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Married: A Fine Predicament
A defense of the joys of married life for women by the author of Up the Sandbox is presented from the perspectives of a wife and mother who witnessed the 1950s, the sexual revolution, and the women's movement, drawing on examples from history, literature, and popular culture.
- GenresNonfictionRelationships
304 pages, Paperback
First published January 28, 1967
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75 people want to read
About the author
Anne Roiphe
32 books35 followersOver a four-decade career, Roiphe has proven so prolific that the critic Sally Eckhoff observed, "tracing Anne Roiphe's career often feels like following somebody through a revolving door: the requirements of keeping the pace can be trying." (Eckhoff described the writer as "a free-thinking welter of contradictions, a never-say-die feminist who's absolutely nuts about children"). Roiphe published her first novel, Digging Out, in 1967. Her second, Up The Sandbox (1970), became a national best-seller and made the author's career.
Roiphe has since published seven novels and two memoirs, while contributing essays and reviews to The New York Times, The New York Times Magazine, New York Magazine, and others. In 1993, The New York Times described her as "a writer who has never toed a party line, feminist or otherwise." Her 1996 memoir Fruitful A memoir of Modem Motherhood was nominated for the National Book Award
From 1997 to 2002, she served as a columnist for The New York Observer. Her memoir Epilogue was published in 2008, and another memoir, Art and Madness, in 2011.
Roiphe has since published seven novels and two memoirs, while contributing essays and reviews to The New York Times, The New York Times Magazine, New York Magazine, and others. In 1993, The New York Times described her as "a writer who has never toed a party line, feminist or otherwise." Her 1996 memoir Fruitful A memoir of Modem Motherhood was nominated for the National Book Award
From 1997 to 2002, she served as a columnist for The New York Observer. Her memoir Epilogue was published in 2008, and another memoir, Art and Madness, in 2011.
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
February 16, 2011
Marriage, and whether or not to marry, is the topic of Anne Roiphe's memoir. In it, she explores the traditional marriages in history; the sexual revolution and its impact on marriage; the additional issues that children bring to the marriage; and how divorce and remarriage impact the individuals, the family, and the future.
In "Married: A Fine Predicament," she explores each of these topics by describing examples from history, from books, and from her own experiences.
Talking about marriage, by necessity, also involves analyzing the different kinds of marriages and the expectations in each. For example, some marriages allow for infidelities, while others cling to monogamy. The author describes how the need for monogamy might seem contrary to some of her own experiences, like being a "revolutionary, a lover of freedom, a rebel against conventional bonds." Yet in marrying her second (and last) husband, she realized, after getting to know him and his values (he felt disloyal if he dated more than one woman at a time), that she could not violate such a man's trust.
After a thorough and detailed description of the various contemporary kinds of couples, from the living together to the married, and all the formats in between, she states:
"Marriage is not the only way to be respectable these days and social power is possessed by those who mock the rules (rock and rap stars, movie stars, wealthy men) and social disapproval carries no real sting in urban America and less than it used to across the land." She goes on to say that "marriage can answer one human problem better than any other solution yet divined. It can assuage our loneliness."
Obviously, this author is in favor of marriage, despite is many flaws and failings. She is not anti-divorce, as she writes that sometimes the ending of a marriage is the best solution for all.
Personally, I have experienced marriage and various forms of companionship in between, and while I have, finally, at this time, decided that my individual journey works best for me, I can see the appeal that others find in the institution. Sometimes the children of divorce suffer permanent trauma, but at the same time, the children in unhappy marriages may sustain life-long damage as well.
My conclusions are that each of us has to decide what works best in our own lives, and hopefully have the courage of our convictions.
This thoughtful, provocative, and meaningful exploration earned five stars from me.
In "Married: A Fine Predicament," she explores each of these topics by describing examples from history, from books, and from her own experiences.
Talking about marriage, by necessity, also involves analyzing the different kinds of marriages and the expectations in each. For example, some marriages allow for infidelities, while others cling to monogamy. The author describes how the need for monogamy might seem contrary to some of her own experiences, like being a "revolutionary, a lover of freedom, a rebel against conventional bonds." Yet in marrying her second (and last) husband, she realized, after getting to know him and his values (he felt disloyal if he dated more than one woman at a time), that she could not violate such a man's trust.
After a thorough and detailed description of the various contemporary kinds of couples, from the living together to the married, and all the formats in between, she states:
"Marriage is not the only way to be respectable these days and social power is possessed by those who mock the rules (rock and rap stars, movie stars, wealthy men) and social disapproval carries no real sting in urban America and less than it used to across the land." She goes on to say that "marriage can answer one human problem better than any other solution yet divined. It can assuage our loneliness."
Obviously, this author is in favor of marriage, despite is many flaws and failings. She is not anti-divorce, as she writes that sometimes the ending of a marriage is the best solution for all.
Personally, I have experienced marriage and various forms of companionship in between, and while I have, finally, at this time, decided that my individual journey works best for me, I can see the appeal that others find in the institution. Sometimes the children of divorce suffer permanent trauma, but at the same time, the children in unhappy marriages may sustain life-long damage as well.
My conclusions are that each of us has to decide what works best in our own lives, and hopefully have the courage of our convictions.
This thoughtful, provocative, and meaningful exploration earned five stars from me.
April 1, 2009
The more Anne Roiphe I read, the more I really, really dislike her. Reading this book was like having a long, painful conversation with a person who misunderstands the human condition to the point that she resorts to cliches and stereotypes. She makes sweeping generalizations that she seems to pull out of her ear, and she presents them as fact. She also apparently hates punctuation, which is awesome.
November 17, 2013
This book was simply terrible. I hate when people criticize a book based on grammar, but I had to re-read several sentences just to figure out what was being said. There was no organization in the chapters. And there were so many illogical arguments and inconsistencies, that I couldn't finish the book.
In the first chapter, she paints a theoretical world without marriage, but what she actually describes is a world without couples. A world without marriage would not grant mortgages based off of one tax return - it would be based off of however many people were buying the house. People would still put each other through college and take care of each other. Divorce lawyers would still have business. In a bid to be inclusive, Roiphe frequently refers to gay and lesbian marriage, without once recognizing that we have done all these things without the benefit of marriage for a very long time.
Elsewhere, the author misunderstands examples from Plato, glibly glosses over how economics historically affect marriage with "rich people can be miserable too" arguments, and after several interludes where she gives a feminist reading of Talmudic law, concludes, "Everything in life does not deserve a feminist reading." For a book about commitment, she never seems committed to fully mapping out her arguments.
Finally, it's a petty complaint, but she confuses Star Trek and Star Wars. It's a throw-away sentence, a metaphor about how marriage will not make you whole "like a mind meld on Star Wars," but if you don't speak geek, find another simile.
In the first chapter, she paints a theoretical world without marriage, but what she actually describes is a world without couples. A world without marriage would not grant mortgages based off of one tax return - it would be based off of however many people were buying the house. People would still put each other through college and take care of each other. Divorce lawyers would still have business. In a bid to be inclusive, Roiphe frequently refers to gay and lesbian marriage, without once recognizing that we have done all these things without the benefit of marriage for a very long time.
Elsewhere, the author misunderstands examples from Plato, glibly glosses over how economics historically affect marriage with "rich people can be miserable too" arguments, and after several interludes where she gives a feminist reading of Talmudic law, concludes, "Everything in life does not deserve a feminist reading." For a book about commitment, she never seems committed to fully mapping out her arguments.
Finally, it's a petty complaint, but she confuses Star Trek and Star Wars. It's a throw-away sentence, a metaphor about how marriage will not make you whole "like a mind meld on Star Wars," but if you don't speak geek, find another simile.
July 5, 2011
I really was very interested in reading this book. And then as soon as I had my hands on the actual book and read the review/quote on the front cover "A probing and passionate defense of marriage. - USA Today" I thought ... "huh, that's not what I thought this was going to be about."
I thought I was reading a sociological examination of marriage - and I was. And I really enjoyed that - I like examining how society and culture play a role in our individual decisions and the way our marriages function in society. What affect does working have on our relationships? How do we balance independence and togetherness? What do we want for our children? How have changes in society and greater independence of women affected marriage? Those are some of the things that the author explored, and some things made me think.
But towards the end, I was skimming. Here are the problems:
- The book relied too much on personal anecdotes and not enough on outside examples.
- *I don't want your political opinion in my sociology book*!! *Sigh* When the author says things like "The social conservatives seem to believe" or "liberal pundits will tell you" or other sweeping generalizations ... she drives me nuts. Every once in a while she picks a group I consider myself part of ... and follows it up with something I don't believe. Ugh. And unnecessary! She could make the same exact point by saying something like "There are groups that lobby for" or whatever. Because I can't argue with that.
I thought I was reading a sociological examination of marriage - and I was. And I really enjoyed that - I like examining how society and culture play a role in our individual decisions and the way our marriages function in society. What affect does working have on our relationships? How do we balance independence and togetherness? What do we want for our children? How have changes in society and greater independence of women affected marriage? Those are some of the things that the author explored, and some things made me think.
But towards the end, I was skimming. Here are the problems:
- The book relied too much on personal anecdotes and not enough on outside examples.
- *I don't want your political opinion in my sociology book*!! *Sigh* When the author says things like "The social conservatives seem to believe" or "liberal pundits will tell you" or other sweeping generalizations ... she drives me nuts. Every once in a while she picks a group I consider myself part of ... and follows it up with something I don't believe. Ugh. And unnecessary! She could make the same exact point by saying something like "There are groups that lobby for" or whatever. Because I can't argue with that.
May 3, 2009
Personally, I really found this book very interesting. Its kind of a stream of consciousness of reflections on marriage and the factors and events which can change and influence the state of marriage, or the partners. She writes beautifully and says some things worth thinking about.
February 2, 2009
This book frustrated me because it was a long, general gossipy opinion piece on a worthy topic. Roiphe also has a distracting tendency to write long sentences with no punctuation, and I kept having to ingore my inner copy editor in order to keep reading.
April 22, 2008
Sent back to the library without finishing. Sucked. It lost me when it started talking about men's deep need for appreciation and approval. Umm, whatever.
May 14, 2009
See review of Frutiful.
April 6, 2010
I thought this would be a cute novel but it's pros on the benefits and history of marriage. The author wrote it due to her fear of her daughters choosing not to be married.
August 23, 2016
Author was pessimistic.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews