The Pleasure's All Mine: Memoir of a Professional Submissive

by Joan Kelly

When Joan Kelly took a weekend job as a professional submissive in a private dungeon, it seemed she'd finally found a perfect outlet for her pent-up desires. Suddenly, Joan was being paid to do things she'd only fantasized about. Having spent several years scouring the Internet unsuccessfully for a man who would dominate her in the bedroom without getting on her nerves outside of it, Joan had nearly lost hope of satisfying her sexually submissive urges. Now, using her professional name, "Marnie," she was being paid to do only what she felt like with kinky men who didn't even expect to have any real sex in their sessions. To Joan, it almost felt like being paid to practice the art of self-centeredness---except for the part where she had to kneel and address strangers as "Master." The Pleasure's All Mine offers the reader a rare, intimate, often amusing, sometimes disturbing look into the life of a professional submissive---one whose drive for self-acceptance and respect is as relentless as her sexual need for the services she provides. Readers will experience many humorous, bizarre, frightening, and utterly entertaining events through the perceptive and insightful eyes of this writer.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Sexuality, Erotica, Biography, BDSM, Sex Work

215 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2006

Reviews

[Daemon Grendl · Rating 1 out of 5]

There's no reason to read this book and even less a reason to own it. That's not to say it was horrible - It's to say it was nothing. This is an empty collection of words going nowhere. What a let down.

Like everyone one who comes across this book, I was excited by the idea that I would read real BDSM from the bottom's point of view. And since she was a professional submissive, I thought it was going to be a bounty of titillating tales. Not in this book.

Ms. Kelly's goal to write about her feelings and personal growth didn't come through in this book. I expected introspection about her motivations and feelings around her bizarre experiences. Don Weise, her editor at Carrol & Graf must have totally misunderstood the subject or had an agenda of his own. Clearly he did not take care of her book to allow such a disorganized mess to go to print. My guess is that there was twice as much material submitted for this book but it was edited down too much resulting in too many misplaced and incomplete ideas.

Let me give examples: It starts off with ms. kelly explaining that while she always fantasized about getting spanked, it was an ex-boyfriend that finally introduced her to it. Towards the second third of the book she describes how infatuated she is by Mistress D. But nowhere in the book is it explained, or even hinted, that ms. kelly is bisexual and that she prefers women. This minor bit of critical information seems to have been overlooked and without it, the book is too ambiguous.

Early in the book ms. kelly quits her secretary job because working in a dungeon pays better, but up to this point she only mentions two actual sessions. Did those two pay that much? Or did she just pass over the dozens or hundreds of other experiences? And a week later she quits that place to go independent. Huh? She never mentions discussing this or reading about this, or meeting others at conventions. Where did she get the idea she could do this? And she quits because the prettier subs are stealing her clients. How could she have not seen this coming if she's been working there any length of time? Either she's an idiot or too much was edited out of this part.

Ms. Kelly emphasizes repeatedly that she had a normal upbringing and was not abused, neglected ,or raped and has a good relationship with her parents. She wants us be believe her kink is in her genes. But when we get toward the end of the book, and she meets Mistress D's parents, she admits that it wasn't until she was sober that her parents accepted her - Excuse me? Sober? She was addicted to drugs? I think that vital information needed to be explained earlier and in detail! Why wait until the end of the book?

Clearly, unlike the back cover says, much is left out of this book. Little is mentioned of other's definitions of sexuality, identity, or self-worth or self-destructiveness. All these ideas never make it into the book. I wonder if the person who wrote the cover even read the book. Or maybe this is a description of what the publisher hoped the book would become?

I found it difficult to finish this book because there was nothing to keep me interested. It droned on to nowhere. This interview in the Village Voice about the book is better than reading the book.

If you're still not convinced, let me kick this dead horse some more - She quit being a professional submissive shortly after the book was released and went back to vanilla jobs. Most likely because she admitted how frequently she had sex with clients and after the book came out every client expected a happy ending. Her website http://www.submarnie.com is dead and the book has only been out two years. Even her own publisher doesn't list the book anymore. Don't waste your time.

[Evan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Joan Kelly gets down to business with this book. There's no pretense to literary artistry, no attempts at tiresome academic analyses of her situation, just a good honest chronological description of her journey from blah secretary to professional submissive. It's well done and I learned a lot about her world and the predilections of those in it. I found her a little naive at times; she seems to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I kept thinking of other women who have put themselves in her position and probably ended up dead at the hand of a smooth-talking psycho. But I liked her unapologetic, positive take on her bliss and its pursuit, and appreciated her frustrations in trying to find a romantic partner who shared her needs, both in the bedroom and outside it. This is one of the better books about a sexual subculture that I've read.

[Yvonne · Rating 1 out of 5]

BOUNDARIES...you has none.

Seriously, lady, you started WORKING as a pro sub to find PARTNERS? Um, have you hear of PERSONAL ADS?

My big objection to this book is that her criticism of The Dominion in LA is pretty lame. I mean, she quit because a client decided to session with another girl instead of her? She talks rather extensive smack about Hillary because she - the author - didn't do well there? Le sigh. The Dominion was the most amazing place I've ever worked, but that's probably because I had reasonable expectations about being a BDSM professional. Just sayin'.

Lame book, lame premise (though someone with half a brain who has done the same job could write a MUCH better memoir in this vein), lame author. FAIL.

[Hazel · Rating 2 out of 5]

though it gave some insight into the business side of BDSM, it was rather disappointing. The world of professional submission seemed to be whirlwind of trips to new york and awesome, hot sessions. she doesn't give much background info, and just casually drops that she's told her family about her profession, and yes, they were fine with it. the whole thing was flat, light reading. I read it in a couple hours.

[Caty · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book made me uncomfortable, pushed my boundaries--no mention of an economic motivation for her sex work, and emotional attachment to clients that felt really inappropriate to me. I couldn't really relate to someone who decided to do the work b/c she felt it was the best way to get her kink needs met. But it reminded me of how a lot of people must feel hearing MY story, which is def. broadening. & reminded me, of course, that there are as many perspectives towards the work as there are sex workers.

One big problem I had, though, was with the ending. No closure whatsoever. How does she eventually find fulfillment as a sub in her personal life? & does she end up staying or leaving the business, the question she's waffling about in the last few chapters? It was frustrating and abrupt.

But @ least re: the taboo around the idea of a prof. sub working alone, Ms. Kelly brings her voice in to say that she managed it just fine.

[Jonathan · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was kind of an interesting book, she did a reading here at work so I picked it up - easy read but somehow I was left wondering if she was really this vapid and lacked any snese of introspection or if she just wanted to be titillating. I wonder what her book 15 years from now will have to say, I think that may be the more interesting read.

[Cherie · Rating 2 out of 5]

B Interesting and good to see something from a sub's POV but she has sex with clients. The writing isn't fresh but the topic is intriguing.

[Ali O'Hara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Probably not for everyone, but I thought this was a great, very interesting book, and well-written.

[Nilchance]

Trite, judgmental, and boring.

[Trish Bonadonna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved this!

[Rachel Stone · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book to be rather dull and boring. not what I had expected at all.

[Cat · Rating 4 out of 5]

An amusing and thoughtful memoir. Her honest and unapologetic pursuit to quench her submissive desires in a manner that is self empowering is inspirational.

[Alex Lowe · Rating 4 out of 5]

- How kinky?
Not really. If you're looking for extreme examples of kink, this ain't the place to find it. She covers the pretty usual stuff - spanking, foot worship, ice water - but nothing more shocking than that.

- How sexy?
Relatively. There are some very well-decribed, well-detailed scenes in here, but again, that's not where the book's real charms lie.

- How inspiring?
Possibly. As I said, she does go into some scenes in detail, and there are some ideas to be found - ie how she, as a sub, figures out how to top on command, and how to like it and be good at it. But that's not the focus of the story, and much of the detail is fairly useless for purely inspirational purposes.

- How engaging?
This. This is where the real beauty of Kelly's writing lies. I found this memoir so engaging, I considered calling in sick just to stay in bed and keep reading! (I didn't, though.) I genuinely needed to know what happened next? What happened with this character? With that relationship? It was great. Right up until the end. The last page. When you get there, you'll know what I mean.

- How well executed?
Brilliant. The quality of the writing is top-notch. I didn't even catch a single spelling or grammatical error. The characters are finely drawn, and descriptive writing is in perfect harmony with the well-balanced dialogue and well-described environments. There were some disappointments, like there seem to be some episodes missing (whatever happened to K? It is alluded to but never explained), and some scenes seemed slightly unneccessary (I'm looking at you, Scene With Todd Bridges). Overall, however, I had to remember it is a memoir, and whatever people choose to reveal or not reveal isn't my business. As a reader however - slightly off-putting.

- Negatives?
THE LAST PAGE. I actually thought the end of the book hadn't been delivered to my Kindle properly. But no, that's just how the book ends. Worst. Ending. Ever! I hate you, whoever's idea it was. Hate you.

- Overall reaction
Great book, really enjoyable and very funny. Highly recommended to people who enjoy memoirs of the kinky kind. Just don't scream in frustration when you reach the last page, like I did, and scare your pets :)

CHECK OUT MY OTHER REVIEWS: http://dirtyfilthybookslut.blogspot.com

4 cocks!

[Shawna · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting enough read about the life of a professional submissive sex worker. This isn't the first memoir I've read by a sex worker, but it is the first that is so resolutely positive. The others included a more even-handed admission of the downsides, the unreliability of the money, the icky clients, the turbulent emotions that went into the work. I didn't see a lot of that here. It is mostly the author describing all the scenes that she participated in and how much they stimulated her. (Written in such a way that seems to be intended to titillate the reader.) Everyone she comes into contact with, her fellow sex workers and her clients are all extraordinarily generous and sensitive (except for one guy toward the beginning who left bruises from his too rough tickle play). Everyone was so great that I actually had a hard time believing it. I would have liked to have known more about what was going on in her head between scenes how she was processing what she was doing, how it impacted her long-term. Does she have a relationship now? Has she had any subsequent relationships, and how has her sex work impacted them? How has she grown, what has she learned? None of this is addressed. In my estimation, the book is not revealing enough to be a truly groundbreaking memoir on the subject and not graphic enough for those just looking for erotic stimulation.

[Stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

So I picked this up at the library based on my very important twofold criteria: it's a paperback and it easily fits in my bag to read on the train. But I was pleasantly surprised in that it was hard to put down (side note: walking and reading is harder than it looks). While I totally agree that it's not incredibly well-written (she sort of tends to write about her experiences in a strangely detached tone), she's pretty honest about her time in the BDSM scene and she's good at characterization of the people she describes. Probably the most interesting part is how her threshold of what she will/won't do in sessions quickly evolves once she realizes there's a market for it.

[Sophia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Joan, a submissive by nature, seeks kink after her first serious relationship with a dominant ends badly. She joins a professional dungeon as a side-job to be paid to do what she loves without messy relationship entanglements, eventually quitting her day job. She then becomes the rare independent professional sub. There are detailed descriptions of her sessions, some of which involve intercourse. However, I was reading with trepidation, waiting for the next session to go bad since Joan has a tendency to not take industry-wide precautions and becomes attracted to each dom(me) with whom she plays. A kinky, boundary-pushing read.

[Jay · Rating 2 out of 5]

Am I the only one that got the feeling Joan is less submissive and more bored with adult responsibility? She's ignorant, egotistical, judgmental, lazy, and a downright danger to herself.

How are you going to step on to the scene as a newbie, scorn those who tried to help you, and go against their warnings of putting yourself in to situations that could end horrifically for you? This book started out decent for me but quickly went downhill. If I had to hear her applaud herself for being "cute" and "genuinely submissive" one more time...

In the end, two stars because the writing wasn't bad and it was a decent read. One star because of how maddening Joan Kelly is.

[Carmen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I learned alot about how a submissive thinks and why she does what she does. I find the submissive/dominance relationship very interesting. This memoir follows Joan Kelly's decision to become a freelance submissive and her adventures along the way. The ending was rather anti-climatic, but since it's "true" it didn't have a neat and tidy ending.

[Diana Santoso · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF. I didn't finished this book.
Was interested in it because I wanna know how BDSM (which is a popular theme for erotica fiction nowadays) in real life from a perspective from a Sub. Turns out it was boring and the author can't really write in an interesting way and I ditched it only in 2 chapter.

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very honest. She writes efficiently and well - she gives the reader just the right amount of info needed (action and insight).

I emailed her on myspace with some questions and she was really good about responding.

[AnitaDurt · Rating 4 out of 5]

this book is somewhat painful to read, mostly cuz she has sex with clients...but i appreciated her honesty. it was exciting for me to read about being a "bottom" and i read it real quick...

[Dave · Rating 3 out of 5]

I bought this book after hearing a reading by the author at Powell's in Portland. I have to say the reading was more entertaining than the read. It starts well, but can't carry the momentum.

[Sutapa Bhattacharya · Rating 4 out of 5]

Joan Kelly quits her 9-5 job as a secretary and enters the world of BDSM as a professional submissive under the pseudonym Marnie (interesting and possible disturbing reason behind her choosing that name). That plot summary is like my own Sunday afternoon wet dream. I liked reading Kelly's memoir, so much so that this is the first book tat I finished reading in 2019, in 1 day no less. It may be surprising for some people how regular and mundane the BDSM industry is, like any other profession. People looking for exotic, forbidden, sinful adventures will be disappointed. The parts I liked most were Kelly's introspection, her search for answers to the whys and whats of her own kinks, and the solidarity and respect between Kelly and her female colleagues. I liked that there was no big issue made out of her own sexuality. It was just casually presented through events that she liked being submissive to both men and women given they knew how to satisfy her needs. It was also nice to read about the decent respectful men who were her clients. People with kinks and people who are parts of paid BDSM industry are neither monsters nor freaks, they are just regular people with all shades of greys in their characters. It was nice to read the memoir of one of them written in simple, fast paced, easy-flowing and often humorous language. I loved the fact that Kelly used past tense instead of present tense. One thing I missed in the book was her interaction with her family and their reaction to her profession, given that she had history of severe depression and drug addiction. Overall I enjoyed the book. Recommended both as a nice fast read as well as a stereotype buster.

[Richard Read · Rating 5 out of 5]

I like her descriptions of the various situations that as a professional submissive she entered into. Only someone who had lived the life could have offered the details, and the details were not presented in a fashion to provide sexual titillations or to be straight out erotica. I thought her descriptions of the clients and their sexual desires were realistic as were the realistic precautions taken to prevent true harm to the submissive that the establishments where Joan worked were taking. I liked her detailing her emotional introspections on her own behaviors and her reactions. They seemed legitimate and revealing about a submissive's nature and needs.
My only criticism would be the opening chapter. The person, the girl, in the first chapter, her nature, did not seem to fit with the person that I got to know as Joan throughout the rest of the book. Nonetheless, Joan's book is well written, well worth the read if you are at all interested in the mind set of a true submissive, and in her case, as a submissive who earned a living by engaging in her personality needs to earn a living.

[O'Neal Sadler · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I bought this book on a lark, I assumed it would be cheesy in some parts and soft-porn-like in others. Nope. It was nothing of the kind. It was a sincere and thoughtful memoir in the life of a sex worker with a quirky fetish. As she takes us along on this fascinating journey, I was struck by how authentic she was. Joan does not hold back her doubts, fears and insecurities. The start of her career as a professional sub isn't some wild fill night of Vivid-video-level passion! But of awkwardness and mixed signals (her first client insists he be called "Master," while he spanks her like a "naughty" daughter).

In addition to funny moments, there are dangerous moments as well. Early in the book, she describes a young client (who for some reason reminds me of Zac Efron) with a winning smile and considerate disposition. The session starts off OKay. He pays for a tickle session. While she isn't ticklish, he does get a reaction out of poking her ribs. She likes it... until unwanted choking and frisky fingers put a cold bath on that.

I could go on, but it's a fascinating read worthy of a Paul Thomas Anderson film.

[Shannon · Rating 2 out of 5]

She's the cutest, most bestest pro sub out there. She's not like OTHER girls.

[Kate · Rating 2 out of 5]

"A no-holds-barred account of one woman's unlikely but determined pursuit of her ultimate fantasy.

"When Joan Kelly took a weekend job as a professional submissive in a private dunge0n in Los Angeles, it seemed she'd finally found a perfect outlet for her pent-up desires. All of a sudden Joan, strong-headed yet sexually submissive, was being paid to do things she'd only fantasized about.

"Having spent several years scouring the internet for a man who would dominate her in the bedroom without getting on her nerves outside of it, Joan had nearly lost hope of satisfying her urges. Now, Joan was being paid to do only what she felt like doing with kinky men who didn't even expect to have any real sex in their sessions.

"This is the engaging story of a particularly sensitive pervert with a wry, self-deprecating wit -- and one of the very few professional submissives who works independently. As Joan struggles against others' definitions of identity and sexuality, she finds herself battling her own ideas of self-worth and self-destructiveness. Between the thrill of being paid to have orgasms, and the difficulty of remaining self-possessed, all the while surrendering to the sexual will of others, Joan has managed to recover more of herself through the pains and pleasures of sex work than she would have imagined."
~~back cover

Hard to say why I didn't particularly enjoy this book.