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The Total Woman: How to Make Your Marriage Come Alive
Book by Morgan, Marabel
260 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1973
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January 17, 2008
The Total Woman by Marabel Morgan is without a doubt a horrible piece of literature with the very basic intent of sending wives the "biblical" message to submit to their husbands in such a way that it practically dehumanizes them. The theme throughout the book is that the job of a wife is to do whatever it takes to please her husbands, and if she does this well then her husband will graciously show kindness to her and treat her well in return. Also, if your man treats you like dirt, walks over you, refuses to take your opinions and/or advice (no matter how intelligent/logical/or relevant it may be) then it is your duty as a Total Woman and/or Christian to live with it and to do it with a smile on your face and a song in your heart.
This paragraph that closes chapter six of the book (found on page 80 in my 1971 copy of the book) sums up the ridiculousness of the entire book:
"It is only when a woman surrenders her life to her husband, reveres and worships him, and is willing to serve him, that she becomes really beautiful to him. She becomes a priceless jewel, the glory of femininity, his queen!"
Worship him, eh? Does this sound like idolatry to anyone else by chance?
This paragraph that closes chapter six of the book (found on page 80 in my 1971 copy of the book) sums up the ridiculousness of the entire book:
"It is only when a woman surrenders her life to her husband, reveres and worships him, and is willing to serve him, that she becomes really beautiful to him. She becomes a priceless jewel, the glory of femininity, his queen!"
Worship him, eh? Does this sound like idolatry to anyone else by chance?
April 20, 2021
This book was published in 1973. At 21 years old, i was recently married and a lifelong member of an independent, fundamentalist Christian church. This book was touted to be the recipe for the perfect Christian marriage. Ms. Morgan's message was that a happy marriage is the responsibility of the good Christian wife who anticipates and fulfills her husband's every need. So this "good girl" read every word and made every effort to practice what Marabel Morgan preached.
It has been 46 years since i read this book, so many of details are hazy to me now. What i do remember is Ms. Morgan's recommendation to keep the husband interested by surprising him. For example, when he comes home from the office, look your best: showered, powdered, perfumed, hair coiffed, dressed in your best outfit. Have his favorite dinner on the table complete with candles and soft music (check) or take his brief case (!) and march him back out to the car to take him to his favorite restaurant (check). Her more adventurous recommendations included the plan to meet him in a baby doll nightgown and bunny ears (check), or to wrap yourself in plastic wrap (check) or to open the door wearing nothing but your make-up, your jewelry, and a big smile (no check; not brave enough for that one!).
The reason why this book remains embedded in my memory, lo, these many decades later, is because of what happened on the one day post-read when time got away from me. I was down on my knees on the kitchen floor in a t-shirt, shorts, an apron, and a pair of mustard yellow rubber gloves, scrubbing the oven. My hair was piled on top of my head in a frizzy mess, grease streaked across my cheek and forehead where i had tried to brush the stray hairs out of my eyes with my wrist. Our infant son was tucked into the baby swing which was swaying back and forth with a metronomic "Click. Click. Click." And music was streaming from the radio in the background, so i did not hear the crunch of gravel as my husband pulled up to the trailer. He opened the door rather tentatively, having had some surprises, not to say shocks, in the recent past. He stepped inside and said, "Honey, I'm home."
The sound of his voice startled me. I shot up, whacking my head on the inside of the oven, twisting to see him, a puzzled look on his face. My mouth was hanging open and my arms were hanging down as if attached by yarn. Suddenly, my Christian duty kicked in and i began to quote in a cartoon voice: " Be a good cook, my mother said, you'll get a man! What did i get? 25 years with my head in a dirty oven. Scraping. Scrubbing!" I stopped, having just quoted a current TV commercial for oven cleaner. We stood there, looking at each other as if each had encountered an alien. Then, in the same instant, we both burst out laughing. We laughed and laughed until the tears streamed down our faces. The baby became upset by this uncharacteristic humorous exuberance from his parents, and began to cry, which brought the two of us back to earth.
It was the beginning of the end of my subservience to fundamentalist principles. That journey took another decade and a complete college education. But this story is told around the table at family gatherings, Thanksgiving dinners, wedding showers, and picnics. We have Marabel Morgan and Easy-Off Oven Cleaner to thank for years of laughter.
And yes, still married. Three kids, 4 and a half grandchildren. Still happy and in love, but not remotely religious. ☺️❤️
It has been 46 years since i read this book, so many of details are hazy to me now. What i do remember is Ms. Morgan's recommendation to keep the husband interested by surprising him. For example, when he comes home from the office, look your best: showered, powdered, perfumed, hair coiffed, dressed in your best outfit. Have his favorite dinner on the table complete with candles and soft music (check) or take his brief case (!) and march him back out to the car to take him to his favorite restaurant (check). Her more adventurous recommendations included the plan to meet him in a baby doll nightgown and bunny ears (check), or to wrap yourself in plastic wrap (check) or to open the door wearing nothing but your make-up, your jewelry, and a big smile (no check; not brave enough for that one!).
The reason why this book remains embedded in my memory, lo, these many decades later, is because of what happened on the one day post-read when time got away from me. I was down on my knees on the kitchen floor in a t-shirt, shorts, an apron, and a pair of mustard yellow rubber gloves, scrubbing the oven. My hair was piled on top of my head in a frizzy mess, grease streaked across my cheek and forehead where i had tried to brush the stray hairs out of my eyes with my wrist. Our infant son was tucked into the baby swing which was swaying back and forth with a metronomic "Click. Click. Click." And music was streaming from the radio in the background, so i did not hear the crunch of gravel as my husband pulled up to the trailer. He opened the door rather tentatively, having had some surprises, not to say shocks, in the recent past. He stepped inside and said, "Honey, I'm home."
The sound of his voice startled me. I shot up, whacking my head on the inside of the oven, twisting to see him, a puzzled look on his face. My mouth was hanging open and my arms were hanging down as if attached by yarn. Suddenly, my Christian duty kicked in and i began to quote in a cartoon voice: " Be a good cook, my mother said, you'll get a man! What did i get? 25 years with my head in a dirty oven. Scraping. Scrubbing!" I stopped, having just quoted a current TV commercial for oven cleaner. We stood there, looking at each other as if each had encountered an alien. Then, in the same instant, we both burst out laughing. We laughed and laughed until the tears streamed down our faces. The baby became upset by this uncharacteristic humorous exuberance from his parents, and began to cry, which brought the two of us back to earth.
It was the beginning of the end of my subservience to fundamentalist principles. That journey took another decade and a complete college education. But this story is told around the table at family gatherings, Thanksgiving dinners, wedding showers, and picnics. We have Marabel Morgan and Easy-Off Oven Cleaner to thank for years of laughter.
And yes, still married. Three kids, 4 and a half grandchildren. Still happy and in love, but not remotely religious. ☺️❤️
July 10, 2012
It was an ironic engagement gift. Yes, we both read it. And would both suggest a retitle: The Total Fundamentalist Crapfest.
May 13, 2007
Total Woman=Total Crap.
This is the book which suggested women greet there husbands at the door wrapped in nothing but Saran Wrap and holding a martini.
I giggled my way through this piece of garbage years ago. I can't believe it's still around.
This is the book which suggested women greet there husbands at the door wrapped in nothing but Saran Wrap and holding a martini.
I giggled my way through this piece of garbage years ago. I can't believe it's still around.
April 19, 2012
I'm definitely between three and four stars on this one. For a book that has mostly the Bible as it's definitive source for relationships, Morgan actually brings in many since-proven conflict resolution strategies and psychological principles into the book. While I definitely do not agree with the idea of wifely submission that is promoted (and promoted not very explicitly either), I felt that Morgan was really calling for women to be more self-confident, embrace their sexuality, and to promote loving relationships within the family. I have no problem with Christian, stay at home moms deciding to get a bit more adventurous!
Other areas of contention with the book was the portion on children and homosexuality being caused by the mother, this has been proven to be untrue but at the time it was a huge concern that mothers were the source for male children's homosexual behavior. I found it pretty interesting that she could talk about the dangers of this and then on the next page start to proclaim how all children should be accepted as they are so that they do not run away from home or turn to sex or drugs. I got the sense that she did not think this applied to homosexual children and that there was no paradox inherent in that. I actually laughed a bit at that. Also, the whole "spare the rod, spoil the child" rhetoric has also been proven to be harmful to children's attachment to parents, but that wasn't known at the time.
Other portions of the book definitely highlighted the concept of non-violent communication (using I statements, not you statements, etc.). In this way, I think Morgan was ahead of the times in the way she approached communicating honest feelings in a non-violent manner.
Overall, there are a few golden ideas in this book if you can get over some of the gag-factor of some of the chapters. I read this book as it is cited in a lot of anti-feminist literature and I have to say that I didn't find what was so contentious about it. Yes, Morgan believes that stay-at-home parenting is best, but intensive parenting and having a constant attachment with a parent are proven to be good for children. Yes, Morgan centers her life around making her husband happy so he can go to work and earn money, but that's the life she has chosen. Yes, she says dress up in costumes and have a lot of sex, but really what's so bad about that? Yes, Morgan believes in God and is raising her children to have a life-view centered on faith, but a lot of people also do this. This doesn't make her anti-feminist. These were her choices in the type of relationship dynamic that she chose and she improved her life and made herself and her family happier. There's nothing inherently wrong in that.
Other areas of contention with the book was the portion on children and homosexuality being caused by the mother, this has been proven to be untrue but at the time it was a huge concern that mothers were the source for male children's homosexual behavior. I found it pretty interesting that she could talk about the dangers of this and then on the next page start to proclaim how all children should be accepted as they are so that they do not run away from home or turn to sex or drugs. I got the sense that she did not think this applied to homosexual children and that there was no paradox inherent in that. I actually laughed a bit at that. Also, the whole "spare the rod, spoil the child" rhetoric has also been proven to be harmful to children's attachment to parents, but that wasn't known at the time.
Other portions of the book definitely highlighted the concept of non-violent communication (using I statements, not you statements, etc.). In this way, I think Morgan was ahead of the times in the way she approached communicating honest feelings in a non-violent manner.
Overall, there are a few golden ideas in this book if you can get over some of the gag-factor of some of the chapters. I read this book as it is cited in a lot of anti-feminist literature and I have to say that I didn't find what was so contentious about it. Yes, Morgan believes that stay-at-home parenting is best, but intensive parenting and having a constant attachment with a parent are proven to be good for children. Yes, Morgan centers her life around making her husband happy so he can go to work and earn money, but that's the life she has chosen. Yes, she says dress up in costumes and have a lot of sex, but really what's so bad about that? Yes, Morgan believes in God and is raising her children to have a life-view centered on faith, but a lot of people also do this. This doesn't make her anti-feminist. These were her choices in the type of relationship dynamic that she chose and she improved her life and made herself and her family happier. There's nothing inherently wrong in that.
January 17, 2016
Bleah. What an awful load of unspeakable ridiculosity.
February 23, 2012
hated it
October 20, 2010
I think it has old fashioned points but I have an old fashioned man. About 80% made me bristle and gnash my teeth but it worked. When I do the advice my old fashioned man is transformed, I am happy. When I slip, the apple cart is upset. I mostly learned to mind my own self and to keep myself together. I'm looking for another copy, mine was never returned, I hope its working for her too. I recommend you take what you can use and leave the rest.
February 22, 2009
An interesting, if appalling book. At least as far as my life is concerned, there has been considerable improvement in equality of the sexes since this book was written.
January 10, 2015
This is a dangerous bit of philosophical claptrap disguised by the hilarious sex tips. The housewife is to keep the children out of sight when the lord and master comes home from his work day. The housewife should meet the lord and master at the door naked but for a saran wrapping, martini and rose in her teeth if she wants a happy marriage.
More reminiscent of the image of the perfect 50's marriage than the 70s, when women were beginning to assert more autonomy and men were beginning to assume a more active role in child rearing. That's probably why it was written; to attempt to put the skids on "women's liberation."
Offensive and sad. The woman has 100% responsibility for the health of the marriage and sex life, the man has abolutely no duties or responsibility for the home, beyond provider. It was a false and dangerous fantasy then and I'm sure is very hard for younger women to even comprehend now.
Take a listen to "Wives and lovers" by Jack Jones from 1964 and see if the threats and assumptions therein resonate or make you mad. Are you the wife? or one of the "girls at the office?" Are men merely stooges to be manipulated by women? Really, ugh.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZbus...
More reminiscent of the image of the perfect 50's marriage than the 70s, when women were beginning to assert more autonomy and men were beginning to assume a more active role in child rearing. That's probably why it was written; to attempt to put the skids on "women's liberation."
Offensive and sad. The woman has 100% responsibility for the health of the marriage and sex life, the man has abolutely no duties or responsibility for the home, beyond provider. It was a false and dangerous fantasy then and I'm sure is very hard for younger women to even comprehend now.
Take a listen to "Wives and lovers" by Jack Jones from 1964 and see if the threats and assumptions therein resonate or make you mad. Are you the wife? or one of the "girls at the office?" Are men merely stooges to be manipulated by women? Really, ugh.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZbus...
April 14, 2012
Wow. Where to start? A recent book club selection, I read this book as an assignment and otherwise never would have. It's an interesting window to 70s culture, when wives weren't expected to work, or to do much other than raise kids and be sex objects for their husbands. Much about this book offended me or made me laugh. That said, there are some good points about women being the sunshine of their home. I agree that women often set the emotional tone of any place they're in, so to that end I agree with Morgan. But I don't think that the key to a happy marriage is to feign interest in sports (some of us actually follow football) or to don costumes or to ignore our kids while we bubble bath. And no I don't think women should butt out of financial decisions. Don't read this if you want sound advice...read it to learn about the distant past and to be glad you're not living in it.
March 26, 2016
Likely the most idiotic book I have ever read. The scary thing is some women liked it and followed the advice.
December 30, 2020
Honestly, the whole reason that I read this book was because I listened to a podcast making fun of it. The podcast was called The Complete Woman and was absolutely hilarious and ridiculous. I wanted to read the source material because that’s just the kind of person I am.
Okay, now, some background here. I declared myself a feminist 20 years ago. I worked toward a degree in Women’s and Gender Studies in college, but due to scheduling issues had to drop it. I work full time and have a child and a husband. I am definitely not Christian. All of that being said, sometimes there really is some good advice to be garnered from these old books. When I met my husband, I was reading The Rules by Ellen Fein. very old fashioned but… I’m married now. I mean, I only took what I thought would work for me and applied it.
And this is kind of like that. I went in expecting to be horrified and delighted, like I was watching a b-rated bloody slasher flick, but what I got was a lot of stuff that I’ve read in other, more modern books but in different words. Look, the first bit of this book is about filling up your own cup so that you can give to your husband and family. Tell me that you haven’t seen that same advice five million times on social media? At the end of that section, the homework is to write down your own, personal goals and these do seem very outdated but also… goals are goals. If Peggy wants to lose 15 pounds so that she’s more attractive to her husband (nowhere does this state that the husband has implied she needed to lose weight), is that any different than me wanting to lose 15 pounds just to feel better? Not really.
Okay, so, obviously some of it is incredibly outdated and insulting. It’s bound to happen. But the bones are not bad. I kind of wonder what would happen if this were completely rebranded for modern times. How much of this advice is just the love languages before there was a word for it? And maybe, MAYBE, I bring a different perspective because I read a lot of things that don’t agree with my viewpoint just for the stuff that I might be missing.
Anyway, it’s a product of its time but I don’t really think it’s as bad as all that. It’s definitely not great, though. Like I said, it can be insulting.
Okay, now, some background here. I declared myself a feminist 20 years ago. I worked toward a degree in Women’s and Gender Studies in college, but due to scheduling issues had to drop it. I work full time and have a child and a husband. I am definitely not Christian. All of that being said, sometimes there really is some good advice to be garnered from these old books. When I met my husband, I was reading The Rules by Ellen Fein. very old fashioned but… I’m married now. I mean, I only took what I thought would work for me and applied it.
And this is kind of like that. I went in expecting to be horrified and delighted, like I was watching a b-rated bloody slasher flick, but what I got was a lot of stuff that I’ve read in other, more modern books but in different words. Look, the first bit of this book is about filling up your own cup so that you can give to your husband and family. Tell me that you haven’t seen that same advice five million times on social media? At the end of that section, the homework is to write down your own, personal goals and these do seem very outdated but also… goals are goals. If Peggy wants to lose 15 pounds so that she’s more attractive to her husband (nowhere does this state that the husband has implied she needed to lose weight), is that any different than me wanting to lose 15 pounds just to feel better? Not really.
Okay, so, obviously some of it is incredibly outdated and insulting. It’s bound to happen. But the bones are not bad. I kind of wonder what would happen if this were completely rebranded for modern times. How much of this advice is just the love languages before there was a word for it? And maybe, MAYBE, I bring a different perspective because I read a lot of things that don’t agree with my viewpoint just for the stuff that I might be missing.
Anyway, it’s a product of its time but I don’t really think it’s as bad as all that. It’s definitely not great, though. Like I said, it can be insulting.
April 11, 2015
Read this book in the 1970's when I was very young and newly married and it was terrible advice. Still trying to believe that I deserve to have wants and desires which according to this book women should not have any apart from helping their husbands achieve theirs.
October 11, 2019
برا تحقيق درباره زندگي زناشويي خوندم اين رو و چند كتاب ديگه رو
خوب بود
خوب بود
September 30, 2011
I remember reading this book 20+ years ago, not telling my husband, but trying out some of her ideas. All worked. (I didn't actually do the saran-wrap-at-the-door thing, though I'm sure it would have gone over well also!) The mindset of respecting, treasuring & encouraging your spouse, whether or not your spouse respects,treasures & encourages you first, is revolutionary. A generation or so ago it would have been assumed.
I know there are unique circumstances that negate the whole idea...situations that should be run from without another thought, but I think many marriages would benefit from a little of this kind of "other person first" mentality.
There are a few other similarly-revolutionary books I've read over the years, adopting bits here & there. At 35 years of marriage I still have people say "But it's easy for you to have a good marriage...your husband adores you!" I just smile. I am fortunate, but no one knows the work involved!!
I know there are unique circumstances that negate the whole idea...situations that should be run from without another thought, but I think many marriages would benefit from a little of this kind of "other person first" mentality.
There are a few other similarly-revolutionary books I've read over the years, adopting bits here & there. At 35 years of marriage I still have people say "But it's easy for you to have a good marriage...your husband adores you!" I just smile. I am fortunate, but no one knows the work involved!!
February 10, 2017
شاید هنر زن بودن برای من به واسطه آشنایی با مفاهیم یا تجربه یا روانشناس بودن زیادی پیش پا افتاده بود اما از آنجایی که هر روز میبینم همین مسائل به ظاهر ساده را تعداد زیادی از مراجعینم از یاد بردهاند، فکر میکنم خواندنش برای زنان در جهت آموزش یا یادآوری خالی از لطف نباشد.
May 19, 2014
Lots of great information! It's a little old times but well worth the read! Anything to make a woman a better wife and mom is worth it!
February 24, 2022
نام کتاب بسیار جنسیتزدهست؛ زن بودن هنر است؟ مرد بودن چطور؟ بچه یا بالغ بودن چطور؟ متمول زاده شدن یا فقیر بهدنیا آمدن چطور؟ متغیرهای انتسابی هنر نیستند. این از این؛ و اما محتوای کتاب که حریفِ سرسخت کتاب سکسیستانهی «جنس دوم» است. زن در این کتاب، نه مثل جنس دوم که در تلاش برای مردسازیاش است، بلکه موجودی تلقی میشود که برای همسر بودن زاده شده و باید در ادای این وظیفه بهبهترین شکل عمل کند. زن در انتها و ابتدا، فقط همسر است.
no-thank-you
June 14, 2023See Jesus and John Wayne chapter 3. I cringed the entire time passages were read. What a load of misogynistic propaganda.
June 21, 2024
Good old fashioned book. Some things didn't sit right with me but overall it's a good book.
March 21, 2012
My Mother in law sent me this book when my husband returned home from deployment and we had problems reassimilating back into each others lives. At first I rolled my eyes...I don't love self-help books generally, but when I read the first chapter and she talks about her husband "ordering her" to be ready in 20 min for dinner if he says so...well, my head just about exploded...
BUT...I actually think the book makes a lot of sense. She's talking about the Christian ideal of the golden rule for most of it...treat your mate like a king and you will get equal treatment as a queen. She puts a plan in place for women to achieve it...even if it goes against everything you think your husband actually deserves from you because he is acting like a 2 year old. But what's the harm in trying it? If you are reading this book most likely your current plan of action isn't working. One month and my hubby returns home and I will be trying out some of her ideas.
BUT...I actually think the book makes a lot of sense. She's talking about the Christian ideal of the golden rule for most of it...treat your mate like a king and you will get equal treatment as a queen. She puts a plan in place for women to achieve it...even if it goes against everything you think your husband actually deserves from you because he is acting like a 2 year old. But what's the harm in trying it? If you are reading this book most likely your current plan of action isn't working. One month and my hubby returns home and I will be trying out some of her ideas.
October 29, 2020
This is great. Every night, my wife meets me at the door at precisely the right time. There are consequences otherwise. And she knows this because I have patiently and very slowly told her this. I mean, she's a woman, right, so, you have to speak slowly and with mono-syllabic words so she does not get confused.
I really think this book should be back in print and read by every woman because there is too much of that feminist stuff going on. Women making up their own minds about stuff. What?! My wife lays her clothes for the day out so that I can give her the thumbs up, exactly like it should be. Am I right men? The men will tell you.
I really think this book should be back in print and read by every woman because there is too much of that feminist stuff going on. Women making up their own minds about stuff. What?! My wife lays her clothes for the day out so that I can give her the thumbs up, exactly like it should be. Am I right men? The men will tell you.
January 12, 2017
I read this back when I was 12. It was from my mom's book of the month club. I just found it again and despite the hilarity I couldn't believe how damaging it was for women. I remember thinking back then that I was a person too...why didn't I matter? My mom was a teacher and a strong woman. As far as I know, she never read the book. But i always remembered this book...it helped me decide what to do with my life, to find an equal partner and a satisfying job. I was granted a life too, and I refused to be a slave to another.
October 27, 2013
So, none of my GR friends have read this cartoon of a book? Not even ironically, for high hilarity or the mining of comedy minerals? You're all missing out, I tell you.
Disclaimer: I don't remember a thing about this book except for the author's scary smile, the ick factor and the saran wrap.
Disclaimer: I don't remember a thing about this book except for the author's scary smile, the ick factor and the saran wrap.
Read
May 6, 2012I can't remember how long ago I read this book but to think about it now makes me laugh!! Wrap yourself in saran wrap indeed!!
Read
August 9, 2024Oh if I could give this minus stars I would.
I knew this was dated .....misogynistic...unfeminist and i tried to read it as a "let's look at some of the social viewpoints of the time from some brainwashed people" BUT IT WAS SO MUCH WORSE! One of those books that has likely had essays written about it in social history classes and not in a good way. Such damaging crap!
I knew this was dated .....misogynistic...unfeminist and i tried to read it as a "let's look at some of the social viewpoints of the time from some brainwashed people" BUT IT WAS SO MUCH WORSE! One of those books that has likely had essays written about it in social history classes and not in a good way. Such damaging crap!
May 28, 2019
If you had told me last week that I would rate this book 2 stars instead of 1 I would have laughed in your face. But here we are, after finishing the dang thing I must say I lost fewer brain cells than expected.
Now, a 20 year old who's single with no kids is not the target demographic, and the fact that we're practically in a different culture 40 years later should not be dismissed. I also need to say I read this book to have a laugh, like watching bad movies for entertainment kind of thing. My mom told me how this book brought controversy when it was published, and many people saw it as a joke, and to this day people make fun of it. My interest was piqued immediately, and I had to read it myself (I know I'm weird, don't judge me :p).
The first 150 pages (so most of the book) had many poorly worded instructions and examples, some of the logic was so faulty it boggled my mind, and many conclusions that were made I found extremely toxic. Basically the entire section about the relationship with your husband I disagreed with, BUT I was pleasantly surprised that I agreed with the last 40 pages about the children. Respect, love, and engaging with your kids were the heart of the message, and I loved seeing that after the twisted way the author saw marital relationships and the worth you as a woman had in this world.
I know the author didn't mean any harm, she wanted to help others by sharing her story and give what she thought was good advice. The problem is she seemed to live in an alternate dimension from the rest of the world, so her execution fell flat and ran down the drain.
Now, a 20 year old who's single with no kids is not the target demographic, and the fact that we're practically in a different culture 40 years later should not be dismissed. I also need to say I read this book to have a laugh, like watching bad movies for entertainment kind of thing. My mom told me how this book brought controversy when it was published, and many people saw it as a joke, and to this day people make fun of it. My interest was piqued immediately, and I had to read it myself (I know I'm weird, don't judge me :p).
The first 150 pages (so most of the book) had many poorly worded instructions and examples, some of the logic was so faulty it boggled my mind, and many conclusions that were made I found extremely toxic. Basically the entire section about the relationship with your husband I disagreed with, BUT I was pleasantly surprised that I agreed with the last 40 pages about the children. Respect, love, and engaging with your kids were the heart of the message, and I loved seeing that after the twisted way the author saw marital relationships and the worth you as a woman had in this world.
I know the author didn't mean any harm, she wanted to help others by sharing her story and give what she thought was good advice. The problem is she seemed to live in an alternate dimension from the rest of the world, so her execution fell flat and ran down the drain.
July 5, 2020
I read this -- "The Total Woman" by Mirabel Morgan -- around 1978 and entertained my dorm mates for three solid days by reading excerpts from it at lunchtime. Someone once said that a better title would be "The Totaled Woman" and I couldn't agree more. My copy has been repurposed as a book-safe; although I usually consider defacing or burning hooks to be evil, I've made an exception for this one.
A primer on manipulation, it might possibly be useful for someone trapped in slavery, or in a marriage they cannot leave, otherwise its only use is as a) an unintentional piece of comedy, or b) a historic piece on expected female behavior back when women weren't allowed to either work or get a divorce.
Yes, there are some kernels of truth in it -- consideration for a spouse's self-esteem, and letting them know they're valued and respected is (usually) a Good Thing (and yep, I can think of exceptions). Total suppression of your own needs, wants, desires and ambitions is NOT, which is what the author presents as expected in a wife. Also note that even the best of spouses can (and will) die, which leaves a poor look-out for the helpless, please-rescue-poor-little-old-me behavior the book recommends.
Ending a review I usually tell people to "Go. Read. Enjoy!", but unless you pick it up for the humor (and it us incredulously, inadvertently funny at times) I cannot recommend it. If you must read it, get it from the library.
Read. Laugh. Then make a book-safe out of it!
A primer on manipulation, it might possibly be useful for someone trapped in slavery, or in a marriage they cannot leave, otherwise its only use is as a) an unintentional piece of comedy, or b) a historic piece on expected female behavior back when women weren't allowed to either work or get a divorce.
Yes, there are some kernels of truth in it -- consideration for a spouse's self-esteem, and letting them know they're valued and respected is (usually) a Good Thing (and yep, I can think of exceptions). Total suppression of your own needs, wants, desires and ambitions is NOT, which is what the author presents as expected in a wife. Also note that even the best of spouses can (and will) die, which leaves a poor look-out for the helpless, please-rescue-poor-little-old-me behavior the book recommends.
Ending a review I usually tell people to "Go. Read. Enjoy!", but unless you pick it up for the humor (and it us incredulously, inadvertently funny at times) I cannot recommend it. If you must read it, get it from the library.
Read. Laugh. Then make a book-safe out of it!
February 27, 2018
For its time - early ‘70s - when I read it - it wasn’t a bad book. It might have helped more marriages if read with an open mind. The culture then was obsessed with radical feminism, movies full of adultery (tacitly endorsed, which you have to admit is frowned upon today), abortion rights, cynicism about marriage in general. The book’s simplicity in focusing on unconditional marital sex for happiness might have been more effective than months of professional marriage counseling! Granted, this book was not for wives who were dealing with serious emotional crises or abusive husbands, but for the generally sound marriage - though not immune from divorce - that was struggling with the sexual spark gone out and boredom. I use the past tense because you can’t find this book today except in used book stores.
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