It Takes a Parent

by Betsy Hart

A nationally syndicated columnist and conservative commentator examines the harmful effects of today's "parenting culture."

Tyrannized by "experts." Obsessed with perfection. Harried and anxious to the point of misery. Columnist and commentator Betsy Hart sees these traits in what she calls today's "parenting culture"-that is, a nation of parents who refrain from making moral judgments, who put their kids on a pedestal whether they deserve it or not, who shy away from disciplining or even criticizing when kids misbehave, and who generally cede the responsibility for making decisions, large and small, to their children. Hart argues that the consequences of this hands-off approach can be seen on the faces of dependent, wayward, and even violent children and teens-not to mention miserable moms and dads.

A mother of four, Hart presents a smart, passionate, and provocative argument for the crucial-and currently unfashionable-role of parents who lead rather than follow. From parents who insist on giving their kids a choice about everything and make excuses for their bad behavior, to those who drive their kids to excel at any endeavor and who turn to trained professionals for every problem, It Takes a Parent questions some tightly held cultural assumptions, and sheds light on the everyday concerns of parents across the nation.

This insightful, commonsense book will help shift the focus back to the role and responsibilities of parents-for guiding the character and hearts of their children, so they will grow up to be responsible adults themselves.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

256 pages, ebook

First published August 18, 2005

Reviews

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

one of the best parenting books i've read

[Carmen Liffengren · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is really about common sense parenting. With so much parenting advice out there author Betsy Hart strongly asserts that parents have forgotten how to follow their instincts. Parents are so afraid of making any mistakes with their children that they end up succumbing to the culture of "pushover parenting". Although she stresses that parents follow their instincts the more important message is that parents should be on a rescue mission for their children's hearts. In other words, parents ought to train their children to do the right thing because it's the right thing and not to do the right thing only to avoid punishment or other negative consequences. There's a big difference and rescuing our children's hearts in this way not only trains them to be more honest, but also develops their characters to truly see right and wrong. She stresses this point in almost every chapter. So much contemporary parenting advice may get results, but does not address the heart. It's obvious that Betsy Hart is a Christian, but she wrote this book for a general audience. The results she's looking for go well beyond just good behavior. Parents need not be afraid.

[Marci · Rating 2 out of 5]

The first part of the book, the author was bashing all of the parental advice books out there. I got a little annoyed by it and felt guilty for following some of that advice. While I didnt find the book overly insightful, it did help me think about parenting in a different way. I especially like the quote: My goal is to help my children get to heaven not Harvard. She says Harvard is a worthy goal, but is not her ultimate goal. Helped me do a little paradigm shift in my own mind. She also helped me not feel guilty about using spanking as a tool to discipline children.

While I enjoyed a few points the author made, overall, I didnt appreciate her preachiness and writing style and would have welcomed more examples of the kind of parenting she is advocating.

[taylor alvidrez]

This lady is a criminal.
Yet calls herself a parent
Unbelievable

[Hoviedo Oviedo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Es un libro que es de lectura obligada para todos los padres de familia, principalmente para aquellos que creemos que tenemos un niño especial, ya sea en el sentido de superdotado como en el sentido de que tiene alguna dificultad que le impida desenvolverse apropiadamente. Es un libro que nos ayudará a cuestionar a los "expertos" en psicología y educación infantil y nos dará el poder como padres para poder decidir lo que es mejor para nuestros hijos.

[Hector Maldonado Maldonado · Rating 4 out of 5]

Por su enfoque personal, con cuatro hijos de experiencia, me ha gustado mucho. Le da sentido a muchas ideas.

[César Alejandro Hernández Delgadillo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Buen libro. Me gustó cómo expone los preceptos de los expertos y defensores de la permisividad y cómo los confronta. No me gustó que en ratos cita demasiado la biblia (para mi gusto).

[Ded · Rating 1 out of 5]

What a vile disgusting woman.
No wonder her daughter turned out to be a man hating degenerate.

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author has a lot of great points in this book against pushoever parenting. I didn't agree with everything she said, but I especially enjoyed how she focused on a religious aspect of parenting and what we are really trying to accomplish as parents. While reading a different parenting book about teaching children to problem solve, I had thought that they also needed to teach the example child right from wrong, because he was coming up with lots of different solutions to his problem as part of the problem solving method, but all the solutions were bad solutions. I think discipline (teaching children) goes hand in hand with why we want them to behave in a certain way. When I interviewed to become a teacher, the principal asked me why we discipline children, and my answer, so they can learn, was the reason I got the job. Apparently none of the other teachers interviewed knew why we need discipline in the classroom. I have to disagree with the author about why children do bad things sometimes, she thought origional sin, whereas I'd call it battling the natural man and temptation. She was also very negative about the parenting culture and tried to refute some of the popular sayings of the parenting culture. Here she also lost me a little because I do agree with a lot of parenting culture and I felt that she was trying to make the same point, but she used different words to say what I felt was the same thing. It is interesting how using different words can change the way a person understands something.

[Michelle Llewellyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reading this latest article by the author http://www.deseretnews.com/article/76...
I decided to check out the parenting book she wrote. I'd read this before and forgotten all about it. Written just after her divorce, I admire her courage to stick up for traditional Christian values such as abstinence before marriage and always having your child's best interest at heart meaning parents should be more concerned about the state of the child's heart not their own egos. I also loved that she was constantly asking the reader "Is this the kind of child you want your son/daughter to marry?"
Now that so many years have passed and she's met another man I'd be interested in learning how her own children are turning out especially in regards to the dating article published last month.
I'm convinced the out-of-control parenting is the result of so many cohabiting couples feeling so guilty for having their children out of wedlock they'll do anything to remove the guilt they feel by indulging the children.

[Maru Gómez · Rating 5 out of 5]

La conducta de los pequeños refleja lo que hay en sus corazones. La mayor tarea de los papás es recuperar ese corazón, o mejor dicho, no perder de vista el corazón de los hijos. Si solo tratamos el comportamiento y no el corazón ¿Qué aprenden los niños?

El mundo no quiere a nuestros hijos como nosotros, por ello debemos ayudarlos a rescatarse de la manera de pensar del mundo entero con reglas y excepciones que hay en casa. Quizá los corazones de los hijos no son puestos a prueba constantemente, pero llegado el momento, sus caracteres se hacen del control del que han sido moldeados.

Esta es una labor a largo plazo. Continuamente habrá maneras de llegar al corazón de los hijos y podemos replantear el camino, hacer cambios y buscar nuevas estrategias, con el propósito de formar, para bien, su corazón.

Dejando a un lado la obsesión por la perfección podremos disfrutar el educar a nuestros hijos, teniendo en cuenta que la meta más importante es preparar esos corazones para alcanzar el cielo.

[Brooke · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hart has a firecracker personality and writing style that can truly inspire. If you're looking for a parenting book that has more bite and soul than the Love and Logic books (but which has several commonalities, however subtle), then read this book. Do be prepared for the author's bold criticism of mainstream parenting culture, though she criticizes her parenting journey plenty, too. It's surely meant to catch your attention and make you feel uncomfortable, but it's also meant to comfort, encourage and, yes, inspire parents to have more meaningful relationships with their children.

[Michelle Beginandendwithbooks · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was written in 2005, but the ideas are still relevant. Most of the book challenges the advice of modern parenting experts as being overly sensitive towards kids and treating children's feelings too delicately. The main message is for parents to follow their instincts and to have the confidence to pick and choose what to take away from parenting experts. We shouldn't live in fear of scarring our children for life if we don't cater to all of their whims and treat them like delicate flowers.

[Kathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's all about limits and being willing to enforce those limits. So many parents want their children to have the biggest and best of all things and all experiences. But this book challenges parents to be the parents, not the best friends of their child and the provider of all their wants. My heart sits well with this advice.

[Danita · Rating 4 out of 5]

It Takes a Parent: How the Culture of Pushover Parenting is Hurting Our Kids--and What to Do About It. "Question the Experts, Trust Your Instincts, and Dare to Parent--in a Culture That Tells You Not To" Excellent book!

[Cindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked the common sense logic to her take on parenting. And how we need to question the so called experts when it comes to raising our kids, even questioning her expertise! It made me feel empowered to raise my children the way I think I need to, with love and with authority.

[Marika Gillis · Rating 4 out of 5]

I agreed with much of what I read in this helpful parenting manual. I think there were a lot of stories and anecdotes that reaffirmed my own feelings about parenting. Reminds me that I should read more parenting books and spend more time considering the advice and mindfully using it.

[Erika · Rating 5 out of 5]

finally some no-nonsense ideas on parenting! Not everyone will agree with the author, but so many of her ideas hit just right for me. Her thoughts on parenting are really liberating. I am now on a mission for my children's hearts!!

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am not one for reading a lot of parenting books and that's why I liked this book. It is a bit repetetive.

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

a little too conservative for my tastes.