Sara and Eleanor: The Story of Sara Delano Roosevelt and Her Daughter-in-Law, Eleanor Roosevelt

by Jan Pottker

We think we know the story of Eleanor Roosevelt--the shy, awkward girl who would redefine the role of First Lady, becoming a civil rights activist and an inspiration to generations of young women. As legend has it, the bane of Eleanor's life was her demanding and domineering mother-in-law, Sara Delano Roosevelt. Biographers have overlooked the complexity of a relationship that had, over the years, been reinterpreted and embellished by Eleanor herself.

Through diaries, letters, and interviews with Roosevelt family and friends, Jan Pottker uncovers a story never before told. The result is a triumphant blend of social history and psychological insight--a revealing look at Eleanor Roosevelt and the woman who made her historic achievements possible.

Genres: Biography, History, Nonfiction

416 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2004

About the author

Janice Pottker is a Potomac, Maryland, author. She has a Ph.D. in sociology from Columbia University. She has lectured for the Smithsonian Institution, for the Franklin D. Roosevelt Presidential Library and Museum and for the Corcoran Gallery of Art.

Reviews

[Mikey B. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Roosevelt home at Hyde Park, New York State


This book presents us with a positive perspective on Franklin Roosevelt’s mother Sara. In many biographies, as well as documentaries, Sara comes off as the miserable, domineering mother-in-law to Eleanor. We get an alternate viewpoint in this biography.

Before her marriage to Franklin, Eleanor not only had never had a real home, but she never had real parents either. Her mother neglected her and died of diphtheria when Eleanor was 8 years old. Eleanor’s father was worse. He was a drunkard, was often absent, and had to be hospitalized from time to time. He died when Eleanor was 9 years old. For whatever reason Eleanor idolized her father. After his death, Eleanor was shunted off to various relatives who also had their issues.

At the age of nineteen she met Franklin (age 21) and they became secretly engaged. The author speculates that the idolatry that Eleanor had for her father was transferred to Franklin. The author also states that Sara wanted the marriage delayed because both were young and Franklin was still attending school with no real career prospects; this is significantly different from many writers who say that Sara opposed the marriage. Sara herself married at age 26 (to a man 25 years older than her!) and this, too, may have had something to do with the marriage delay.

So, this marriage was a contrast – Franklin came from an upbringing in a real home (a large one at that) with loving and supportive parents (although his father died some years before).

The idolatry that Eleanor felt for Franklin and marriage began to crumble when she started having her many children (she had six, one died in infancy). Eleanor was unprepared for parenthood – and Franklin was remote and unsupportive as both father and husband. It was his mother who stepped into the void. She was a wonderful grandparent looking after her grandchildren for lengthy periods. She financially supported Eleanor and Franklin even after he became President. All the children of Eleanor and Franklin attest to the love and care of their grandmother and sadly Eleanor comes off as distant and ill at ease as a parent. They said that Eleanor loved everyone in the world, but couldn’t get intimate with her children.

One example of Sara’s support for Eleanor was during the potential break-up when Franklin’s affair with Lucy Mercer was discovered. Sara wanted to keep the family together and empathized with Eleanor.

This book paints a good psychological portrait of the Roosevelt clan. Sara is the anchor. Was Eleanor jealous of this? Sara knew what she wanted for the family and household. Eleanor, when growing up, never had a home, never had parental affection and guidance – and this anxiety was conveyed to her children. Instead she successfully turned her life away from family and crusaded for many noble causes (civil rights, women’s rights, human rights at the United Nations...). It should also be pointed out that Sara was also involved in many social causes which many other authors do not point out – portraying her as a fossilized Victorian conservative. She also supported her son politically. Franklin was the absolute politician, but his eternal optimism lacked warmth and affection.

Page 197 (my book - Eleanor Roosevelt on Sara)

“My admiration for her grew through the years as I realized how many political guests she had to entertain in her house, where for so many years only family and friends has been received. Mrs. Roosevelt was quite remarkable about this plunge into the political picture and made the necessary adjustments in her life in a remarkable way.”

For a Roosevelt aficionado like myself this is a key book and enhances ones understanding of this exceptionable family.

[Micah Cummins · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the fresh perspective that Jan Pottker brought to the Roosevelt history table in Sara and Eleanor . I have lived with the perception, (as I believe many have) that Sara Delano Roosevelt was an overbearing, controlling mother-in-law, who kept an iron grip on Franklin and stiff-armed Eleanor. However, as is shown in this book, quite the opposite is the truth. Well worth the read for anyone interested in the Roosevelt family, and particularly with the relationship between mother-in-law Sara Delano Roosevelt and daughter-in-law Eleanor Roosevelt. Four stars.

[William Miles · Rating 5 out of 5]

The many bios that I have read of Eleanor nearly savage Sara, in her coddling of the grandchildren, and, particularly, in her treatment of Eleanor. This is a much more forgiving portrait of Sara, whom I have come to admire greatly. She came from great wealth and was involved in so many valuable causes, and not merely as a dilettante. I remain a big fan of Eleanor, and will continue to frequently visit her statue in Riverside Park for inspiration, but, as a result of Pottker's book, I see her much more as a human, with her many foibles.

[Janet · Rating 2 out of 5]

This fairly interesting and detailed book suffers from Sara-canonization and Eleanor-demonization. Pottker's bias is far too strong and makes reading it tedious. Shame, because many of the stories about these two fascinating, strong and wildly influential women are worth hearing.

[Stephanie Heath · Rating 3 out of 5]

The Roosevelt's are fascinating people. I always enjoy reading about them, and when I discovered this book, I excitedly anticipated reading more about the relationship between Eleanor and her mother-in-law Sara. Unfortunately, what I instead received was 346 pages of an author whose uninhibited bias has made an otherwise intriguing story almost unreadable. Sara Roosevelt has a reputation, based on various biographies of her son and his wife, as well as Eleanor's autobiography, of being a harsh, controlling figure who used her immense wealth to manipulate her son. Jan Pottker, apparently, takes great personal offense to these accusations. It is her opinion that Sara was an infallible being, who merely wanted to help everyone around her, often at her own expense. Pottker goes on to paint Franklin and Eleanor as spoiled, naive, helpless individuals. Her treatment of Eleanor is the worst, implying that she was an imbecile at the beginning of their marriage, and an unloving, cold-hearted wife and mother for the rest of it. Eleanor's aloofness is painted as selfish ambition, as opposed to her probable depression and the effects of her husband's marital affairs. The author goes out of her way, often stopping mid-paragraph, to twist words in order to defend Sara, or demonize Eleanor. This book gets 3 stars only because of the historical tidbits it contains, and the fact that no story about this couple can be boring in any way. If you can get past Pottker's attempts to ruthlessly beat her narrow opinion into you, it's actually quite enjoyable. But don't be fooled, just when you think she has given you a second to breath, she starts throwing muck all over again.

[Betsy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting biography that presented what is probably a more balanced view of Sara's influence - and a not very flattering picture of Eleanor as mother. I had no idea Sara had had such an adventurous childhood and independent spirit. Well worth reading.

[Nancy JS Baker · Rating 4 out of 5]

A well-researched book that explains in detail how Sara’s poor reputation as an overbearing, domineering mother-in-law may not be deserved. Interesting to get a fresh perspective on Sara & Eleanor’s relationship.

[Janice · Rating 5 out of 5]

Biographer, Jan Pottker, breaths a breath of fresh air for Sara Delano Roosevelt. Eleanor, as the traveling eyes and ears for her president husband FDR, has long been my hero. With the help of other biographers and my own bias, I have held negative feelings for FDR's mother, Sara, believing her to be domineering, autocratic, and keeping FDR tied to her apron and purse strings. Pottker shows the loving, generous, philanthropic, supportive character of Sara in a well researched and a well documented bibliography. As 'first mother,' Sara Delano Roosevelt was loved and honored by Americans during her son's presidency. My thanks to Pottker for providing a more balanced, panoramic view of the relationship between Sara Delano Roosevelt and her daughter-in-law, Eleanor Roosevelt.

[Kat · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved it. I’ve read several books on the Oyster Bay Roosevelts and this is my first on the Hyde Park Roosevelts. Both families are complex and intriguing and that depth is a fine balance to write about. I’ve read several reviews on the slant toward Sara Roosevelt and I did not mind it one bit. If in other books she comes across as domineering and wasn’t this book tries equal out ones opinion of Sara. Multi generational households are never easy and there are all kinds of feelings on both sides. I can still easily sympathise with Eleanor’s need for her own space and how difficult it must have felt to feel like a guest in her own home. She needed something of her own so they built her a home. It confused Sara at first as she considered Hyde Park Eleanor’s home but she came to respect her new home and help with entertaining her friends.
Eleanor did come across as a lost soul as far as motherhood, but who was her example growing up? Sara took her in and tried to set a good example but Eleanor seems to be overwhelmed in motherhood especially with the varying needs of her brood.
Like I said I enjoyed the book, but I am uncertain how many more books I will read about this branch of the Roosevelt clan.

[Bjipson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I seem to be on a Roosevelt kick in my reading, and I'm glad I read this one, with reservations. For one thing, it really is much more a bio of Sara and only secondarily about her relationship with her daughter-in-law. For another, it is not well edited -- I would have expected better from St. Martin's Press. As an example, at one point there is a footnote that misspells Coolidge's last name on the second line and then has it right on the third line. The endnotes are not well organized and sometimes refer to information from one chapter while being listed under the notes for another chapter.
I also felt as though many details were included that did not add to the fuller portrait.
That being said, I did learn a different viewpoint on Sara that seemed convincing to me, even if Pottker's take on Eleanor was less so.

[Sherri · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not the book I had hoped it would be. I wanted more of an in-depth analysis of the relationship between the two women, rather than a defense of Sara and a seemingly concurrent need to make Eleanor the villain. A true depiction of their relationship would leave the reader feeling as if neither woman were either the hero or the villain. This book is not that depiction. Too bad.

On the other hand, I thoroughly enjoyed reading about Sara's fascinating family and life. the writer did a great job telling that story and I thank her for it.

[Joseph J. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read much of this in the local library, and during the Covid closing they cleared the shelves of many books including this, sadly. It contains very good facts about Sara's early married life, and the chapter on the British Royals' visit to Hyde Park in 1939 is detailed, informative and fascinating. See the picture section: Sara's death was front page headlines, the closest thing to a Queen Mother we ever had, or will have.

[Jen · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting take on a family that has been written about ad nauseum, particularly since many of the prior works about Eleanor and Franklin have had opinions about the Sara/Eleanor relationship. That said, this author definitely had her own opinions about who was right and wrong in this relationship, which does make a cautious reader ask how Eleanor herself might have presented certain incidents. All in all, a good read, though.

[Colleen Heneghan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wrote a paper about FDR many years ago, & admired his accomplishments greatly and Elenor played a big role in his successes. The book, brief, simple history lesson. Yet the means by which great wealth is acquired… can be stunning. I was truly stunned.

[Dayla · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't imagine anyone who could get along with Sarah Delano.

[Eric · Rating 4 out of 5]

Glad to read a biography of Sara Roosevelt that doesn’t portray her as a villainess. Good historical detail throughout.

[Kathleen Nalley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nonfiction, research for class. Author believes Sara got a bad rap in history. There is another side to the story. I have to agree with her.

[Cover to Cover with Katy · Rating 5 out of 5]

🏡 Pottker is definitely challenging a common narrative that writes Sara off as an evil mother-in-law while ignoring the complexities of her relationship with Eleanor. Sara has been sacrificed at the alter of Eleanor’s larger than life public persona.

🏡 I do, however, love Eleanor. It’s apparent that Pottker prefers Sara to Eleanor. So while I agree with her overall point, she’s more unforgiving to Eleanor and that comes across in her writing.

🏡 This is a very detailed book. If you want to know when FDR took his first steps, this is the book for you. If you’re not a fan of domestic details, maybe pass on this one.

[Barbara · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a biography of Sara Delano Roosevelt, her life, her love of family and pride in her son and finally her relationship with her daughter-in-law, Eleanor.
The early part of the book was a bit tedious as it went into the
in-depth geneology of both the Delano and Roosevelt families. Sometimes I felt I needed a scorecard to keep everyone straight, particuliarly as they keep using the same names over and over. I became more interested when the narrative reached the early part of Sara's marriage. This book was about so much more than just Sara and Eleanor. It was a look into the history of American society of their day. In many aspects they were as much alike as they were different. They were both women born before their time and were atypical of women of their era and social status. They both were involved in supporting many social movements, programs and charities. Both were strong independent women, although Eleanor, who early in her life seemed to suffer from inferiority issues, grew stronger and more confident as she matured. It seems their one big difference centered on their outlook towards family. Sara came from a heritage where family was everything. They considered family to be best friends. Their families were large and they were close. Eleanor had a totally different background. She lost her momther at a young age and had an alcoholic, derelict father. After her father's death she was passed around the family, never really having a home or family she could call her own. I think is what contributed to her inability to relate to her children later on an emotional level. I feel this was also part of the problem between her and Sara. Sara was a warm, loving person and would do anything to take care of her family, whether that be caring for her grandchildren or offering monetary support, which by the way was never refused by either Eleanor or Franklin. I think Eleanor just had a hard time accepting the love Sara offered. Franklin and Eleanor went on to do great things with their lives, but with this book I saw a personal side of them that I found to be shallow and self serving. I am glad that someone told Sara's story.

[Erika Nerdypants · Rating 3 out of 5]

The story of the relationshiop between Franklin's mother and Franklin's wife. Despite the often uneasy relationship between them, they were both immensely influential. Sara was by far the more kind and generous woman. In this particualr biography, the reder is led to believe that Sara was the saint to Elianore's harridan. By all accounts, the elder Mrs. Roosevelt was a great philantropist. While Eleanor and Franklin struggled financially, they relied heavily on his mother's generosity and largesse. I admire Sara Roosevelt greatly, she lived a productive and full live and was remarably ahead of her times regarding social issues and racial relations. Eleanor's story is less well told. There are a great many chunks of her life missing, and what we do learn of her is hardly flattering.

[Chris · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a really great book on the life of Sara Delano Roosevelt. It goes back to her ancestor that came over on the Mayflower. Because of her vast wealth, she was able to let her only son, Franklin indulge in his hobbies, and political career, and thus, he really had no money worries. It seems that the couple was always dropping off their children at Sara's and taking off for weeks at a time. According to this book, the children had more time with Sara, then they did with their mother. I really enjoyed this book, and it really put that era in history in better perspective.

[Susan Albert · Rating 3 out of 5]

A dual biography of the two Roosevelt women and their famously contentious relationship. Nothing much new here, although it's helpful to have more about the Delano family line than is usually offered. Unfortunately, the author chooses sides, attempting to improve Sara's image by diminishing her cruelties and emphasizing Eleanor's faults. Some factual errors and a lack of documentation further erode confidence in the writer. Disappointing, not very useful.

[Dianne]

Wow--expected a biography of two women, and got basically a listing of all Sara's virtues, and Eleanor's faults. Clear bias on the author's part.

I learned, basically, that Sara controlled her family with money. I learned almost nothing about Eleanor except that she was not a great mother, and wasn't happy with FDR running for President.
All her good works, all the things that made her the most admired First Lady in history, are almost totally ignored.

[Tollula · Rating 3 out of 5]

When I read this book I had no idea about the friction there was in the relationship between Eleanor Roosevelt and her mother in law. This author was on a mission to make Eleanor look bad. But in the end, no matter how much she tried Sara Roosevelt was not a nice woman and treated Eleanor, the neglected orphan, as a servant who was beneath her. Fascinating read.

[Jan · Rating 3 out of 5]

interesting, especially family history back to Plymouth rock! seemed much more about Sara than Eleanor. I'd like to read one more biased towards Eleanor now, to balance it. then one about Franklin.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've completely changed my attitude toward Sara Roosevelt. I always thought she was a possessive and interfering mother-in-law, but I was a victim of the bad reputation she got through no fault of her own. She actually kept Franklin and Eleanor going financially and helped raise her grandchildren.

[Jill · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was informative, but I found it VERY biased. I wish there was a less biased book on this subject.

[Arliene · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. It told the story of the relationship between Eleanor Roosevelt and Sara Delano Rossevelt. A defferent view of Eleanor Roosevelt.

[Laura Lee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting. Learned a lot about Sara Delano I didn't know. Maybe she wasn't the monster she's been made out to be. Some parts read like a novel.

[Ellen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting view behind the scenes of history