The Bully at Work: What You Can Do to Stop the Hurt and Reclaim Your Dignity on the Job

by Gary Namie, Ruth Namie

Gary and Ruth Namie, pioneers of the Campaign Against Workplace Bullying, teach the reader personal strategies to identify allies, build their confidence, deal with toxic behavior, and stand up to the tormentor — or decide when to walk away with their sanity and dignity intact. "Filled with remedies for an ailment that is ravaging workplaces..."—Harvey A. Hornstein, PhD

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Business, Psychology, Education, Professional Development, School

329 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 1, 2000

Reviews

[Kathy · Rating 4 out of 5]

After reading this book (several years ago) I gave it 3 stars because it wasn’t what I expected. It raised awareness and shared insights into the bully and the bullied, but it wasn’t a quick fix. I think it provide a study of the players.

Now, I’m adding a star because over the last few years I continued to try to apply what I’d read and I think the book had a bigger impact that I originally thought. The insights I gained from reading this book when applied to new situations, helped me recognize earlier where someone is or has the potential to become a bully and what actions to take or avoid.

[Jackie · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Bully at Work: What You Can Do to Stop the Hurt and Reclaim Your Dignity on the Job is a self-help book that gives distinct and clear examples of the modus operandi of bullies and how it affects the Target. What was especially insightful were the common reactions and the psychological results for the Target.

The authors give the reader some useful tools to combat the affects through case studies and familiar examples. It is an eye-opening and cathartic read for all who go off each day to their chosen place of employment and are bombarded with bullying tactics...and we begin to realize that this an epidemic that has beleaguered the workplace in America for far too many years, with minimal relief for Targets.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very informative and realistic. But unfortunately, the reality is that people who are being bullied in the workplace don't have a lot of hope for true justice.

[Mary · Rating 1 out of 5]

Skimmed book after first few chapters. The advice seems way off to me based on other books I've read as well as personal experience.

They seem very naive about how to handle bullies. The book actually says that the truth is all you have to do is put the palm of your hand up and tell the bully you will report him or her if they don't stop. That's ridiculous.

The book also has a tremendous amount of extraneous material about the bully's childhood, the target's childhood, why they are thinking what they're thinking, why you are reacting to it the way you are. It also advises that you just talk to the bully and try to resolve the problem, which is useless for a true, hard-core bully. There's also material on the history of fighting bullying. The reader is expected to search through all of that and find the useful bits.

"We are eternally optimistic that the situations targets find themselves in get better." (P.5). Statistically this is not true. Statistics show that bullying situations in the workplace usually don't get better for the target, even if it is reported, and that the best advice for the target is to leave.

There was so much info I felt was incorrect that I wasn't willing to wade through the chatter in the hopes of finding something useful. I wouldn't have trusted what I read to be good advice.

[Kristen Barr · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book helped me understand how and why I had been plowed under at my last job. The chapter on boundaries was especially helpful. I now realize how I had set myself up for eventual disaster by volunteering to do my boss's projects. I was proud that I could handle them and got a paper award and a bonus that amounted to $18.75 after taxes. My boss met one of his employment goals for the year and got a raise on his already bloated salary. Because I was willing, it just kept happening. When I finally said no, it was too late. I will never volunteer to cut my own throat again.

[Ronald Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! Outstanding book and great reference source for families and workers. I support the work you are doing at WBI and everything you are doing to get legislation passed. We truly need the Anti-Bullying and Healthy Workplace Bill in America in order to move employers more quickly. It will be the only way for posted policies to be faithfully enforced and non-compliant organizations awarded financial penalties. One thing I think should be included in the legislation is that it is not necessary for a target to be inflicted with emotional distress through absentees or worse before action is taken. Everyone handles "stress" differently and administrative documentation by itself should carry a lot of weight too.

I would describe the bully as a howitzer with too many powder bags and no fire direction controller. Yeah, like a loose cannon.

I agree with your comments that "not all bosses are bullies, but most bullies are bosses."

In my own work environment there is verbal abuse, name calling, sarcasm, threats to safety, bad behavior, abuse of authority, destruction of workplace relationships, and when any or in combination are professionally reported through the proper channels the issues are ignored by both management with verbiage like "kiss off" at the same time labor union reps are giggling at the feedback and simultaneously getting a lap dance. There are work rules and regulations posted "everywhere" and they sure do look pretty in a frame, and sound better when you read them aloud. They are useless and undervalue the work environment if no action is taken.

My experience is that the management would prefer to keep the bully and target(s) together even after the informal/formal complaint hoping that one of them will do something to eliminate themselves and then management won't have to do a thing but say "see how he or she is acting." Sort of like the hiring process where there are three positions and one job. The HR rep is counting on two of the candidates to do something to eliminate themselves and make the decision easier.

My experience with labor unions is that they are untrained to know what to do if the words are not written in a contractual agreement. They expect members to go file a complaint with the EEOC and get off of the union back. Solution: Labor leaders get out of the bed and start gathering data about the incidents in the workplace, lead our membership from the front of the pack, using our dollars, through political activism, and in solidarity with organizations like WBI to spearhead a "national campaign" against workplace bullying. If union bosses are not hiding in an office all day then they should be able to empathize with what is really going on in the trenches.

Big Bosses (Top Dogs) have got to pay attention to what is going on in their workplaces and stop giving little bosses the green light by verbally or nonverbally implying "use your discretion to get the numbers, just don't denigrate, discount, or deny anyone in the process by crossing the illegal boundaries. Remember, I prefer the blind side; if I find out about it, I'm going to have to do something about it."

I never saw a bully that actually had talent or technical expertise! In actuality, a bully prevents the "real work" from getting done because he or she is too busy bullying to pay attention to the bottom line or service commitment. This individual is the one that puts a significant financial strain on productivity costs, and effective business operations. A bully uses terms like "needs of service" to mask unintelligent ways to make excuses that deny a target privileges and rights.

Gary and Ruth Namie did a fantastic job researching and writing this book. You describe workplace bullies to the max. Thank you for leading the charge to eradicate this colorblind, uncontrolled disease that has no borders or boundaries. It is rapidly metastasizing across America and putting all of us in harm's way from a direct impact, or associated collateral damage.

Everyone buy this book today, and keep it in your reference library.

[Frrobins · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good book about bullying in the workplace. It describes what bullying is and the workplace dynamics that help bullying to thrive. It also provides practical steps for someone targeted by workplace bullying to protect themselves, find a counselor, find a lawyer, etc. While I see that this accurately describes workplace where bullying thrives, it also goes a long way to describing our current political atmosphere as well.

The book ends with an overview of how European countries have tackled bullying. While it talks about laws they have in place, there was not a lot of information on how effective those laws were in reducing bullying. America, of course, bends over backwards to protect businesses and not the people who work at those business.

I would definitely recommend this to someone who is being bullied at the workplace. I would also recommend this to HR people, managers and CEOs. Employers tendencies to protect bullies end up costing businesses a lot of money and it is in everyone's interest to create healthy work environments.

[Jayne Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I looked at the website for more current information. Anti- Bullying is discussed and enforced in schools. Anti -Bullying Laws should be on the books re: employment settings. Looked at ste's status in addressing the problem. Share information with others. The author tells an excellent story as an example of workplace bullying in one of the chapters. Press should always be attuned to what is happening in Human Rights Commissions in each state. It is not always about protected classes of citizens- bullying.

[Afrijewel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Check out below YouTube link which breaks down how to find your voice against the bully at work, based on the work of Dr. Namie:
https://youtu.be/7Jl3WpZIKR8

This book and additional research helped me to understand the bullies, me to heal and no longer be a victim, speak up and be a victor.

[Mellissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

If anything this book helps you realize that your work bully is not original. They fall into one of the categories. Just knowing that, it helps you realize that this work bully is just a flawed person and that you not alone in dealing with these types of people.

[Sarah Adam · Rating 5 out of 5]

best book written for humankind

It is my dream to meet and talk to Mr Gary and Mrs Ruth Namie. You speak my story and speak my mind. I doubted myself until I read your book what explained all what happened to me in toxic work environment

[Andy Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very comprehensive treatment of the problem of workplace bullying in the U.S. Very helpful to those who have been or may be currently being bullied on the job.

[Ian Rogers · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent resource for those seeking to understand the bullying happening in their own workplaces, as it helped me understand the bullying in mine. I picked this up after reading through the material on the Workplace Bullying Institute website, so I was familiar with the basics of workplace bullying already. Even so, I eagerly gobbled up the background about why certain people become bullies and Targets, why bullies do what they do, and particularly section 2, "After the Assault, Restoring the Lost You," which outlines step-by-step some very real steps Targets can take to improve their mental health and recover from bullying episodes. (To be clear, this is in contrast to the sections outlining legal recourse that Targets can take against their workplace bullies, which the authors are more pessimistic about -- and rightly so, considering the statistics they cite about how often these efforts are successful...)

All told, this is an incredibly useful book for those currently being bullied or looking to understand bullying from their past. My one criticism is that it could have been better organized, as many ideas are repeated throughout, certain sections come across as non sequiturs due to unclear headings or transitions, and certain figures aren't clearly labeled. I'm hoping these aspects could be improved in a future edition, which the website says is on its way?

[asogi]

I read to page 45. I'm just too burned out on thinking about the bully and this whole situation now. I already got diagnosed with PTSD from it. I need to focus on healing. The book would have been really helpful months, maybe years ago. At this point, even the book and the cover are upsetting me. I read two other books: "The Narcissistis's Playbook," and "The No Asshole Rule," which was enough for me for now. So I'm returning this to the library and just reading books on healing now.

I did read chapter seventeen: "Make Yourself Safe," which was really helpful. Mainly that it's helped me identify how to report everything as I work on writing up the report of 4 years of abuse. And also not to trust HR.

[Frida Rodelo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Se trata de un libro muy completo escrito desde la perspectiva de activistas que han impulsado el tema del acoso laboral. Hay un trabajo de perfil de los bullies, perfil de las personas targets, esquemas del proceso de acoso y del papel de las diferentes partes en el conflicto (incluyendo a testigos y jefes) y una parte final algo desalentadora con perspectivas acerca de qué hacer ante un caso de este tipo.

[Leslie Graff · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some interesting nuggets but very dry with a great deal on why bullying exists and arguments that boil down to observing that it's harmful and something should be done about it but things rarely are. It feels somewhat like a book written for HR who will talk about why we shouldn't bully in boring seminars that never actually make change. Maybe some tidbits here and there but not as helpful as i hoped.

[Kirsten Cummins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Can’t wait for the newest edition. There’s a great deal of information in here. It helped to know I was not alone, and I definitely cried a few times.

[Kelley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bully at Work offers some amazing insight into the world of workplace bullying. Even though it isn't totally clear how many people face bullies on the job, some surveys show 37% of Americans have been bullied at work and almost 50% of employees are aware of it. Inexplicably despite this prevalence of workplace bullying, the bully themselves rarely face justice for their actions. Rather, 77% of their targets either are fired, transferred, or quit their jobs. That means less than one in four bullies are actually held accountable for their actions; instead many retain their jobs or are promoted. The authors, Drs. Namie and Namie, do a good job laying out the facts of bullying: what it is, how it happens, and why it happens. The authors offer clear explanations about how the victims of bullying don't ask to be targeted and are typically high performing, competent employees. Victims aren't responsible for what happens to them, but they must speak up as the authors suggest to their employers to try to force actions to end the bullying. Victims have to realize that they must present their case to employers who then should be the ones to stop bullying. The reality as authors point out though, is that only in one in four cases will result in something actually happening from employers to stop the bully. That means in three of four cases, some negative consequences will happen to the target instead. But if a target allows bullying to go unchecked, then bullying will claim the target 100% of the time. This book can help targets learn how to cope and handle the unwanted situation they face. My criticism of the book is that sometimes the authors resort to name calling of bullies. While this may seem minor, in my mind, it serves to detract from their credibility as experts on this subject. Additionally, I would like to have seen more concrete strategies presented earlier in the book on how to address bullying situations at work. Nevertheless, this is an eye-opening book that does offer strong insight into a little acknowledged work problem. It can help both the employee and the employer to understand the very negative situation and how to counter it.

[Sue · Rating 4 out of 5]

Workplace bullying is ubiquitous and is usually done (72%) by a boss. 13% of people say they are being bullied now and 24% say they have been bullied in the past. It can destroy lives and careers. The bully wants to control another person and it includes humiliation and withholding of resources that a Target requires to succeed in the workplace. The bully tries to wear down the Target's self confidence. 40% of Targets quit to stop the bullying. Human Resources and management usually side with the bully. Some bully tactics are: criticism of ability, insults and put-downs, exclusion (cuts Target out of communications loop). Targets tend to be competent and nice people.

[Leigh · Rating 4 out of 5]

After years of being bullied (I almost want to say tormented on a daily basis) I wanted to read this book and see if it would or could help me. While most of book is on their website it had some good exercises and questions to ask yourself as you go along. It was dry in places and statistics throughout which didn't help much, but I will say this book made me feel less alone in my ordeal. My only complaint was I thought they should have more real life stories and their outcomes including in the book including maybe a section of good news stories to give inspiration and hope to those of us who face the reality of workplace bullying on a daily basis.

[Brian · Rating 3 out of 5]

Informative. A gateway book for learning more about this "epidemic." I've always been surprised why people (Targets or witnesses) don't get involved. This book helps explain why. I'd recommend this to anyone who has faced a workplace bully, as well as those who have loved ones who've experienced it, or even just been a witness to it. Knowledge is liberating.

[Leonard · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Namies are leaders in the work to address and stop workplace bullying in the US. This is previously read (at least twice) another in a series on this topic that I'm skimming to gain specific documentation. However the copy I have is the first edition, not the second one pictured here.

[Vicki Boyd · Rating 3 out of 5]

Non-fiction. Interesting if you have ever had to deal with these people. They throw everyone and everything off. Bring a large element of stress into the environment but usually just covert enough to be hard to make issue of.

[Sharon · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book really puts a lot of things in perspective.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

As I am dealing with bullies at a work place. I found it really helpful to push the bullies out in front of everyone of their horrible actions.

I found this very informative.

[Purple Osprey · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is both necessary and pointless. Having more understanding is good, but no book can make you stop being a victim.