What do you think?
Rate this book


173 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2006
1. TIME T EQUALS ZEROThe idea is a decent one—we all remember those kinds of problems from school—but can life be reduced to formulae? Actually, yes, it can. Whether a long list of formulae makes a short story is another matter but if you appreciate someone who looks at life sideways then there’s a lot in this book to enjoy.
A is on a train traveling due west along the x-axis at a constant velocity of seventy kilometres per hour (70km/h). He stands at the rear of the train, looking back with some fondness at the town of (6,3), his point of departure, the location of the university and his few friends. He is carrying a suitcase (30kg) and a small bound volume (his thesis; 0.7 kg; 7 years).
Using the information given, calculate A's final position.
2. Assume A is lonely. Assume A is leaving (6,3) in order to find someone who could equal his love of pure theory. A says to himself, "No one in a town like (6,3) could possibly equal my love of pure theory."
One morning, an insect wakes up to discover he has been transformed into a six-foot man.If you like the idea here then you’ll probably enjoy this whole book. It focuses on middle-aged men lost in their own lives as in ‘Man of Quiet Desperation Goes on Short Vacation’:
The man gets out of bed and stands on two legs for the first time in his life.
He bathes himself free of slime, puts on a starched shirt and pressed suit, drinks a cup of coffee, kisses his human wife, and goes to work.
At work, he sits in his cubicle all day. Then he goes home, goes to sleep, gets up, and does it all again the next day. His boss likes him so much he promotes him and then promotes him again.
The man lives out the rest of his life like this, never a thought in his head, and no one ever knows that inside he is an insect, shrieking and shrieking in insect terror inside his huge, empty brain. No one ever knows that he is nothing but a big bug, a dumb, senseless cluster of impulse and sensation trapped in the strangest of all horrors: human consciousness.
Man, 46, at some point in his life, looks around and says, How did I get here? A quiet boy grown up into an even quieter man.For me the two best stories came at the end, ‘32.05864991%’ and ‘Autobiographical Raw Material Unsuitable for the Mining of Fiction’. The first revolves around the simple—and very true—premise that men and women are different. The story illustrates the fact by looking at how men and women interpret the word ‘maybe’:
An October afternoon, a Sunday, a narrow one-story house.
A living room, a couch, some chairs. An accumulation of nouns and furniture.
An ordinary moment in an ordinary life.
He notices the woman sitting next to him, looking somewhat concerned.
"This is the story of our lives, isn't it," he asks. Not really a question.
"Yeah," she says.
[W]hen uttered by a woman to a man, when such man is capable of love but somewhat unclear in his idea of what love actually is and when such woman is perfectly aware of what love is, what it requires, and what it promises, and what it does not promise or fix or heal or even mean but despite or maybe because of such perfect awareness is incapable of allowing herself to be loved, "maybe" does not mean "probably" or "probably not" or anything vague or indeterminate. When "maybe" is used in this context, it means exactly 32.05864991%.This is probably the funniest story in the book although there’s humour in all of them even the last story which every writer on the planet will relate to, every single one of us who’s tried “to turn a sliver of life into, of all things, a short story”:
[…]
To Ivan, at this moment the relative desir-or, "maybe" is most likely a synonym of "probably" and also a synonym of "hopefully" and also "you are special" and also "yes." And also "be reassured, the world is just as you have always suspected it to be, principally concerned with you." To Janine, as established, it means just over 32%.
All of my stories start out as uncarved blocks of time and end up as (i) a finished sculpted figure and (ii) a pile of leftover pieces. When I'm done cutting and chipping and breaking, and for the first time step back to look at what I've made, I am always disappointed. The figure I've carved is never what I thought it would be. What I thought was form is a twisted, grotesque shape, and what I thought was rich particularity is no more than an accumulation of idiosyncrasies, and what I thought were bold lines turn out to be jagged edges. Details that should be in the story are not, and details that were necessary have been left out, and details of both kinds have been lost, wasted, misplaced forever, unexamined and unexplained.Not all the stories are easy reads especially if you’re not mathematically/scientifically-minded. That said there is some pure poetry to be found here:
HOW TO SPEND YOUR TIME HEREIt’s like having tokens for hugs or back rubs. I just love this way of looking at things.
The fine print reads:
On a typical day, a man of your age, race, height, and moral fibre makes 4,817 distinct choices. When used in compliance with the instructions, the Basic Package guarantees a maximum of three Minor Errors and one Major Error per day. You also get three Take Backs and a midlife Do-Over.
My mother is going to die, my mother is dying, my mother has already died. All of this happens in one night. The night she dies. All of this happens in one frozen frame in the flight path of Xeno's Arrow.What I'm trying to say is, it's hard to grok. Until the very last line. Then kapow!
Man, 46, is in the city. At some point in his life, looks around, thinks to himself, All I do is look around and think to myself.... Маn, 46, is at the movies. At some point in his life, he looks around, says to himself: "At what point in my life did I start saying things like at some point in my life?"
(0m 11s)Vond het een mooi, maar zeker ook afschuwelijk beeld, omdat het me aan Altzheimer en dementie deed denken, mede veroorzaakt door het gegeven dat het in dit hoofdstuk over Yu's (aangenomen dat het echt om autobiografische overblijfselen gaat) moeder gaat en mijn moeder, nou ja.. dat dus.
(I once had a dream in which I saw my whole life, past and future, spread out before me like a deck of playing cards fanned across a table. It was wondrous. There must have been millions, tens of millions, hundreds of millions of cards—my whole life—subdivided into slices of exactly eleven seconds. But the feeling of wonder quickly gave way to a sickening panic as I looked closer and realized each and every piece was incomplete, cut by some devious method, some demon algorithm, some perfectly evil genius, in such a way that no one card was a self-contained moment. Someone had managed it so that any single piece was completely worthless, a stretch of perfect insignificance that made no sense, gave no solace, offered no closure.)