Reluctant Pilgrim: A Moody, Somewhat Self-Indulgent Introvert's Search for Spiritual Community

by Enuma Okoro

If you sometimes feel lost on your spiritual journey, you'll find a trustworthy companion in Enuma Okoro, a purse shopping, tea-drinking, colon-cleansing, shaky follower of Jesus who just wants to find a godly man with good hair. But after her father's unexpected death, her grief seems to morph into the panicky feeling that God wants something more from her, like maybe becoming a nun. As she seeks to unravel those feelings, Enuma Okoro takes us back to the places that formed her, from her first years in church at a parish in Queens, New York, to years in West Africa where she collected crucifixes along with Ritchie Rich comic books, and her studies in Europe and the United States. Part Augustine, part Jane Austen with a side of Anne Lamott, Okoro attempts to reconcile her theological understanding of God's call to community with her painful and disappointing experiences of community in churches where she often felt unseen, pigeon-holed or out of place. At turns snarky and luminous, laugh-out loud funny and vulnerably poignant, Reluctant Pilgrim is the no-holds barred account of a woman who prays to savor God s goodness and never be satisfied; a daring, insightful and deeply moving field guide for the curious, the confused and the convicted.

Genres: Memoir, Spirituality, Nonfiction, Religion, Theology, Christianity, Biography Memoir

181 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2010

About the author

My love of God and my love of the arts seem to have begun simultaneously. I can not remember which awed me first. By age eight I was both an avid collector of crucifix pendants and a writer of poems. Thankfully those first poems are lost somewhere on the African continent.

Fast forward years later through stints in English boarding school, pew-warming in Anglican, Lutheran, Methodist, and Presbyterian Churches, study in Bolivia, seemingly endless nights sleeping on a Kenyan animal reserve, annual mission trips guiding college kids through Central America, and now, settled life in quiet North Carolina, I am still in love with God and with the arts.

After having spent the a few years serving as the Director of the Center for Theological Writing at Duke University Divinity School I left to pursue my love of writing and teaching through retreats and workshops. My forthcoming spiritual memoir, Reluctant Pilgrim, will be available October 2010 by the Fresh Air Books, an imprint of the UpperRoom Publishers. Available in December 2010 is a much anticipated resource I am excited to have been a part of: Common Prayerbook co-authored with Shane Claiborne and Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove will be published through Zondervan."

Reviews

[Alice · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a preface to this review, I need to explain why I read books about religion: because I'm not religious, I really wonder why other people are, and what it is about religion that attracts so many people from so many cultures. Plus, as a cultural study, I'm interested in how people's religious beliefs impacts their view of the world and their actions.

Now, on to the book itself: the author states that she never once has questioned her belief in God and Jesus. So, she's completely, 100% Christian, but this book follows her internal journey over the years of trying to find out what kind of Christian she is. This is in both the philosophical sense and the denominational sense. By the end of the book I think she finds peace and acceptance, but along the way God only seems to make her life worse. She feel guilty because she really, really doesn't want to help poor people or give up her materialism; she periodically believes God is calling her to make major life changes (be a nun, quit her job, remain forever single) that she doesn't want to do and scare her half to death; she gets mad because God never answers her prayers, then guilty that she's too shallow to just accept it. Her God seems to be very demanding, and not very giving. Throughout she avoids taking full responsibility for her own life and her own choices, because she keeps waiting for God to reveal his plan for her.

So, overall I appreciate the author's candor in talking about her doubts and neuroses, and for implying (not exactly stated exactly this way) that someone can be a good Christian without being a really good person; it's an aspect of religious belief that's not often acknowledged.

[April · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book snuck up on me and packed a very powerful punch. It was slow-going at first. I sensed resistance within myself to reading it because Ms. Okoro in her staunch introversion reminded me all too clearly of the flaws I see daily in my introverted self: at the outset it was indulgent, self-absorbed, self-pitying and whiny. Okoro captures the loneliness and estrangement of never quite "fitting in" anywhere, yet admirably seeks out Christian community despite her strong inclinations to avoid it altogether.

Okoro is up-front about her doubts and misgivings about God, and her struggle with perceiving following Christ as all suffering and all self-denial and little to no reward. I can relate to that. And yet, as she draws near to other strong female Christians, there's a shift in tone as together, Okoro and these women discover the power of hope in the midst of their (sometimes intensely) troubled and challenging lives.

Okoro brings the heart. Her candor and vulnerability make this memoir an undoubtedly satisfying read, and will leave you wondering and questioning--in the best of ways.

[ByTheFire · Rating 4 out of 5]

really liked this book, which i read on a flight from Dallas to LAX. It made me cry and also laugh out loud so the man sitting next to me was oddly reassured that all womenofacertainage are fruit loops. But the flight attendant keep giving me Kleenex and snagged two cookies from First Class for me so I am dedicating this review to her.

So many insights in this book. Hard to pick a favorite and my lunch hour is only 30 minutes so I will type just one memorable (and long quote)

"The cost of traveling with the Divine is enduring lifelong ceremonies of minideaths of self. No matter how rich and vibrant the journey with God, the death of self is difficult and painful. If you're taking the Christian invitation seriously, these little death can and should happen in all areas of your life because the love of Christ seeks to invade all areas of your life." ~Enuma Okoro


Well, it took up more space in my journal. But this in and of itself is a metaphor for our Christian life: sometimes the journey we think will be so arduous turns out, in retrospective completion, to not take as much time and space as we envisioned.

Perhaps the only vision we can rely on is His vision of us and for us.

[Juli · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading Okoro's Reluctant Pilgrim was like being with an old friend. It was inspiring, refreshing, and life-giving. She writes in an honest, unpretentious manner that invites the reader into her life and story. With courage, hope, and the ability to find beauty in the midst of the everyday, Okoro challenged me to pay attention to where God is at work in and around me. I laughed out loud, cried along with her, and found myself longing to deepen relationships with those sacred friends in my own life. I can't tell you how often I found myself saying "me too" in response to her thoughts and experiences. Reluctant Pilgrim reminded me that I am not alone in this sacred journey.

[Tomi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kind of knew I'd enjoy this from the book title and I'm glad it didn't disappoint. Refreshing, funny, smart and brutally honest account of a woman's search for spiritual identity and a sense of belonging. She doesn't shy away from the tough (sometimes silly) questions we have about faith, the purpose of the church and the inner struggles we're so often tempted to keep buried beneath a facade of having it all together. Yet, underlining the witty, unconventional and ironically 'self-indulgent' account is an awareness of God's unfailing grace; the realisation that it's ok to not have all the answers...cool read.

[Bob · Rating 5 out of 5]

this is a book that needed to be written so that i could read it. I feel like at least 75% of our spiritual journeys overlap. and I've never read anything in this genre that mirrored my own experiences so fully. she is apparently a contempory of shane clairborn whose books i also love. and now i have to go find the book they wrote together. anyway, i have been at a place in my heart where i don't know how god fits into my life, and this book helped me to get to a place where i can examine that feeling and possibly move forward. thank you for sharing your story!

[Camille · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall, I enjoyed this book. I admit it started out a bit slowly and a bit...annoying perhaps even though I related to much of what the author described. Perhaps that's why it felt slightly annoying - because I already understood much of the author's feelings towards Christian life and community. However, the second half sees a real shift in tone and outlook that clearly marks a period of growth and development for the author. I haven't read a memoir in a long time and this was a good re-entry to the genre.

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were some beautiful nuggets in this book, like 'And when I take my daily walk, I feel a little put back together at the end of it', but overall this was not on par with the other writing I've read by this author.

[Piepie | The Napping Bibliophile · Rating 4 out of 5]

I seem to think that I knew Enuma Okoro long ago and she has gotten inside my head! I love her writing and know exactly what she is talking about... the struggle to find a good church, the ongoing balancing act of pursuing a relationship with Jesus Christ, and the battle to get out of the box that I've placed myself in to find a sense of community. Yes, yes, yes - I'm saying after so many lines that she's written. Enuma is blatantly honest and unashamed and like a little child as she seeks God. I love it. Like her, I've always enjoyed taking Communion and the intimate feeling that it presents to me. I currently do not attend church - for several reasons - and I know exactly where Enuma is coming from. Parts of her book read like a diary - her "journal" - as she talks about her family, more specifically the death of her father, and that makes Enuma all the more real to me as she bares her personal self and lays exactly who she is out there for us all to read. It's brave. It's on the cutting edge. It's something I probably could never do. But my faith is challenged, my relationship with God is challenged, and I love this book for doing this to me.

[Erin Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

So far, Okoro's thoughts and feelings towards church and God are resonate -- I jive with her tone and words. I wasn't raised Catholic, so her exquisite imagery of the Mass draws the reader in to sit right beside her. Yet having been raised evangelical, I find I'm having the same paths of seeking and questioning that Okoro does.

If anyone is seeking acceptance, truth, love and the straight up goods (or any mixture thereof therein), the stories here will capture your attention even as you wish for peace for Okoro and yourself.

[Scott · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think Okoro is someone I could be friends with and would probably enjoy hours of conversation with her. The book is a very conversational and honest expression of her journey back to being in a church community. I could relate to her in a lot of ways, but it didn't do much for me with regard to challenging me to think differently about something or providing me with some "aha!" inspiration. Reading it felt more like reading a private journal. I'd rather just talk to her over a couple of beers.

[Caryn Rivadeneira · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book. Enuma's got the gift of bringing friendliness and approachability together with beauty in her writing. I appreciated that as Enuma took us through her spiritual journey she never disparaged any other faith traditions or approaches--even when she didn't agree with them or feel at home among their style. In a vast world of spiritual memoirs, this one stands apart in its freshness and focus. And spunk. I need to note that Upper Room Reviews provided me with a copy of this book.

[Karen Christensen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was told this was like a cross between "Eat, Pray, Love," and Anne Lamott. I would agree with that...the beginning was very whiny (like Eat, Pray, Love) and I did not care for it at all. However, as the book goes on, it becomes more like an Anne Lamott....spiritual insights drawn from the ups and downs of life, told in a humorous and engaging fashion.

[Trish Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gorgeous writing. I appreciate the lens through which she looks at the world around her. This book is like a cathartic coffee meeting with a friend who knows you really well. (I kept it on my nightstand for two weeks after reading the last page, just because looking at it made me happy).

[Leanne Rhodes · Rating 4 out of 5]

An honest account

This book/memoir is a painfully honest account of what it takes to follow God with all your heart, mind and soul with the others we call the church throughs the highs and the all consuming lows we call life.

[Benjamin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jenny and I read this to each other on our trip to Nebraska for Thanksgiving. It was a delight to spend time with Enuma's writing and to feel camaraderie with another introvert.

[Tessa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really appreciate Okoro's honesty and authenticity. I think this is a helpful companion for many who are longing for spiritual community and yet conflicted about the institutional church.

[Brian Wilcox · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author shares her longing and search for spiritual community, meaning a Christian church. As a child, Okoro was raised in Catholicism. In young adulthood she finds her spiritual home, an evangelical Christian church, United Methodist.

While Okoro writes from a conservative Christian worldview, her book invites us, regardless of our spiritual orientation, or lack of, to be honest about our need for spiritual connection with others, as well as how we my resist such a belonging. She calls us to be honest about our need to belong, for our nature is to belong, to find who we most truly are among others on a like path.

While all but evangelical, conservative Christians would disagree much with Okoro's belief system, seeing it as simplistic, exclusive, and myopic, those of the worldview she writes from will find this an inspiring look in living the life Christians, as does the Christian Bible, refer to as in Christ.

The memoir can give insight into how who we are, psychologically, shapes us in our faith orientation, even shapes how one may image "God" or "community." While this is true, Okoro provides guidance in how religious aspirations and faith community can positively transform that self, if one is able, as Okoro speaks of this, to live into the story of that faith path. In Okoro's path this means, principally, living into the story of Jesus the Christ, as told in the Gospels of the Christian Bible, so becoming more Christlike.

Okoro speaks of the pain and difficulty of life much. In this, she gives insight into how she seems to see her life and life in general, regardless of her faith. Okoro appears to view her Christianity much through a self that appears unable but to see her life as mostly hardship. This maybe need not come as a surprise, when a book has Moody, Somewhat Self-Indulgent in the subtitle. This dark view would not be held by many Christians, but is often a trait of conservative Christianity, with its accent, for example, on the death of Jesus more than the resurrection of Christ, and the focus on the sinfulness of humans and the evils of this world.

Now, two matters of writing style. First, paragraphs and sentences are often long, and in need of punctuation. The work could benefit from a good editor. Second, Okoro often writes with humor, tongue-in-cheek, and, at times, it is unclear when she is doing this, when not. While appreciating the humor, a reader would like clarity on when one is to take something as a humorous embellishment or otherwise.

Once having been many years in evangelical Christianity and, also, a United Methodist clergyperson, I enjoyed this journey with Reluctant Pilprim and could relate to it, due to past personal experience. The work, though I am no longer in agreement with much of the teaching of such faith, I appreciated as story, and I appreciated an author willing to be honest and call us to be honest, thereby. Much that Okoro shares with us extends well beyond community as some might call spiritual or religious, and she invites us into the humanness we share beyond what we call faith, religion, or spirituality.

At times, I read a book and simply cannot feel empathy with the author. Here, I did feel a kinship with Okoro and, furthermore, her story. If you long for an honest sharing about longing for authentic connection, you may find here an inspiration in your search, regardless of the path by which you search.

[Linda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Decent self-exploration tour - the author warned us about the destination (all over the place) by the title. Found some more depth than expected, a little more reflective thinking than an average Christian millennial read, but too modern angsty to re-read. Certainly not on par with The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment, or the Great Divorce, or even an Elisabeth Elliot diatribe about self-sacrifice.

[Alana · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's always interesting to read about other people's spiritual journeys. While I may not agree with all of Okoro's conclusions, I love the openness of her doubts and processing of her adventures and sorrows. We're all just learning this thing called life as we go along anyway; we're just not all as willing to share what we really think about it! I highlighted several of her insights and will ponder them in future. Definitely worth the read.

[Christiana Omelazu · Rating 4 out of 5]

Vulnerably honest, evoking snorty laughter.
Unputdownable, quite literally.

I finished the book with a (re)newed sense of awe for the body and blood of Jesus, and for the baptism.

Ms. Enuma is such a great writer. 💕

[Pat Roseman · Rating 4 out of 5]

pg. 22 - "My spiritual story is going to be about how faith can be scarring and yet beautiful all at once. It's going to be about me finding bits and pieces of God's grace the more I realized just how unlike Jesus I actually am. It's going to be about my rocky on-again, mostly off-again love affair with the idea of church, and the painful process of learning that community and church are not always synonymous."

pg. 102 - "I was profoundly aware of God's presence with me, telling me to be patient and to recognize his presence. I sensed that God had not in fact forgotten me or abandoned me; rather, he was growing me, transforming me, and preparing me for a new chapter of my life. But I had to find the courage to let go of certain things in my life and to accept the call to move forward, to embrace a new part of me yet to be discovered, and to learn the things of which I was capable."

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unlike Okoro, I love the community aspect of church. I love small-group Bible study, worship, any opportunity to learn from fellow believers. However, her reflections on being introverted helped me realize I need to spend more quiet time with God. She also gave me some ideas on how to do so.

Okoro is very funny, and I found her very easy to relate to. Although we come from very different cultural backgrounds, we are the same age and have shared some Generation X experiences and cultural references. It was refreshing to read that she, too, likes to keep track of pop culture without losing sight of Jesus.

I also value this book because it illustrates that Christians aren't perfect. We struggle, we sin, we wrestle with God's word. But its reminder of God's loving grace makes it highly recommended for folks on the walk with Jesus.

[Stacey · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don't really connect with the writer as much. I did get her introverted side which I can relate somewhat. However, there are some learning from experiences and from others that she have gotten that I also learned something new on each encounter. However, this book will be good for those new believers to read about a not-so-perfect Christian and how she navigates her life journey, her relationships and finding a home church to belong. She did finally found a church where she could explore what kind of spiritual gifts she has and how to use them to serve the church. I wished she got into them more. I kept hearing her whining that she doesn't fit the typical Christian character that enjoy serving others and looking out for widows, orphans and the oppressed. She did touch a tad bit on using her writing skills to serve her home church.

[Erin · Rating 2 out of 5]

So far she's a bit irritating. She's repeatedly mentioned that she went to seminary but the way she seems to approach faith belies that completely. At the end of the day her attitude is one of total self centered selfishness - she seems to want the Church to fit in her box and do what's necessary for her to feel comfortable without any obligations on her part. Luckily, she acknowledged this on page 59 so I'll keep reading for now.

UPDATE: I didn't love this by any means. However, taken as a whole, it's not super horrible. I still wouldn't recommend it but there was some progression in her thought process and, towards the end, an acknowledgement of her self-centered approach.

[Sue · Rating 3 out of 5]

First of all, to save time, re-read the subtitle above. THAT is exactly what this book is about, and though I liked it, I do think it would appeal only to a particular kind of audience. Okara does a lot of religious (Christian) and spiritual naval-gazing, and I would recommend this book strictly for those of like mind and temperament.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really wanted to give this 3.5 stars, but I rounded up (which is a good thing, because I could have rounded down). The author's perspective on Christian sacraments, liturgy, and faith were often very different from my own but gave me a lot to think about. I appreciated her honesty and her willingness to talk about her own shortcomings and growth in her spiritual journey.

[Jenn]

I didn't finish this book, so I can't rate. I got about 20 pages in, and the author annoyed me so much that I stopped. I am sure she had some great things to say, but I just couldn't go another further.

[Tracy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Feel free to skip over parts 1 and 2. It is random writing with no logical thought processing. Part 3 is good - you finally see growth in Enuma and it's much better written. Will I read it again? Never.

[Victoria Gaile · Rating 5 out of 5]

Theology, memoir, devotional, personal growth, life lessons, scriptural reflections - I've never read a book quite like this and I loved it.

Pilgrimage is the word. Ms. Okoro tells us the story of her spiritual pilgrimage, allowing us to accompany her along the way.