It's All Your Fault!: 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for Everything

by Bill Eddy

It's All Your Fault! explains, in easy-to-understand terminology, behaviors of people who have personality disorders, particularly blaming, irrational, and impulsive behaviors. This is a growing problem—possibly effecting over 25 percent of the US population—and a predictable one that can be managed and keep everyday problems from becoming high conflict disputes.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help

368 pages, Paperback

First published April 1, 2008

About the author

Bill Eddy is a lawyer, therapist, mediator and the President of High Conflict Institute. He developed the "High Conflict Personality" theory (HCP Theory) and has become an international expert on managing disputes involving high conflict personalities and personality disorders. He provides training on this subject to lawyers, judges, mediators, managers, human resource professionals, businesspersons, healthcare administrators, college administrators, homeowners’ association managers, ombudspersons, law enforcement, therapists and others. He has been a speaker and trainer in over 25 states, several provinces in Canada, Australia, France and Sweden.

As an attorney, Bill is a Certified Family Law Specialist in California and the Senior Family Mediator at the National Conflict Resolution Center in San Diego. Prior to becoming an attorney in 1992, he was a Licensed Clinical Social worker with twelve years’ experience providing therapy to children, adults, couples and families in psychiatric hospitals and outpatient clinics. He has taught Negotiation and Mediation at the University of San Diego School of Law for six years and he is on the part-time faculty of the Straus Institute for Dispute Resolution at the Pepperdine University School of Law and the National Judicial College. He is the author of numerous articles and several books, including:

High Conflict People in Legal Disputes
It’s All YOUR Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for Everything
SPLITTING: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder
BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns

He is also the developer of the “New Ways for Families” method of managing potentially high conflict families in and out of family court. He is currently developing a method for managing potentially high conflict employees titled “New Ways for Work.”

Reviews

[Lakjo3 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Firat if all, I think this is the first self help book that I ever actually finished. This book gives excellent, well explained advice as to how to deal with the HCP in your life. I was told I needed to disengage with the HCP in my life, but no one could really tell me how to do that without letting him walk all over me. This book layed out a pathway for me and for the first time in a long time, I have hope for a better future for myself when I have to interact with this person. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who feels they are trapped in a never ending cycle of conflict with a HCP and they want to break free.

[Kathleen Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finally! Enlightenment!

I struggled for decades not understanding how these people work. Life changing. Also can see my contribution, which is so important.

[Hannah N · Rating 5 out of 5]

A calm, compassionate, concise, and very practical book on how to deal with high conflict personalities who seek targets of blame. This is one of the few books on interpersonal psychology that dovetails perfectly with my spiritual conviction that all people are valuable; all people are redeemable, and no one deserves to be shamed unduly or written off as less than human but that at the same time assertive strategies are necessary to deal with people who attack others with aggression. This is not a book to make you feel superior to people you blame as narcissists. This is also not a book to make you tremble in your boots in fear over all the psychopaths and predators lurking around you. This is a book to help you choose appropriate actions to deal firmly but compassionately with difficult people to protect yourself and also to contribute to their potential healing. Also I recommend this author's interview on the Huberman Lab.

[Tracey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well written and informative book. Bill Eddy asks the right questions and gives the reader brilliant answers!

[Nikita Shah Van Vugt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful

[Kadi Woods · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was ok. A little too analytical. Not really very helpful. Some good points. But hard to apply.

[Darren Sapp · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great info and practical application but quite repetitive.

[Snezhana, MD, PhD Djambazova -Popordanoska · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very useful and practical book

Very practical and useful book that can help you to understand and to deal effectively with high conflict people. Highly reccommended!

[Bethany King · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is hugely helpful and practical for handling high conflict people. It is repetitive but I find that beneficial because there is so much information and it helps the most important parts really stick. Bill Eddy is great at presenting real examples and breaking things down in easily digested parts.

[Max Olson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful book on how to deal with difficult people in both work and personal relationships.

[Pam · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book for those who are involved in conflict...who isn't?

[Siobhan (tigress5cubs) · Rating 4 out of 5]

So many good hints on how to deal with assholes.

[Jessica Keltz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommended, especially for lawyers.

[Valerie Deloach · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book if you have high conflict relationships you have to handle!!!