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Now What Do I Do?: The Surprising Solution When Things Go Wrong
Now What Do I Do? The Guaranteed Solution When Things Go Wrong---by the bestselling author of Boundaries, Dr. John Townsend---is a quick-read book that will help you tap into the power of seven key principles to solve everything from crises that explode without warning to chronic issues that have lingered for years.
- GenresSelf HelpPsychology
ebook
First published April 20, 2010
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99 people want to read
About the author
John Townsend
472 books263 followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.
Dr. John Townsend is a psychologist, popular speaker, co-host of the nationally broadcast New Life Live! radio program, and a cofounder of the Cloud-Townsend Clinic and Cloud-Townsend Resources. He has written or co-written twenty-seven books, including the bestselling Boundaries, Safe People, and Hiding from Love. He and his wife, Barbi, live in southern California. They have two grown sons.
Dr. John Townsend is a psychologist, popular speaker, co-host of the nationally broadcast New Life Live! radio program, and a cofounder of the Cloud-Townsend Clinic and Cloud-Townsend Resources. He has written or co-written twenty-seven books, including the bestselling Boundaries, Safe People, and Hiding from Love. He and his wife, Barbi, live in southern California. They have two grown sons.
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
January 28, 2019
Quick read. Had in my drawer for several years after someone recommended. Basic philosophy of identifying your emotions when faced with life’s challenges.
August 18, 2018
“The Surprising Solution When Things Go Wrong” - a practical little book, rich with Biblical wisdom and a step-by-step approach to address the events that come into all of our lives - problems. The author begins by defining the term: “a situation in which I want to move from a present state to a desired state, but encounter an obstacle.” After describing what he calls as “the problem in having a problem,” including identifying the maladaptive ways we can approach such situations (learned helplessness, feeling overwhelm, the last straw, powering through, overanalyzing, avoidance, cries for rescue, blame), Dr. Townsend presents a seven step process for problem solving, drawing examples throughout from his work as a psychologist and a business coach. Here they are:
1. Feel what you feel. Feelings can and should be a help, not a hindrance. His most powerful insight on this step is that your feelings should serve you, not master you - they can give information, direct you to supportive people, and energize you if you don’t ignore them. This chapter gives practical advice on getting the most out of own’s emotions - add them to your vocabulary, invest 5 minutes alone thinking about your your problem and identifying the emotions, and record the information you discover.
2. Get with the right people. A strong proponent of “safe people,” Townsend says that “being known and cared about by others is not a luxury or an enhancement to life; it’s a necessity.” These relationships can provide connections and reality. Such peopla should have character, you utilize not use them, and provide structure.
3. Build a strong fence. This chapter speaks to his landmark work with Dr. Henry Cloud on Boundaries. You need to know where your problem begins and ends, integrating your solutions into your normal way of doing life. Be sure it’s really a problem. Townsend suggests considering the ways you view a potential problem - maybe its a good situation that needs to be suggested as such or it may be a situation that cannot be changed and needs to be accepted. According to the author, neither of these should be considered problems. After describing the intensity of problems - mild, moderate, severe - he suggests the most important question you can ask: “What do I want?” That’s how you get to solutions.
4. Break free from fear. Fear can paralyze, cloud judgment, go for short term answers, and limit creativity. It’s basically a danger signal (fight, flight, freeze). How should we handle fear? Trust in God. Unload with safe people. Add structure. Adjust to reality.
5. Control what you own. Townsend says that we waste precious problem-solving resources when we try to change or control another person. What is yours? - he asks. Your heart, your values, your choices, and your time.
6. Create a pass/fail plan. His quote here: “It takes effort to create a measurable goal, establish a timeline, and set a deadline.” But you need to do it. Set a goal. Consider creative option. Make a decision. Problems aren’t solved with spontaneity and emotions. Townsend cites the Biblical parable of the seed in the ground as an example of the Kingdom of God in Mark 4.
7. Do the right things. Referencing the work of Malcom Gladwell, Townsend says, “Pay as much attention to removing your obstacles as you do in trying harder, and you will succeed in your plan.” To inspire this step, he suggests that you should be certain your values are not askew, you are not isolating yourself, and you are employing structure (Townsend calls this “the capacity to direct one’s resources toward a goal over time”), you connect to your fear in relationships (reducing the impact), you avoid a passive or protest stance (a protest season is OK, a protest identity is not), and you avoid an unhealthy pain ratio. Townsend shares, “we change when the pain of not changing is greater than the pain of changing.”
This powerful little book closes with a plea to put it down before finishing and focus on the relationship that caused you to pick up the book in the first place.
A final Townsend quote: “The only difference between reality present and reality future always comes down to God and you.”
1. Feel what you feel. Feelings can and should be a help, not a hindrance. His most powerful insight on this step is that your feelings should serve you, not master you - they can give information, direct you to supportive people, and energize you if you don’t ignore them. This chapter gives practical advice on getting the most out of own’s emotions - add them to your vocabulary, invest 5 minutes alone thinking about your your problem and identifying the emotions, and record the information you discover.
2. Get with the right people. A strong proponent of “safe people,” Townsend says that “being known and cared about by others is not a luxury or an enhancement to life; it’s a necessity.” These relationships can provide connections and reality. Such peopla should have character, you utilize not use them, and provide structure.
3. Build a strong fence. This chapter speaks to his landmark work with Dr. Henry Cloud on Boundaries. You need to know where your problem begins and ends, integrating your solutions into your normal way of doing life. Be sure it’s really a problem. Townsend suggests considering the ways you view a potential problem - maybe its a good situation that needs to be suggested as such or it may be a situation that cannot be changed and needs to be accepted. According to the author, neither of these should be considered problems. After describing the intensity of problems - mild, moderate, severe - he suggests the most important question you can ask: “What do I want?” That’s how you get to solutions.
4. Break free from fear. Fear can paralyze, cloud judgment, go for short term answers, and limit creativity. It’s basically a danger signal (fight, flight, freeze). How should we handle fear? Trust in God. Unload with safe people. Add structure. Adjust to reality.
5. Control what you own. Townsend says that we waste precious problem-solving resources when we try to change or control another person. What is yours? - he asks. Your heart, your values, your choices, and your time.
6. Create a pass/fail plan. His quote here: “It takes effort to create a measurable goal, establish a timeline, and set a deadline.” But you need to do it. Set a goal. Consider creative option. Make a decision. Problems aren’t solved with spontaneity and emotions. Townsend cites the Biblical parable of the seed in the ground as an example of the Kingdom of God in Mark 4.
7. Do the right things. Referencing the work of Malcom Gladwell, Townsend says, “Pay as much attention to removing your obstacles as you do in trying harder, and you will succeed in your plan.” To inspire this step, he suggests that you should be certain your values are not askew, you are not isolating yourself, and you are employing structure (Townsend calls this “the capacity to direct one’s resources toward a goal over time”), you connect to your fear in relationships (reducing the impact), you avoid a passive or protest stance (a protest season is OK, a protest identity is not), and you avoid an unhealthy pain ratio. Townsend shares, “we change when the pain of not changing is greater than the pain of changing.”
This powerful little book closes with a plea to put it down before finishing and focus on the relationship that caused you to pick up the book in the first place.
A final Townsend quote: “The only difference between reality present and reality future always comes down to God and you.”
February 18, 2023
A good short guide with somewhat random advice on how to handle problems in life. I liked one little insight from it. When there is a problem, so frequently we need to determine if it is a problem of connection or a problem of reality. Are you seeking to fix connection with someone or are you not looking at reality to see what is really going on? Are you humble and open to reality?
July 6, 2019
Another great book by Dr Townsend, a quick read, very practical, would read after the People Fuel book. Both invaluable in info and how to 's.
November 30, 2021
Great listen / audiobook of tips and tricks and reminders to problem solving, big or small!
October 12, 2012
this is an interesting book that worth your time in reading and giving some thoughts.
It would be an answer to those who are in the midst of facing a problem. Not exactly the answer but it provide a true and honest approach to face and solve your problem(s).
It would be an answer to those who are in the midst of facing a problem. Not exactly the answer but it provide a true and honest approach to face and solve your problem(s).
June 8, 2013
When faced with a major decision that stems from a stress in life (broken relationship, recalcitrant child, job loss, etc.), this book is a quick read that sets up some helpful parameters for navigating the problem successfully.
July 25, 2012
Excellent!
October 3, 2012
great ideas even for us old folks....
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews