The Courage to Be a Stepmom: Finding Your Place Without Losing Yourself

by Sue Patton Thoele

"Sue Patton Thoele, popular aiuthor, psychotherapist, mother and stepmother, navigates the emotional labyrinth of ""stepmothering"" -- offering hands-on advice and practical skills for women who want not only to be good stepmothers but also to take good care of themselves. Thoele has been a licensed psychotherapist since 1974 and a stepmother for more than twenty-five years. She offers women more than the standard nuts-and-bolts advice; she offers women in transitional families fresh ideas and emotional support as they confront the complex demands of the stepmother role."

Genres: Parenting

320 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1999

Reviews

[Brenda · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is some good info in here. It includes real-life examples, which is something I usually appreciate. While some people may find this book extremely useful, I only found it mildly useful.

The author used a term in this book that I really like and may incorporate in my life: "Heart Mother and heart child" vs. Stepmother and stepchild. (And given the origins of "step," Heart mother sounds and feels a lot better!)

[Diane Ingram Fromme · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thoele reaches stepmoms with a tender yet quietly authoritative voice, from someone who has been there. I enjoyed the wonderful stories, and the counsel when I didn't know what else to do or say to help myself and my stepkids.

[Bad Penny · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was pretty good, but there was too much "God" stuff in it for my taste.

[Isa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I’d read this book when my step parenting journey began. It’s changed my world.

[Leslie · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Subtitle (Finding your place without losing yourself) is an accurate description of what the book is about. When I first started looking into the literature out there about blended families, I became quickly discouraged because much of it was negative and discouraging. In fact I would encourage anyone looking for a book about this topic to do a little research and read a few reader reviews before choosing the book lest you find yourself reading something not right for you.

This book had some great reviews and from the beginning I felt encouraged rather than discouraged. The author gives some great and practical advice gleaned from both her own experience and from numerous interviews with other women who had experienced the myriad joys and pains of stepmotherhood. Two points that stand out in my memory most are the importance of focusing on your relationship with your husband (This relationship will remain once the kids have grown up and moved out.) and the importance of being true to yourself, knowing your own strengths, weaknesses, and limits. Basically the importance of learning to give yourself a break, take things slowly, and not be too hard on yourself when things don't go perfectly (something I am still learning how to do).

While I did not always agree with every word and found that some of the advice and scenarios did not apply to my particular situation, I found it to be a helpful way to begin my journey into stepmotherhood and will return to it in the future to peruse the pages filled with my highlighting of those valuable pieces of advice and encouragement I found while reading.

I would recommend this book to any woman who has chosen to be a part of a blended family whether she has her own children already or not.

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the best book on being a stepmom that I've read. It's not the typical advice, it has much more to offer. It's unflinchingly honest and would be incredibly helpful for stepmoms who are struggling with their stepkids, or the guilt of thinking they have no idea what they are doing or even aren't liking their stepkids. I would imagine it would be reassuring to every stepmom out there in some way.

[Sarah · Rating 1 out of 5]

Kind of ridiculous. The author loves unnecessary alliteration and "quips," and it gets irritating. However, the book is much more encouraging than other "stepmother" books I have read. It is realistic, but doesn't make me want to run screaming in the opposite direction.

[❈ Rebekah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book! I bought this while we were fighting custody in 2008. I did a book report on this one for the court. I recommend this book for any stepmohter

[Becki]

Skimmed a lot of it\nRepition from other books I've read\nVery new age-y stuff about getting in touch with your inner child blah blah.