Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the Bible

by Jay E. Adams

If the church is going to use the Bible to decide whether divorce is legitimate in certain cases and whether divorced couples have the right to remarry with the approval and blessing of God’s people, then the Bible must be studied without prejudice toward a particular answer. The author examines the relevant passages in both the Old and New Testaments so that his readers can consider the many issues and interpretations that arise in trying to establish a consistently biblical position. As a result, readers can see more clearly and accept more firmly the truth of Scripture. The book succeeds at being exactly what the author wanted it to be: "a comprehensive, lucid, accurate study presented in a readable and practical style. . . ." It is a valuable resource for the pastor, counselor, church leader, and others who are struggling to understand and apply scriptural principles to the problems of divorce and remarriage.

Genres: Marriage, Counselling, Theology, Christian, Family, Nonfiction, Divorce

128 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1980

About the author

Jay Edward Adams is a Reformed Christian author. He has written over 100 books and these have been published in sixteen languages.
He received a Bachelor of Divinity from Reformed Episcopal Seminary, a Bachelor of Arts in Classics from Johns Hopkins University,a Masters in Sacred Theology from Temple University, and a PhD in Speech from the University of Missouri.
Adams' book Competent to Counsel launched the nouthetic counseling movement, a movement whose aim was to use strictly biblical counseling methods. He is the founder of the Intitute for Nothetic Studies.

Reviews

[Brian Pate · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent! Clear writing and thorough exposition of a complex topic.

Adams argues that divorce is always the result of sin, but is not always sinful. Divorce (and hence remarriage) is not sinful when (a) an unbelieving partner wants a divorce (1 Cor 7:12-14) or (b) a partner has proved him or herself to be an unbeliever through unrepentant sexual sin (Matt 5:31-32; 19:3-9). He argues that believers should not divorce one another (1 Cor 7:10-11).

Remarriage of widows is clearly not sinful (Rom 7:3) and is commended in the Bible (1 Tim 5:14). Adams shows that not only is remarriage of those "properly" divorced permitted (1 Cor 7:27-28), but also remarriage of the "guilty party" so long as he has shown fruits of repentance.

I read this with our pastoral interns in Brazil, and I know I will return to it many times in the future. Very helpful.

[Trent Still · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best book by Adams I’ve read so far. I appreciate his distinctions and willingness to let Scripture carry the weight. The forgiveness of sins is Christ is an offense to many even in the church and needs to be better applied to divorce and remarriage.

[Some Christian Lady · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book, in addition to other research on the topic of marriage and divorce, has finally lifted the burden I have felt for the last 8 years.

Prior to becoming a Christian, I got married and shortly afterward, divorced. It was entirely my fault.

Several years later, before I was converted, I got remarried. It was at that point that I began reading the Bible and came to the parts about marriage and divorce, and thought I had done something that was unforgivable.

Now, none of the research I’ve done makes light of the sin I committed (nor do I make light of it either), and I have thoroughly repented and grieved over the wicked things I’ve done… But what this research HAS done is show that there is forgiveness even for this sin.

I’ll just list a couple of the most compelling reasons why…

1) If remarriage after an unbiblical divorce could not be forgiven, it would become a second unpardonable sin, yet the Bible says there is only one sin that’s unforgivable, and that’s blaspheming the Holy Spirit.

2) Many of the Greeks who were being newly converted in Paul’s day would have been married more than once, and some would even have been in polygamous marriages. If being remarried after an unbiblical divorce was unforgivable, Paul would have spoken on this issue, which he did not.

3) When we are converted, we become a new creation. And the Bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:24 that in whatever condition we are in at the time of conversion, we are to stay (whether married or divorced, free or slave, etc.).

4) My understanding of the verse in the Bible that discusses a divorced person remarrying and “committing” adultery was incorrect. I read the word “committing” as in the present-continuous sense, but that is not the case. Yes, when you marry and first sleep with your new spouse, you commit the act of adultery, but it is the final act that breaks the previous bonds of marriage, and you do not remain in an adulterous relationship from that point on.

5) David committed adultery with Bathsheba and then had Uriah murdered so that he could marry her. He was forgiven of this by God.

I could give more reasons, but those are just some of the ones that come to mind most quickly.

The bottom line is this. Jesus tells us in the Bible that if we repent of our sins, He is just and will forgive us of our sins. We serve a God who is steadfast and patient. He loved us so much that while we were still sinners He came and died for us on the cross. I am forever thankful to serve such a merciful and amazing God.

I say with the tax collector… “Be merciful to me, a sinner.”

And I believe He will be 🙏

[Maria Hilliker · Rating 3 out of 5]

“Cases of divorce and remarriage are complex; They are not as simple to deal with as some seem to think” - Jay Adams

I think I went into this book hoping for simple, and he gave me complex. That’s on me. But I appreciate the way this author strives for a Biblical basis to every claim he makes.

[Andrew Silva · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful in laying out the clear biblical principles surrounding the topics in the title.

[Alexander Proudfoot · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very helpful on this difficult and emotionally charged topic.

[Chad · Rating 3 out of 5]

A short and not very deep study of the Bible's teachings on marriage, divorce, and remarriage. I don't agree on all points, but I appreciate the explanation and biblical basis for the arguments.

Summary
Divorce is biblical in cases of adultery (sexual immorality) and when an unbelieving spouse insists on abandoning a believer. Remarriage is biblical when both spouses were previously unmarried or biblically divorced. "Guilty" party may also remarry after repentance.

Notes
The disciples' comment that it would be better not to marry (Matt 19:10) shows that they understood Jesus to mean that sexual sin is the only permissible ground for divorce among believers.

Deut 24:1-4 refers to an unbiblical/illegitimate divorce (legal but sinful). Wife is defiled by 2nd marriage because her divorce was for unbiblical reasons, not for remarrying per se.

When Jesus speaks in Matt 5:32 of causing the divorced wife to commit adultery, he means a wife who is divorced for unbiblical reasons (as the wife of Deut 24); for "any ground" short of fornication. Those individuals had no right to divorce, so the 2nd marriage is adulterous. Anyone who marries someone who's not biblically divorced commits adultery.

The words "released" in 1 Cor 7:27-28 are the same in the original: "luo" which means divorce. These verses allow remarriage after divorce. V. 28a is speaking to the divorced couple of v. 27.

Ezek 44:22 shows that "priests are in a special class and may not do what is perfectly right for others to do": remarry after divorce.

When a person is converted, they are to remain in the state they were in when saved (even in unbiblical marriage or remarriage) (1 Cor 7:17-24).

The "guilty" party may remarry after repentance. Just as one may marry a former murderer, one may marry a former adulterer or sinfully divorced person.

1 Cor 7:10-11 means that believers may not divorce. Paul doesn't mention the exception of Matt 19:9, but he knew of it.

1 Cor 7:11 calls divorced couple "unmarried," showing that marriage contract is dissolved. This is also used in Deut 24:1-4. Thus, to say divorced people are "still married in God's sight" is unbiblical.

Believers who divorce are required by 1 Cor 7:11 to remain unmarried so they can be reconciled.

Deut 24:1-4 uses language that makes it clear that divorce ends the marriage; the woman is only 1 man's wife at a time.

Rom 7:1-3 doesn't teach that only death breaks a marriage, because Jesus said that man can (through he may not) put asunder. Also, Paul was simply using marriage as an illustration here.

Jesus' statement on divorce in Matt 19 (and parallel passages was speaking to people in the church, responding to comments about Deut 24:1-4, which regulates divorce among believers. He didn't intend to cover all circumstances.

In 1 Cor 7:14, to be sanctified by the believer means the unbelieving partner is exposed to the gospel. The children being holy means they're under the care of the church, under positive influences; not that they're necessarily save.

1 Cor 7:12-16 means that believer must do all in their power to remain married to unbeliever, but if unbeliever insists on divorce, believer may divorce.

1 Cor 7:15 means that when unbelieving spouse leaves believer, all bonds of marriage are removed. Word translated "bound" is "duoloo," meaning "to enslave."

Exception clause of Matt 5:32 and 19:9 applies to divorce and remarriage in coordination, not just to divorce. In Matt 5:32, "Jesus says that one commits adultery by marrying another unless he has divorced his previous wife for fornication." In Matt 19:9, "the divorced wife and her second husband are warned that they will commit adultery unless she was divorced for fornication."

Deut 24:1-4 was meant to eliminate easy divorce by establishing serious consequences.

[Peter Jones · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jay Adams writes with the tact of a bulldozer. He wrote when the divorce culture in the church was rising and not already entrenched as it is today. He basically agrees with John Murray on when divorce is legitimate. He also thinks that if divorce is legitimate then so is remarriage.

There are several advantages to Adams’ book over Murray’s. First, Adams discusses marriage. This is a great benefit because it lays out the presuppositions behind his views on divorce. Second, he gives a lot more practical application. Third, he is clearer. Even when one disagrees, at least you know exactly what he is saying. Fourth, the book is very practical.

Still, Murray’s book is a more in-depth exegetical study than Adams’ is. At times Adams exegesis was thin.

To his credit he did try to give some basic guidelines for handling remarriage, but I felt like these were insufficient though better than Murray.

Murray and Adams work well together and would give the reader a good idea of the arguments for the conservative, but not permanence, view of divorce.

[Matt Crawford · Rating 4 out of 5]

Takes a difficult topic and for the most part says that personal opinion doesn’t matter but here is what the Bible says. That I like. What I don’t like is that remarriage (enough of an issue to own 1/3 the title) is only given 2 brief chapters towards the end. The title and introductory chapters make it seem that it will be discussed on full but it appears to just be tacked on at the end.

[Douglas Wilson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great. Really good. Also read in April of 1988.

[Zack · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bit reactionary in tone and surprisingly redundant for a book under 100 pages, it is nonetheless very helpful. I don’t agree with all of Adams’s applications (particularly of 1 Corinthians 6 in the modern US), but most of them are sound and much of the exegetical work is useful.

[Martins Martinsons · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although I don't agree with author's definition of the purpose of the marriage (it is too narrow), this book contains true wisdom that is based is solid Biblical exegesis. Makes you think, and that is always good.

[Levi Friesen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good, thorough, hermeneutically responsible survey of the Biblical teaching on marriage/divorce/remarriage, with pastoral considerations/realities well integrated.

[Anna Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gostei muito desse livro, porque o autor ele buscar aplicar a bíblia na realidade. Excelente 😁👏

[Hannah McLaughlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Clear and easily digestible study of the topic.

[Sally Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

Full of focused scriptures. Small but powerful book revealing what scriptures say about marriage and divorce. Very helpful, humbling.

[Molly · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s unfortunate that the older I get the more this is a problem that you have to be prepared for as my friends start having issues. I was very thankful for the detailed and practical steps in this book on this very difficult subject. I’ll definitely be remembering this book in the future as a reference guide.

[☘Tara Sheehan☘ · Rating 3 out of 5]

As an Irish Catholic who is on their second marriage the subject of marriage, divorce and remarriage is particularly close to my heart. The Catholic Church used the bible as their reason to disallow me from my own faith despite the fact that United States law says your spouse can just leave and divorce you regardless of what the church says. Meaning the rest of us who are trying to abide by church law become innocent victims punished by being tossed out through no fault of our own. I was incredibly curious where this book was going to fall on that spectrum; was yet another person going to tell me the Church is right and I am barred from my faith or is someone else going to stand by my side to point out the hypocrisy in this?

Although the audience for this seemed to be geared more towards ministerial staff than a layperson it’s still written in a way that your average person should be able to grasp the concepts and writing.
I liked that he steered away from the oft quoted idea that procreation is a foundational purpose of marriage because that always irritated me when you consider the number of childless couples. Does different genetics make their relationship any less valid than someone who can have kids? What about couples who choose NOT to have them for whatever the reason?

You will come away learning about the various scriptures that pertain to marriage, divorce and remarriage as he also provides the various viewpoints so at times I felt like he wasn’t take a hard stance one way or the other but just wanted to provide information so people could come to their own conclusions in a way. His writing is easy to understand and he presented his arguments in a logical, well thought out manner but still at times I felt like he wasn’t really trying to persuade the reader towards one side or the other.

In the end what I discovered is there is a lot of conflicting information and sets of rules that apply depending on how you can spin things or the position you hold. Ironically the position I came to after reading this it seems it would be better for the Church to stay out of marriage and let the government handle it as religions make things too complicated and too often punish the innocent.

If you’re pro-gay marriage I seriously would NOT recommend this book. I think only traditional bible believing Christians will appreciate this and get any true benefit.

[Kirk Miller · Rating 4 out of 5]

Content -- good.

Tone -- could be improved at points, particularly when dealing with those with whine he disagrees (typical Jay Adams).

Sometimes a little simplistic in its handling of things.

Sometimes the opposite: stances were so, "If this, then that... If this, than that... If this, then..." (etc.) that things felt several levels removed from the text itself, and one began to feel suspicious of their legitimacy.

But, all in all, an impressive little treatment -- cuts through a complex issue with a lot of clarity (even if being in danger of a little over-simplicity at times).

[Kim Voss · Rating 5 out of 5]

The audience for the book is pastors, but anyone with knowledge of the Bible can understand it. Very detailed look at the topic of marriage in the Bible. Adams is a professor at Westminster Theological Seminary and was a pastor. His emphasis is the grace of God.

[J.E. Jr. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book, examining a subject that is far too neglected theologically. I like Adams’ careful commitment to being scripturally-based in all of his conclusions, and he does some good exegetical work. It’s a bit dry at times, but not prohibitively so.

[Brandon Current · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read and keep as resource. The helpful contribution of this book is to clear the air around divorced/remarried people in the church. For those who take church discipline and biblical commands seriously, there has too often (especially at the time of writing) a sense that divorce is always wrong, and those who have been divorced are forever fringe-christians.

Adams walks through all of the relevant passages - what was the concern being addressed at the time of writing - and lays out a theology of marriage followed by a theology of divorce, and finally a theology of remarriage. He brings all of this to very practical application of how to walk people and churches through the mess that sin causes - yet with a clear view of the peace and cleanness available to all who walk through Christ’s gift of repentance.

Best quote: “Contrary to some opinions, the concept of divorce is biblical. The Bible recognizes and regulates divorce. Certain provisions are made for it. This must be affirmed clearly and without hesitation.”

The book suffers from Adam’s typical over rigidness and over-simplification of complex scriptural topics with a denunciation of anyone who comes to different conclusions after careful study. He ram-rods ever case into a flowchart that leads to either repentance or public announcement that an individual is not saved - and the church that has received them is a false church. It is pretty clear with the breadth of conclusions even within similar “camps” of christianity, that this issue must be held as a “disputable matter” and approached with charity and humility.

For my part, I think this book absolutely should have addressed abuse. I believe that like sexual sin, it is a breach of the marriage covenant and therefore a divorce that is not sin. Adams handled the gospels not all sharing the exception clause as stating that Jesus did not intend to give an exhaustive list of acceptable divorces, yet proceeds as though only that case, and Paul’s addition of abandonment by a non-believer are legitimate causes for divorce.

If Paul could add an exception, and if Matthew could record one exception, yet Mark and Luke have no exceptions, it seams reasonable to conclude that we don’t have an exhaustive flowchart or regulating law, but rather a teaching on the sacredness of the covenant, and the reality that it is a breakable covenant. When the covenant is broken, it is free to be formally dissolved, leaving the parties free to remarry.

As the covenant is entered before God, under the authority of the church and her witnesses, it should be dissolved not unilaterally, or under government authority alone, but under the counsel and advisement of the church as well.

[Jason McCollum · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read the original 1980 edition. I found Adams to have many good points and an especially well written preface/introduction, but I did not find his argument persuasive. First, he oversimplifies marriage to companionship and underplays the role God has in creating the marriage. Adams instead argues that the covenant makes the marriage (and the consummation in sex is not really a part of it). This was problematic. Noticeably absent in Adams' discussion of marriage was Ephesians 5 and how marriage points to Jesus and the Church. This is essential for understanding marriage and prohibitions on divorce and remarriage. I also dislike how literal he can get and his lack of nuance makes parts of the book challenging. For example, when talking about God writing a letter of divorce to Israel, he calls God a divorcee and does not nuance the symbolism and the illustration of it. Adams interacts very little with the counterarguments of remarriage after divorce while the spouse is still living is adultery. He simply says they are wrong and unbiblical. He sees all texts on divorce and remarriage through the lens of Jesus' exceptional clause in Matthew 5 and 19, rather than trying to make sense of the exceptional clause in light of the many other texts. This too was problematic and led to bad argument. A particular bad argument was for remarriage of divorced persons from 1 Corinthians 7:27-28 because Paul is addressing betrothed couples, not married or divorced couples. I wish Adams would have been more explicit about what conditions need to be met for a divorced person to remarry. He gives some, but uses ambiguous language such as "make sure biblical obligations have been met." He addressed that some in earlier chapters, but made the waters muddy in the final few chapters. Similarly, he does not touch on remarriage after your divorced spouse remarries, though I believe he would have no issue with it. Lastly, in discussion on remarriage, he seems to indicate the forgiveness of a divorced person equals opportunity to remarry. This is as opposed to someone being forgiven, but not be allowed to remarry due to the fact they wrongfully divorced and the spouse is still living.... All in all, a decent book on the subject with a fair amount of problems. I do appreciate his strong attempt to be biblical, though I do not agree in many spots.

[Seth Meyers · Rating 1 out of 5]

The book in a sentence:
Divorce and remarriage are possible under a great many circumstances loosely bound by the categories of sexual sin and the desire of an unbeliever.

I cannot recall reading a book that caricatured the opposing view more. According to Adams, the "No Divorce, No remarriage" position has "no support in the Scriptures and, indeed, the usage of the entire Bible annihilates it." (page 56) There is "no basis" for their "theory." (56) In fact the entire discussion of divorce and remarriage is fairly simple, "His Word is so explicit that there is no room for speculation and doubt." (page 8). Those who disagree with him are urged to "Try to lay your prejudice aside" because he certainly he has no prejudices nor has any sinful or weak tendency manifested itself in his argument.

Though he agrees with John Murray's book on Divorce, it is "hesitant and incomplete at so many vital points... crabbed,... tedious,... wrong,... and limited."

Another book which agrees with Adams is "thin and poorly written." Therefore, Adams will take up the pen since the "Christian church still awaits a comprehensive, lucid, accurate study." (page viii)

Adams does not deal verse by verse with Matthew 19 and barely references Mark 10 or Luke 16. His only discussion of Jesus' teaching on divorce is his treatment of the exception clause in Matt. 19:9 or 5:32.

Nor does he discuss Romans 7:2-4 although he does admit in a footnote (page 44) that his view of divorce "would complicate and thus defeat the intent" of Paul's teaching. He does not discuss Eph. 5, or Christ's commitment never to divorce his oft offending wife, and the believer's responsibility to love as Christ loved.

He handles Jer. 3:8 with brazen disrespect yet fails to read the entire chapter which calls Jehovah Israel's husband regardless of her sin.

Jay Adams has offered the church much better presentations of Scriptural truth, and we may hope that this little book will soon lapse from the printer's cycle.

[John · Rating 3 out of 5]

A mixed bag.

Adams is right that 1 Cor 7 is about divorce, not separation. He helpfully rejects Murray’s notion that some divorced people are “still married in God’s eyes”; Paul calls them “unmarried.”

But there are several things in this book that are questionable or just wrong.

Adams thinks that if you forgive, you are not allowed to divorce. So if a woman is married to an abusive man (and I don't think Adams ever brings up abuse, which is unfortunate) or, let's say, a husband who has committed adultery for a decade or even a pedophile, she must forgive him if he asks for forgiveness and then, having forgiven him, may not divorce him. This is like saying that if your employee robs you blind and then asks for forgiveness, you may not fire him or turn him over to the police. This is going beyond what Scripture requires.

Adams' interpretation of Deut 24 is quite strange: he thinks that the “thing of nakedness” [erwath dabar] here is anything that a husband doesn’t like, any ground on which he wishes to divorce his wife—and that the law isn’t saying that’s okay but is simply saying that a husband who divorces his wife for no just cause cannot take her back if she marries someone else in between.

Some of Adams’ “the Bible has an answer” stuff seems too simplistic, too cut and dried, especially when one of the steps is “if the other church won’t listen to your church, then your church should declare that church to not be a church”!

In short, though there are some helpful things in this book and a pastor could benefit from working through them, I would not recommend this book to anyone else.

[Christopher Humphrey · Rating 4 out of 5]

The scourge of modern divorce happens all too frequently both outside and inside the Church. The trend is so powerful that many Churches have stopped addressing the issue biblically, opting instead for a pragmatic approach. But a Church is not a true Church if it fails to faithfully proclaim and practice the Word of God, even in areas, like divorce, that will certainly generate controversy and bruised feelings.

In "Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the Bible: A Fresh Look at What Scripture Teaches" professor and counselor Jay E. Adams addresses the subject head-on in a straightforward and biblically faithful way. If one has spent any time in Church leadership, it will not be a surprise to learn that once a a couple fails to apply God's Word to fulfill their marriage vows, chaos is certain to follow. It is this chaos that produces manifold, variegated dysfunction that must be untangled and addressed biblically and faithfully from God's Word. This takes work. But Adams has made that work a bit easier by using careful exegesis of the relevant passages and applying those passages to real-life situations.

I found this book clarifying. The book really breaks no new ground, but it doesn't need to. Instead, this book helps to provide clear thinking in an area that can easily get confusing when applying the Scripture to the facts on the ground. If you are unfamiliar with what the Bible has to say about marriage, divorce and remarriage, then this small volume will prove very useful to you, and extremely helpful to the Church. Happy reading!

[Stephanie Oh · Rating 4 out of 5]

I devoured this book. It's a Scriptural and concise look at marriage, divorce, and remarriage from an ARP pastor / former theology professor that should be required reading for every Christian couple in premarital counseling. It was published more than 40 years ago, but God's word is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow and as a result this book is relevant and practical today. Others have left more thorough reviews, so I won't rehash what's already been said, but I'd like to add some additional comments. I've seen some reviews say that Adams doesn't properly address abusive marriages. I disagree. He provides a framework, derived from Scripture, for how Christian couples and unequally yoked couples are to navigate sin patterns in their marriages. Sexual abuse would obviously fall under sexual sin which he addresses. Emotional and physical abuse would fall under a sin pattern that requires immediate and sincere repentance on behalf of the abuser. Unrepentance calls for church discipline and if necessary excommunication of the abuser from the church in which case the marriage would be classified as an unequally yoked marriage, and divorce for unequally yoked couples is addressed in sufficient length in this book.

[Harvey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Though the biblical data is not always easy to understand and apply, Jay Adams does an admirable job sorting through the difficulties and creating a coherent practical theology of divorce and remarriage that is thoroughly biblical. I recommend this to any serious student of theology, especially to pastors and church leaders.

The most remarkable aspect of this book is its insistence (refreshingly so) that, between Christians, legal disputes such as divorce proceedings should never spill out into the public court system. Instead, disputes are to be handled by the church applying discipline, the right and privilege of every Christian.

[Ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall this is a good book: understandable, concise, and biblically oriented. It brings of many important points that I wouldn’t have thought of on my own. I do struggle with some of the biblical interpretation and subsequent conclusions in chapter 14. In particular, I’m not convinced that the author's application of 1 Corinthians 7:25f is appropriate, and he hangs a lot on that. Also, he skates over Matthew 19:9 without a full explanation because it has apparently had a full treatment by another author. That’s fine, it just would be nice to get a taste of that interpretive argument without going out and getting another book. I commend this book as an avenue into a deeper biblical study.

[Beth Peninger]

Originally I gave this title 4 stars. I am revising my stars to zero.

The reason I am doing so is that since reading this title, several things about my faith journey and expression have changed and I no longer subscribe to evangelical ideologies.

Additionally, I was trained to be a lay counselor using this bible-based (only) method and I have first-hand experience as a counselor and counselee that this method does more harm than healing, promotes toxicity, enables inequality between women and men, and more.