Glory Lane

by Alan Dean Foster

THE FATE OF THE UNIVERSE IS IN THEIR HANDS

Seeth, a bored punk rocker looking for excitement. Miranda, an air-head beauty who lives to shop. And Kerwin, a nerd who just wants to fit in.

They're not friends, and they don't even particularly like each other. But now this unlikely trio is the key to saving the universe. And they're in for the adventure of a their lives.

Speed-of-light starships, intergalactic shopping sprees, and frontline action in an all-out space war lead them down the GLORY LANE.

(The above description is from the book's back cover.)

Genres: Science Fiction, Fiction, Fantasy, Humor, Science Fiction Fantasy, Adventure, Space

295 pages, Mass Market Paperback

First published August 1, 1987

About the author

Bestselling science fiction writer Alan Dean Foster was born in New York City in 1946, but raised mainly in California. He received a B.A. in Political Science from UCLA in 1968, and a M.F.A. in 1969. Foster lives in Arizona with his wife, but he enjoys traveling because it gives him opportunities to meet new people and explore new places and cultures. This interest is carried over to his writing, but with a twist: the new places encountered in his books are likely to be on another planet, and the people may belong to an alien race.

Foster began his career as an author when a letter he sent to Arkham Collection was purchased by the editor and published in the magazine in 1968. His first novel, The Tar-Aiym Krang, introduced the Humanx Commonwealth, a galactic alliance between humans and an insectlike race called Thranx. Several other novels, including the Icerigger trilogy, are also set in the world of the Commonwealth. The Tar-Aiym Krang also marked the first appearance of Flinx, a young man with paranormal abilities, who reappears in other books, including Orphan Star, For Love of Mother-Not, and Flinx in Flux.

Foster has also written The Damned series and the Spellsinger series, which includes The Hour of the Gate, The Moment of the Magician, The Paths of the Perambulator, and Son of Spellsinger, among others. Other books include novelizations of science fiction movies and television shows such as Star Trek, The Black Hole, Starman, Star Wars, and the Alien movies. Splinter of the Mind's Eye, a bestselling novel based on the Star Wars movies, received the Galaxy Award in 1979. The book Cyber Way won the Southwest Book Award for Fiction in 1990. His novel Our Lady of the Machine won him the UPC Award (Spain) in 1993. He also won the Ignotus Award (Spain) in 1994 and the Stannik Award (Russia) in 2000.

Reviews

[Craig · Rating 5 out of 5]

Glory Lane is exactly what it wants to be, a very funny and entertaining bit of fluffy and happy adventure. I enjoyed it a lot, and suspect Foster had a lot of fun in writing it. Sometimes deep and literary and meaningful is overrated. We had a cat for many years named Izmir for one of the characters, and she was quite a cat, too.

[Printable Tire · Rating 1 out of 5]

Found this book in the attic the other day. I remember it vaguely from when I was a kid, and I decided to read it. It has one of those wacky scifi covers that despite my better judgment I am forever a sucker for, and the book itself lived up to (or down to) my expectations.

I've also blandly been interested in Alan Dean Foster because to me he is one of the most successful hack science fiction writers ever, having written novelizations of everything from Alien to Star Wars franchise filler. The only book previous to this I read by him was Splinter In the Mind's Eye, a Star Wars story written to be the basis for a low-budget sequel to Star Wars in which Darth Vader loses his arm (oops!). I find him to be the cream of the crop of blah, heartless hack science fiction in a field where such writing is prominent.

At any rate, Glory Lane belongs to a big genre of science fiction I would simply call Poor Man's Douglas Adams, in which an assortment of stereotypes are sprung from the belittled planet Earth and thrust into a madcap absurd universe full of wacky characters and irreverent, stupid humor. A sort of wish fulfillment is the lure of these stories, as nothing extraordinary exciting or dangerous happens but bickering and insignificant, thoughtless, breezy jokey dialogue, in which at some point it is always revealed in a goofy way that humans are the lowest form of life. The wish fulfillment comes in as the humans experience amazingly mundane situations in comfortably imaginative worlds, such as the super-huge city Alvin in Glory Lane where our heroes spend the bulk of the novel eating weird food and shopping. Some sort of epic galactic secret is unearthed, there is some silly moral posturing, the universe is rescued, and everybody goes home happy.

I have a hard time grading a book like this, as going into it I knew exactly what to expect and it DID live up to my expectations. The problem is my expectations were retarded and for a book that (along with of course not being funny) is immensely grating to my sensibilities, especially when it tries pitifully to come across as intelligent but instead barely pulls off stupidly smug. I guess I sort of get some masochistic pleasure in how unfunny a book like this can be, how annoying all the characters are and how basically altogether irritating it is to read. I used to read a lot of books like this when I was younger and they still have that comfortable, cozy appeal. They are my equivalent of a Harlequin romance and now I am embarrassed to read them in public. I have to be careful though because reading too many books like this WILL make me stupider.

But anyway in the end this particular book was too sloppy, lazy, talky, repetitive, contradictory, and plain dull to even be good mindless entertainment. It was bullshit on auto-pilot, crap on cruise control, and a complete waste of time to a connoisseur of wasting time such as myself (which I guess is an achievement of some type). Also, I have no idea why it was called Glory Lane.

[Scott Rhee · Rating 2 out of 5]

Attempting to (I'm guessing) jump on the sci-fi humor bandwagon made popular by Douglas Adams in the '80s, Alan Dean Foster wrote this silly little novel, "Glory Lane" way back in 1987. It's okay, nothing superb. It does nothing to add to or enhance the sub-genre of science fiction comedies. If it does anything well, though, it strikes a nostalgic chord in my heart for those wonderfully silly sci-fi comedy movies that, for some reason, were extremely popular in the '80s. I'm talking about classics like "The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai in the 8th Dimension", "Weird Science", "The Last Starfighter", "My Science Project", "Terror Vision", "Back to the Future", "Explorers", "Spaceballs", "Ice Pirates", and, well, I could probably name a bunch more obscure titles, but I'm sure you've all gotten the idea.

Foster, best known for writing a whole bunch of novelizations for sci-fi movies (some of which, I'm sure, are ones I just mentioned), understood sci-fi audiences. He also understood cinematic pacing and how to tell a good story without bogging the reader down with lots of unnecessary details. Probably not the most eloquent of writers, Foster was nevertheless pretty prolific. "Glory Lane" is dumb, but it's still fun to read. As is requisite for all '80s sci-fi comedies, there is a nerd-hero, a stupid sidekick (in this case, a literal punk rocker, replete with mohawk, leather jacket, torn jeans, combat boots, and a proclivity for wanting to destroy stuff), and a sexy Valley Girl (who populates her statements with numerous "like totally"s and "fer sures" and who is obsessed with shopping.) Due to a series of auspicious occurrences, they all manage to end up on an alien spaceship, pursued by other aliens and involved in a an intergalactic war.

Other than some great cover art, a few humorous situations, and a fairly interesting---albeit totally unscientific---theory explaining the Big Bang, "Glory Lane" is one of those books I generally refer to as a "throw away". Not that I actually condone throwing away books at all. It's just a term, mind you. It's not the worst book I've read, and it's certainly not unreadable, but it's basically the type that is forgotten the minute you finish.

[Nicholas Perez]

God, this cover is so 80s.

[Don Head · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was talking with my friends, and brought up a book where the punk was smarter than the nerd, and the airhead pretty girl was smarter than the punk. One of my friends suggested I Google it, and so I did, and of course remembered the rather distinct cover artwork. My friend Daniel loaned me this book back in high school, and I enjoyed it immensely back then. Once I found it, I had to see if it would hold up, and if the inside had as much as the cover art promised.

I have to say, I'd have preferred the three humans, Seeth, Miranda, and Kerwin got along a little better, or had a little more chemistry. Sadly, they argue or ignore each other to the point where you sort of stop caring about them, and their safety. They're going on a great adventure, and yet you never really like them all that much. They are either too confrontational, vapid, or worried about a test on earth. I don't think anyone would act this way in the face of interstellar travel.

It just lacks the kind of fun you'd expect from the author of The Last Starfighter. It's a light read, though, and I can recommend it for some of the ideas of other species it brings.

[Lin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Me: Hey, Danny.
Danny: Yeah?
Me: Glumelmerk.
Danny: Oh, OK.

[J McEvoy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Dear God no.

[Larry Wright · Rating 1 out of 5]

"Splinter of the Mind's Eye" was my first sci-fi read so I've an everlasting fondness for Foster. However, the author lost my trust (and this book a reader) when his purportedly punk rock protagonist cited The Grateful Dead as one of his favorite bands. You'd think that the Dead would be right in the wheelhouse of the Spellsinger author yet, like my dad's redneck friend, he seems to think that they're a punk band. Recognizing this fallibility was almost as devastating as learning that most of my favorite weavers of fantasy, sci-fi, and horror were hard-on-the-eyes uber-nerds (like me).

[Michael · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is, thus far, the worst book I have ever read.

I can handle and sometimes enjoy Foster's work, but when the smug Neanderthal showed up and told the protagonist in no uncertain terms that his species was MUCH smarter than Homo sapiens, I wanted to strangle the book.

Thankfully, it didn't have a neck.

[Mary JL · Rating 2 out of 5]

Alan Dean Foster is a prolific writer. Therefore, of course, some of his booksare better than others.

This was one of the less sucessful stories---tried to be funny; seemd a bit pointless. Recommended for Sf fans who have read everything else or are die-hard fans of Alan Dean Foster.

[Corlynn Schuster · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this when I was a kid and I know my taste in books changed but I was slightly disappointed reading this book that I enjoyed as a kid. The writing was okay but the characters were so annoying and the story just felt rushed.

[Ron · Rating 3 out of 5]

Uproariously funny. Pop corn for the mind, unless you want to consider the philosophic possibility that the purpose of mankind is shopping.

[Amy Howard · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very of its era junk food book. Quick silly read.

[Zack Carden · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this back in 1987 shortly after it was published. I remember it being just a fun a frivolous read. I traded it in or gave it away at some point but found a copy at a used bookstore. It’s an absolutely quirky and insane romp, but I found it as fun as it was 36 years ago. Not a dry-witted as Douglas Adams, but the characters are enjoyable. I’m thankful to have found a copy and to have had the chance to enjoy a frivolous re-reading.

I’ll say one thing…makes you wonder if Coruscant was ripped off from Alan Dean Foster. There’s a description a world that is an entire city here. Perhaps such has been featured in other books, but it makes you wonder if Zahn having known ADF’s writing for Star Wars in the past read this and Splinter of the Mind’s Eye and came up with Coruscant as a city world.

[Mackenzie Traynor · Rating 3 out of 5]

What a fun read! This book was an action-packed space adventure with lots of fun to be had. The highlight of the book for me was the humor throughout each interaction with the main cast left me laughing. The characters, while leading into stereotypes, were extremely likable, with each character bringing something to the story. The way they acted together was what made this adventure so fun. It definitely lives up to the classic story of a bunch of mismatched people who are pulled together for a greater cause. The adventure itself was fun, although the world-building got a bit much at the end. The ending of the book was a bit lackluster, but the cast of characters made up for that. They have the fate of the universe in their hands, literally.

[Trevor Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

A nerd, a punk, and a valley girl meet an alien at a bowling alley one night in Albuquerque; the result, a humorous, if more than a little cliché, sci-fi adventure. At first, I thought the cover might be the most interesting thing about the book, but the ending was actually pretty engaging. Once the "other" human beings show up, it switches gears from stereotypical 80s movie to decent sci-fi. There were some early (in popular culture) references to string theory and dark matter--that unfortunately haven't aged all that well. If there was a sequel, I'd probably read it, but I would only give it a soft recommendation. Hitchhiker's Guide this isn't; however, if you are in the right mood for it, it does deliver on its promise.

[Rick · Rating 4 out of 5]

Izmir is a being with one blue eye that can take any shape. He can also become different colors and include blinking lights if so inclined. One thing he does not do is talk.

Seeth and Kerwin, both high schoolers 'meet' Izmir and Rail another alien. Rail is being chased by other aliens and the four of them steal a van. There were two teenagers in the back. Miranda becomes part of the team and they end up traipsing about the galaxy trying to avoid bad guys looking to steal Izmir.

There were times when the book dragged a bit and other times where it was quite good.

Overall, this is a good book for fans of space-related science fiction.

[Autumn · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ugh ugh ugh oof. Barely finish this. I mean at the start I had motivation to reading it, but at the end it is so drug out. A bit confused on some parts. There wasnt really any character development. For how long and drug out it seemed it felt kinda like nothing much happen after the middle of the book.. I mean there was a "battle" they did nothing. Idk. Honestly the last few chapters I just scanned through, because I didnt really care at that point. I'm really sad I didn't like it as much as I thought I would. The cover is the best thing about the book. I love the cover art. The cover was what made me pick it up... Guess don't judge a book by it's cover.

[Kathryn · Rating 2 out of 5]

I bought this for the cover and for an entertaining sci-fi. It was entertaining enough - some of the jokes/terms don't land the same in 2023 as they probably did in 1987 when the book was published. Seeth was the worst. He was over the top, hot headed, annoying, and condescending. I feel like he is a poor caricature of how the author *thinks* a punk acts. Miranda deserved better. Izmir was the best character - Rail was decent.

I will probably keep buying older sci-fis with awesome covers from the used bookstore and maybe I'll find a hit.

[Joel Carrillo · Rating 3 out of 5]

Glory Lane is your unique time capsule and a product of its time (80’s). You have your rebellious punk kid, your overachieving nerd and your airhead bimbo. The ideas presented are interesting but solidify too late into the story. My other issue is that said characters are written one dimensionally and fall into common tropes of the day. Nonetheless this was a commendable effort by Alan Dean Foster to weave a mindless/harmless and fun space romp adventure. I would only recommend this for fans of his work (which there are many of us).

[Allen Lyons · Rating 4 out of 5]

The story is a snowball that just gets bigger and faster as it rolls. It starts with Seeth, a punk rocker in 1980's Albuquerque. His snowball collects Kerwin when he visits the bowling alley. Kerwin is trying to conduct research for a school paper. But Seeth just wants to annoy him. When they see a mysterious bowler at the far end, the snowball rolls even faster. After Seeth distracts a pair of cops from arresting this bowler, two are now three.

Come to find out, the bowler and the bowling ball are aliens. And the cops chasing them are actually a rival race. Rail reveals himself as a green shape-shifter. And Izmir can defy all the laws of physics – A bowling ball is just one of many forms he can take. These Oomemians want Izmir. But Rail won't let them have him. So Rail hotwires a van, and Seeth and Kerwin tag along. They collect another passenger when they learn that the van wasn't empty. Miranda is an air-head who cares for nothing but shopping. But when the snowball is at its biggest, she proves to know more than she lets on.

Rail takes them to his ship, and then to Alvin, a city planet. To learn that he helped George Lucas shape the Star Wars universe, I wonder if Alvin is basically Coruscant. But he creates a sense of wonder when he describes the levels of this planet. Each layer plunges further to the core. Within each layer is another society. Then after you think the snowball couldn't get any bigger, they go back out to space. With each race that's after Izmir, the microscope is put on these oblivious humans. And each race just sees the last one as colonies of insects.

It's too bad there isn't a sequel to Glory Lane. With how deep this book got, sequels could explore a universe just as expansive as Foster's other stomping grounds.

[Alice · Rating 5 out of 5]

My New Favorite Sci-fi

In a Alan Dean Foster novel, going bowling can turn dangerous especially in Albuquerque New Mexico. They have a reputation for a reason and the Universe is waiting for the unwary. Three earthlings get quite a education in who's the dominant species which continues like a trip thru a Russian Doll as each encounter produces a new answer. Fun and interspersed with humor although Seeth became a bit tiresome. I sort of expected more from him.

[Norman Weatherly · Rating 5 out of 5]

It took me a bit of time to warm up to the storyline in Glory Lane, but once it got warmed up, I devoured the book. Creative, without being pretentious. Good character development, part of my warming up was trying to remember who all the characters were. Eventually, we had a room full of characters. Love, hate, indifference, they were all there. I look forward to discovering new galaxies through the pen of Alan Dean Foster.

[Jack Doud · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is more what I expected the Pip and Flinx series to be like. I guess a decade of experience helps a writer to improve somewhat. This wasn't as witty or comedic as say Robert Asprin's Myth Adventures or as intelligent and satirical as Hitchhiker's Guide or Discworld but it was at least coherent with fleshed out characters and a logical plot which is more than I can say about Foster's earlier work.

[Califia Hurtado · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first read this book as a thirteen year old. It was actually one my dad was reading, and the cover looked interesting. So I picked it up and was off and away on a crazy space adventure. I eventually purchased my own copy and started re-reading it during the pandemic. Just as fun and silly as ever!

[Mary Ann Seidman · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was torn about how a to review this book. It was not at all bad, but I didn't love it either. For me, everything about it was just okay but it wasn't good enough for me to want a sequel. The characters were likable and the story moved along nicely despite that it wouldn't go in my favorite book list.

[ARR62 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cosmic Silliness

I absolutely adore cosmic silliness. This is a fine example of such, filled with Neanderthals, Prufillians, Oomemiams, Sikans, Halets, and Izmir. They all want Izmir. Why? They don't know. But they know its a good and big reason. Eesh!
Two brothers walk into a bowling alley and end up rescuing Akwait. A Prufilluan. And then it gets crazy....

Enjoy!!

[Scott · Rating 3 out of 5]

Humurous SciFy similar to Hitchhiker's Guide.
A nice mental vacation while also answering many of our deepest questions: what really happened to the Neanderthals, how many dimensions are there? and where is all the dark matter in the universe?

[Jim Street · Rating 3 out of 5]

The adventure story was interesting. Characters were pretty thin and just there to move things along. I love aliens and creatures, so I wish there had been more time spent on those. The James Gurney cover painting might be better than the book itself.

[Babydoclaz · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really enjoy a lot of Alan Dean Foster's books. This one was meh for me from a character and plot point of view. Almost DNF as I wasn't enjoying it, but out of hope and respect for the author I finished it.