After You: Letters of Love, and Loss, to a Husband and Father

by Natascha McElhone

Presents a story of a magical love affair and all-consuming grief, of being a mother alone and trying to live for the future.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Grief, Biography, Biography Memoir

128 pages, Paperback

First published June 12, 2010

Reviews

[Vishy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved it. Beautiful and heartbreaking. Longer review soon.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

My heart goes out to Natascha. Having experienced the loss of a husband by divorce, not death, I understand the idea of loss. Ms. McElhone even alluded to the loss via a divorce probably being worse because the person chose to leave. Her husband, who sounds like a wonderful person, didn't choose to die. He was such a young man with a loving family and another baby on the way. My husband left me after giving birth to our second child, a son (planned). Come to find out he was having an affair during the pregnancy. Loss is a tough road but it makes you stronger.

[Sankarshan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Grief and remorse are very personal and deep seated subjects to deal with. Deaths of loved ones, especially when they are completely a shock leave scars and wounds that take time to heal. Writing provides a form of catharsis. However, this book isn't merely about catharsis and healing. Wonderfully resilient and yet vulnerable to emotions, the book is more about family. It has that fresh, unstructured prose that makes it such a compelling read. And, a re-read. Heartbreaking and touching and yet very warm and very well written.

[Kathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quotable:

I’ve just read this back. God, I hate it, this stream of drivel, this quest for drama – that’s what it suddenly feels like. I haven’t captured the truth, because the truth was remarkably simple in so many ways. This is a simple thing: your husband, the love of your life, father to your babies, dies. It happens all over the world, every day, in worse circumstances.

I am very tired. I hate to admit this, bit it is the truth. I don’t feel I have enough time to think about you or what’s happened – no time to cry even; it’s too much of an imposition. There’s too much that needs to be done before that.

Where do I put all this love I still feel? I want to shower you with it. I’m still in love with you. I’m still in a relationship with you, you are still mine, I still belong to you. Neither of us chose to end this, so where does that leave everything?

I would lose my bearing if I didn’t constantly check back to view how my world was turning.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

I got this book the year my partner died, looking for words to explain the feelings. She did exactly that, put words to feelings I could not name. She laid her heart out in order to help others grappling with their own grief. I’ve sent this book to friends who have recently lost a loved one and would recommend it to just about anyone. It’s a book about love as much as it is about loss.

[Katherine Tirado-Ryen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I actively sought a copy of this book, feeling an instant connection to the premise: an epistolary work of a pregnant mother of two sons who loses her husband to a sudden heart attack. What follows is her grief captured in heart-wrenching letters: raw, exposed, true to the human spirit.

I nearly died with the birth of my third son, almost leaving my husband alone to raise our three sons, as Natascha McElhone was forced to do here. I wept nearly every few pages (I could only read a small section at a time, so my read of this book lasted almost six months), and especially at the end, which marks her husband’s one-year memorial service. I would love to know how her family is doing, and I hope they are well. They have been forced to endure so much, and I am so glad they had each other. Highly recommend.

[Giles · Rating 5 out of 5]

Difficult not to give it a full start rating: not so much for the writing, but for the guts and the exposition of one's fragility and one's roller coaster ride through what can only be described as a real loss. I thought I wouldn't be able to read it: on the contrary, it inspired me to read poetry and to resize certain beliefs. It's not a book. It's a diary.

[Mark Piechowiak · Rating 4 out of 5]

Natascha's grief as a parent to a newborn & as an actress proves often overwhelming here. A sad year or so of widow time sees her struggles with inadequacies that trigger old pain. One hopes she was able to talk to a grief therapist to process the feelings and learn to love herself.

[Michael · Rating 2 out of 5]

yeah no comment

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This little book is written by the actress Natascha McElhone, a mother of two young sons and pregnant with her third boy, she was working in the US, when she got the phone call to say that her young and fit husband had collapsed and died. In this book she writes letters to him, telling him how much he is love and missed. Terribly moving, I was touched by the letter written by his best friend, who had found him on that morning and on the back of the book, a lovely image of the husband and wife on their wedding day just simply holding hands.

[Bianca · Rating 3 out of 5]

Natascha McElhone is well known for her acting roles - I particularly think she owned the role of Karen in Californication. When she was pregnant with her third child, her husband died unexpectedly and suddenly. This story is her diaries over the next year trying to cope without her beloved.

I was so sad when I read what happened to Natascha and her grief is so raw in this book. Most of the time she is overwhelmed by the fullness and busyness of everyday life being a single grieving parent. Grief is a process and this was Natascha's way of dealing with her greatest loss.

[Ravi Goyal · Rating 5 out of 5]

The finest way to cope up with a situation, a problem, a life crisis is to Write 'bout it. Had always admired Natascha McElhone as an actress but now..after reading 'After You' I admire her courage, her actions, her principles.. (At times I felt like I was reading one of Fallaci's book.) This book was different. It was real. It was about Life and Love. It was about death. It was about Natascha & her three sons and how she coped with her husband's death.

[Ravi Goyal · Rating 5 out of 5]

The finest way to cope up with a situation, a problem, a life crisis is to Write 'bout it. Had always admired Natascha McElhone as an actress but now..after reading 'After You' I admire her courage, her actions, her principles.. (At times I felt like I was reading one of Fallaci's book.) This book was different. It was real. It was about Life and Love. It was about death. It was about Natascha & her three sons and how she coped with her husband's death.

[Bailey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very well written. I received this book in the mail today, and although I intended to read it overtime, I finished the book in a few hours. It's pretty raw, and realistic... You'll definitely need some tissues. Would recommend to anyone that just needs a good REAL story from a real person about real life.

[Mariyam]

A very emotional read; raw and heartbreaking. You really feel for Natascha having lost her husband so suddenly and in such difficult circumstances (whilst she was pregnant with their third son). I would definitely recommend keeping a couple of hours free and reading it all at once and with a big box of tissues handy.
2014

[Caroline · Rating 5 out of 5]

A lovely, moving book which I plan to re-read many times. Have recommended it to friends and will continue to do so as it is full of love and wisdom and courage. I'm amazed at the vulnerability displayed by the author in publishing this diary. She did it to help others and in turn helped herself. Her absolutely unflinching honesty doesn't ever feel self-indulgent; only valiant.

[Noor Anand · Rating 3 out of 5]

A touching rendition of the turmoil a wife and mother goes through at the loss of her husband. Easy to read and quite moving in parts- its a well put account of the various emotions experienced through this tough time, finally reaching the stage where the heartache and grief can be overcome.

[Louise · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read, but you will need a box of tissues. Very well written and didn't want to finish it but couldn't put it down

[AnnSofi Ström · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fin bok. Sentimentalt, jordnära, och analytiskt på samma gång om en fullständigt obegriplig sorg. Blödande, innerlig kärlek. Viljestyrka och hopp. "Work hard. Expect nothing. Celebrate!"