For the Celebrity Death Match Review Tournament, Heart of Darkness (25) versus The Complete Tales and Poems of Winnie-the-Pooh (24)
After the meal was over, we retired on deck, just at that time when evening succumbs to night, and listened while Marlow spoke of the time he abandoned the wholesome adventures of the salt seas for the convoluted mysteries of the river. As he filled his pipe, I noticed the shake of his hands and looked on his countenance anew. I had never beheld such a visage before, nor since - one which had stared into some dark abyss and emerged alive, yet shaken, defeated to the core.
"I embarked at the behest of the Company," he began, "travelling upriver to seek out one in their employ, about whom disturbing reports had begun to be heard. Remember," he said pointedly, fixing us with hollow eyes, "how little explored that region was then. Now, there is, at least, that one map, crudely drawn from memory by that man - Robbins? Robin, maybe? - who spent some years there. We embarked blindly, steaming upriver, the broad expanse at river's mouth giving way inexorably, twisting, narrowing, steadily encroached by trees until we were groping our way through a green, grasping tunnel.
For weeks, we spied no native denizens, only glimpsed the occasional rustling of leaves. Several of our number fell to disease, others to despair, but I pushed on, driven to see this benighted voyage to its conclusion. This obsession allowed for no sense of my own personal danger, until, by my calculations almost at my destination, I rounded a bend in the river and beheld a crude structure stretching from one bank to the other, crowded with those same natives who had previously kept themselves scarce. Grotesque, they were, ears elongated and upright or ponderously drooping. Some appeared to have tails, and all were brandishing sticks, which they flung at us, leaving us scrambling for cover. We passed under the bridge, if such was its engineered intent, yet still they flung their sticks, and we heard their mad howls as we steamed onwards, 'Mine's in the lead!' 'No mine!' 'Mine was first!' "
Marlow paused and took a deep, shuddering breath before continuing. "I arrived at last at my mission's end. I spied a lone native inhabitant sitting on a stump under a tree, eating God-alone-knew-what. I approached, apprehensive, moving slowly up the path. Still he sat, covered in shabby, threadbare fur. As I reached him, he turned his black, glassy, soulless eyes up to me and rumbled,
'Mister Sanders, he dead.
Tiddly pom. ' "