Ask Graham

by Graham Norton

Finally, Graham's many U. S. fans can laugh at—and benefit from—his drily hilarious Daily Telegraph advice columns "Remember that sleeping with friends is lazy and we don't cook our pets just because we're hungry and they're sitting right by the oven." —Graham on troublesome relationships "Dogs and DIY are where relationships end up, not where they start." —Graham on looking for love "Stay on the moral high ground—it's much easier to swing a baseball bat from there." —Graham on forgiving betrayal Graham Norton is not only a hilarious and fearless television host, but a weekly agony uncle, advising readers of the Telegraph on a weekly basis. Here, his witty, entertaining, helpful responses are collected for everyone to benefit from his words of wisdom. With a new foreword by Graham and many responses updated since they first ran in the newspaper, this book of inimitable advice covers a range of subjects, including ungrateful spouses, errant partners, failing relationships, problems in the workplace, and social etiquette. Each perfectly-pitched response includes just the right mixture of sound advice, humor, and, occasionally, reprimand.

Genres: Nonfiction, Humor, Memoir, Comedy

250 pages, Hardcover

First published October 4, 2010

About the author

Graham William Walker is an Irish actor, comedian, television presenter and columnist, known by his stage name Graham Norton. He is the host of the comedy chat show The Graham Norton Show and the BBC commentator of the Eurovision Song Contest.

Reviews

[Debbie Zapata · Rating 4 out of 5]

Feb 4 ~~ Review asap.

Feb 5, 10am ~~ I discovered Graham Norton on his YouTube channel a couple of months ago and when I learned he had written books too I hurried off and ordered a few and am treating myself to a GN marathon.

Ask Graham is the one I chose to read first. It was published in 2010 and is a compilation of questions and answers from his 'agony uncle' column in British newspaper The Daily Telegraph.

I knew from the video clips that GN was witty and enthusiastic about life, but in this book I learned he is also quite wise, not afraid to be blunt when necessary and very compassionate. I admired the way he responded to the problems sent in, most of which revolved around relationships. He seemed to always find the core of the issue, and I hope the people who wrote in for advice paid attention to the suggestions he made.

I have started on one of his memoirs now, and after that I have four fiction titles to finish the marathon with. I'm excited!

[Literary Ames · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bluntly telling it like it is as only gay comedian, chat show host and now agony uncle Graham Norton can, with wit and wisdom. Ask Graham is a collection of letters and responses from Norton's column in the very middle class and conservative Daily Telegraph. If you're looking for a gentle agony aunt who sensitively guides you to the solutions to life's problems without judgement, turn back now. Not that he is ever mean to the genuinely vulnerable; he saves his mocking for the clearly stupid and those who've made diamond encrusted mountains out of simple, mundane molehills.

Bizarre problems do make an appearance, like the husband worried about his wife's desperation for a boob job so ludicrous that she wanted to have one breast done, then furiously save money for the other months later. This next one I can sympathize with. A woman's father had had a heart attack. She rushed to the hospital only to discover his mistress and second family in the waiting room with the children possessing the same names as her own. My grandfather did something similar. I have two uncles with the same name, slightly different spelling.

Ask Graham isn't a book to be consumed in one sitting but many. Reading a few letters everyday whenever one has a spare five minutes is an amusing way to spend those moments too short to do anything useful.

I've been a Norton fan for many years, watching the gleefully rude So Graham Norton later poached from Channel Four by the BBC and toned down, and reading his first autobiography So Me. Delightfully, he writes like he talks on TV. There's never a dull moment. His language is clear and concise - no waffle here.

I'll leave you with the woman unhappily addicted to bodice-ripping romances.

Dear Graham,

I'm an addict. No, it's not drink, drugs or (sadly) sex, but all those cheap, bodice-ripping novels that clog up the shelves of supermarkets and public libraries. Even though I have a perfectly good brain, I just can't read enough of the kind of books you cannot be seen with in public.

As with eating too many vanilla cupcakes or drinking one to many Cosmopolitans, I always feel a bit disillusioned and tawdry the next day, ashamed of myself for having such pathetic illusions and for being led astray by such nonsense. I know it should be a simple matter of marching towards the Classics section and picking up something by Dostoyevsky, but I always get ambushed by those marshmallowy covers.
How can I beat my addiction?

Tara A, Middlesex

Dear Tara,

So you're attracted to the wrong sort of books? There is no shame in that. We have all chosen to watch an episode of Hollyoaks over The Sopranos, but to do it constantly is, I suppose, a bit of a waste of time.

Why don't you upgrade to the top of your genre? Jackie Collins or Jilly Cooper will, I'm sure, satisfy your addiction. Then move on to Maeve Binchy. Next try lowering the sugar content with a few Barbara Vines and, before you know it, you'll soon be wading through all the titles from Richard and Judy's book club.

The other thing you could do is to put down the book with a picture of Fabio dressed as a pirate on the cover and leave the house. Maybe the you could run your hands through the coarse dark hair of a real man while your heart beats wildly and you feel the rain soaking through your thin cotton dress.

You may get arrested for attempted rape, but at least you won't have turned into a crazy old lady who smells of lavender.

[Debbie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am a huge fan of Graham Norton. I've known for some time now how hilarious and witty he is, but I was a bit surprised at how good his advice to people is! I think I expected this book to be funnier and a lot more tongue in cheek than it was. Don't get me wrong, it's by Graham Norton after all! It definitely had its sarcastic, laugh-out-loud moments, but I was pleasantly unprepared for the excellent advice contained in his Agony Aunt responses to people's pleas for help in it.
Well done, Mr. Norton. I'm more of a fan than ever before!

[Caroline · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I had a problem I would definitely "Ask Graham". Not only are his answers to the various problems in this book helpful, they are also extremely witty. Graham pulls no punches. If he finds the problems ridiculous he says so. this is a funny and, at times, poignant read.

[Dawn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hysterical. A compilation of agony aunt letters from his newspaper column. Whenever I need a giggle or some light reading I open this book

[Hazel Went · Rating 5 out of 5]

This has been a thoroughly entertaining read: with a mixture of humour and common sense, Graham's answers to people's problems are absolute genius. In fact, in facing a problem I now almost ask that important question WWGS? What Would Graham Say? He puts petty problems into perspective, tries to knock sense into people who have clearly lost the plot and offers a sensitive response to those who are genuinely struggling in life.
This is one of those books you can read on and off... although it's hard to just read one problem at a time. It's sometimes laugh-out-loud, sometimes thoughtful and always an interesting read.

[Mancman · Rating 2 out of 5]

I should preface this by saying that I like Graham Norton, and would probably have liked reading these on a weekly basis, in the newspaper they were originally published in.
Together, in book form, it’s all a bit dull and repetitive. People are clearly lacking common sense or any ability to self analyse.
There are some funny moments, some enlightening moments, but I yearned for the end of this.

[Norma · Rating 4 out of 5]

This collection of letters written to Graham is so funny. His responses are priceless. If you need a laugh this is a tonic. I didn't read this in one go. I dipped into it over the space of a couple of weeks. I recently read his novel Holding which was also a good read.

[Philippa · Rating 4 out of 5]

A surprisingly enjoyable read, Graham is down-to-earth and cuts right through the treacle to give advice that friends and family are far too polite to give.

[Rena Sherwood · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you haven't lived in the UK or don't know who Graham Norton is, skip this book.

This was a cheaply done book compiling the Agony Aunt column Norton had for a while in the Daily Telegraph. This also contains the "teasers" of certain sentences being blown up into huge print to entice readers who were flipping through the newspaper pages to read the whole column. They were annoying in book format. There were some decent cartoons, too.

Norton made an excellent Agony Aunt. Eat your heart out, Dear Abby. The advice given was surprisingly sound, considering Norton is a celebrity. He puts his comedian hat to one side to make an honest effort to answer readers' questions. At times he could be extremely delicate, such as counseling a wife who's husband, newly diagnosed with cancer, is refusing all treatment.

There are times when the advice is quite funny. However, I found the dead cat jokes depressing. Yes, I know they were just jokes, but that's me. I've seen too many run-on over, killed and tortured cats in my life to find any humor in it. So, if you're looking to be offended, odds are, Norton will eventuality say something to piss you off, or just disappoint you.

I recommend only reading a few pages a day, as the questions people ask become incredibly repetitive. There were only about 20 truly original questions, such as how a man could suggest to his girlfriend to shave her armpits and mustache more often. Everybody else just whined about love ... or lack of it.

[Juliana Graham · Rating 3 out of 5]

A humorous collection of problems, letters that were sent to Graham Norton in his role as agony uncle for the Daily Telegraph, and his occasionally wise, occasionally caustic responses. Some of the problems were relatable, others clearly from stereotypical DT readers with a large amount of money and definite "first world problems". Graham's responses were on occasion laugh out loud funny, others seemed a little harsh and unsympathetic - clearly written for the comedy value rather than the advice! However, I think if you wrote to Graham Norton for help you probably wouldn't be expecting top grade psychotherapy so I'm not too worried for the suffering letter writers concerned! An easy book to read as the letters were all so short, making this ideal to pick up and read a couple of pages of whilst waiting in a phone queue or for the kettle to boil!

[Smh624 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although this book is a compilation of advice columns written for a UK newspaper, you'll enjoy this if you are a fan of The Graham Norton Show. The wit he displays on the show is abundant in the columns and he dispenses a surprising amount of wisdom too. This is a great book to read a few pages of each day.

[Zara Pemberton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sorry this sounds rude especially as it's real life problems. I found this book through my local library's ebook service. Reading through the letters distracted me from my chronic pain, was a easy book to read especially if tired and couldn't face reading a traditional fiction or nonfiction book.

[Gina Gallo · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book cracked me up! He was funny, smart and he really made me think. I don’t think that I’ve ever saved so many quotes from a book. The best part is reading it “in his voice”. I highly recommend this one!

[Christine Muller · Rating 3 out of 5]

The world of advice has grown in leaps and bounds since 2010. Although witty I did feel sometimes like he missed the mark by a mile. I enjoyed reading it but will go back to my modern Dear Prudence and Ask A Manager.

[Doria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Graham Norton at his best!
Copies of his “ask Graham” column ( like, Dear Abby)
From a popular paper in the UK

[Vivienne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Entertaining and surprisingly insightful.

[Richard Jespers · Rating 3 out of 5]

One is not exactly sure how a future talk-show host would evolve from being a Dear Abby columnist for a London newspaper, but here he is, Graham Norton. If you’ve ever watched his show on BBC America, then you are well acquainted with his quick (and searing) wit and yet his genuine concern for others. Those two characteristics and more are featured in this his first book (I’ve decided to read them all, just for a laugh, you see).

Honestly, some of these letters seem so stupid and ridiculous as to be made up by two thirteen-year-old kids on a slow Saturday night. Dear Graham, my Greek girlfriend makes such a racket when we make love that I can’t look my neighbours in the eye when I pass them in the hall (33). Another writer confesses to finding a date online by lying and saying she’s a sporty type. She winds up having sex with a good-looking fellow; only problem: he likes to have sex in public places. Graham advises: Let’s examine the evidence. You ticked the “sport” box on your online form, but I don’t see how that translates into standing on a fire escaped stuffing your knickers into your handbag (46).

Ultimately, Norton’s answers leave a lot of room for his comedic talents to take over, without besmirching the fine advice he’s administering. One person writes in, confessing that her boyfriend’s family are all musicians and how tiresome that becomes after a while. So he answers: I would never encourage anyone to do this, but I wonder if you might feel a little better if you dribbled the juice from a can of sardines inside their piano before you left for the last time? Just a thought (115).

This response of Graham’s speaks for itself:

Dear Melissa,
Fat pompous husbands are trying to cheat on their smug wives and you are worried about offending them by saying no? There is a time and a place for etiquette, and trust me this isn’t one of them.

My main piece of advice would be to stop accepting invitations to these hideous dinner parties. As for meeting a like-minded man, well, that many not be so easy. Your letter seems strangely negative to me. The only things that come in for any praise are the Dorset scenery and yourself—nothing else seems to come up to the high standards of Melissa. It is all very well to have opinions and strong ones but don’t expect other people to agree or like them. I imagine that the world according to Melissa is quite a hard one to live in.

You have two failed marriage in quite a short period of time and you are living alone in Dorset mixing with people you don’t like. Something is wrong with this picture. I know I’m making assumptions based on a short letter but maybe you should try to judge less and open yourself up to new experiences.

Make your world bigger not smaller and maybe other people will want to share it (230).

Nuff said? The guy has what it takes to dole out advice. Be kind but tell the truth!

[Jennifer Oberth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Graham Norton is so funny! This book was heartwarming and fun and perhaps, some of it was a little mean. I thought some of his advice came across as a bit harsh, but I'm a really sensitive person! Mostly, though, it was quite enjoyable to read his advice to seemingly clueless individuals. It's so easy to see other people's problems for what they are! It's so easy to see that people cause their own problems but truly think other people are causing them.

Graham had great lines and tells it like it is and I found myself wishing I could follow up with some of these people and see what they actually ended up doing.

This was such a fun read and I recommend it to anybody.

[Alicia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Graham Norton is hilarious. I love that his advice isn't always just what the person writing the letter wants to hear in return. He is honest, snarky (but let's be honest, only when people deserve it), and creative! The book reveals not just how well Graham can read people but how utterly insane, self-absorbed, or love-starved most people are.

[Nicole]

I got this when I was over in the UK a couple weeks ago. It's an advice book taken from his column in a newspaper. I thought it was great, and the advice was blunt and to the point. People may not like that, but sometimes not sugar coating something is the only way to make it sink in.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I adore Graham Norton!

[Michael Giff · Rating 4 out of 5]

So funny, I was in stitches all the way through.

[Dawn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hysterical! Divided into lots of letters so great reading while travelling as long as you are ok with people looking at you in a funny way when you laugh out loud!

[M-n · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great advice with humour and quirkiness impressed an informative an d amusing read about real life probs.

[Kay Donald · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun but a bit repetitive.