Past Mortem

by Ben Elton

With old friends like these, who needs enemies?

It's a question mild mannered detective Edward Newson is forced to ask himself when, in romantic desperation, he logs on to the Friends Reunited website in search of the girlfriends of his youth. Newson is not the only member of the Class of take back '88 who has been raking over the ashes of the past. As his old class begins to reassemble in cyberspace, the years slip away and old feuds and passions burn hot once more.

Meanwhile, back in the present, Newson's life is no less complicated. He is secretly in love with Natasha, his lovely but very attached sergeant, and failing comprehensively to solve a series of baffling and peculiarly gruesome murders. A school reunion is planned and as history begins to repeat itself, the past crashes headlong into the present. Neither will ever be the same again.

In Past Mortem, Ben Elton—previous winner of The Crime Writers' Association Gold Dagger Award for Popcorn—delivers both a heart-stopping thriller and a killer comic romance.

Genres: Fiction, Crime, Humor, Mystery, Comedy, Thriller, Contemporary

460 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2004

About the author

Ben Elton was born on 3 May 1959, in Catford, South London. The youngest of four, he went to Godalming Grammar School, joined amateur dramatic societies and wrote his first play at 15. He wanted to be a stagehand at the local theatre, but instead did A-Level Theatre Studies and studied drama at Manchester University in 1977.

His career as both performer and writer encompasses some of the most memorable and incisive comedy of the past twenty years. His groundbreaking work as a TV stand-up comedian set the (high) standard of what was to follow. He has received accolades for his hit TV sitcoms, The Young Ones, Blackadder and The Thin Blue Line.

More recently he has had successes with three hit West End musicals, including the global phenomenon We Will Rock You. He has written three plays for the London stage, including the multi-award-winning Popcorn. Ben's international bestselling novels include Stark, Inconceivable, Dead Famous and High Society. He won the Crime Writers' Association Gold Dagger Award for the novel Popcorn.

Elton lives in Perth with his Aussie wife Sophie and three children.

Reviews

[Rob · Rating 5 out of 5]

Where to start this review? It’s a hard book to categorise.
Ben Elton's renown comes from his comedy writing but there is not a lot of comedy here. There are some very funny moments but on the whole this is a very dark tale.
Insp Ed Newson, 5’ 4” tall and a carrot top to boot suffers greatly from a lack of self esteem, with respects to the fair sex, but makes up for it with an amazing intelligent, analytical mind.
Insp Newson and his Sergeant ‘Natasha’, whom Newson worships from a far, are investigating some really brutal, bizarre murders. It turns out that all these murders have one thing in common. All the deceased were violent bullies in their school years and the killer has used the same torture on the deceased that they themselves employed as bullies.

Along the way we get an insight into Ed’s insecurities and also a look at, the not so perfect, love life of Natasha.

Along with the violence, comedy and unrequited love there is some, very in your face, sex passages which will leave the pure of heart blushing to their core. Not me of course!!!!

At its core this points a very accusatory finger at the bullies of the world and highlights how destructive bullying is, not only in the short term but the long term damage it also does.

A dark tale indeed but one that I thoroughly enjoyed.

Highly recommended 5 star read.

[Thomas Stroemquist · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm very impressed with Ben Elton's 9th novel. Even though I read him before and now well know that he does other stuff than comedy (and does other stuff than comedy really well), I'm still expecting a comic twist from his narrative. Even after learning of the (very) gruesome murders that are the work of a serial killer (according to Det. Edward Newsome's theory) I still kind of do. Some way into the novel, however, I realized this is serious stuff.

Without trying to reveal too much, the murders are related/connected to bullying and this theme makes for a number of tough situations and self analysis by the characters. Elton does not shy away from the dark stuff though - quite the contrary. Any illusion of comedy is soon buried.

"Did you recognize that guy when he appeared, Ed? When you met him for the first time? That was you. He's inside you, as much part of you as your preferred version of yourself."

I'm not at all sure, but I think that it just may be the tone of Elton's narrative that makes the bleak and miserable parts bearable and made me still like the story very much and want to keep reading. You don't totally despair, even for the character you feel the most agony over, but that's certainly not because of some feeling that "all's probably going to be OK in the end". Oh, no, it's not that easy. After a Hollywood suspense moment near the end, which I totally forgive because of the rest being so darned good, he actually manages a good finish too!

There you have it - new favorite Ben Elton.

[Baba · Rating 4 out of 5]

2019 view: Another Four Star Elton read, seems to say that his writing improves with time :) A seemingly calculating very clever killer manages to subdue a large bully and quasi-gangster... and stab him over 340 times with a small instrument... until he dies! Yep you read that right! Short and ginger, but a leading Scotland Yard detective Edward Newsom and his second-in-command, whom he's secretly besotted with, Sergeant Natasha Wilkie find themselves caught up in a case that's feel to be centred around bullying, tortuous killing and multiple suspects! A weird mix of a book, with an interesting murder case, explicit sex, rom-com stylish romance, dark comedy, child abuse, domestic violence, the power of online chatter and a real good look at bullying! It could be said that the way Elton satirises, dissects and parodies the modern age, in time this could become a barometer of this age! This book is enjoyable and though provoking on so many levels! 8 out of 12.

2011 view: The man I loathed as a comic continues to write books that I really like! The main character is a short (for a policeman) ginger haired copper who was bullied at school and is infatuated with his female underling. They both work at Scotland Yard and are sent to investigate a murder of a bullying man from a big anti-social family... this turns out to be the first of many murders. An interesting books that manages to really look at school bullying at its effect on the victim's development and later life.. yet manages to be quite funny at times... and most of all, a thoroughly gripping whodunit! 7 out of 12.

[Rubi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ben Elton is really original and funny.
When some of my friends asked me "what is this book about?" I couldn't answer. Maybe a black novel, maybe a romantic one with a lot of perversion, maybe a little bit of everything... I don't know how to classify this novel, but I don't think it is necessary. It is a great one, with very complicated characters and with a cool story.

I love the writing and the speed of the events. I have hated some of the characters, yes, I have hated them not because of the writer; I thought they were really stupid! I think this is a good thing because I don't like books in which you are supposed to have feelings for someone because that's what the writer wishes. I want to be free in my decisions!


Ben Elton, you are great! :) I will continue with your novels.

"Time, of course. That was all it took. Time."
"If you love someone you try to make them strong, you don't endorse their weakness"
"It's the world, isn't it? Everything's the same. Same crap, different toilet."

[Samyuktha jayaprakash · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very enjoyable light read on an important topic. First Ben elton book , I really like his style.
Characters - Funny , self depreciating and full of annoying tiny flaws. I kept thinking of Ed Sheeran when I read of Ed newson. The villain was hardly developed. Found some characters too drenched in stereotype.

Way of killing - Interesting , gross and relevant to the case.

Motives - Underlying theme of bullying and high school throughout the book. I felt that more dialogue on why killing your high school bully is wrong was necessary. He almost glorified the killer. Helen Smart was an important character in this aspect who was written very well.

Whodunnit - Terribly easy to find.

And really didn't buy the police romance. Since all we got was a lonely despo's version of it. Female perspective was needed again.

But a very enjoyable book , easy to read and nice social message with a slightly lenient view towards violence. Ed Sheeran convinced me to give it a 5 and not a 4 , despite all the tiny flaws mentioned above :P

[Eddie Owens · Rating 3 out of 5]

A pleasant enough read.

I am from the same eighties era as the ginger copper, so references to school discos and The Thompson Twins brings it all back for me.

The story is a bit over the top with the moralizing. We get it, Ben, bullying is bad.

[Tom Loock · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have read quite a few of Ben Elton's novels and with the exception of Blast from the Past have enjoyed them, some of them (High Society, Chart Throb) very much so.
Past Mortem is an okay mystery very heavy on the message about bullying. It's an important issue and I presume it was personal for Elton. An enjoyable read it is not, but then I suppose it's not meant to be.

[Nikki Winson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Im a big fan Ben Elton's books and again i wasn't disappointed. However, I had to knock a star off for an unnecessary sex scene which I struggled to read and almost made me stop reading. I am glad i continued as I stayed up until late as I had to finish it. It's not his usual comedy book and deals with a very emotive and always current issue, I wont say what as I don't want to give any spoilers. The characters were well written and I liked the main 2, I even felt for others but not all in a positive way. The book moved at a great pace and although i guessed who the culprit was early on it didn't ruin the story.

[Alex | paperbacksplenty · Rating 2 out of 5]

2 stars

If you write half of a book, find it crap and keep writing - just stop. I would have rather read nothing. Ew.

[Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

Setting: London, England; modern day.

Detective Inspector Ed Newson is not your typical Metropolitan Police detective - short in stature and ginger-haired, he is often the butt of derision for his colleagues, which he is quite used to having suffered much the same during his school days.
However, he and his colleague, Detective Sergeant Natasha Wilkie, make an effective and successful team - it's just a bit of a shame that Ed is hopelessly in love with Natasha, who is in a steady, although abusive, relationship with Lance.
When the pair are tasked with investigating the murder of 55-year-old Adam Bishop, stabbed multiple times with a sharp object, they discover that not many people have a good word to say about him and many are glad that he is dead.
As more bodies are discovered and the only link seems to be that the victims were generally disliked, Ed struggles both with the case and with his feelings for Natasha. To try to at least alleviate the latter, Ed opens a profile on Friends Reunited in the hope of finding former classmates, especially his schoolboy crush Christine Copperfield.
Instead he finds Helen Smart, a misfit at school like himself, who was probably the closest he ever came to having a girlfriend at school. But Helen, who now works for an anti-bullying charity called KidCall, seems to be harbouring deep resentment towards Ed for events that happened at school. Meanwhile, as Ed and his team investigate several recent deaths, a common factor of the victims having been considered to be bullies at school seems to be emerging. So who is out for revenge?....
This was a highly entertaining read, with a smattering of humour and romance (and graphic sex!) to complement the crime storyline. I would have been quite interested in reading a sequel to this one as there were some great characters but it would appear that this is only a stand-alone. Such a shame! - 9/10.

[port22 · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Past Mortem" is a mystery which takes place in contemporary England. Edward Newson, a detective inspector from Scotland Yard, together with Natasha Wilkie, a detective sergeant, trace a thread of murders in which victims die from lengthy torture. The scenes of each crime are connected only by a single common element -- the meticulousness and elaborate planning to avoid quick death.

On the surface this would have been a mystery about the psychology of the perpetrator, there is that, but what this book brings above others is the two additional lines of development -- Newson's infatuation with Natasha, and the episodes of Newson's memories from high-school and him attempting to connect with his objects of puerile adulation from the end of the 80s.

Unrequited love is pain, Newson is a confidante into which Natasha's vents frustrations from her boyfriend. A position from which Newson believes he would never manage to graduate, him being simply a good friend is emasculating. Could a revival of old high-school passions bring the vigor he needs so desperately to demonstrate.

I found Ben Elton by checking out the credits on the BBC comedy "Black Adder", where he figured as one of the writers. The outstanding black humor of the series prompted me to reach out and try one of his books. To this I give enthusiastic 5 stars. The book is a mastery of pace, plot and style, it manages to not only entertain by the methods of typical good mystery -- keeping you on the edge -- but during the slow moments actually engaged my own memories about what high-school was, the good and the bad of it.

[Dreadlocksmile · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Past Mortem" is Ben Elton's ninth novel which was first published back in 2004. Described on the sleeve as a "heart-stopping thriller and a killer comic romance", having been written by the comedian Ben Elton, you were sure to have a fair amount of comedy within the book.

The novel reads like a black comedy version of a Shaun Hutson thriller novel, being very easy to read, delivering short fast paced chapters that end on miniature cliff hangers throughout the book. The novel follows the life of detective Edward Newson as he tries to capture a serial killer who is murdering bullies in inventive and disturbing ways. The storyline is somewhat similar to David Fincher's film Seven, yet at the same time so very far removed.

The likeable character of Newson, who was obviously based on Elton himself, keeps the novel alive with his comical view on the world, even in the face of such difficult circumstances. The running subplot of Newson's secret crush on one of his fellow colleagues and his resulting non-existent love life, makes the character so much more loveable.

The novel is slightly let down by the obvious and predictable outcome of who the killer is, which becomes apparent from quite early on. This obviously was not Elton's intention, which ruins the `twist-ending' as you will see it coming from a mile away. Still, the book is a thoroughly enjoyable read due to the well written nature of the book, and for a bit of light hearted reading, you can't go wrong with it.

[Sean Rich · Rating 5 out of 5]

i realy enjoyed this book, even though i did work out who done it about half way through. but there was still plenty of good bits and surprises on the way through. Ben Elton is fast becomeing one of my fav authors, i've read two of his books now and i realy like the way he looks at things, his characters and his wit.

[Dimitri · Rating 4 out of 5]

A well-executed theme mix of bullying, revenge-fueled vigilantism and the vanity of high school status. It(s what keeps bringing me back to this page-turner from my twenties to my thirties.

[Jeff Johnston · Rating 3 out of 5]

Elton really tries to hammer home the impacts of child bullying and it's ongoing affect on the victims psychology into their adult life. Was not impressed with the romantic angle.

[Remy Sharp · Rating 4 out of 5]

My hospital read! I spent a day and night in hospital for tonsillitis, and managed to read through this book (though there's not a whole lot to do in hospital!).

Originally this book was destined for a 3 star, but the last 5th of the book started to really pull the story together and made for quite a fun and gripping ending.

---

I selected this book to read because it was Ben Elton, and I'd read a few of his books before and was expecting satirical, witty and possibly funny. I did not expect this book! The characters are certainly witty, but there's no comedy to be found. This is a dark detective story.

The story did feel a little crowded for the first half, it follows the protagonist Edward Newson, a detective inspector and a good one to boot. Newson is extremely well centred with respect to his work, and it makes him a good detective.

In his personal life, he's off centre, but as the reader, I found his judgement quite questionable - and I'm not 100% sure if his character arc leaves him any better at the end.

At the surface of the story, we have a murder mystery. A pretty graphically gruesome murder. Then there's some very strong elements of sex - and very graphic hardcore sex (which, I didn't really realise I was signing up to). Then there's a heavy bullying theme: how if affects an individual decades on, how the bullies continue to live, if they can move past it, whether it's rooted to their soul or not. Then there's unrequited love. Then there's nostalgia and reaching into the past and trying to rekindle feelings of hope and love and happiness.

So…yeah, it felt a little crowded.

Thankfully the last quarter somehow manages to pull a lot of the themes together (and drops a few on the way).

In the end, I enjoyed the story and enjoyed the gripping ending. It did all tie up a little too nicely, but then it's a story, so why shouldn't it?! :)

[Nick · Rating 2 out of 5]

As you will see from my other reviews, I generally enjoy reading Mr. Elton's output in the form of novels. 'Past Mortem' disappointed, however. What I normally like is the way he is able to combine wit, social issues and realistic characters into an intriguing storyline. The characaters in this novel were not as well fleshed out as in some others (such as 'Inconceivable'), but they were real enough to keep the plot going. So what didn't I like about this one? First, it was not very funny. That is shocking from a man who has been within the circle of comedians who have defined British comedy for last 20 years. Shocking, but forgiveable. Second, the storyline did not really work. In a previous book loosely based on the detective story genre (Dead Famous), the 'whodunnit' aspect was a major part of the success of the story. It was a real mystery. In this book, I could spot the culprit a mile off - a long time before the apparently brilliant young detective was anywhere near. Disappointing, but redeemable if all of the other elements are in place. So what did I really not like about this book? Ben Elton's novels generally tackle a particular social issue. This one is no exception. The issue here is that of bullying. This is a major problem that needs to be tackled in British society and I commend Mr. Elton's approach and bravery in the way that he deals with it. What I did not like, however, is that the issue of bullying became the only successful part of the novel (see the comments above). The book then becomes a morality tale without the tale. I expect better craftsmanship from someone who has been working on his style for such a long time.

[David Roberts · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am reviewing the comedy thriller novel Past Mortem by Ben Elton which is a very good book which I bought from a car boot sale. Apparently Ben won the Golden Dagger Award for Popcorn which was a previous comic thriller also by him. People who are squeamish might fight this book a bit off putting although it's well written. The plot is a police inspector is investigating a series of brutal murders where the victims always seem to be unpopular and bullies. At the same time he is have to contend with his up and coming class reunion and he meets an old friend called Christine whom he develops feelings for but then she is murdered too. The trail leads to Friends Reunited which was a popular social media site when this book came out. It appears certain people are writing about unpleasant experiences at the hands of others and the killer is reading them and taking revenge. The trail also leads to a children's bullying helpline where the same thing is happening as well. There is a fair few red herrings but there is a happy conclusion. Ben reached prominence in Britain with Saturday Night Live and went onto script Black Adder & The Young Ones. He is primarily a stand up comedian by trade but has even turned film director and made Maybe Baby. I think this book is one of his better books and he is a fantastic author. When High Society was published one critic said Ben Elton The Author Is Even Funnier than Ben Elton the stand up comedian. I did quite enjoy this book.

[Kristi Priestley · Rating 5 out of 5]

The problem with good books is that they never last very long!

Ben Elton is the perfect example of that...although being fairly long, I devour his books so quickly that enjoyment seems over far too fast! This being the second Ben Elton book I have read, I am struck by how vastly different the plots were (Two Brothers was excellently researched historical fiction), but they are both immensely entertaining. This story follows Detective Inspector Newson in his investigation of a series of interesting murders, but this is not like any other crime novel. Elton manages to weave a romantic thread, and humour into what would otherwise be an extremely sinister story. It has been a long time since I have stayed up waaay past my bedtime because I can't bear to put a book down.

This was so "compulsively readable" that I will now be on the hunt for more Ben Elton novels to discover!

[Charlotte (Buried in Books) · Rating 2 out of 5]

Maybe a touch too graphic for me (not only with the violence, but some of the sexual parts of the book as well - could have done without the graphic description of fisting really).

It was an interesting read, based around the hunt for a serial killer with a thing against school bullies. The character of Newson was pretty good, but made me feel embarassed for him most of the time (can't be easy when you're in love with your second in command - Natasha was good fun as well). It really picked up on the internet and the popularity of sites like Friends Reunited.

I did kind of figure out who the killer was though - Elton did make it rather obvious (how else would the killer get into the homes), but there were a couple of good red herrings in there.

[Sally · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'd forgotten how much I like Ben Elton. I liked his stand-up comedy and I've enjoyed his books thus far. This has been loitering on my bookshelves for years, and I'm rather glad that I inadvertently preserved reading it for the first time!

I've never had the slightest urge to join Friends Reunited. My school days were not the happiest of my life by any stretch of anyone's imagination and I've no overwhelming urge to revisit those with whom I shared them. The subjects of this novel, regardless of their experiences it seems, decided to take a trip down memory lane. They didn't all survive. I found myself snatching a few minutes at any opportunity to get to the "whodunnit". I wasn't disappointed.

[Jayne Charles · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ben Elton is unashamedly into the groove of selecting themes of popular culture and satirising them. This is a typical offering, this time centring round a Friends Reunited-type website, and contains a lot of humour as well as some rather startling sex scenes. The whodunnit was weak, I thought, as I guessed the perpetrator pretty early on. There was still a minor twist I didn't guess, though, so top marks to him there. Not his best, but not his worst by any means.

[Cat Pick · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was given to me by my Scottish friend who bought it in a UK charity shop. I hadn't ready any Elton before, and I'm really enjoying this. It's basically a police procedural, albeit a more lighthearted one (though the crimes are not at all lighthearted). It's sort of a veddy serious procedural crossed with a Kingsley Amis novel.

[Monique · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nice, easy-to-read, funny thriller by one of my favourite authors. It's fairly easy to find out who is committing the murders and the main characters seem a bit stupid because of that, but there's still enough fun and excitement left in the book.

[Ameya · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ben Elton expertly combines the dread and thrill of a psychologically motivated murder spree with genuinely rib-tickling situations the protagonist regularly experiences. A riveting read.

[T S · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was so cool man.

[Frank Davis · Rating 3 out of 5]

For some reason that I don't recall, about ten years ago I bought four Ben Elton novels with genuine excitement but I never managed to open them and since then they have sat on my bookshelf untouched and hardly thought of. Now, in an effort to minimise my book footprint, I figure I ought to read them before sending them on to new homes.

This book had two appealing characteristics, short chapters and a murder mystery. Apart from its coarse language and the preoccupation with sex in the main sub plot this book felt very much written for a young adult audience. The relationships and interactions between characters came across as rather immature although the story itself offers a few unexpected astute observations about society, about bullying and police work in particular.

And there I was trying to enjoy a murder mystery when all of a sudden I was vigorously thrust out of my comfort zone and hopelessly trying to flick past pages describing in obscene detail a fisting and golden shower session. Hey, they put explicit language warnings on my CDs.... why can't I get a warning for this shit on my books? I have a strong aversion to avoid DNF but I nearly pulled the pin when this wandered into pornographic fiction territory.

I'm not offended by this kind of smut, I just really don't enjoy reading about it. However, I am glad that I persisted with the book because it was at times genuinely funny and overall kind of intense, crazy and even a little tragic.

I have to admit that I picked the killer from their very first mention in the book but I did enjoy the read and the final chapters certainly had the pace and urgency of a thriller.

[Flapper72 · Rating 4 out of 5]

I generally like Ben Elton books and this was no different. Murders. We follow the DI and his second in command. He has a crush on her, she is in an abusive relationship. They investigate murders, all of which have music playing whilst they occur. Music from a specific genre. Then Ed (DI) who is short and ginger (it's relevant kind of) joins Friends Reunited and is reunited with his school mates. Never a good idea. He meets one who works for an anti bullying charity and it all goes from there. I loved the first half of the book. I'm never good at guessing who's guilty in these 'who done it' type books and usually get there just as the book is about to tell us. This one - I got there far too early. Maybe that was the idea of the book? The first half was fab. The second half I didn't need to race through because I felt I knew where it was going. I think that might be my new discovery/realisation between a good book and a great book. In a good book every character is there for a purpose, they are pivotal to the story and will be an integral part to the plot. In a great book there are multiple characters with multiple identities and flaws; they're all part of the book and make the book what it is but are not, as individuals, pivotal to the plot of if you see what I mean? With Ben Elton if a person is mentioned then they'll be up to something!

[Jenny Park · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really like Ben Elton's style. Being a multi-talented actor/director/playwright/comedian/everything, I could tell he was a good story teller. The murders are gruesome and creative, although anyone who has read a few murder mystery novels I feel would have guessed in the middle of the book who the culprit was.
Regardless, I loved the theme of exploring the past especially around the traumas and bullying from high school that sticks with you your whole life. It is cringey and uncomfortable but a lot of people did not enjoy high school did they.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

First book of 2022 was a Xmas gift picked up at the Op Shop and it was great! Ben Elton is such a brilliantly comedic writer even when the genre is crime / thriller. Started Dec 25th and finished on New Year's Day, it was a great way to start the year :)