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Relationships: A Mess Worth Making
Hope for messy, conflict-ridden relationships. Your best friend is suddenly cool and distant. Your spouse can't stop complaining about your bad habits. Your son refuses to talk to you. What are you supposed to do? Plans A, B, and C might be to shut down, lash out, or get out. But consider Plan Recognize that God has the last word on those messy, conflict-ridden relationships. He can use them to make you into a Christian who can give and receive love with God and others. Impossible? Idealistic? Not really. In A Mess Worth Making , Tim and Paul discuss the relational disappointments that we all suffer both in and out of the church. But they are also optimistic about the power of Christian beliefs to redeem and restore our relationships. Rather than presenting new or sophisticated techniques to make relationships flourish, the authors instead focus on the basic, Christian character qualities that can only be formed in the heart by the gospel.
177 pages, Paperback
First published November 1, 2006
514 people are currently reading
3733 people want to read
About the author
Paul David Tripp
133 books1,418 followersPaul was born in Toledo, Ohio to Bob and Fae Tripp on November 12, 1950. Paul spent all of his growing years in Toledo until his college years when his parents moved to Southern California.
At Columbia Bible College from 1968-1972, (now Columbia International University) Paul majored in Bible and Christian Education. Although he had planned to be there for only two years and then to study journalism, Paul more and more felt like there was so much of the theology of Scripture that he did not understand, so he decided to go to seminary. Paul met Luella Jackson at College and they married in 1971. In 1971, Paul took his first pastoral position and has had a heart for the local church ever since. After college, Paul completed his Master of Divinity degree at the Reformed Episcopal Seminary (now known as Philadelphia Theological Seminary) in Philadelphia (1972-1975). It was during these days that Paul’s commitment to ministry solidified. After seminary, Paul was involved in planting a church in Scranton, Pennsylvania (1977-1987) where he also founded a Christian School. During the years in Scranton, Paul became involved in music, traveling with a band and writing worship songs. In Scranton, Paul became interested in biblical counseling and decided to enroll in the D.Min program in Biblical Counseling at Westminster Theological Seminary, Philadelphia. Paul then became a faculty member of the Christian Counseling and Education Foundation (CCEF) and a lecturer in biblical counseling at Westminster Theological Seminary, Philadelphia. Paul has also served as Visiting Professor at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky.
In 2009, Paul joined the faculty of Redeemer Seminary (daughter school of Westminster) in Dallas, Texas as Professor of Pastoral Life and Care.[1]
Beginning in June, 2006, Paul became the President of Paul Tripp Ministries, a non-profit organization, whose mission statement is "Connecting the transforming power of Jesus Christ to everyday life." In addition to his current role as President of Paul Tripp Ministries, on January 1, 2007, Paul also became part of the pastoral staff at Tenth Presbyterian Church in Philadelphia, PA where he preached every Sunday evening and lead the Ministry to Center City through March, 2011 when he resigned due to the expanding time commitments needed at Paul Tripp Ministries.
Paul, Luella, and their four children moved to Philadelphia in 1987 and have lived there ever since. Paul is a prolific author and has written twelve books on Christian living which are sold internationally. Luella manages a large commercial art gallery in the city and Paul is very dedicated to painting as an avocation.[2] Paul’s driving passion is to help people understand how the gospel of the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ really does speak with practical hope into all the things they will face in this broken world. Paul is a pastor with a pastor’s heart, a gifted speaker, his journey taking him all over the world, an author of numerous books on practical Christian living, and a man who is hopelessly in love with Luella.
At Columbia Bible College from 1968-1972, (now Columbia International University) Paul majored in Bible and Christian Education. Although he had planned to be there for only two years and then to study journalism, Paul more and more felt like there was so much of the theology of Scripture that he did not understand, so he decided to go to seminary. Paul met Luella Jackson at College and they married in 1971. In 1971, Paul took his first pastoral position and has had a heart for the local church ever since. After college, Paul completed his Master of Divinity degree at the Reformed Episcopal Seminary (now known as Philadelphia Theological Seminary) in Philadelphia (1972-1975). It was during these days that Paul’s commitment to ministry solidified. After seminary, Paul was involved in planting a church in Scranton, Pennsylvania (1977-1987) where he also founded a Christian School. During the years in Scranton, Paul became involved in music, traveling with a band and writing worship songs. In Scranton, Paul became interested in biblical counseling and decided to enroll in the D.Min program in Biblical Counseling at Westminster Theological Seminary, Philadelphia. Paul then became a faculty member of the Christian Counseling and Education Foundation (CCEF) and a lecturer in biblical counseling at Westminster Theological Seminary, Philadelphia. Paul has also served as Visiting Professor at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky.
In 2009, Paul joined the faculty of Redeemer Seminary (daughter school of Westminster) in Dallas, Texas as Professor of Pastoral Life and Care.[1]
Beginning in June, 2006, Paul became the President of Paul Tripp Ministries, a non-profit organization, whose mission statement is "Connecting the transforming power of Jesus Christ to everyday life." In addition to his current role as President of Paul Tripp Ministries, on January 1, 2007, Paul also became part of the pastoral staff at Tenth Presbyterian Church in Philadelphia, PA where he preached every Sunday evening and lead the Ministry to Center City through March, 2011 when he resigned due to the expanding time commitments needed at Paul Tripp Ministries.
Paul, Luella, and their four children moved to Philadelphia in 1987 and have lived there ever since. Paul is a prolific author and has written twelve books on Christian living which are sold internationally. Luella manages a large commercial art gallery in the city and Paul is very dedicated to painting as an avocation.[2] Paul’s driving passion is to help people understand how the gospel of the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ really does speak with practical hope into all the things they will face in this broken world. Paul is a pastor with a pastor’s heart, a gifted speaker, his journey taking him all over the world, an author of numerous books on practical Christian living, and a man who is hopelessly in love with Luella.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 247 reviews
April 25, 2009
This book was incredibly challenging and incredibly comforting at the same time. It is so easy for me to view my relationships with other people in terms of what I can get out of them. Or, we can fall into thinking of relationships as God's gift to make us happy.
Rather, the authors point out that God has given us relationships with others in order to make us holy and more like Him. If we believed this as we approached other people, it would radically transform our petty, insipid relating into something life-giving and robust, imaging the Kingdom which Christ came to bring.
Yet at the same time that they were throwing down the gauntlet and challenging us to give our all for the Lord, the authors were saturated in grace and gospel. I came away from this book with a simple confidence that God has given me everything I need by His Spirit, and that I can in hope move forward in greater obedience. Christ has given himself for me, so it's the least I can do to share his mercy with others.
Rather, the authors point out that God has given us relationships with others in order to make us holy and more like Him. If we believed this as we approached other people, it would radically transform our petty, insipid relating into something life-giving and robust, imaging the Kingdom which Christ came to bring.
Yet at the same time that they were throwing down the gauntlet and challenging us to give our all for the Lord, the authors were saturated in grace and gospel. I came away from this book with a simple confidence that God has given me everything I need by His Spirit, and that I can in hope move forward in greater obedience. Christ has given himself for me, so it's the least I can do to share his mercy with others.
April 30, 2010
I would never have read this book if it hadn't been chosen for a women's group I'm in at church.
Sadly, this means that I lost several dozen brain cells that committed suicide rather than try to sort through all of this nonsense.
Before I go into this, I want to make it clear that I don't know who selected this book for the group, and I don't mean anything personal in my criticism to anyone who enjoyed the book. My work causes me to see the really ugly side of people's lives, and it might have made me a little jaded.
Disclaimer over, moving on.
The authors tried to be...well, I don't know what they tried to be, but my guess would be that they were aiming for "easy to understand." What they got was "lowest common denominator." Trying to turn this into something profound was actually embarrassing. Here's an example of the riveting, ground-breaking insights you can expect to read: "There has never been a good relationship without good communication. And there has never been a bad relationship that didn't get that way in part because of something that was said." Or how about "If you live with other sinners, you will have conflict. The closer you are to someone, the more potential there is for conflict."
Ricky Martin is gay. The pope is Catholic. Bears crap in the woods.
Also, as their editor should have told them, if you have to start a sentence with "It seems too obvious to say," then DON'T FREAKING SAY IT.
Aside from the fact that most of this is insipid drivel, I had another, even more pressing issue with the book. The "advice," as such, is based on what's appropriate for normal, largely functional relationships. There is no hint that relationships come in any other flavor. The authors go out of their way to talk about counseling and reaching out to people in need, but they never acknowledge that their point of view is not only completely irrelevant but actually dangerous to people in real need. In the chapter on conflict, for example, people are encouraged to stick through difficult relationships and find a way to work them out. There is no mention of the fact that if your husband beats you, you don't need to "work it out," you don't need a "servant's heart," you need to walk out that door and get a protective order and a shotgun. That may be an extreme case, but a lot of people get into abusive or dangerous situations, and then the suggestions given in the book would not only leave them in danger, but it would also retard their healing when and if they did eventually escape.
"Yeah, but how many people who would read this book would even experience that situation?" The last statistics I saw estimated that 25% of women--that's one in four--will be stalked at some point in their life. Given that stalking, like rape, domestic violence, and other "relationship gone wrong" crimes, is vastly underreported, the numbers are probably higher. So someone reading the book has either experienced one of these situations, or will be called upon to talk to someone who has, and using these authors as a base would be just about the worst thing that you could do. While I realize that these problems don't apply to every person or every relationship, the authors' failure to even acknowledge that these issues exist was under my skin for the whole book.
The book did pick up towards the end, and the last couple of chapters didn't make me want to gouge my eyes out, but by then it was too late to change my mind. And, lest anyone accuse me of just being down on relationship books in general (which...I kind of am), I got a great deal more out of The Five Love Languages and even Divorce Busting, which I had to read in a college sociology class. Normally I'd advocate chewing on something a little meatier, but since I think I lost an IQ point for each chapter, I'm not sure I could handle it now.
Sadly, this means that I lost several dozen brain cells that committed suicide rather than try to sort through all of this nonsense.
Before I go into this, I want to make it clear that I don't know who selected this book for the group, and I don't mean anything personal in my criticism to anyone who enjoyed the book. My work causes me to see the really ugly side of people's lives, and it might have made me a little jaded.
Disclaimer over, moving on.
The authors tried to be...well, I don't know what they tried to be, but my guess would be that they were aiming for "easy to understand." What they got was "lowest common denominator." Trying to turn this into something profound was actually embarrassing. Here's an example of the riveting, ground-breaking insights you can expect to read: "There has never been a good relationship without good communication. And there has never been a bad relationship that didn't get that way in part because of something that was said." Or how about "If you live with other sinners, you will have conflict. The closer you are to someone, the more potential there is for conflict."
Ricky Martin is gay. The pope is Catholic. Bears crap in the woods.
Also, as their editor should have told them, if you have to start a sentence with "It seems too obvious to say," then DON'T FREAKING SAY IT.
Aside from the fact that most of this is insipid drivel, I had another, even more pressing issue with the book. The "advice," as such, is based on what's appropriate for normal, largely functional relationships. There is no hint that relationships come in any other flavor. The authors go out of their way to talk about counseling and reaching out to people in need, but they never acknowledge that their point of view is not only completely irrelevant but actually dangerous to people in real need. In the chapter on conflict, for example, people are encouraged to stick through difficult relationships and find a way to work them out. There is no mention of the fact that if your husband beats you, you don't need to "work it out," you don't need a "servant's heart," you need to walk out that door and get a protective order and a shotgun. That may be an extreme case, but a lot of people get into abusive or dangerous situations, and then the suggestions given in the book would not only leave them in danger, but it would also retard their healing when and if they did eventually escape.
"Yeah, but how many people who would read this book would even experience that situation?" The last statistics I saw estimated that 25% of women--that's one in four--will be stalked at some point in their life. Given that stalking, like rape, domestic violence, and other "relationship gone wrong" crimes, is vastly underreported, the numbers are probably higher. So someone reading the book has either experienced one of these situations, or will be called upon to talk to someone who has, and using these authors as a base would be just about the worst thing that you could do. While I realize that these problems don't apply to every person or every relationship, the authors' failure to even acknowledge that these issues exist was under my skin for the whole book.
The book did pick up towards the end, and the last couple of chapters didn't make me want to gouge my eyes out, but by then it was too late to change my mind. And, lest anyone accuse me of just being down on relationship books in general (which...I kind of am), I got a great deal more out of The Five Love Languages and even Divorce Busting, which I had to read in a college sociology class. Normally I'd advocate chewing on something a little meatier, but since I think I lost an IQ point for each chapter, I'm not sure I could handle it now.
November 2, 2015
This was such a great book! Down-to-earth advice on what happens in any kind of relationship - If I have the right attitude, it will always be worth it. Introverts and extroverts alike can learn how to contribute rightly to relationships and also how to deal with the issues that can come up. Very realistic book.
February 15, 2021
"You find your life by dying to yourself and caring for others in risky ways."
Wow. This book has quickly become one of my top ten books every Christian should read. There is alot of talk in our culture today about setting boundaries with people, cutting out "toxic" relationships, and doing whatever you can to promote self-preservation. While all of that seems enticing and even right sometimes, it is not the way of the Gospel. It is not the way of Christ. While reading this, I realized that if Christ viewed relationships with people the way I did (ex: only serving people when convenient, avoiding conflict with others because it's exhausting, not being vulnerable in order to not get hurt again, etc), then He would have never followed through with His mission to save me. I would be lost and without hope, forever. This book compelled me to push into hard relationships instead of cut them out. It strengthened the call on my life to give it away to others and to be intentional of putting others needs above my own. It also showed me that messy relationships are necessary if anyone is to experience true community, sanctification, and more intimacy with Christ Himself. I see that we are made more whole when our lives are lived for the good others, not ourselves.
Wow. This book has quickly become one of my top ten books every Christian should read. There is alot of talk in our culture today about setting boundaries with people, cutting out "toxic" relationships, and doing whatever you can to promote self-preservation. While all of that seems enticing and even right sometimes, it is not the way of the Gospel. It is not the way of Christ. While reading this, I realized that if Christ viewed relationships with people the way I did (ex: only serving people when convenient, avoiding conflict with others because it's exhausting, not being vulnerable in order to not get hurt again, etc), then He would have never followed through with His mission to save me. I would be lost and without hope, forever. This book compelled me to push into hard relationships instead of cut them out. It strengthened the call on my life to give it away to others and to be intentional of putting others needs above my own. It also showed me that messy relationships are necessary if anyone is to experience true community, sanctification, and more intimacy with Christ Himself. I see that we are made more whole when our lives are lived for the good others, not ourselves.
August 17, 2020
Paul Tripp and Tim Lane lay a great foundation for relationships amongst believers and non-believers. A nailing point they kept repeating was given how sinful we are, it's amazing that God allows us to have relationships that glorify Him. In fact, any "good" relationship at all is such a great testament to God's grace towards us. This point really laid the framework for their study on relationships. It helped me realize how off I was in the way I approached and viewed relationships of any kind. God is calling me to use the relationships in my life to point to him and that's something I praise God this book revealed.
Also, there were a lot of good stand alone chapters in this book. Chapter 9 on forgiveness was my favorite study of it and I will definitely be returning to it when I need to study or put in practice the topic. Chapter 11 on burdens (aka serving) showed me that Christ's decision to serve others was never dependent on how well he was doing circumstantially nor on who the person was that he was serving. He chose to serve others to glorify God and I found myself being humbled once again by Christ's example.
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this book and am thankful for how practical and relatable it was.
Also, there were a lot of good stand alone chapters in this book. Chapter 9 on forgiveness was my favorite study of it and I will definitely be returning to it when I need to study or put in practice the topic. Chapter 11 on burdens (aka serving) showed me that Christ's decision to serve others was never dependent on how well he was doing circumstantially nor on who the person was that he was serving. He chose to serve others to glorify God and I found myself being humbled once again by Christ's example.
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this book and am thankful for how practical and relatable it was.
October 20, 2024
“We cannot look to relationships to give us things we’ve already been given in Christ.”
This book’s message was not anything I had not heard before, but it was a good reminder that God created relationships and, because of that, they have so much value! It is far easier to cut and run when faced with conflict in relationships, but if we respond rightly, these problems can be the very things that drive us to God.
This book’s message was not anything I had not heard before, but it was a good reminder that God created relationships and, because of that, they have so much value! It is far easier to cut and run when faced with conflict in relationships, but if we respond rightly, these problems can be the very things that drive us to God.
February 28, 2024
People are a pain and so am I.
June 6, 2023
Such a great book. "The fact that relationships remain intact at all, and even last for years, is a sign that God's goodness still abides in the world"
Notable quotes:
"When we live out of a sense of who we are in Christ, we live our lives based on all we have been given by Christ. This keeps us from seeking to get those things from the people and situations around us" p.59
Because our talk lives in the world of the ordinary, it is easy to forget its true significance" p.70
"There is an amazing proverb that Eugene Peterson translates like this: "Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit - you choose." This illustrates the constructive and destructive power of words while alerting us to the fact that our words always have direction" p.71
"When we make something other than God first in our lives, James says we have become too friendly with the world and committed spiritual adultery." p.83
How can we do it [forgive]? "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us." We are offered forgiveness on no other terms. To refuse it is to refuse God's mercy for ourselves. There is no hint of exceptions and God means what he says" p.93
"When you forgive, you make a conscious choice to absorb the cost yourself" p.95
"Remember, your relationships have not been designed by God as vehicles for human happiness but as instruments of redemption." p.110
"As we extend mercy and encounter its heavy cost, you will see how thin your commitment to mercy is and how unmerciful your responses can be" p.134
"James 2 is a frontal assault on one of Christianity's most frequent idolatries, favoritism." p.138
"Did you know that ninety-five percent of your life is lived in the mundane?" Consider how many moments you miss every day to redeem and the difference it would make 20 years down the line. p.151
Notable quotes:
"When we live out of a sense of who we are in Christ, we live our lives based on all we have been given by Christ. This keeps us from seeking to get those things from the people and situations around us" p.59
Because our talk lives in the world of the ordinary, it is easy to forget its true significance" p.70
"There is an amazing proverb that Eugene Peterson translates like this: "Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit - you choose." This illustrates the constructive and destructive power of words while alerting us to the fact that our words always have direction" p.71
"When we make something other than God first in our lives, James says we have become too friendly with the world and committed spiritual adultery." p.83
How can we do it [forgive]? "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those that trespass against us." We are offered forgiveness on no other terms. To refuse it is to refuse God's mercy for ourselves. There is no hint of exceptions and God means what he says" p.93
"When you forgive, you make a conscious choice to absorb the cost yourself" p.95
"Remember, your relationships have not been designed by God as vehicles for human happiness but as instruments of redemption." p.110
"As we extend mercy and encounter its heavy cost, you will see how thin your commitment to mercy is and how unmerciful your responses can be" p.134
"James 2 is a frontal assault on one of Christianity's most frequent idolatries, favoritism." p.138
"Did you know that ninety-five percent of your life is lived in the mundane?" Consider how many moments you miss every day to redeem and the difference it would make 20 years down the line. p.151
April 3, 2025
Read this for Lightbearers intern meetings. Had some great nuggets in it and definitely several convicting sections concerning forgiveness, reconciliation, and being a burden on one another as humility. There were a couple chapters that were lacking or just missed the mark in my opinion, but overall, pretty solid.
February 15, 2025
I like books that tells stories - it helps me stay engaged. So, this book not only had a lot of helpful and biblical advice in navigating different relationship as sinful beings; BUT it also has different examples of the advice played out in story which was very helpful for me! Grateful for books written like that.
May 6, 2025
This book was full of good anecdotes and wisdom about how to handle relationships. I appreciated that the authors weren’t dedicated to providing self-help tools and advice but instead focused on providing wisdom from Scripture for how to handle our relationships.
June 9, 2022
I love how all CCEF books are wonderful at being real, practical and actually make God's call to holiness look beautiful and attractive. The Bible handling can be a bit clumsy, and I couldn't quite stomach the big chunks of the message translation. But we need more time talking about how Jesus redeems the ordinary, everyday moments of life. This book is great at that.
August 27, 2023
3.5
Very helpful book for me personally, but it doesn't acknowledge the different types of relationships people may be in, or the role abuse and trauma plays in many people's experiences.
Very helpful book for me personally, but it doesn't acknowledge the different types of relationships people may be in, or the role abuse and trauma plays in many people's experiences.
January 24, 2025
This is fairly solid, simple, sound Christian living content. It is also painfully dry to read, hence my removal of a couple stars. A useful chapter on forgiveness made it somewhat tolerable.
September 28, 2015
On this side of heaven, you are guaranteed that all your relationships will be messy. It does not matter if it is your relationship with your children, your parents, your siblings, your colleagues or your spouse. As long as we are living in a world tarnished by sin, the mess is part of the package (dare I say, a "necessary" part of it?)
But there is hope. If you are in Christ, you may rest assured that the mess is for your good. You need the mess. Because every crisis will be the crucible God uses to form you and shape you into the image of His son, Jesus Christ. The mess is worth making. So don't fear conflict. Instead, embrace it and let it point you to the only one worth living for.
This is what this book is about. It is about recognizing that all relationships flow from the ultimate relationship between the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. It is about learning from and leaning on this trinitarian communion. The book points to the Trinity as a picture of what we are to aim for in relationships: mutual submission, love, kindness...
But the book also notes that even the Trinity was ripped apart so that our relationship with God and with one another could be eternally repaired. The Godhead was severed so that we could be saved. Jesus died on the Cross for relationships (ours and the Father, and with each other). So let every conflict remind you of and lead you to the conflict that took place on the Cross hundreds of years ago. Let every crisis lead you to Christ.
And let the mess be an opportunity to display the glorious message of the gospel of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. This book is definitely worth re-reading. But even better, it is worth re-living. I'm glad I opened it.
But there is hope. If you are in Christ, you may rest assured that the mess is for your good. You need the mess. Because every crisis will be the crucible God uses to form you and shape you into the image of His son, Jesus Christ. The mess is worth making. So don't fear conflict. Instead, embrace it and let it point you to the only one worth living for.
This is what this book is about. It is about recognizing that all relationships flow from the ultimate relationship between the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. It is about learning from and leaning on this trinitarian communion. The book points to the Trinity as a picture of what we are to aim for in relationships: mutual submission, love, kindness...
But the book also notes that even the Trinity was ripped apart so that our relationship with God and with one another could be eternally repaired. The Godhead was severed so that we could be saved. Jesus died on the Cross for relationships (ours and the Father, and with each other). So let every conflict remind you of and lead you to the conflict that took place on the Cross hundreds of years ago. Let every crisis lead you to Christ.
And let the mess be an opportunity to display the glorious message of the gospel of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. This book is definitely worth re-reading. But even better, it is worth re-living. I'm glad I opened it.
February 28, 2013
Sometimes you read a book that just fits the moment God has put you in. This was recently that book for me. Sort of a 'greatest hits' of Biblical relationship principles, the authors move quickly through essential ideas such as sin, forgiveness, mercy, communication, and servanthood, each covered in their own respective chapters. Because of this, the book is dense with profound insights from the authors and from scripture. My only gripe is the book could have really used a 'suggested readings' section at the end of each chapter, especially since many of the chapters are paired down versions of the authors' other books.
As with any book of this nature, some of the chapters will be more convicting than others, depending on your personal situation, but it is a good introductory or a good refresher no matter what your personal history might be. Overall, highly recommended. I look forward to re-reading chapters and highlights as God continues to grow me.
As with any book of this nature, some of the chapters will be more convicting than others, depending on your personal situation, but it is a good introductory or a good refresher no matter what your personal history might be. Overall, highly recommended. I look forward to re-reading chapters and highlights as God continues to grow me.
June 21, 2018
Chapter 9 is of special value
Relationships are, indeed, messy; yet they are also worthwhile. This book does a good job of biblically sorting through relationship issues, particularly in helping the reader deal with his or her own contribution to the relationship (versus fixing others). I found the section in chapter nine on forgiveness and reconciliation to be the most valuable part of the book, personally. The authors clarified a sticky issue here.
The biggest downside of the book, for me, was the use of The Message when including scripture passages. While it may be readable, it’s not as reliable as, say, the NASB or ESV.
Relationships are, indeed, messy; yet they are also worthwhile. This book does a good job of biblically sorting through relationship issues, particularly in helping the reader deal with his or her own contribution to the relationship (versus fixing others). I found the section in chapter nine on forgiveness and reconciliation to be the most valuable part of the book, personally. The authors clarified a sticky issue here.
The biggest downside of the book, for me, was the use of The Message when including scripture passages. While it may be readable, it’s not as reliable as, say, the NASB or ESV.
May 24, 2022
Super helpful. Enjoyed it
Two small things that were distracting: (1) The choice to use The Message as their translation of choice citing scripture, especially Matt 18. (2) In the last chapter, Green Day lyrics are referenced but not written down anywhere. Through context I think they were talking about the song Boulevard of Broken Dreams, but those unfamiliar with the band may find themselves lost.
Two small things that were distracting: (1) The choice to use The Message as their translation of choice citing scripture, especially Matt 18. (2) In the last chapter, Green Day lyrics are referenced but not written down anywhere. Through context I think they were talking about the song Boulevard of Broken Dreams, but those unfamiliar with the band may find themselves lost.
October 26, 2021
Um excelente livro sobre todos os tipos de relacionamentos que temos na vida, e o quanto eles são reflexo do nosso relacionamento com Deus. Gostei muita da divisão dos capítulos, muita clara e didática.
September 4, 2022
Os autores nos confrontam com verdades tranformadoras acerca de nós mesmo e de nossos relacionamentos, mostrando que a redenção para os relacionamentos de qualquer natureza só pode vir da fonte de onde jorra a vida, Cristo.
June 19, 2014
Slow at the beginning but has some really great and challenging chapters later on.
March 19, 2014
Paul Tripp and Timothy Lane tackle the confusing and and complicated topic of relationships. Though many people pick up this book primarily out of a desire to understand and cultivate romantic relationships, that is not what this book is all about; although the book includes romantic relationships. This book is intended to reach all people in all relationships: family, husband-wife, brother-sister, mother-daughter, father-son, friend-friend, coworkers, employer-employee, and any other relationship that is possible.
This book is written by authors who hold a biblical worldview, so their approach to relationships is radically different than the picture of relationships painted by pop-culture. Pop-culture says that relationships are all about you, and that if a relationships doesn’t meet your felt needs, then it is a bad relationship. Tripp and Lane take a different approach. The premise of the book is that relationships are all about sanctification—learning to operate in those relationships like Jesus would. Because of man’s sin nature, relationships aren’t going to be easy, in fact, they are going to be messy. But Tripp and Lane maintain that relationships are a mess worth making.
The authors begin by asking the question, “Why bother?” This question comes to the mind of many people who have been hurt in relationships with parents, friends, girl/boyfriend, or spouse. They make the point that many people become discouraged in relationships because they have a wrong focus and wrong expectations in the relationships. Often, pride creeps in to make one believe that the relationship is meant to deliver on the day dreams and romanticized ideals that often come to mind when thinking about relationships. However, those dreams are often left unmet, leaving hurt and pain in the heart of the dreamer. Tripp and Lane maintain that each time hurt is felt in a relationship, that hurting person has an opportunity to remember mankind’s need for God.
Tripp and Lane continue to lay out eight ideas about relationships from a biblical worldview: 1) “You were made for relationships.” 2) “In some way, all relationships are difficult.” 3) “Each of us is tempted to make relationships the end rather than the means.” 4) “There are no secrets that guarantee problem-free relationships.” 5) “At some point you will wonder whether relationships are worth it.” 6) “God keeps us in messy relationships for his redemptive purposes.” 7) “The fact that our relationships work as well as they do is a sure sign of grace.” 8) “Scripture offers clear hope for our relationships.” These principles help the reader to view relationships through a biblical lens.
Because many people operate without a biblical view of relationships, their relationships are regulated by hurt and pain from past relationships, making either isolating oneself from or immersing oneself in relationships as extremes of either hiding or covering up hurt from past relationships. The authors call readers to understand that man is sinful, so hurt is unavoidable, but with Scripture, one can deal with hurt in a constructive, sanctifying way. The authors posit that “the Bible assumes that this side of eternity will be messy and require a lot of work” when it comes to relationships. And it is that messiness and work that Tripp and Lane prepare the reader to encounter and overcome.
The authors call the reader to understand that God’s agenda is often different from man’s agenda, meaning that God has purpose in difficult relationships, of which man might not be aware. This understanding means that man must trust God’s knowledge and goodness during difficult times in relationships, and apply the Gospel to thinking and actions. The authors maintain that the Gospel cannot be separated from relationships. The Gospel allows Christians to forgive, show mercy, and to love those who offend, treat unjustly, and neglect to love.
One of the most important reminders given to the reader is that humans are not the Holy Spirit. Often, one tries to act as the Holy Spirit in another person’s life, trying to get that person to change spiritually, when in reality, only the Holy Spirit can bring about change in that person’s life. Because man is not the Spirit, man has to trust God to be working in other people’s lives. Many times when a person is trying to act as the Holy Spirit in trying to force someone to change, that person is really exercising desires to control and manipulate, disguising those desires as trying to help someone change spiritually. The authors warn of manipulating and trying to force change to meet one’s own agenda, rather than acting with the other person’s best interest in mind.
The author’s posit that one causation of problems in relationships is an identity crisis. Many times a person will try to find his or her identity in another person. When this crisis happens, there is inevitably conflict, because when the one seeking identity does not find that identity, that individual only feels hurt and rejection. Instead of finding identity in other people, believers ought to be finding their identity in the person of Christ. When one understands that he or she is accepted and loved by God because of Jesus Christ, that person is free to love others, free to be mistreated at times, and free to forgive.
I personally found this book to be quite helpful. I have read this book multiple times in my college years, and have found it beneficial in re-aligning my focus on the purpose of relationships and in educating me on how I can glorify God in my personal relationships. This book can prove to be helpful to people from all backgrounds in application to all relationships. I personally have been helped by this book in my relationship with my parents, with my sister, with my girlfriend, and with my friends.
Perhaps the most helpful reminder in the book is that “our worship and theology will always be on display in the way that we treat others.” This reminds me that I need to be cultivating and applying theology drawn from Scripture so that I know what I believe about God so that I can strive to emulate those things.
Tripp and Lane communicate excellently in Relationships: A Mess Worth Making, and book that is definitely worth reading.
http://christliteratureculture.wordpr...
This book is written by authors who hold a biblical worldview, so their approach to relationships is radically different than the picture of relationships painted by pop-culture. Pop-culture says that relationships are all about you, and that if a relationships doesn’t meet your felt needs, then it is a bad relationship. Tripp and Lane take a different approach. The premise of the book is that relationships are all about sanctification—learning to operate in those relationships like Jesus would. Because of man’s sin nature, relationships aren’t going to be easy, in fact, they are going to be messy. But Tripp and Lane maintain that relationships are a mess worth making.
The authors begin by asking the question, “Why bother?” This question comes to the mind of many people who have been hurt in relationships with parents, friends, girl/boyfriend, or spouse. They make the point that many people become discouraged in relationships because they have a wrong focus and wrong expectations in the relationships. Often, pride creeps in to make one believe that the relationship is meant to deliver on the day dreams and romanticized ideals that often come to mind when thinking about relationships. However, those dreams are often left unmet, leaving hurt and pain in the heart of the dreamer. Tripp and Lane maintain that each time hurt is felt in a relationship, that hurting person has an opportunity to remember mankind’s need for God.
Tripp and Lane continue to lay out eight ideas about relationships from a biblical worldview: 1) “You were made for relationships.” 2) “In some way, all relationships are difficult.” 3) “Each of us is tempted to make relationships the end rather than the means.” 4) “There are no secrets that guarantee problem-free relationships.” 5) “At some point you will wonder whether relationships are worth it.” 6) “God keeps us in messy relationships for his redemptive purposes.” 7) “The fact that our relationships work as well as they do is a sure sign of grace.” 8) “Scripture offers clear hope for our relationships.” These principles help the reader to view relationships through a biblical lens.
Because many people operate without a biblical view of relationships, their relationships are regulated by hurt and pain from past relationships, making either isolating oneself from or immersing oneself in relationships as extremes of either hiding or covering up hurt from past relationships. The authors call readers to understand that man is sinful, so hurt is unavoidable, but with Scripture, one can deal with hurt in a constructive, sanctifying way. The authors posit that “the Bible assumes that this side of eternity will be messy and require a lot of work” when it comes to relationships. And it is that messiness and work that Tripp and Lane prepare the reader to encounter and overcome.
The authors call the reader to understand that God’s agenda is often different from man’s agenda, meaning that God has purpose in difficult relationships, of which man might not be aware. This understanding means that man must trust God’s knowledge and goodness during difficult times in relationships, and apply the Gospel to thinking and actions. The authors maintain that the Gospel cannot be separated from relationships. The Gospel allows Christians to forgive, show mercy, and to love those who offend, treat unjustly, and neglect to love.
One of the most important reminders given to the reader is that humans are not the Holy Spirit. Often, one tries to act as the Holy Spirit in another person’s life, trying to get that person to change spiritually, when in reality, only the Holy Spirit can bring about change in that person’s life. Because man is not the Spirit, man has to trust God to be working in other people’s lives. Many times when a person is trying to act as the Holy Spirit in trying to force someone to change, that person is really exercising desires to control and manipulate, disguising those desires as trying to help someone change spiritually. The authors warn of manipulating and trying to force change to meet one’s own agenda, rather than acting with the other person’s best interest in mind.
The author’s posit that one causation of problems in relationships is an identity crisis. Many times a person will try to find his or her identity in another person. When this crisis happens, there is inevitably conflict, because when the one seeking identity does not find that identity, that individual only feels hurt and rejection. Instead of finding identity in other people, believers ought to be finding their identity in the person of Christ. When one understands that he or she is accepted and loved by God because of Jesus Christ, that person is free to love others, free to be mistreated at times, and free to forgive.
I personally found this book to be quite helpful. I have read this book multiple times in my college years, and have found it beneficial in re-aligning my focus on the purpose of relationships and in educating me on how I can glorify God in my personal relationships. This book can prove to be helpful to people from all backgrounds in application to all relationships. I personally have been helped by this book in my relationship with my parents, with my sister, with my girlfriend, and with my friends.
Perhaps the most helpful reminder in the book is that “our worship and theology will always be on display in the way that we treat others.” This reminds me that I need to be cultivating and applying theology drawn from Scripture so that I know what I believe about God so that I can strive to emulate those things.
Tripp and Lane communicate excellently in Relationships: A Mess Worth Making, and book that is definitely worth reading.
http://christliteratureculture.wordpr...
May 30, 2023
Relationships are difficult and hard. They are also an act of worship either for yourself or the other person or for God. This is the basic message of this book.
Paul and Tim are exhorting brothers and sisters to she relationships as redemptive especially if they are very very difficult. We all gravitate towards people who make our lives easier for our own happiness. However God see’s relationships as a redemptive factory where God makes us all like Christ by entering into relationships with people in church and the local community.
Within this framework he looks at mercy, forgiveness, worship, service, pride isolation and Emerson and amongst others. An encouraging book souring me to carry on with people whom I find difficult for Christs sake and theirs and excluding myself
Paul and Tim are exhorting brothers and sisters to she relationships as redemptive especially if they are very very difficult. We all gravitate towards people who make our lives easier for our own happiness. However God see’s relationships as a redemptive factory where God makes us all like Christ by entering into relationships with people in church and the local community.
Within this framework he looks at mercy, forgiveness, worship, service, pride isolation and Emerson and amongst others. An encouraging book souring me to carry on with people whom I find difficult for Christs sake and theirs and excluding myself
December 2, 2017
I believe it to be one of the best modern books out there on the subject. I profited greatly from most of the advice given and the analyses made. The chapters on forgiveness, conflict, mercy are some of the best! There is gold in the book. But it ends with disappointing copper. It concludes with recurrent references from The Message and Eugene Peterson that are at least dubious and unclear. It could have been a perfect 5-stars. But it's overall content is still absolutely necessary for godly relational living, especially in our day and age. I heartily commend it! (just be cautious towards its end)
January 22, 2024
This was both convicting and encouraging- the sections on sin, forgiveness, community, and hope are particularly apt. The presence of conflict/struggle/sin is not the killer- "weak and needy people finding their hope in Christ's grace are what mark a mature relationship." The pursuit is not perfection, but grace.
"The New Testament offers hope that our relationships can be characterized by things like humility, gentleness, patience, edifying honesty, peace, forgiveness, compassion, and love... God's grace can make this possible, even for sinners in a fallen world." These things are not optional pursuits, but commanded. Much-needed.
"The New Testament offers hope that our relationships can be characterized by things like humility, gentleness, patience, edifying honesty, peace, forgiveness, compassion, and love... God's grace can make this possible, even for sinners in a fallen world." These things are not optional pursuits, but commanded. Much-needed.
January 18, 2024
This book was excellent. It gave a eternal focus of relationships zoning in on my sinful nature, but God redemptive plan in it. Gods redemptive plan graciously extends to all of my relationships. He’s working redemption in the other person and myself.
This book reminded me to look for Gods working grace in my relationships, that “God wants high personal cost and high God-defined returns” in my relationships (it’s not about me), I am free to serve when my identity is rooted in Christ, the powerful definition of forgiveness and grace, to be 100% in wherever I am, and MUCH more. Thankful for the writers and the Lord working in my heart through their wisdom, words, and the scriptures in their book.
The only thing I would “mark” that I disliked about the book was the authors use of The Message for some of their scriptural references. For these references, I simply referenced my Bible instead.
This book reminded me to look for Gods working grace in my relationships, that “God wants high personal cost and high God-defined returns” in my relationships (it’s not about me), I am free to serve when my identity is rooted in Christ, the powerful definition of forgiveness and grace, to be 100% in wherever I am, and MUCH more. Thankful for the writers and the Lord working in my heart through their wisdom, words, and the scriptures in their book.
The only thing I would “mark” that I disliked about the book was the authors use of The Message for some of their scriptural references. For these references, I simply referenced my Bible instead.
March 5, 2018
Great!
In a world of self help books, this one takes it to a biblical and practical level. The author obviously has a grip on real life. It’s helped me think and recalibrate my heart and mind regarding what I bring to relationships. My greatest need at every moment is Christ.
In a world of self help books, this one takes it to a biblical and practical level. The author obviously has a grip on real life. It’s helped me think and recalibrate my heart and mind regarding what I bring to relationships. My greatest need at every moment is Christ.
September 7, 2020
Such a great book that outlines our inherent need to be in relationships and our frustration with the imperfection of humanity. It will challenge you to see relationships in a new way. Make sure you have a highlighter and pen handy! This will be one you want to reference and reread.
August 13, 2024
Excellent !!!
Ce livre est bien formulé, adresse les bonnes questions au niveau des relations et recentre le tout sur Christ : Dieu qui est la réponse!!
Je recommande chaudement à TOUS. Que vos relations aillent bien ou non, les thèmes abordés ici sont utiles pour vérifier si nos relations sont orientées vers l’édification du royaume ou si elles servent à me satisfaire moi-même (alors que c’est impossible). Je travaille en constante relation et je vais citer ce livre !
Ce livre est bien formulé, adresse les bonnes questions au niveau des relations et recentre le tout sur Christ : Dieu qui est la réponse!!
Je recommande chaudement à TOUS. Que vos relations aillent bien ou non, les thèmes abordés ici sont utiles pour vérifier si nos relations sont orientées vers l’édification du royaume ou si elles servent à me satisfaire moi-même (alors que c’est impossible). Je travaille en constante relation et je vais citer ce livre !
April 9, 2018
A really practical and christcentric book. Relationships truly are a mess worth making created by God to sanctify us. Great for reading groups!
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