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Your Many Faces: The First Step to Being Loved
Provides guidance in recognizing and understanding the many aspects of one's personality and in changing those aspects which call for transformation, all for the sake of action and personal growth
128 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1978
77 people are currently reading
679 people want to read
About the author
Virginia Satir
88 books218 followersVirginia Satir (1916 – 1988) was an American author and psychotherapist, known especially for her approach to family therapy and her work with Systemic Constellations. She is widely regarded as the "Mother of Family Therapy" Her most well-known books are Conjoint Family Therapy, 1964, Peoplemaking, 1972, and The New Peoplemaking, 1988.
She is also known for creating the Virginia Satir Change Process Model, a psychological model developed through clinical studies. Change management and organizational gurus of the 1990s and 2000s embrace this model to define how change impacts organizations.
She is also known for creating the Virginia Satir Change Process Model, a psychological model developed through clinical studies. Change management and organizational gurus of the 1990s and 2000s embrace this model to define how change impacts organizations.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 38 reviews
August 20, 2015
Excellent book. It helps us step out of linear thinking and shows us that we have many parts that need to be heard and valued. This book has great analogies and metaphors to help the reader grasp the complexity of the many systems existing within and outside of us and provides general guidance in exploring our world. In relation to family systems theory, reading this book first would have helped me greatly in the process of understanding the theory.
November 18, 2019
I expected something different from this book, but it was still very, very good. Where I expected mostly text and in-depth discussions about our emotions, I got a fairly illustrated text and text that nearly displayed as a script on the various ways in which our emotions control us, and how we control them. A main takeaway: acknowledgement. We must acknowledge our feelings in order to control them and to remain a fulfilled person in the midst of chaos and interpersonal relations.
Overall, this was an engaging new-age book that created a fun way to manage and think about our emotions as they come and go.
Review cross-listed here!
Overall, this was an engaging new-age book that created a fun way to manage and think about our emotions as they come and go.
Review cross-listed here!
March 2, 2018
ผมเพิ่งมีโอกาสได้อ่านงานของ Virginia Satir เจ้าแม่ Family therapy เป็นครั้งแรก แต่ผมรู้สึกคุ้นเคยกับแนวคิดหลายอย่างในหนังสือเล่มนี้พอสมควรเหมือนเคยได้เรียนรู้มาก่อน เอาเข้าจริง แนวคิดการบำบัดของหลายสำนักมีความเชื่อมโยงกัน มากกว่าที่จะขัดแย้งกันเสียอีก
ผมคิดว่าหากผู้บำบัดเรียนรู้ที่จะมองเห็นความเชื่อมโยงของแนวคิดต่าง ๆ แทนที่จะตั้งธงปฏิเสธแนวคิดที่ต่างจากเราไว้ก่อน ทั้ง ๆ ที่ยังไม่ได้ศึกษาให้ดี เราอาจมองเห็นแนวทางที่จะผสมผสานแนวทางเหล่านี้เข้าด้วยกันเพื่อประโยชน์ในการช่วยเหลือผู้คนที่มีประสิทธิภาพยิ่งขึ้น
ผมอ่านหนังสือเล่มนี้แล้ว นึกถึงหนังเรื่อง Inside Out เลยครับ Satir บรรยายการปะทะกันของส่วนประกอบต่าง ๆ ภายในตัวเราได้เห็นภาพมาก ๆ ชั้นเชิงในการเขียนก็น่าติดตามมากครับ เหมือนอ่านบทละครเลย
ผมคิดว่าหากผู้บำบัดเรียนรู้ที่จะมองเห็นความเชื่อมโยงของแนวคิดต่าง ๆ แทนที่จะตั้งธงปฏิเสธแนวคิดที่ต่างจากเราไว้ก่อน ทั้ง ๆ ที่ยังไม่ได้ศึกษาให้ดี เราอาจมองเห็นแนวทางที่จะผสมผสานแนวทางเหล่านี้เข้าด้วยกันเพื่อประโยชน์ในการช่วยเหลือผู้คนที่มีประสิทธิภาพยิ่งขึ้น
ผมอ่านหนังสือเล่มนี้แล้ว นึกถึงหนังเรื่อง Inside Out เลยครับ Satir บรรยายการปะทะกันของส่วนประกอบต่าง ๆ ภายในตัวเราได้เห็นภาพมาก ๆ ชั้นเชิงในการเขียนก็น่าติดตามมากครับ เหมือนอ่านบทละครเลย
May 27, 2020
Skaičiau šią knygą kažkada seniai ir jau buvau pamiršusi, apie ką ji. Dabar užtikau ir susidomėjusi perskaičiau. Radau įdomių minčių ir būdų, kaip geriau pažinti save, savo jausmus, skirtingus savo veidus ir išmokti juos priimti bei panaudoti.
October 12, 2023
Virginia Satir💖💝💖💗💓💞💕💝💘💖💗💓
This woman….this BOOK…. both widely esteemed and largely regarded as the GOAT(s)…do not need my silly little 5 star review. Instead, here is one of my favorite excerpts*:
“We [human beings] have, for a long time, felt that we were limited. We categorized, labeled, and measured ourselves and then made a niche to match. The niche became our boundary, so that our aim became filling niches instead of fulfilling our lives. We are becoming increasingly aware that we have limited ourselves by our thoughts and beliefs, which have far more power to shape our lives than anything we are born with. It turns out when we learn to appreciate life in ourselves, we have a greater appreciation of life in others, and this leads us closer to what we want namely, closeness to others.“
* I hope this isn’t copyright infringement, if so, please forgive me, Virginia Satir Global Network🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
This woman….this BOOK…. both widely esteemed and largely regarded as the GOAT(s)…do not need my silly little 5 star review. Instead, here is one of my favorite excerpts*:
“We [human beings] have, for a long time, felt that we were limited. We categorized, labeled, and measured ourselves and then made a niche to match. The niche became our boundary, so that our aim became filling niches instead of fulfilling our lives. We are becoming increasingly aware that we have limited ourselves by our thoughts and beliefs, which have far more power to shape our lives than anything we are born with. It turns out when we learn to appreciate life in ourselves, we have a greater appreciation of life in others, and this leads us closer to what we want namely, closeness to others.“
* I hope this isn’t copyright infringement, if so, please forgive me, Virginia Satir Global Network🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
September 19, 2021
Favorite excerpts:
“I want you to get excited about who you are, what you are, what you have, and what can still be for you. I want to inspire you to see that you can go far beyond where you are right now.
…Furthermore, consider the fantastic array of systems within the human body. Where else can you find a television; telephone; camera; radio; telegraph; computer; sewage, plumbing, heating, and cooling systems; and factories making all kinds of products (blood, chemicals, tissue, bones, and sweat) – all done up in one small unit?
…People, including myself, are my fascination, my source of nurture, delight, growth, struggle, and pain.” – Preface first 2 pages
“Does it mean there is a way we can experience things differently? Does it mean if we know more about our feelings, we can change some very fundamental things about our lives? Could it possibly mean that we really aren’t stuck with the way things are right now? That is a very hopeful and encouraging thought.
Energy, Your Source of Life
Energy Providers
Hopefulness
Helpfulness
Powerfulness
New Possibilities
Change
Choice
Energy Depleters
Hopelessness
Helplessness
Powerlessness
No Possibilities
No Change
No Choice
- Page 9
“Most of us live in an emotional jail because we want to be good. We surround ourselves with a whole network of “should” that are often in conflict with our wishes and our abilities. This almost always results in a sense of failure, needless frustration, and disappointment.
…Suppose instead we were to accept the fact that our biggest jailers are inside, that we begin by taking the risk of making a study of how our thoughts, feelings, body, and soul all work together. All of us have beliefs that, when held up to the light of investigation, turn out to be almost ridiculous, yet we have lived without questioning them. Your study will doubtlessly reveal beliefs of this kind, which you will challenge once you find them.
…The sad part for me is to know that many people are living in an emotional jail without recognizing it. They know only that they are vaguely unhappy and depressed, waiting for some magic time when things will be different, which never seems to come. They have sentenced themselves to this fate for failing to live up to the Universal Should List, which they ignorantly accepted as the way to live a good life. Nobody can live up to this list. It is the door to an emotional jail. In that jail there is nothing to do but live out the sentence. It is only when we can get out that we have a chance for a new life.” – Pages 24 – 27
“I want you to get excited about who you are, what you are, what you have, and what can still be for you. I want to inspire you to see that you can go far beyond where you are right now.
…Furthermore, consider the fantastic array of systems within the human body. Where else can you find a television; telephone; camera; radio; telegraph; computer; sewage, plumbing, heating, and cooling systems; and factories making all kinds of products (blood, chemicals, tissue, bones, and sweat) – all done up in one small unit?
…People, including myself, are my fascination, my source of nurture, delight, growth, struggle, and pain.” – Preface first 2 pages
“Does it mean there is a way we can experience things differently? Does it mean if we know more about our feelings, we can change some very fundamental things about our lives? Could it possibly mean that we really aren’t stuck with the way things are right now? That is a very hopeful and encouraging thought.
Energy, Your Source of Life
Energy Providers
Hopefulness
Helpfulness
Powerfulness
New Possibilities
Change
Choice
Energy Depleters
Hopelessness
Helplessness
Powerlessness
No Possibilities
No Change
No Choice
- Page 9
“Most of us live in an emotional jail because we want to be good. We surround ourselves with a whole network of “should” that are often in conflict with our wishes and our abilities. This almost always results in a sense of failure, needless frustration, and disappointment.
…Suppose instead we were to accept the fact that our biggest jailers are inside, that we begin by taking the risk of making a study of how our thoughts, feelings, body, and soul all work together. All of us have beliefs that, when held up to the light of investigation, turn out to be almost ridiculous, yet we have lived without questioning them. Your study will doubtlessly reveal beliefs of this kind, which you will challenge once you find them.
…The sad part for me is to know that many people are living in an emotional jail without recognizing it. They know only that they are vaguely unhappy and depressed, waiting for some magic time when things will be different, which never seems to come. They have sentenced themselves to this fate for failing to live up to the Universal Should List, which they ignorantly accepted as the way to live a good life. Nobody can live up to this list. It is the door to an emotional jail. In that jail there is nothing to do but live out the sentence. It is only when we can get out that we have a chance for a new life.” – Pages 24 – 27
November 3, 2019
Der Mensch und seine Anteile, die er in sich trägt: Mut und Liebe, Macht und Hilflosigkeit, Liebe, Manipulation, Ärger, etc. Kann ich diese Anteile in mir spüren, empfinden, wahrnehmen? Mit ihnen … ja fast schon ein wenig spielen, Neues entdecken… Man trifft nur ach so bekanntes in diesem Buch und manchmal auf Antworten auf Fragen, die man bisher noch gar nicht gestellt hatte. Das Buch ist in einer leichten, sehr verständlichen und wunderbaren bildhaften Sprache geschrieben. Absolute Kaufempfehlung für die Menschen, die gerne an sich selbst arbeiten. Nichts für jene die nur lesen möchten … ;-))
August 29, 2014
a life changing experience :-)
November 21, 2024
As I began research into Internal Family Systems theory, I came upon this classic that sets the stage for the theory and counseling praxis in something like IFS. Much of what is written in this piece is part of “pop psychology” these days, but it was quick and painless, so I’d recommend it.
I’ve given you a list of pertinent details I pulled out of it so in reality, you can skip this one (if you trust my reading, that is!):
1. No one can live up to the societal “should” list.
2. Behaviors and emotional states come from both our internal emotional “faces” and the external world.
3. We deplete our energy by hiding emotions and stifling how we feel/not acknowledging them.
4. We must intelligently sort the expectations of others we’ve internalized as options but not requirements on our emotional states.
5. Realizing we can still be loved if we share our emotions (and the potential conflict that can arises from that sharing in our interactions) is key to self-acceptance and self-love (and ultimately allowing others to love you).
6. We must realize thar we will engage in emotional conflict occasionally and this is okay—nothing is perfect all the time.
7. We must become aware of our emotional “parts” to be able to utilize them for our benefit.
8. We create niches to inhabit rather than fulfilling our potential/dreams/capabilities (e.g., staying in the same small town your whole life instead of branching out to live elsewhere to follow a dream is an elementary example).
9. Taking charge of ourselves is the key to taking advantage of our opportunities.
10. Maintain multiple sets of expectations for yourself to avoid disappointment and negative self-judgement if events move away from one ideal scenario.
11. Take a risk to explore new actions.
10. Intentionally reframing the way you perceive your emotional parts is a way to love oneself.
12. Traits we perceive to be negative (selfishness, stubbornness) can also be positive when we are utilizing them in the right quantities and under the right circumstances (both the aforementioned traits help to protect ourselves from being taken advantage of by someone; positive traits like compassion can be used against us as well in certain situations and so they can have a negative side to them too).
13. Choose your “face” in situations rather than acting from compulsion.
14. Our emotions and attributes are not “good” or “bad” but part of being human: accepting our emotions as normal and using intelligence to understand them gives us more agency.
15. Take ownership of all your parts/traits; in this way, you integrate them and initiate self-acceptance leading to loving yourself and allowing others to love who you are.
16. Change requires (temporary) imbalance and pain; don’t panic, this is natural.
17. Before you engage in compulsive behavior, stop to take stock of your emotional “red lights” (my summation). If you can’t find it, talk to someone else.
18. Be flexible in your evaluation of yourself and what you “should” do in a given situation.
This last one seems to be a bit morally ambiguous…should I steal the money from an open cash register? I need it, after all, and I shouldn’t hold myself to a societal expectation not to steal if I’m hungry, right?
I hope you’ve enjoyed my personal abridged version of this book. You’re welcome! :)
I’ve given you a list of pertinent details I pulled out of it so in reality, you can skip this one (if you trust my reading, that is!):
1. No one can live up to the societal “should” list.
2. Behaviors and emotional states come from both our internal emotional “faces” and the external world.
3. We deplete our energy by hiding emotions and stifling how we feel/not acknowledging them.
4. We must intelligently sort the expectations of others we’ve internalized as options but not requirements on our emotional states.
5. Realizing we can still be loved if we share our emotions (and the potential conflict that can arises from that sharing in our interactions) is key to self-acceptance and self-love (and ultimately allowing others to love you).
6. We must realize thar we will engage in emotional conflict occasionally and this is okay—nothing is perfect all the time.
7. We must become aware of our emotional “parts” to be able to utilize them for our benefit.
8. We create niches to inhabit rather than fulfilling our potential/dreams/capabilities (e.g., staying in the same small town your whole life instead of branching out to live elsewhere to follow a dream is an elementary example).
9. Taking charge of ourselves is the key to taking advantage of our opportunities.
10. Maintain multiple sets of expectations for yourself to avoid disappointment and negative self-judgement if events move away from one ideal scenario.
11. Take a risk to explore new actions.
10. Intentionally reframing the way you perceive your emotional parts is a way to love oneself.
12. Traits we perceive to be negative (selfishness, stubbornness) can also be positive when we are utilizing them in the right quantities and under the right circumstances (both the aforementioned traits help to protect ourselves from being taken advantage of by someone; positive traits like compassion can be used against us as well in certain situations and so they can have a negative side to them too).
13. Choose your “face” in situations rather than acting from compulsion.
14. Our emotions and attributes are not “good” or “bad” but part of being human: accepting our emotions as normal and using intelligence to understand them gives us more agency.
15. Take ownership of all your parts/traits; in this way, you integrate them and initiate self-acceptance leading to loving yourself and allowing others to love who you are.
16. Change requires (temporary) imbalance and pain; don’t panic, this is natural.
17. Before you engage in compulsive behavior, stop to take stock of your emotional “red lights” (my summation). If you can’t find it, talk to someone else.
18. Be flexible in your evaluation of yourself and what you “should” do in a given situation.
This last one seems to be a bit morally ambiguous…should I steal the money from an open cash register? I need it, after all, and I shouldn’t hold myself to a societal expectation not to steal if I’m hungry, right?
I hope you’ve enjoyed my personal abridged version of this book. You’re welcome! :)
February 3, 2022
I bought two Satir books at once after hearing she was recommended. She writes really well and imaginatively and it’s full of insight about psychology. Because it’s from 1978, some of the ideas aren’t as transformational or fresh as they were, but it’s a sweet little book that you can read quickly and keep contemplating.
Want to read
April 24, 2018Į skaitytinų knygų sąrašą Satir įtraukiau vien todėl, kad jos Vilniuje ir kitur vestuose kursuose stažavosi draugės ir pažįstamos psichologės. Jos tekstus skaičiau prie ruso. Užteks. Tik pavartysiu kada bibliotekoje.
February 7, 2022
Ein schnelles Vergnügen, einfach geschrieben und sehr fließend lesbar.
Hätte mir gerne ein bisschen mehr Anleitung gewünscht, wie dieses Auseinandersetzung mit den Anteilen des Inneren Theaters möglich ist, ansonsten sehr nett für den Einstieg
Hätte mir gerne ein bisschen mehr Anleitung gewünscht, wie dieses Auseinandersetzung mit den Anteilen des Inneren Theaters möglich ist, ansonsten sehr nett für den Einstieg
August 14, 2018
Wow, no wonder why I see Virginia Satir name in many movies. She is amazing. Fun and joyful reading journey. And yet changing soul.
February 5, 2019
All of these faces are who we are. Some are suppressed while others are developed. The concepts presented in the book can be difficult to grasp but overall quite interesting and challenging.
February 8, 2019
Excellent book!!
I highly recommend this book to anyone old and young. It encourages the soul and restores the mind. Love it!
I highly recommend this book to anyone old and young. It encourages the soul and restores the mind. Love it!
April 1, 2019
This book is a great read on tools to rediscover yourself and how your many faces cope with life. Great read!
December 8, 2019
Short, interesting, very direct and easy to read book. I recommend it to everyone on their journey to self-improvement.
April 18, 2020
Galia ir manipuliavimas, dalinasi vienu persirengimo kambariu...
Read
May 31, 2020Read this for an assignment so no rating, but I feel like it didn't do much for me, I am the same person with the same mentality as I was before I started the book.
June 23, 2021
This book, which is nothing more than a rambling of impressive proportions got published. It got published. Oh, man.
June 4, 2022
I appreciated the wisdom toward the end of the book, but struggled through the first and second acts. Virginia had an unusual teaching style (a lot of play/acting, role/play dynamics).
December 26, 2022
Very nice book 👍🏻 Language was very clean and easy to understand. I really ilke to see how we can follow our feelings and see the messages underneath 🙏🏻
April 26, 2024
Keistas bandymas pasakoti neįprastu stiliumi. Sunku sekti mintį, trūksta nuoseklumo, kai kur ir logikos.
January 13, 2025
This subtitle should be "the first step to bring a human". The early work behind IFS in an easy to read and impactful book.
June 23, 2025
Fine— I did think some things get lost in the metaphor of it all
February 5, 2024
This was such a goofy book... it's incredibly dated, has bizarre metaphors, and really just takes you down some strange roads. And yet... I had so much fun reading it, I finished it in one sitting. I can't explain it fully, but I think it has a lot to do with the fact that Ms. Satir just exudes so much gosh-darn confidence through her treacly scribblings that I slowly became more enamored with it as I went on. I mean, why not imagine your mind palace as a stage where anthropomorphic emotions dance around and fight each other? I don't know if thinking that way has any verifiable psychological benefit, but y'know, if I just summon my mental "owner" with all the miracles, I can just zap those doubts away.
March 18, 2017
Expected more. Very obvious sentiments about how we have to deal with lots of emotions. There may be someone this book is for, but it was not me.
November 27, 2025
Η βασική ιδέα είναι ότι ο καθένας μας έχει ένα μείγμα από "πρόσωπα" (θυμός, αγάπη, θάρρος, ζήλια κ.ά.) που συνθέτουν την προσωπικότητά μας. Η Σατίρ υποστηρίζει ότι βιαζόμαστε να τα κρίνουμε ως "καλά" ή "κακά", ενώ στην πραγματικότητα τα χρειαζόμαστε όλα για να γίνουμε ολοκληρωμένοι άνθρωποι. Είναι μια πρόσκληση να αναγνωρίσουμε, να κατανοήσουμε και να διαχειριστούμε αυτές τις διαφορετικές πτυχές του εαυτού μας.
Ο σκοπός της Σατίρ ήταν να προσφέρει ένα πρακτικό, προσιτό εργαλείο για να βοηθήσει τους ανθρώπους να αγαπήσουν τον εαυτό τους και να βελτιώσουν τις σχέσεις τους. Θέλησε να δείξει ότι η αποδοχή όλων των πτυχών της προσωπικότητας είναι το πρώτο βήμα για να μας αγαπήσουν και οι άλλοι. Ο στόχος της δεν ήταν απλώς η θεωρητική ψυχολογία, αλλά η πρακτική εφαρμογή των ιδεών της στην καθημερινή ζωή, κάτι που το κάνει ένα βιβλίο-οδηγό.
Το ύφος γραφής είναι αποκαλυπτικά ειλικρινές, ζωντανό και απλό.
Προσωπικά, βρήκα τις ιδέες της Σατίρ διαχρονικές και τον τρόπο που τις παρουσιάζει απίστευτα αποτελεσματικό. Η απλότητα και η αμεσότητα του κειμένου με κέρδισαν αμέσως. Ωστόσο, τα "αστέρια μείον" οφείλονται στο γεγονός ότι, για κάποιον που έχει ήδη βαθιά γνώση ψυχολογίας ή άλλων βιβλίων αυτοβοήθειας, ίσως κάποιες ιδέες να φανούν γνώριμες ή κάπως επιφανειακές.
Για τους υπόλοιπους, είναι ένας εξαιρετικός οδηγός.
Ο σκοπός της Σατίρ ήταν να προσφέρει ένα πρακτικό, προσιτό εργαλείο για να βοηθήσει τους ανθρώπους να αγαπήσουν τον εαυτό τους και να βελτιώσουν τις σχέσεις τους. Θέλησε να δείξει ότι η αποδοχή όλων των πτυχών της προσωπικότητας είναι το πρώτο βήμα για να μας αγαπήσουν και οι άλλοι. Ο στόχος της δεν ήταν απλώς η θεωρητική ψυχολογία, αλλά η πρακτική εφαρμογή των ιδεών της στην καθημερινή ζωή, κάτι που το κάνει ένα βιβλίο-οδηγό.
Το ύφος γραφής είναι αποκαλυπτικά ειλικρινές, ζωντανό και απλό.
Προσωπικά, βρήκα τις ιδέες της Σατίρ διαχρονικές και τον τρόπο που τις παρουσιάζει απίστευτα αποτελεσματικό. Η απλότητα και η αμεσότητα του κειμένου με κέρδισαν αμέσως. Ωστόσο, τα "αστέρια μείον" οφείλονται στο γεγονός ότι, για κάποιον που έχει ήδη βαθιά γνώση ψυχολογίας ή άλλων βιβλίων αυτοβοήθειας, ίσως κάποιες ιδέες να φανούν γνώριμες ή κάπως επιφανειακές.
Για τους υπόλοιπους, είναι ένας εξαιρετικός οδηγός.
May 17, 2012
This was a great little book that clearly shows the importance of accepting all parts of ourselves. Satir demonstrates how even seemingly negative qualities such as anger, manipulation, or fear can be reframed and turned into strengths when acknowledged and handled appropriately. This is a good introduction to understanding how to accept and integrate the many parts of self in order to be whole and balanced. Satir opens the door to new possibilities and flexible ways of being where we are not frozen by rules and "shoulds" but able to choose how we respond to life.
October 23, 2014
I was surprised how short this book was. Satirs colorful wording and inventive ideas is clearly shown in this book. The way she presented her theory through a play makes you live it and thoroughly understand it. This book is a must read for those seeking a better understanding and acceptance of themselves and for those who are starting their journey of self-discovery.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 38 reviews