Where to begin?
I've been devouring a lot of YA fiction lately, especially that of the supernatural kind and, honestly, I'm running out of avenues. I'd been putting off the Blue Bloods novels because they just didn't interest me. Well, today I was bored so I picked this little gem up from the library. It passed a few hours' worth of my time. Was it worth it? Well, I got some laughs.
The book opens with a massive cliche. Which I suppose should have warned me and put me off reading the rest of it, but I like to finish what I begin and, like I said, I was bored. Our main protagonist is Schuyler Van Alan. Tiny, black hair, blue eyes, absolutely gorgeous but, of course, completely unaware of it. She dresses like a bag lady. Well, more like a very lucky bag lady who ransacks the trash bins of wealthy socialites and has revolving credit at fancy consignment shops.
She has only one friend (of course), a boy named Oliver who is (of course) in love with her, while she is (of course) completely unaware of how he feels about her. Next cliche.
Everyone else at her prestigious private school ignores her. Of course.
UNTIL...
Until one night when she's out with Oliver and she sees the ever-popular and completely gorgeous Jack Force. He flirts with her and she's completely confused by his sudden attention to her.
So you would think this eventually goes somewhere. Not really. Jack and Schuyler DO share a couple of scenes together, but nothing all that great. They kiss once, but even that has a very strange vibe, like it just shouldn't be happening. Probably because there isn't a whole lot of build up. They don't manage to kiss for long, either, because they're interrupted by Jack's twin sister, Mimi.
The Jack and Mimi storyline is where things started to get creepy and make less and less sense.
Jack's and Mimi's "relationship" is very quickly revealed to be more than what the average brother and sister share. Creep factor through the roof at this point. I mean, I guessed right away that it was some kind of reincarnation thing, but EWW. Come on.
And Mimi's a total bitch, but not even in a believable way. I got the feeling I was supposed to really hate her, but I couldn't. There just wasn't enough there.
Schuyler has no parents. Her dad is dead, her mom's been in a coma since she was a baby, and she's been neglectfully supervised by her "grandmother" Cordelia. Cordelia is a throw-away character. She exists within the book merely for the sole purpose of providing a quick source of information for Schuyler, then she's killed off. Let's just call her Tissue from now on. Schuyler blew her nose on her and her literary mission was accomplished.
So I trudged through the first half or so of this book wondering why in the hell I was still reading since all I kept hearing about was how rich these people are and the kinds of clothes they wear, the hotels they stay in, the food they eat, etc. But then I got to the good stuff.
Wait for it....
The "Blue Bloods" are nothing more than a group of 400 fallen angels whose punishment for betraying God was being condemned to live their immortal lives on earth until they've reached a zen-like state of contrition. At least, that's their mission; to be allowed back into the "garden" after paying penance for their misbehavior. So they don't kill humans. Not at all, in fact, they try to help us! Did you know that all the beautiful and the humanitarian things in New York City are all thanks to rich angel space vampires?
Anyway, they're reincarnated and, at the age of 15, start undergoing their "transformation" to vampire. Okay.
So yeah, Jack and Mimi? They're "blood bound". Apparently this is some freaky BS wherein two souls are born as twins, but then, through a transition, one twin would assume the role of spouse. This was to preserve the family's fortune. A whole new twist on "keepin' it in the family". Anyone else feel like vomiting?
Intellectually, reading this book is akin to flipping through a toddler's board book. Not a whole lot going on. De La Cruz attempted to weave in some historical references by tying the whole Roanoke settlement mystery into the angel vampires' story, but she apparently expects that none of her readers have ever heard of it before. None of the teen characters in the book have. We're supposed to believe that these kids are attending this super exclusive private school and NONE of them have ever heard of Roanoke or Croatoan? Sure, she tries to tie that up nicely by claiming The Committee (head honcho angel vampires) have altered the memories of their own so they don't remember Roanoke, but these kids do not exist in a vacuum; they would have heard the story eventually and remembered it, ESPECIALLY since they're HUNDREDS OF YEARS OLD AND GET THE SAME MEMORIES BACK WITH EVERY INCARNATION.
*Sigh*
Anyway, Schuyler is a vampire, but she isn't part of the in-crowd because she's half human. She's the product of her mother (an angel vampire) mating with a human. She's a "new soul", not a reincarnated one, and she's super rare. Okay. Also, her mother, Allegra, is the archangel Gabriel (simple explanation, but just don't ask). Gabriel/Gabrielle/Allegra is supposedly the strongest of the angel vampires, but she's in a coma because she swore off of human familiars (blood bags) after her husband (Schuyler's father) died. Gabriel and the archangel Michael (who turns out to be Charles Force, Jack and Mimi's "dad) were not condemned to the life of the angel vampires because of misbehavior, they chose to go with them to help lead them. So they were both "pure-of-heart".
Well, we find out from the human Tissue that Schuyler is amazingly powerful because of who her mother is, and then Schuyler is told (again, by the Tissue) that, according to angel vampire prophecies, the daughter of Gabrielle will "lead them to the salvation they seek".
Okay, so that means that Allegra, Ms. Pure-of-heart leader, super angel vampire woman.....has CHOSEN to stop feeding and slipped into a coma, leaving behind a super powerful, probably very important child who will need guidance....? Right?
Yes, let me try and untangle this; Schuyler is important. She's not a reincarnated angel, true....BUT she's the BIOLOGICAL CHILD of an archangel, powerful and IMPORTANT. Annnd...she's been abandoned by her mom and scorned by her angel vampire peers.
These angel vampires have about as much sense as a moldy sack of rusty hammers. But what else would you expect from New York City's elite?
The characters are two-dimensional and boring. The plot? On the surface it's just plain silly, but when you dig deeper it's inconsistent and completely nonsensical and looks a lot like swiss cheese with all the holes riddled throughout. This book really is the literary equivalent of a socialite; boring, vapid, shallow, narcissistic, and transparent. I can put up with a lot from supernatural YA because I don't ask much. This book, however, asked me to suspend WAY too much of my intellect while not even having the common courtesy of providing any real entertainment.
I know this review is all-over-the-place, but I really don't have the energy to try and rearrange everything so it makes more sense. Kinda like the book I'm reviewing.