How to Stop Worrying

by Frank Tallis

Would you say you are a born worrier? Do you ever feel worried without knowing why? Worry is a natural warning system. It's your brain's way of telling you that something is wrong and needs to be dealt with. But sometimes things get out of hand, and worrying starts to spoil your enjoyment of life and your health. Frank TAllis explains how you can actually control worry and make it work for you. You can learn to understand your fears, and face the possibilities of life calmly.

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Audiobook, Personal Development

80 pages, Paperback

First published September 5, 2000

About the author

Aka F.R. Tallis.

Dr. Frank Tallis is a writer and clinical psychologist. He has held lecturing posts in clinical psychology and neuroscience at the Institute of Psychiatry and King's College, London. He has written self help manuals (How to Stop Worrying, Understanding Obsessions and Compulsions) non-fiction for the general reader (Changing Minds, Hidden Minds, Love Sick), academic text books and over thirty academic papers in international journals. Frank Tallis' novels are: KILLING TIME (Penguin), SENSING OTHERS (Penguin), MORTAL MISCHIEF (Arrow), VIENNA BLOOD (Arrow), FATAL LIES (Arrow), and DARKNESS RISING (Arrow). The fifth volume of the Liebermann Papers, DEADLY COMMUNION, will be published in 2010. In 1999 he received a Writers' Award from the Arts Council of Great Britain and in 2000 he won the New London Writers' Award (London Arts Board). In 2005 MORTAL MISCHIEF was shortlisted for the Ellis Peters Historical Dagger Award.

Reviews

[Caroline · Rating 4 out of 5]

A few months ago I passed a woman in the street wearing a tee shirt with the message "I AM A WARRIOR NOT A WORRIER". I looked at her with some envy, being far more prone to worrying than warrior-ing. Most of the time it doesn't matter, as my life is on an even keel and except for the grand issues facing us all, there is not much to worry about on a personal level. But recently various issues have interfered with my peace of mind, (I'm planning a big move, my beloved cat has been unwell, and so forth....) so when I happened to see this book at the library I decided to give it a go.

I am glad I did. The author is well-qualified to write on the subject. He has lectured in neuroscience and clinical psychology at the Institute of Psychiatry, and while he specialises in helping people with OCD, he obviously has an excellent understanding of more everyday worries as well. The big message that I took from the book is that the best way of stopping most worry is to reach a decision about how to tackle the problem causing the worry, and then execute a plan of action. So what if you make the wrong decision? Well you can always change your tactics and try something else. The important thing is to make that decision and do something. Many of us either bury our heads in the sand and hope the problem will somehow get better by itself, or we wobble and waiver about what we need to do.

Many of you reading the above will think "well that is very simplistic and obvious", but Tallis's skill lies in the fact he is massively encouraging. He uses cognitive behaviour therapy techniques to help us get going and stick to our commitments. Certainly after reading the book I became a lot more proactive about several of the issues facing me, and that was most helpful.

He also tackles worry about problems that are not solvable. Things like ageing, chronic illness and environmental issues. This is covered in quite a short chapter. Basically in these instances all we can do is change our responses to these problems, eg seeking an attitude of "peaceful resignation" rather than outright fear. He says there is much to be said for denial, (as a positive way of dealing with inescapable worries) but obviously this is easier for some people than others. He also says it helps to talk with friends about major things that upset us.

I found this chapter unsatisfactory. I think worrying about major 'unsolvable' issues can be a real blight in one's life, and I would have liked much more discussion about the subject, and how people have dealt with these issues. He also failed to mention humour, which I think is an invaluable defence against life's insurmountable problems.

All in all though I found this book a good read. I end with my usual notes.....

* Worriers appear to be very good at defining problems, but extremely bad at solving them. Recent research shows this tends to be because worriers tend to be slower than non-worriers when attempting to make a decision. This delay seems to stem from a reluctance to make decisions unless they are absolutely sure that they are doing the right thing. They become uncertain, doubtful and stressed, and they catastrophise.

*If you are catastrophising, ask yourself how many people in the world have survived the experience of your problem. (Answer - millions.) Also coping with real 'bad outcomes' is sometimes easier than coping with an imagined one. Often the real experience is far less bad than we imagined.

*We need to regard worry as a useful mental event that we can use to diagnose issues in our lives.

*Worry tends to creep up on us. It is good to recognise it as early as possible, otherwise it will get worse.

*We need to try and turn our worry into constructive problem-solving.

*Everyone responds to worry differently. It may make you feel depressed rather than tense.

.*Often in the middle of a stressful situation you are not at your best. Put off your problem-solving until you feel calmer. In the meantime, try and distract yourself from your worries.

*Defining a problem is surprisingly difficult. Everyday problems can be extremely complex. Talking things over with a friend can help you see what is actually bothering you. Research shows the more you do this the better you feel.

*It might be an idea to start with your easiest problems first. Only attempt to solve problems that you have a sporting chance of solving.

*Try brainstorming solutions to your problems. Just get ideas out on paper. It will also help you get out of the trap of "Yes but...." Afterwards note the pros and cons of each suggestion, plus you can allocate a number (1-100 gives you a lot of leeway), so you can rate the importance of your pros and cons. If after doing this your gut tells you that the outcome is wrong for you - you may have to dig further - perhaps by talking with a friend.

*We also have to make sure we aren't doing something just because someone else wants us to.

*Practice decision-making, by taking small and unimportant decisions quickly.

*Practice problem-solving whenever you can. Treat even your trivial worries as opportunities to engage in problem-solving.

*All decisions are risky (this is why people follow astrologers etc.) It is always possible to think of things that may go wrong. Feeling a little uncomfortable after making a quick decision is a small price to pay for worry reduction. The quicker you deal with your problem the less time you will spend worrying. There is never enough evidence to ensure a decision is absolutely right.

*Once you have made a decision focus on the pros. It is all too easy to focus on the cons, and regret your decision.

* Questions you can ask yourself

1. What am I worried about?

2. What do I want to happen?

3. What can I do to make it happen? (Brainstorming.)

4. What is my decision?

5. Did it work?

*Issues with decisions

1. You are bound to make a few mistakes.

2. You might define a problem incorrectly

3. You might choose the wrong coping strategy.

4. You might be trying to solve a problem that simply cannot be solved.

*The personalities of worriers.

1) They tend to take a negative view of things.

2) They are especially negative about their own personalities and ability to cope.

3) They tend to have low levels of self-confidence.

* You are bound to make some mistakes when attempting to problem-solve. If you consider these early attempts as 'failures' then you are more likely to give up. Make a clear distinction in your mind between'setbacks' and 'failures'. It is far more useful to see early difficulties as 'a temporary setback'. After a setback, you may find that the next coping strategy you choose will work really well.

*Reward yourself for your successes when you have managed to solve a problem. It is easy to overlook our successes, and thus fail to gain confidence in our abilities.

[Adrian · Rating 1 out of 5]

A poorly written book, which gave me no viable advice on the subject of worrying.

[Suzie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bardzo wartościowa książka!

[Natalia Pudźwa · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.7

[klara🧘‍♀️ · Rating 3 out of 5]

sama nie wiem, niby wpływa na myślenie, a z drugiej strony nic nowego w tej książce..

[Fatica Uljanow · Rating 2 out of 5]

Wszystko byłoby świetnie, cała książka o sposobach radzenia sobie z zamartwianiem i jakie negatywne skutki to na nas wywiera.... i ostatnie zdanie mówiące o tym, że zamartwianie właściwie ma więcej zalet niż wad. Dlaczego.

[Adrianna Bednarska · Rating 4 out of 5]

Krótka ale treściwa i rzetelna. Porusza problem o którym stosunkowo rzadko się mówi a z którym mnóstwo ludzi się zmaga. Sporo ciekawych technik i rad jak sobie pomóc z zamartwianiem, a dodatkowo bardzo dużo przykładów takich sytuacji i proponowanych rozwiązań.
Co ważne autor nie obiecuje nam, że po przeczytaniu jednej książki nasze problemy magicznie znikną tak jak to się czasami dzieje w podobnych książkach.

[Oliwia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bardzo przydatna i przyjemna lektura. Czytając tę książkę czułam jakby autor pisał wszystko z troski o mnie, jakby autentycznie chciał pomoc. Kwestia wyparcia( uciekania od problemu), która była poruszana w ostatnim rozdziale nie przemawiała zbytnio do mnie. Tak to polecam, ja nie mam problemu z zamartwianiem się, jestem tak neutralna w tej kwestii, ale i tak duO ta książka mi uświadomiła.

[Maria · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bardzo ciekawe spojrzenie na problem zamartwiania się ujęte z naukowego punktu widzenia. Krótka, ale treściwa książka :)

[La Lettrice Solitaria · Rating 3 out of 5]

I discovered F. Tallis many years ago, reading his breathtaking gothic novel The Forbidden, which is currently one of the best book I found, read - and bought - in England. I recently discovered he is also a clinical psychologist and since I love this matter a lot I looked for his works, too.
I found this book about worrying too much - one of my biggest problem actually - and I decided to give it a try. I wasn't disappointed, the essay is clear, well written, goes strict to the point and I appreciated the fact that Dott. Tallis doesn't deny the utility of worrying and living our fear - if this feeling is well used and balanced. We just need to built a concrete skill to manage them and solve what is solvable, without procrastinating too much.
I really despise that kind of well-being book that wants to convince you of the benefits of being always positive in order to attract good mood. I don't believe this is sane and for sure it isn't true. This is, of course, not that kind of book. Fear, pain and troubles exist in life for a reason. They are part of life as well as joy, and we really need to learn how to menage them, without deluding ourselves with an idea of a perfect life.
Sometime we have a catastrophic future vision of our problems which is absolutely different from reality. Reality can be hard and negative most of the time, but everything can be managed if we have the right approach, which is something we have to learn everyday, as a proper skill (like exercising or cooking).

[Marisol Boyle Gomez · Rating 2 out of 5]

it was alright but also made me realise that i'm not actually that much of a worrier, like i worry, but only really about things that i actually have no control over, like if i can solve whatever issue i might worry about then i'll just solve it (eg do my homework if im stressed about not doing my homework) but i worry a fair bit about stuff that there's literally no point worrying about because there's nothing i can do about them and while there was a tiny little section about it at the end of the book, it wasn't really that helpful. they just suggested denial as a solution and that one should just ignore the issue and tbf they have a point but also if it was that easy then i would be even more delusional than i am already. also a particular favourite quote from that section is "people who have experienced really bad things in the past - such as concentration camps - are able to lead happier lives if they ignore their bad thoughts." literally laughed out loud (LOL), i'm tempted to put the rating up to 3 stars because of that line, so good. you can tell it was written in the 90s, i just know Bridget Jones would eat this book right up.

[Ben Hammond · Rating 4 out of 5]

good all round help for worry but not a book for anxiety sufferers
although the tactics used can be the foundation for overcoming anxiety in specific areas, generalised anxiety is more of a wider reaching issue
on the whole, useful

[Hanna Mihentz · Rating 4 out of 5]

•„Nu poți pune ‘insuccesul’ pe seama unor trăsături ‘rele’ sau ‘slabe’ ale personalității tale. Îți poți reproșa doar faptul că n-ai exersat.”
•„Și când te confrunți cu o problemă obișnuită de viață ai nevoie de o hartă.”

[Arian Muharremi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got some useful ideas and suggestions from this book. It was easy and understandable for me to read, which is exactly what I expected from an 80 page book.

[Andrzej Mikita · Rating 2 out of 5]

Treści na artykuł prasowy, a nie książkę

[Adrianna · Rating 4 out of 5]

a topic researched well and put together nicely :) very useful to us worriers!

[deer.and.books · Rating 2 out of 5]

Nie pomogła, zwłaszcza że opisywane martwienie się w książce to lekkie przypadki. Jak borykasz się z ciężkim i natrętnym zamartwianiem to ta pozycja nic nie da. Kompletnie nic.

[mizuki · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5, naukowe podejście

[Julia Doroszkiewicz · Rating 3 out of 5]

No nie spowodowało to zniknięcie moich zmartwień ALE MOZE

[Marta the Booktrovert · Rating 2 out of 5]

Note! this book is for general worries, so if you are looking for a reading about anxiety and anxiety disorders this is not the book for you. It gives you the basics of how to solve small problems and gives you the ideal strategy to worry less.

I do not normally write reviews, but there was an example/suggestion offered by the writer that I found completely out of line.

In the book, the author gives the example of a guy, Andrew, who has to go to a dinner and he has to cope with his social anxiety problem. According to Andrew, the people who will attend the dinner will talk exclusively of everyday events and TV. Andrew does not watch TV or follow the news. So, for the writer, Andrew should improve his social skills and prepare himself for dinner by reading a lot of magazines and newspaper.

So according to the writer, Andrew should force himself to spend his free time doing something he does not like or does not have any interest at all. If I was in Andrew I would find this quite stressful as I have to force myself to be interested in something I am not. Also, for an introverted person like me, forcing myself to go to a dinner with 10 people I do not really know and talk about things I do not care, really it is not ideal. Also why should I change my social skills? Why those 10 people cannot try to understand that I have different interests and maybe try to discuss something that we all find interesting? This is where the book lost all its interest for me.

[MrBuk · Rating 5 out of 5]

Świetny temat - o tym jeszcze nie czytałem a czyta się z zapartym tchem, autor/tłumacz ma te flow.

Książka o tym jak przestać się zamartwiać - tak istnieją dwa rozwiązania:
- rozwiązać problemy
- zmienić podejście emocjonalne do nierozwiązywalnych problemów

Autor też wspomina o lękach - co prawda króciutko ale są to cenne rady.
Szkoda tylko że polecane książki są po angielsku - czy żadna nie wyszła po Polsku?

Oby takich pozycji o zamartwianiu więcej!
Poza tym książka małego formatu, z dużą czcionką i nie za dużo treści na stronie - tak aby nie martwić się zbytnio, że się nie przeczyta (tak czasem mnogość treści przytłacza) - tak więc przyjemnie i szybko się czyta oraz można zapisać w kalendarzu, że dziś się zmiażdżyło te 70 stron a nie 10 ;D

Wadą jest jej zaleta - za krótka, a może to starczy? 4 STAR!
Zmieniam ocenę na 5 STAR - gdyż pomogła mi zmierzyć się z lękiem i problemem.

[Donna · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read about a fifth of this book, but it is a generalised book and not specific enough to my present needs. Ok if you are a "worrier" but not if there is something particular and ongoing that you need to deal with.
The basic idea is not to put off dealing with the thing you are worried about. Once it is dealt with you can stop worrying about it! Simples!??
I am not going to count this as the "T" in my A-Z challenge as I only got to page 20.

[Hillingdon Libraries]

Find this book at Hillingdon Libraries

[Jai Arun · Rating 4 out of 5]

Must read. Again and again. Really helps change worrying habits. I found this book very enlightening. Straightforward, short, comes-to-the-point and gives you a good takeaway lesson without too much ramble. I love how crisp it is.

[Wilde Sky · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this to be an interesting book, detailing a problem solving approach to coping with worrying.

Some of the suggestions were useful and made me think.