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Old Friends
The Pulitzer Prize-winning author of The Soul of a New Machine offers an eloquent look at old age, visiting a nursing home and introducing its residents, who take on a moving vitality as they cope with mortality, life, and the past. Reprint. Tour.
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First published September 1, 1993
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About the author
Tracy Kidder
27 books1,529 followersJohn Tracy Kidder is an acclaimed American nonfiction writer best known for combining literary narrative with journalistic precision. He gained national prominence with The Soul of a New Machine (1981), a Pulitzer Prize-winning account of computer engineers at Data General, noted for its insight into the emerging tech industry and the human stories behind innovation. He later earned widespread praise for Mountains Beyond Mountains (2003), a biography of physician and humanitarian Paul Farmer, which further solidified his reputation for blending compelling storytelling with social relevance.
Kidder studied English at Harvard and earned his MFA from the Iowa Writers’ Workshop. Though his first book, The Road to Yuba City, was a critical failure, he rebounded with a series of successful works exploring diverse topics: home construction (House), elementary education (Among Schoolchildren), and aging (Old Friends). He also served in Vietnam, though he says the war did not significantly shape his writing, despite authoring several well-regarded essays on the topic.
In 2010, Kidder became the first A. M. Rosenthal Writer-in-Residence at Harvard’s Shorenstein Center. There, he co-wrote Good Prose, a book on nonfiction writing. His work continues to be recognized for its empathy, narrative strength, and commitment to truth.
Kidder studied English at Harvard and earned his MFA from the Iowa Writers’ Workshop. Though his first book, The Road to Yuba City, was a critical failure, he rebounded with a series of successful works exploring diverse topics: home construction (House), elementary education (Among Schoolchildren), and aging (Old Friends). He also served in Vietnam, though he says the war did not significantly shape his writing, despite authoring several well-regarded essays on the topic.
In 2010, Kidder became the first A. M. Rosenthal Writer-in-Residence at Harvard’s Shorenstein Center. There, he co-wrote Good Prose, a book on nonfiction writing. His work continues to be recognized for its empathy, narrative strength, and commitment to truth.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 147 reviews
April 27, 2024
I had long wanted to read something by Tracy Kidder, so chose this older one because it was on sale on Kindle. I wondered if it might be a little depressing because it has a nursing home setting, but that wasn't the case for me.
The title is a good one because Lou and Joe are not long standing friends, but form a friendship because they are roommates in a nursing home, and happen to be old. Lou is 90, good and kind, an observant Jew. He is in great health, except for his near blindness where he can make out light and shadows. Joe is of Italian descent, 72, very much an atheist, and tough and irascible, but with major health problems. They couldn't be more different, but form a friendship and come to care about each other because of their shared conversations and living arrangements. We get to know a little about other residents of Linda Manor, including the staff and visitors. As in any communal living residence, it takes all kinds.
Kidder is a fly on the wall, not imposing himself on the story at all, simply reporting conversations and incidents he either observes or is told about. I found that to be a great method for telling of Lou and Joe. It also ends on a hopeful note, not that either of these men would ever leave the nursing home except by the expected way,, but that their time there was not sad and depressing because they had each other.
This book was written almost 30 years ago, so neither Lou nor Joe is still among the living, unless you happen to read this book to revive them. They are worth getting to know.
The title is a good one because Lou and Joe are not long standing friends, but form a friendship because they are roommates in a nursing home, and happen to be old. Lou is 90, good and kind, an observant Jew. He is in great health, except for his near blindness where he can make out light and shadows. Joe is of Italian descent, 72, very much an atheist, and tough and irascible, but with major health problems. They couldn't be more different, but form a friendship and come to care about each other because of their shared conversations and living arrangements. We get to know a little about other residents of Linda Manor, including the staff and visitors. As in any communal living residence, it takes all kinds.
Kidder is a fly on the wall, not imposing himself on the story at all, simply reporting conversations and incidents he either observes or is told about. I found that to be a great method for telling of Lou and Joe. It also ends on a hopeful note, not that either of these men would ever leave the nursing home except by the expected way,, but that their time there was not sad and depressing because they had each other.
This book was written almost 30 years ago, so neither Lou nor Joe is still among the living, unless you happen to read this book to revive them. They are worth getting to know.
June 1, 2009
This book was very difficult for me to get through, not because it was poorly written but quite the contrary. Kidder's lucent prose brings the sadness and loneliness of the nursing home to vivid life. It's possible that reading this soon after my own grandmother died, much diminished, was unwise. It's haunting and frightening and well-done but I can't say I liked it. I suffered through it in an agony of projection and reflection and grief. Even so, I recommend it- if for nothing else than to bring you into the present, wonderful moment. Take big bites now, before it's too late.
April 10, 2013
I love Tracey Kidder's book Among Schoolchildren. I recently reread it, and realized that he had a number of other titles I hadn't tried. So I reserved this one without really looking at what it was about.
A couple of months ago, I fell and broke my hip. I had surgery, followed by several weeks rehab in a nursing home. It was my first time in one for anything more than a short visit, and I came away with some pretty strong reactions. So it was a bit of a shock for me to find that this book is set in Linda Manor, a Massachusetts nursing home that seemed very familiar.
Lou and Joe, men with little in common, become roommates after Lou's wife dies, and he must leave their first floor room for the level above, the home of the least disabled of Linda manor's residents. Kidder takes the reader from their initial irritable beginnings, through their gradual warming, to a friendship that can only be called love. Along the way we meet other memorable denizen's of the home, and see them each working out their own niche in a place very few of them chose.
I love Kidder's documentary-like style, painting characters so vividly that I could have sworn I'd seen them. Along the way he also has some pertinent and surprisingly balanced observations about the grounds behind our adoption of these places where people are "sent to die". But this is in no way a political book, but an engaging, and surprisingly hopeful, look at how people, at first so separate, become important to one another.
A couple of months ago, I fell and broke my hip. I had surgery, followed by several weeks rehab in a nursing home. It was my first time in one for anything more than a short visit, and I came away with some pretty strong reactions. So it was a bit of a shock for me to find that this book is set in Linda Manor, a Massachusetts nursing home that seemed very familiar.
Lou and Joe, men with little in common, become roommates after Lou's wife dies, and he must leave their first floor room for the level above, the home of the least disabled of Linda manor's residents. Kidder takes the reader from their initial irritable beginnings, through their gradual warming, to a friendship that can only be called love. Along the way we meet other memorable denizen's of the home, and see them each working out their own niche in a place very few of them chose.
I love Kidder's documentary-like style, painting characters so vividly that I could have sworn I'd seen them. Along the way he also has some pertinent and surprisingly balanced observations about the grounds behind our adoption of these places where people are "sent to die". But this is in no way a political book, but an engaging, and surprisingly hopeful, look at how people, at first so separate, become important to one another.
June 16, 2018
This seems like it would be at the least sad and more likely depressing topic. A nursing home and its residents over the course of a year. Really, does anyone want to end up there? In one of those homes?
One of my grandmother's threw a fit and rolled in it when she thought the family was meeting to discuss placing her in a home. They weren't but she did need some in home help. My other grandmother had no choice, her health following a hospital stay required she be admitted to a nursing facility. She did not leave but to everyone's surprise, including her own, she actually enjoyed her remaining years there. Her deteriorating health had slowly left her increasingly isolated and the nursing home provided something she hadn't had for a long time - a social life.
Kidder does an amazing job with this subject. It is poignant and sometimes sad but getting to know the residents of Linda Manor through his eyes, his prose, is nothing short of a privilege.
As I read of Lou and Joe, new roommates following the death of Lou's wife, I was strangely reminded of college dorm life. Assigned a roommate you may share nothing with except attending the same school and this cramped room. Cafeteria food. Rules and regulations often contrived for someone else's convenience or, as my husband liked to say about the military, to address the requirements of the lowest common denominator, rather than on a case by case situation. The sometimes stark differences in not just socioeconomic status but who has more visitors, more notes or packages from home. Who gets to leave for every holiday and who must stay behind, whether it is distance or finance that constrains. Spring break for me always meant time to pick up extra hours at work rather than a bacchanalian vacay to some warm and unsupervised place or even a quick trip home.
In such circumstances, sometimes, as in the case of Lou and Joe, respect, friendship and love grow, sometimes you just bide your time and spend as little time "at home" as possible. I loved so much about this book and the residents of Linda Manor.
This, from page 22 captures much of Linda Manor, specifically, and nursing homes in general.
"...Many residents remembered World War I as if it had ended yesterday. Some remembered firsthand accounts of the Civil War. They were like immigrants arriving in a new land with long lives behind them, obliged to inhabit a place that was bound to seem less real than the places they recalled. For most of those long-lived, ailing people, Linda manor represented all the permanence that life still had to offer. It was their home for the duration, their last place on earth."
All I can say is I want to be like Joe and Lou and Eleanor and Ruth. I'd better get practicing, living a full life, preparing to change my attitudes and ideas, learning to minister to those around me and to find fun wherever it can be found, embrace a purpose, even if it's just making sure the night lights come one when they should.
One of my grandmother's threw a fit and rolled in it when she thought the family was meeting to discuss placing her in a home. They weren't but she did need some in home help. My other grandmother had no choice, her health following a hospital stay required she be admitted to a nursing facility. She did not leave but to everyone's surprise, including her own, she actually enjoyed her remaining years there. Her deteriorating health had slowly left her increasingly isolated and the nursing home provided something she hadn't had for a long time - a social life.
Kidder does an amazing job with this subject. It is poignant and sometimes sad but getting to know the residents of Linda Manor through his eyes, his prose, is nothing short of a privilege.
As I read of Lou and Joe, new roommates following the death of Lou's wife, I was strangely reminded of college dorm life. Assigned a roommate you may share nothing with except attending the same school and this cramped room. Cafeteria food. Rules and regulations often contrived for someone else's convenience or, as my husband liked to say about the military, to address the requirements of the lowest common denominator, rather than on a case by case situation. The sometimes stark differences in not just socioeconomic status but who has more visitors, more notes or packages from home. Who gets to leave for every holiday and who must stay behind, whether it is distance or finance that constrains. Spring break for me always meant time to pick up extra hours at work rather than a bacchanalian vacay to some warm and unsupervised place or even a quick trip home.
In such circumstances, sometimes, as in the case of Lou and Joe, respect, friendship and love grow, sometimes you just bide your time and spend as little time "at home" as possible. I loved so much about this book and the residents of Linda Manor.
This, from page 22 captures much of Linda Manor, specifically, and nursing homes in general.
"...Many residents remembered World War I as if it had ended yesterday. Some remembered firsthand accounts of the Civil War. They were like immigrants arriving in a new land with long lives behind them, obliged to inhabit a place that was bound to seem less real than the places they recalled. For most of those long-lived, ailing people, Linda manor represented all the permanence that life still had to offer. It was their home for the duration, their last place on earth."
All I can say is I want to be like Joe and Lou and Eleanor and Ruth. I'd better get practicing, living a full life, preparing to change my attitudes and ideas, learning to minister to those around me and to find fun wherever it can be found, embrace a purpose, even if it's just making sure the night lights come one when they should.
May 29, 2024
Another older book on my shelf! Tracy Kidder is such a good writer. This is a story of a nice nursing home and in particular, the experiences of two men who live there. Yes, it is sad at times, but it is an exploration of how people deal with and accept, that they are at the end of the road. This was a very good book!
February 18, 2010
What would you label Tracy Kidder's books. Non-fiction ? No, too much dialogue....Here, for example we hear the conversation about end-of-life alternatives between doctor and diabetic patient. Call it fiction ? Again, impossible, Kidder is a Rembrandt of realism. Like Home, this is a how-to book or a how-it-was for being old and still living rather than "waiting for death". Endorsement on back cover of Strength in What Remains calls him the master of "narrative non-fiction". Close enough.
February 15, 2025
Old Friends is a poignant and personal story of the lives of residents of Linda Manor in Northampton. MA. Published in 1993, the story covers the time starting in 1991 when Kidder lives alongside those residents. Perhaps dated 25 years later, the narrative still rings true describing residential long-term care, both the highs and lows, and the desire of almost all residents to go home. Kidder does a good job sharing the reality of life in the facility, for residents, visitors, and staff. Old Friends is a thoughtful, but difficult read.
May 28, 2017
What I liked about this book was the ability of Kidder to make you feel like the characters were alive and their thoughts and feelings were on the pages. A lot of emotion and thought-provoking information especially if you have a relative in a nursing home or even just an older friend or relative that you spend time with. Well worth the read - I picked it up for a few bucks in a used bookstore, great find!
November 30, 2023
Not one of Kidder's best books (Mountains Beyond Mountains and Rough Sleepers remain my favorites). Nevertheless it is a good read. Since my husband and I are taking care of his 93 year old mother and we are not young ourselves, the book hit a little too close to home at times. It was nice to see people making friends and having a life in spite of having physical or mental disabilities and in spite of knowing that the nursing home is their last stop. On the other hand it was disturbing to see how people in that situation are all treated as less than adult. Some of the people were highly educated and often had skills that would have improved the lives of the people around them. Sadly they were often treated as either children or befuddled nuisances by many of the staff. It is a shame that our society isn't set up to take advantage of what people have to offer once they are old and no longer able bodied.
December 8, 2018
Tracy Kidder is an old friend. I welcome any opportunity to read something he wrote. There is vigor and bitter reality and calm truth and pulsing delight in his stories.
Whatever your age, try Old Friends. You’re going to be someone’s old friend, sooner or later. Learn to think about how it’s going to be.
Like Kidder’s other books, Old Friends is in its own category. Nevertheless, it contains some kinds of the loneliness expressed in Strength in What Remains (2009), and it echoes some of the humanity that pervades Among Schoolchildren (1989).
You’ll be surprised as you get to know Lou and Joe and the others. They’re like people you already know, and real people you’re going to get to know.
Read more of my book reviews and poems here:
www.richardsubber.com
Whatever your age, try Old Friends. You’re going to be someone’s old friend, sooner or later. Learn to think about how it’s going to be.
Like Kidder’s other books, Old Friends is in its own category. Nevertheless, it contains some kinds of the loneliness expressed in Strength in What Remains (2009), and it echoes some of the humanity that pervades Among Schoolchildren (1989).
You’ll be surprised as you get to know Lou and Joe and the others. They’re like people you already know, and real people you’re going to get to know.
Read more of my book reviews and poems here:
www.richardsubber.com
November 28, 2024
This book reminds me what it’s like to visit my loved ones in the nursing home. Lots of memories flooded back.
February 3, 2025
I just spent 10 months in rehab/nursing home. This book rings true. Joe and Lou are good characters and their friendship is poignant. The book is well written and touching without being corny.
May 11, 2015
Last night I happened to read an article by a Mom who visited two high schools with her daughter. The student guide at both, as it happened, told how hilarious senior night was, when the seniors dressed as old people, tottering on canes, bent, with quavering voices, white socks, trousers pulled up to their ribs, etc.
Ok, I get it. They are kids, they are part of our culture, they are dealing in the usual stereotype.
In stark contrast, Kidder's book goes behind the canes and thick glasses and spends time with real people in a Northampton nursing home.
The challenges these folks are facing display anything but weakness. The thing about old people is that they are as individual in age as they were in youth, if not more so.
There are many people in the home, but he focuses especially on a few. Lou is a gem, but I got especially fascinated by Joe. At first Joe seems least likely to make the changes he needs to make to live the rest of his days well.
What you see through Kidder's eyes is how remarkable ordinary people are.
We operate under the supposition, which became widespread in the 19th century, that there is normal aging and pathological aging. It goes with a morality that celebrated individual success and individual control of health. "This new morality stripped away the spiritual solace that former conceptions of aging had offered every elderly person and replaced it with a dual view...a psychologically primitive strategy of splitting images of a good old age of health, virtue, self reliance, and salvation from a bad old age of sickness, dependency, premature death, and damnation." It is still very much with us.
Joe of the fiery temperament, with powers greatly diminished by stroke, takes control of himself. Through his friendship with Lou he accepts his situation, and in the process improves life for those around him.
Kidder's reflection is that the central problem of life at Linda Manor is, after all, "only the universal problem of seperateness: the original punishment, the ultimate vulnerability, the enemy of meaning."
Ok, I get it. They are kids, they are part of our culture, they are dealing in the usual stereotype.
In stark contrast, Kidder's book goes behind the canes and thick glasses and spends time with real people in a Northampton nursing home.
The challenges these folks are facing display anything but weakness. The thing about old people is that they are as individual in age as they were in youth, if not more so.
There are many people in the home, but he focuses especially on a few. Lou is a gem, but I got especially fascinated by Joe. At first Joe seems least likely to make the changes he needs to make to live the rest of his days well.
What you see through Kidder's eyes is how remarkable ordinary people are.
We operate under the supposition, which became widespread in the 19th century, that there is normal aging and pathological aging. It goes with a morality that celebrated individual success and individual control of health. "This new morality stripped away the spiritual solace that former conceptions of aging had offered every elderly person and replaced it with a dual view...a psychologically primitive strategy of splitting images of a good old age of health, virtue, self reliance, and salvation from a bad old age of sickness, dependency, premature death, and damnation." It is still very much with us.
Joe of the fiery temperament, with powers greatly diminished by stroke, takes control of himself. Through his friendship with Lou he accepts his situation, and in the process improves life for those around him.
Kidder's reflection is that the central problem of life at Linda Manor is, after all, "only the universal problem of seperateness: the original punishment, the ultimate vulnerability, the enemy of meaning."
November 17, 2023
I guess part of my disappointment with this book is that it wasn't what I expected. Kidder examines life in an assisted living facility and nursing home, but he focuses on two roommates--70something Joe, recuperating from a stroke, and 90something Lou, legally blind. The men are very different in background and personality, but over the course of two years they grow to rely on each other and develop a strong friendship. Kidder only briefly highlights other residents, although there are several sections on Earl, who eventually adjusts to the fact that he's not going home and dies. Otherwise there are just quick looks at Linda Manor's occupants, even less on their families and the decisions that brought them here, and hardly anything on the employees. Kidder occasionally throws in some data, but otherwise "Old Friends" is basically a biography of two senior citizens. I wish Kidder had been more expansive in his discussion--I didn't want an expose of the horrors of old-age care, but it would have been nice to have things set in context and to recognize that Joe and Lou don't live in a vacuum. It's well-written, but sections seem to drag.
December 29, 2023
"When people told him they wanted to live to a great old age, Ray would say ironically, “May the view from your nursing home window be beautiful.” Nearly half of all Americans who live to 65 will spend part of the their life in such a facility. This novel takes place entirely in a nursing home and follows several residents, who are definitely archetypes, if you've ever made visits to a home. There were those who were despondent over their lost abilities and couldn't figure out how in 6 months they could go from golfing with buddies to being weak and emaciated, tethered to an oxygen tank (there but for the grace of God, go I). And those who accepted each day as it came and tried to make the best of it (that likely won't be me!).
November 28, 2024
*3.5 Stars*
I had some troubles with this one, but not sure why. I enjoyed the story of the men and how they became friends and really relied on each other day in and day out. I enjoyed the small side stories of the other folks in the nursing home. Earl and his much younger wife, I think I liked his parts the best.
It took me a lot longer than I expected to get through this one. I read little every time I picked it up. The writing was good. The characters were developed well. I guess it was just a struggle for me. 🤷♀️
I had some troubles with this one, but not sure why. I enjoyed the story of the men and how they became friends and really relied on each other day in and day out. I enjoyed the small side stories of the other folks in the nursing home. Earl and his much younger wife, I think I liked his parts the best.
It took me a lot longer than I expected to get through this one. I read little every time I picked it up. The writing was good. The characters were developed well. I guess it was just a struggle for me. 🤷♀️
August 11, 2013
While I found it a bit depressing to read about those who spend their last years in a nursing home, it was encouraging to meet those who "continued to live" in spite of being in such a dreary setting. The friendship between Lou and Joe was really sweet. It was also inspiring to read about the faithfulness of Ruth in visiting her father most everyday. I am interested in reading more from this author.
August 22, 2023
Tracy Kidder enters the world of nursing home patients and tells about their daily lives. It's not as grim as you could imagine it to be. Friendships have evolved. Almost no one seems obsessed with death. But it is still a grim environment. Days seem to pass monotonously. Most residents remain within the walls of the facility. While I was reading I kept remembering the nursing home where my parents spent their last years. It was never like home.
August 4, 2007
This was okay. Wouldn't read it again, nor would I recommend it particularly, but it's a touching story of two elderly men and their friends at a retirement home. Kidder writes beautifully, although the book moves slowly.
April 20, 2021
A well written book, but too long. The individual residents were precious but the snapshot of their lives in the nursing home was extremely sad and depressing.
February 28, 2022
If you have worked in church ministry and have visited enough nursing homes, you understand the truth and the sadness of this book.
January 29, 2025
📚♿👴NOVEL THOUGHTS🏨🧓📚
"....every good person has enriched the world." @61%
I really seem to be on a themed road as lately I have been gravitating to books that are about older folks (is it because of the Thursday Murder Club??) who still have so much life to live despite their few ailments or retirement. Despite that, this charming story about a real place in Massachusetts called Linda Manor features some fictional seniors who are as warm, sweet and memorable as it comes. The author focuses on 2 specifically, Joe and Lou who are roommates and become very important to each other as they learn to live with each other. Lou, though older than Joe, share many things in common which is what draws them together and Lou looks out for not only Joe, who struggles with diabetes and heart issues, but also looks out for other residents of Linda Manor though he himself is legally blind. He is such a caring character who the reader will come to adore. The author has found issues besides dementia to afflict his characters with--- one was left with a very small vocabulary following a stroke but is fully accepted and understood, or the woman who is unable to lift herself without help but forges ahead doing fundraising for a new van for the facility or another, accepting her advancing years, uses her former theatrical training to keep the residents busy with fun productions.
I felt as if the author was doing a documentary of the residents and following them around taking notes and every now and then, interviewing them. This was such a unique approach and fun to read. This book is going to stay with me for a long time because the characters seem real and also shines a light on the devoted staff that work to take care of residents in these facilities. While some residents are lucky to have regular visits from family and friends, others aren't as lucky so these folks depend on each other to become the family they don't see and help with the loneliness that can't help but be a daily thing. And while the subject matter may seem depressing, this book doesn't take that approach, finding a way to highlight histories, backgrounds, contributions and who they were and be appreciated for the life that came before.
"....every good person has enriched the world." @61%
I really seem to be on a themed road as lately I have been gravitating to books that are about older folks (is it because of the Thursday Murder Club??) who still have so much life to live despite their few ailments or retirement. Despite that, this charming story about a real place in Massachusetts called Linda Manor features some fictional seniors who are as warm, sweet and memorable as it comes. The author focuses on 2 specifically, Joe and Lou who are roommates and become very important to each other as they learn to live with each other. Lou, though older than Joe, share many things in common which is what draws them together and Lou looks out for not only Joe, who struggles with diabetes and heart issues, but also looks out for other residents of Linda Manor though he himself is legally blind. He is such a caring character who the reader will come to adore. The author has found issues besides dementia to afflict his characters with--- one was left with a very small vocabulary following a stroke but is fully accepted and understood, or the woman who is unable to lift herself without help but forges ahead doing fundraising for a new van for the facility or another, accepting her advancing years, uses her former theatrical training to keep the residents busy with fun productions.
I felt as if the author was doing a documentary of the residents and following them around taking notes and every now and then, interviewing them. This was such a unique approach and fun to read. This book is going to stay with me for a long time because the characters seem real and also shines a light on the devoted staff that work to take care of residents in these facilities. While some residents are lucky to have regular visits from family and friends, others aren't as lucky so these folks depend on each other to become the family they don't see and help with the loneliness that can't help but be a daily thing. And while the subject matter may seem depressing, this book doesn't take that approach, finding a way to highlight histories, backgrounds, contributions and who they were and be appreciated for the life that came before.
April 28, 2019
Pleasant book. Tracy Kidder writes interesting stories about real people. Previously read his book “House” which I enjoyed much more.
Since I work with a lot of older adults and many of them living in retirement communities and nursing homes it was a good insight for me as to their daily life outside the times I might see them for an hour or two a few times a year. While I do think about them in the ways this book depicts, it still was good to read in order to keep the struggles they go through to find meaning on a daily basis. I think this is especially true when they have little family contact or no family at all. I think that is the hardest part. There are some studies being publicized about social ostracization that it leads to poorer health and rapid aging vs those who are active and have many friends or social encounters. This story seems to touch on this without tapping into any research.
There isn’t anything crazy good about this book. It didn’t move me in any way other than to be attentive and compassionate when I am meeting with clients who are living out their remaining days in a place that can make them feel as a number in some cases, but can also care for them in a way that a family member -including spouses, may not be able to do for physical or mental reasons. This is just a good book. Nothing more, nothing less.
SPOILER: The only thing I was really concerned about as the book went on was whether one of the two main characters would die. Since neither of them did it was a nice finish to the book. But was also trying to imagine 2 separate story lines should one or the other die. How would the other react? Who would be their new roommate? Would they get along? Would they die of a “broken heart” now that their friend/roommate was gone?
Since I work with a lot of older adults and many of them living in retirement communities and nursing homes it was a good insight for me as to their daily life outside the times I might see them for an hour or two a few times a year. While I do think about them in the ways this book depicts, it still was good to read in order to keep the struggles they go through to find meaning on a daily basis. I think this is especially true when they have little family contact or no family at all. I think that is the hardest part. There are some studies being publicized about social ostracization that it leads to poorer health and rapid aging vs those who are active and have many friends or social encounters. This story seems to touch on this without tapping into any research.
There isn’t anything crazy good about this book. It didn’t move me in any way other than to be attentive and compassionate when I am meeting with clients who are living out their remaining days in a place that can make them feel as a number in some cases, but can also care for them in a way that a family member -including spouses, may not be able to do for physical or mental reasons. This is just a good book. Nothing more, nothing less.
SPOILER: The only thing I was really concerned about as the book went on was whether one of the two main characters would die. Since neither of them did it was a nice finish to the book. But was also trying to imagine 2 separate story lines should one or the other die. How would the other react? Who would be their new roommate? Would they get along? Would they die of a “broken heart” now that their friend/roommate was gone?
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March 1, 2025February 2025, Montana.
How does one grow old with grace? Is there even such a thing. How does one amass wisdom in an era that changes so rapidly, where even the most dedicated and educated struggle to stay abreast of current events and rapidly expanding knowledge. I suppose because wisdom and knowledge are different things and there are some lessons that are timeless.
I wish I could sit and talk with Lou. Or my own grandpa again for that matter. Either one. I found it difficult to relate to my grandparents, they seemed more like relics of by gone ages than examples or founts of wisdom. Was that just my perspective or was it some flaw of theirs?
So the question remains, in what ways can I prepare, right now, to be old? It seems like we are much more focused, as society, in running away from old age and death than preparing for these inevitabilities. We pray to the god of technology and live in fantasies while letting the present slip into the past, never realizing that this isn't the future we anticipated.
I don't want to live like that. I often wonder if there's a balance between preparing for the future and living in the present or if they aren't really the same thing. Dualism can be insidious, possibly pernicious.
And right now is all we'll ever have. Lou made the most of that... like Joe's learning to.
Matisyahu sang, "I must crush my fantasies" and I harp on perspective. So a blind man (Lou) can be a great example of living life with your eyes wide open.
Selah.
How does one grow old with grace? Is there even such a thing. How does one amass wisdom in an era that changes so rapidly, where even the most dedicated and educated struggle to stay abreast of current events and rapidly expanding knowledge. I suppose because wisdom and knowledge are different things and there are some lessons that are timeless.
I wish I could sit and talk with Lou. Or my own grandpa again for that matter. Either one. I found it difficult to relate to my grandparents, they seemed more like relics of by gone ages than examples or founts of wisdom. Was that just my perspective or was it some flaw of theirs?
So the question remains, in what ways can I prepare, right now, to be old? It seems like we are much more focused, as society, in running away from old age and death than preparing for these inevitabilities. We pray to the god of technology and live in fantasies while letting the present slip into the past, never realizing that this isn't the future we anticipated.
I don't want to live like that. I often wonder if there's a balance between preparing for the future and living in the present or if they aren't really the same thing. Dualism can be insidious, possibly pernicious.
And right now is all we'll ever have. Lou made the most of that... like Joe's learning to.
Matisyahu sang, "I must crush my fantasies" and I harp on perspective. So a blind man (Lou) can be a great example of living life with your eyes wide open.
Selah.
April 15, 2022
This book was very intriguing. I am part of a ministry that spends time in care homes such as the one in this book. I love spending time with the clients and learning so much from them. Hearing about things that happened so long ago. Getting to know them. Talking with their family members. It is so very important to spend time with them. To help them remember the good, bad and everything in between. It keeps them young at heart.
Reading this book from the view of the patients eyes is heart-warming and heart wrenching. Yet, from my experience, so true. I love that this was from the patients view as more often than not, we hear it from the families view. The author did a great job of using several different characters and told the story through their eyes. Being placed in a care home, removed from everything you're familiar with is NOT easy! Joe & Lou have been through a lot in their lives. But being placed with a great roomate does wonders and helps them look out for each other! Winifred is a girl after my heart! Although she's not in the best of health, she's still a fighter. There's several more who are amazing but I'll let you get to know them for yourselves!
This is not an easy stage in life. Be kind to those who are in this situation.
Reading this book from the view of the patients eyes is heart-warming and heart wrenching. Yet, from my experience, so true. I love that this was from the patients view as more often than not, we hear it from the families view. The author did a great job of using several different characters and told the story through their eyes. Being placed in a care home, removed from everything you're familiar with is NOT easy! Joe & Lou have been through a lot in their lives. But being placed with a great roomate does wonders and helps them look out for each other! Winifred is a girl after my heart! Although she's not in the best of health, she's still a fighter. There's several more who are amazing but I'll let you get to know them for yourselves!
This is not an easy stage in life. Be kind to those who are in this situation.
January 15, 2022
I have enjoyed many of Tracy Kidder's books. Somehow I missed reading this one until now. Kidder writes a sort of journalistic narrative about real people and real situations. Old Friends takes place in a nursing home. The story centers on roommates Joe and Lou. Joe is 70 something with what he calls "half a brain" after a stroke. Lou is a widower in his early 90's and almost blind but otherwise pretty healthy. They have been thrown together as roommates and couldn't be more different in temperament and habits. These two men come to life under the steady gaze of Mr Kidder and he seems to admire them both while acknowledging their shortcomings. Kidder also writes briefly of other residents and just a little about the staff. (I would have liked some focus on the others as sometimes my interest in Joe and Lou flagged a bit). As I watch my mother in law's decline, and look ahead to my own senior years, I am struck by the loneliness, fear and diminishment that Kidder shows so clearly. I wonder how Kidder feels about this book now that he is past Joe's age?
February 8, 2025
Why did I not give it five?
The answer to the title of review is, "the book frightened me.". I think. Although it is not fair to remove a " quality" star for feelings that it is solely i who is responsible for; it is how I must do it. The story is excellently well told, there are many characters and yet even when a certain character is unmentioned for several pages I could recall the particulars drawn of that character. That is an excellent talent displayed by the author. The tale the story tells is not particularly sad, pitiful, or heartbreaking; for some it would be up lifting. But, you see, I am old and I translated the emotions it is bound to evoke from a reader a bit differently than most would. It is just personal stubbornness. The book deserves five stars ( sorry Mr. Kidder); I heartily recommend you read it.
The answer to the title of review is, "the book frightened me.". I think. Although it is not fair to remove a " quality" star for feelings that it is solely i who is responsible for; it is how I must do it. The story is excellently well told, there are many characters and yet even when a certain character is unmentioned for several pages I could recall the particulars drawn of that character. That is an excellent talent displayed by the author. The tale the story tells is not particularly sad, pitiful, or heartbreaking; for some it would be up lifting. But, you see, I am old and I translated the emotions it is bound to evoke from a reader a bit differently than most would. It is just personal stubbornness. The book deserves five stars ( sorry Mr. Kidder); I heartily recommend you read it.
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October 28, 2023Tracy Kidder is a good writer; this book is about 30 years old, so some things have changed with regard to aging. For example, one of the main characters is 72 years old and already has one foot in the grave. I guess I know people in their 70s who are in very poor shape, but many of us are doing just fine. I guess if he was doing fine, he wouldn't be in a nursing home. His 90-something year old roommate, the other main character, is blind but has a much better outlook on life. I found the book to be a bit depressing; usually, when I read about aging, as I tend to do fairly regularly, I feel hopeful. Not with this book. I will not add it to my library of books on again but will drop it at the Little Free Library for someone else to read.
June 24, 2024
Tracy Kidder is a master of collecting every day events and conversations and creating a coherent story for his readers.
Old Friends includes a wide range of characters who live in a nursing home in Northampton, MA. The focus is on Joe and Lou, roommates, each with his own particular quirks. During the time we have a window into their world, they become Friends who love and support each other.
My favorite Kidder book is Among Schoolchildren which covers an academic year. When school ends, the teacher voices her worries and wishes for her students.
Old Friends has no definitive ending. It’s just another day at the Manor. Though that may be Kidder’s intention: it is just one more day like all the other days. And tomorrow will be the same.
Old Friends includes a wide range of characters who live in a nursing home in Northampton, MA. The focus is on Joe and Lou, roommates, each with his own particular quirks. During the time we have a window into their world, they become Friends who love and support each other.
My favorite Kidder book is Among Schoolchildren which covers an academic year. When school ends, the teacher voices her worries and wishes for her students.
Old Friends has no definitive ending. It’s just another day at the Manor. Though that may be Kidder’s intention: it is just one more day like all the other days. And tomorrow will be the same.
July 1, 2025
While this is classified as fiction, it's pretty clear that Kidder based the work on a real nursing home and very real people. Having visited two different nursing homes over the years my mom was a resident, I can vouch that this book rings true. Kidder is kind with the process of aging, acknowledging that while some may have awful end of life experiences, for others...and probably those who had been fairly content with their lives...old age is a completion of a life well lived. No one sets out in life hoping to die in a nursing home, but the reality is that sometimes it is the best choice for an elderly or disabled person. Praise God for the many wonderful employees who truly care for their residents.
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