What do you think?
Rate this book
Still: A Collection of Honest Artwork and Writings from the Heart of a Grieving Mother
When Stephanie Cole's daughter died of unknown causes one week after her due date, it shook her to her very core and set her on a journey into the depths of grief. Stephanie faced her loss head-on, using creative expression as a tool to navigate her way through the intensity of her emotions, and allowing herself to grieve honestly and on her own terms. In her new book, a collection of honest artwork and writings from the heart of a grieving mother , Stephanie invites us in for an intimate look at that first dark year without her daughter.
Stephanie has always had a love of writing, but never really considered becoming an author. Even as Still was being created, she didn't feel as though she was writing a book. Stephanie explains, "I write as a way to release all of the overwhelming emotions of grief from my body. Before Still. was a book it was my journal, my canvas. It was a way for me to express the unspeakable." Stephanie felt compelled to publish this very personal account in the hope that it will help break the silence of stillbirth. She wants to give other bereaved parents something they can relate to, to help them feel less alone in their despair. She also wants to offer a deeper understanding to those who haven't experienced such a loss so that they will be better able to support those who have. "There is such a stigma attached to stillbirth, nobody wants to talk about it, but this is a story that needs to be told. Nobody should have to suffer in silence. I want to begin a conversation that will ultimately allow other bereaved mothers to feel confident in speaking about the full truth of their motherhood."
Stephanie finds strength and motivation in the courageous women that came before her, who refused to accept the status quo of "put this out of your mind, go home and try again." She credits Sherokee Ilse, Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, Kara L.C. Jones, Laura Seftel and Elisabeth Kubler-Ross as inspirations, saying that through their work they "reached into the ocean of my loss and pulled me aboard their little lifeboat." Stephanie is honored to now be in a position to pull others on board as well.
Learn more about Stephanie and the work that she is doing at sweetpeaproject.org.
Stephanie has always had a love of writing, but never really considered becoming an author. Even as Still was being created, she didn't feel as though she was writing a book. Stephanie explains, "I write as a way to release all of the overwhelming emotions of grief from my body. Before Still. was a book it was my journal, my canvas. It was a way for me to express the unspeakable." Stephanie felt compelled to publish this very personal account in the hope that it will help break the silence of stillbirth. She wants to give other bereaved parents something they can relate to, to help them feel less alone in their despair. She also wants to offer a deeper understanding to those who haven't experienced such a loss so that they will be better able to support those who have. "There is such a stigma attached to stillbirth, nobody wants to talk about it, but this is a story that needs to be told. Nobody should have to suffer in silence. I want to begin a conversation that will ultimately allow other bereaved mothers to feel confident in speaking about the full truth of their motherhood."
Stephanie finds strength and motivation in the courageous women that came before her, who refused to accept the status quo of "put this out of your mind, go home and try again." She credits Sherokee Ilse, Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, Kara L.C. Jones, Laura Seftel and Elisabeth Kubler-Ross as inspirations, saying that through their work they "reached into the ocean of my loss and pulled me aboard their little lifeboat." Stephanie is honored to now be in a position to pull others on board as well.
Learn more about Stephanie and the work that she is doing at sweetpeaproject.org.
70 pages, Paperback
First published June 7, 2010
5 people are currently reading
68 people want to read
About the author
Stephanie Paige Cole
2 books5 followersStephanie Paige Cole has been writing ever since she learned how to spell, but never as ferociously as after the death of her firstborn child in January 2007. Born in New York City, Stephanie now resides among the farms of Lancaster County, Pennsylvania with her husband and their three sweet sons. She works at an art gallery as a writer and occasionally exhibits her own paintings, sculptures and photography. Stephanie is the author of Still: a collection of honest artwork & writings from the heart of a grieving mother (www.sweetpeaproject.org/book) and to linger on hot coals: collected poetic works from grieving women writers (www.tolingeronhotcoals.com). Additionally, she is the founder of Sweet Pea Project, a nonprofit organization that offers comfort, support and gentle guidance to families who have experienced the death of a baby. (www.sweetpeaproject.org)
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
December 8, 2011
This book came in a bereavement bag from the hospital created by a mother who had had a stillbirth. It's short, but reading almost any other story helps me. It has journal entries from the first year after the death of her daughter, which show the path of grief a little. I wish this was expanded and included other families' experiences too. I can't imagine how I would cope if I didn't already have a child. Most of the books and blogs I've been reading have had firstborn stillbirths. My heart breaks for them.
September 23, 2011
Such a great book for anyone who has a lost a baby, or those wanting to understand what a mommy goes through after such a loss. It's a small book and quick read. One of my favorites I've read on the topic. I would recommend it to anyone wanting a little more understanding. Sad but heartfelt and oh so true. Great book and great real raw words!
January 21, 2014
It is beyond words to explain the darkness that surrounds your entire world when you lose a baby. You hide in that darkness thinking that is the only place to stay close to what you lost - or at least that is how it felt for my husband and I. Stephanie's words, but more so her art gave a voice to that which I could not express. Thank you for helping me to find the light and accept the darkness.
March 24, 2013
So much of this book speaks for me. Our circumstances were similar: 41 weeks, first child, a daughter. I only wish it was a longer book.
January 27, 2019
I read this book after searching for something to cling to and relate to. I too find myself writing poems and letters to my son. I wish this book had been a little longer. Not enough people talk about stillbirths. I wish that more people would write about their experiences.
May 30, 2013
I cried all the way through Stephanie's book.
Stephanie wrote Still after her daughter died at birth as a way to cope with this horrific tragedy and give voice to others who have had similar experiences. Although I have not had the same experience, having had a daughter die of SIDS at five weeks old, I related to so many of the emotional reactions and observations Stephanie shares. Containing journal entries, poems, and art, and more, Stephanie hits you with an emotional one-two punch. On the one hand, reading about her experiences reminded me of my own trauma, which was cathartic in itself. On the other hand, what she has chosen to do with her experiences, both in sharing them and in her "Sweetpea Project," is inspirational.
Stephanie starts out with the death of her daughter and her initial reaction of shock. She knows while she is in labor that she will give birth to a child who isn't alive, an experience that is bittersweet in the extreme. Once Madeline is in her arms, she feels the same that any other mother feels, enamoured with her daughter and feeling the most intense joy she has ever felt. This moment is interrupted by the knowledge that her daughter is dead. Stephanie realizes she has given birth to an angel.
So many mothers of infants who die feel comfort in the belief that their children are angels, having briefly touched the lives around us, never knowing in their short life the pain and disappointment we feel in a longer life. However, Madeline is the purest example of this sort of angel. Stephanie recognizes the specialness of Maddie, who never knew anything but the warm and safe security of her womb.
In a series of journal entries, Stephanie chronicles her struggle to cope with her daughter's death. From trying to survive the weekly, monthly, anniversaries of Maddie's death and birth, all the way to Maddie's first birthday, Stephanie tries to make meaning out of her daughter's short life, trying to stop from falling into despair. Her heart is broken, but as she illustrates in her sculpture of a heart made up of shards of terra cotta flower pots, the heart can be pieced back together. Each moment of the book since Maddie's death is Stephanie's attempt to mend her broken heart. It will never be whole in the way it was before, but it can feel love and joy as it heals, jagged and mosaic.
Stephanie's book is short and intense--I read it in two nights, both times until dawn. Like I said, I cried throughout the book, recognizing myself, my grief, and my feelings towards my daughter. In fact, my late daughter's name is Madeleine, so every mention of Maddie was a lightning strike to my heart. So many times Stephanie named my pain, put into words aspects of my grief that I hadn't ever been able to. But, the differences in our experiences also helped me appreciate the time I had with my Maddy. Stephanie and Maddie never got to experience what I had with my daughter during those five weeks, and so her love of Maddie isn't dependent on a series of moments. It is based on the pure moment of bliss in a birth and the bonding a mother feels during pregnancy with her child. Stephanie's loss comes so much from the potential of mothering. As she pointed out, a parent doesn't just grieve the loss of their infant, but the child at 5, 10, 20, and every age in between and beyond. We miss out on the series of moments we take for granted as our god-given right in parenting. But as Stephanie's experience reveals, this potential is always fragile, nothing we can ever take for granted.
At the end of Stephanie's book, she explains the Sweetpea Project, which she created to help others cope with stillbirth. This is when I felt the power of Stephanie's capacity of acceptance. She turned incredible pain into creative action that gives comfort to so many parents of angels through donating her book Still to grieving mothers, groups and hospitals, and collecting blankets for these parents. She provides each parent of an angel the opportunity to be swaddled in a blanket that can be taken home after their child is taken away. One of my greatest treasures associated with Maddy is the blanket she was often swaddled in, and also died in; I spent many nights holding it tight, comforted by her baby scent of diaper rash ointment and breast milk.
Stephanie's short book is a grief journey that can inspire others to move through their pain and find ways to make meaning out of their child's death. It celebrates the pure love inherent in both the potential and actuality of mothering. Still is an intense evolution of despair and shock into acceptance and action, helping those grieving infant death to feel less alone.
Stephanie wrote Still after her daughter died at birth as a way to cope with this horrific tragedy and give voice to others who have had similar experiences. Although I have not had the same experience, having had a daughter die of SIDS at five weeks old, I related to so many of the emotional reactions and observations Stephanie shares. Containing journal entries, poems, and art, and more, Stephanie hits you with an emotional one-two punch. On the one hand, reading about her experiences reminded me of my own trauma, which was cathartic in itself. On the other hand, what she has chosen to do with her experiences, both in sharing them and in her "Sweetpea Project," is inspirational.
Stephanie starts out with the death of her daughter and her initial reaction of shock. She knows while she is in labor that she will give birth to a child who isn't alive, an experience that is bittersweet in the extreme. Once Madeline is in her arms, she feels the same that any other mother feels, enamoured with her daughter and feeling the most intense joy she has ever felt. This moment is interrupted by the knowledge that her daughter is dead. Stephanie realizes she has given birth to an angel.
So many mothers of infants who die feel comfort in the belief that their children are angels, having briefly touched the lives around us, never knowing in their short life the pain and disappointment we feel in a longer life. However, Madeline is the purest example of this sort of angel. Stephanie recognizes the specialness of Maddie, who never knew anything but the warm and safe security of her womb.
In a series of journal entries, Stephanie chronicles her struggle to cope with her daughter's death. From trying to survive the weekly, monthly, anniversaries of Maddie's death and birth, all the way to Maddie's first birthday, Stephanie tries to make meaning out of her daughter's short life, trying to stop from falling into despair. Her heart is broken, but as she illustrates in her sculpture of a heart made up of shards of terra cotta flower pots, the heart can be pieced back together. Each moment of the book since Maddie's death is Stephanie's attempt to mend her broken heart. It will never be whole in the way it was before, but it can feel love and joy as it heals, jagged and mosaic.
Stephanie's book is short and intense--I read it in two nights, both times until dawn. Like I said, I cried throughout the book, recognizing myself, my grief, and my feelings towards my daughter. In fact, my late daughter's name is Madeleine, so every mention of Maddie was a lightning strike to my heart. So many times Stephanie named my pain, put into words aspects of my grief that I hadn't ever been able to. But, the differences in our experiences also helped me appreciate the time I had with my Maddy. Stephanie and Maddie never got to experience what I had with my daughter during those five weeks, and so her love of Maddie isn't dependent on a series of moments. It is based on the pure moment of bliss in a birth and the bonding a mother feels during pregnancy with her child. Stephanie's loss comes so much from the potential of mothering. As she pointed out, a parent doesn't just grieve the loss of their infant, but the child at 5, 10, 20, and every age in between and beyond. We miss out on the series of moments we take for granted as our god-given right in parenting. But as Stephanie's experience reveals, this potential is always fragile, nothing we can ever take for granted.
At the end of Stephanie's book, she explains the Sweetpea Project, which she created to help others cope with stillbirth. This is when I felt the power of Stephanie's capacity of acceptance. She turned incredible pain into creative action that gives comfort to so many parents of angels through donating her book Still to grieving mothers, groups and hospitals, and collecting blankets for these parents. She provides each parent of an angel the opportunity to be swaddled in a blanket that can be taken home after their child is taken away. One of my greatest treasures associated with Maddy is the blanket she was often swaddled in, and also died in; I spent many nights holding it tight, comforted by her baby scent of diaper rash ointment and breast milk.
Stephanie's short book is a grief journey that can inspire others to move through their pain and find ways to make meaning out of their child's death. It celebrates the pure love inherent in both the potential and actuality of mothering. Still is an intense evolution of despair and shock into acceptance and action, helping those grieving infant death to feel less alone.
August 1, 2015
Comforting
Nothing compares to hearing another mommy's story and how closely it mirrors your own. Though her story is similar and the grief looks the same, it's still unique to you. But knowing you are not alone on this journey is healing in and of itself. The raw truthful feelings of it all - pain, numbness, shock, despair and longing for your death, guilt, and the difficult journey of trying to find life again as a new you.
Nothing compares to hearing another mommy's story and how closely it mirrors your own. Though her story is similar and the grief looks the same, it's still unique to you. But knowing you are not alone on this journey is healing in and of itself. The raw truthful feelings of it all - pain, numbness, shock, despair and longing for your death, guilt, and the difficult journey of trying to find life again as a new you.
January 23, 2014
I searched and searched for something to relate to after the loss of our twins just prior to 23 weeks. Everything I found was for parents of children who had congenital anomalies. We knew our son and daughter were healthy and normal; the problem was with me.
This book spoke to my soul in a way nothing else did. I love that it is short as I didn't have much of an attention span int he months following their death. I also like that she touches on getting pregnant again, although wish she would have gone into more detail about her emotions and coping for the subsequent pregnancy. I would recommend this to anyone who knows someone who has experienced the loss of a baby.
This book spoke to my soul in a way nothing else did. I love that it is short as I didn't have much of an attention span int he months following their death. I also like that she touches on getting pregnant again, although wish she would have gone into more detail about her emotions and coping for the subsequent pregnancy. I would recommend this to anyone who knows someone who has experienced the loss of a baby.
November 8, 2014
It is so comforting to read the writings of other loss moms. To know I'm not alone. Everything Stephanie wrote about losing her daughter resonated with me as my loss of my son was quite similar. She inspired me to write, draw, paint, and be honest about my grief.
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews