The chapter on "Motherly Advice" was the turning point for me. I really liked how she described each person's advice on how to mother as a reflection of the advice giver themself (complete with cheezy accordion music and a little subtext). The playgroups (both online and in person) were also pretty much like my experience IRL, so that was amusing too. A moderate thumbs up, would probably be a good gift for a pregnant mom. Not as good as "Breathing Lessons", though.

[Talia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a series of essays chronicling the author’s journey into motherhood, from pregnancy to birth to what comes afterwards, all juxtaposed with the idea that new motherhood is akin to culture shock. I loved the brutal honesty in which some of the chapters were written, and found myself nodding and agreeing with many sentiments presented. The thing to remember is that these are opinion pieces, “Mommy Memoirs”, to use a more dopey term, and I was wishing for more research done on the parallels with culture shock other than citing a university website. But that’s just me. Very happy I read this while still pregnant.

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. The motherhood as culture shock concept would probably be best explored in a magazine article, and I've just read so many awesome thinking-mom books and pieces lately (Waiting for Birdy and Brain, Child Magazine, GO) that you've got to be both really insightful (it's true that you are only allowed to say good things about momming it, but if you're going to say some bad ones, make them more interesting, please) and really readable (this is kind of Parents-caliber prose) to compete. Bad timing for Ms. Buchanan.

[Angela · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like the format (essays). I like her frankness. I like how I found myself grateful that someone had described the emotions I have been having but wasn't able to articulate them. I like how she admits that being a mother of a baby is both great and awful. The thing that I really don't like about the book is the comparison to culture shock. That seems like a gimmick that was tacked on when the editor/publisher/whatever insisted on a 'fresh angle!' or 'something to grab their attention!'. It was enough to make me be embarrassed to read it on the bus where people could see the title.

[A.C. Bauch · Rating 4 out of 5]

I recommend this book for anyone who wants deeper insight to the motherhood experience and isn't afraid to hear that being a mom isn't always euphoric. Many aspects of this book resonate with my first-time mothering experience.

I also appreciated the books short-chaptered format. Very mom-friendly.

(As an editor/proofreader, I wish someone had gone through this book with a more careful eye. For example, a lowercase i in place of an uppercase I for a first-person pronoun is glaring to me.)

[Tasha · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book probably would have been a better read when my son was fresher out of the womb. I can nod and say "Mmmhmm" at the appropriate points now that my guy is a year old, but I think this is the kind of thing that has the most impact when you're reeling from lack of sleep in those brutal newborn days.

It's definitely not as attachment-minded as I had hoped (I've seen it recommended in AP circles), but that's all right. I'll still pass my copy on to a pregnant friend.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book! It was so funny (and true) how the author compared the first year of motherhood to culture shock. There was one section I found offensive and that was the section on language. It talked about her daughter having a potty mouth which, I'm sorry, I do not feel should be a normal part of a child's life. This section really could have been left out. Skip that section and you'll enjoy the book!

[Erin · Rating 2 out of 5]

Boo! Actually she's talking about a different kind of shock. I read this when I was still pregnant, and felt like I didn't want to hear it. Motherhood is tough. So is being a chimney sweep, a CEO, a shaman, a fry cook, and other jobs that may or may not end up defining you. That's the way the cookie crumbles. But maybe I'd find more to relate to now that I have kids. Maybe i'll re-read it when I've got a few minutes... in 2020.

[Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

Becoming a mother is about much more than caring for an infant - you're beginning a lifelong relationship with a new person. The book challenged me to reflect on how I was mothered and how I want to mother. Buchanan also talks about motherhood as a cultural demographic that is charged with meaning, although humbling and sometimes boring. I hadn't thought through some of these things before, so I found the book insightful.

[Kate · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a sleep-deprived new mother, I enjoyed reading this book and seeing her put into words feelings that I currently don't have the wherewithal to express coherently. Many of her vignettes were very funny, too, and I appreciated the laughs.

[April Rettkowski]

I recommend this to any female taking the plunge into motherhood (anyone who is already there will enjoy it as well). Only book I have found that really speaks the truth about all the issues/feelings/trials/joys of the first year.

[Mcmcgreivey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Buchanan captures the ups and downs of the first year of motherhood, comparing it to the culture shock experienced when moving to a new country or culture. I was able to identify with so much of what she wrote.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

This inspired me to start a blog about the highs and lows of being a parent. The book is series of essays about becoming a mother - and dealing with the good and bad changes it brings in all aspects of life - particularly refreshing since it's not overly sentimental.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book when my first child was 1 year old. I wish I had found it sooner! At the time, I was having difficulty adjusting to my new role as a mom and really related to the stories in this book. I recommend this to all new moms.

[Lisa · Rating 2 out of 5]

(Memoir- New Mother) I am officially on a new-mother memoir kick after reading Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott. I enjoyed Buchanan's emphasis on community, taking it slow, enjoying the gradual learning process, and basking in the moments of enlightment.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really loved this book. Easy to read short essays (all by the same author), which really speaks to the honesty of motherhood. I actually feel a bit more prepared after reading this book! Thanks Flora!!

[Gena Koehler · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was expecting more stores about motherhood. I also don't know if it's from the conversion to a kindle edition, but there were so many typos & misspelled words, there was more than one occasion that I stared at a sentence wondering what the word was actually supposed to be.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hilarious!

[Kati · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kind of meh. Some essays were good, but overall--I'm no longer the parent of a toddler, and I'm not that interested in reliving early motherhood.