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Holy Listening: The Art of Spiritual Direction
Guenther uses the images of the spiritual director as host, teacher, and midwife to describe the ministry of spiritual direction today. She pays particular attention to spiritual direction for women, and addresses such down-to-earth questions as setting, time, and privacy. The stories of real people bring the practice of spiritual direction alive.
“In the pages that follow, I will attempt to describe the shape that spiritual direction might take for people of our time, aware that the subject is an elusive one. I am speaking to the beginner, those persons lay or ordained, with or without formal theological training, who find themselves drawn to this ministry. Perhaps they feel the stirring of their own unacknowledged gifts. Or perhaps they wonder about receiving direction, whether it is a ministry available to ‘ordinary people' or reserved for the especially holy. I hope some dark corners will be illuminated and some questions answered.”
“In the pages that follow, I will attempt to describe the shape that spiritual direction might take for people of our time, aware that the subject is an elusive one. I am speaking to the beginner, those persons lay or ordained, with or without formal theological training, who find themselves drawn to this ministry. Perhaps they feel the stirring of their own unacknowledged gifts. Or perhaps they wonder about receiving direction, whether it is a ministry available to ‘ordinary people' or reserved for the especially holy. I hope some dark corners will be illuminated and some questions answered.”
160 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1992
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June 25, 2021
Throughout this book, Guenther repeatedly emphasizes the value of maintaining one's amateur status as a spiritual director--of being one who loves the work but has never arrived at at some sort of ultimate status as a Revered Professional. If Guenther's an amateur, I'm not even a neophyte; but to read and learn from her is to be drawn deeper into the love of this art, and ultimately deeper into one's love for Christ, one's reliance on the Father, and one's belief in the movement of the Spirit.
I was not raised in a Christian tradition that particularly knows what to do with the contemplative life; officially sanctioned soul-care in the congregation of my birth far more often took the form of active, physical service on the behalf of those in need rather than emotional and spiritual burden bearing, the walking alongside that so characterizes spiritual direction. Reading this book feels like coming home; Guenther just gets it. She understands the blessings, burdens, potential pitfalls and temptations, and ultimate importance of spiritual direction in a way that is really affirming to those who may feel called to the ministry of holy listening,* regardless of whether that is in any sort of official directorial capacity.
At the end of the book, I find myself wishing that Guenther had further explored the distinctions between spiritual direction and spiritual friendship; she repeatedly emphasizes the importance of a loving detachment as characteristic of the director/directee relationship, but never quite explains what to do when one finds oneself in a relationship characterized by both holy listening and emotional mutuality. Notably, she clarifies that, "A good teacher (like a good parent) is educating for maturity. Parents have done their work well when they are no longer needed. In spiritual direction, a relationship that is initially hierarchical may turn into a rich spiritual friendship. This is not a sign that something has gone wrong, but it is important to acknowledge and celebrate the changed relationship. The friendship can continue, but the directee will eventually need to find a new director. The give-and-take between friends cannot substitute for the careful attentiveness of a lovingly distanced director" (69). However, Guenther never quite ventures into exploring what such a spiritual friendship ought to look like, nor what it is good for or capable of that a relationship between director and directee is not. She does quote Aelred of Rievaulx more than once, reminding me yet again that I'm several hundreds of years behind in this conversation and really ought to go and read him.
Each chapter is uniquely valuable, and, frankly, I loved all of them. Guenther's insights on liminality in the fourth chapter as well as her love letter to the vocation of teaching in the second were particular favorites. It seems, however, that she truly saved the best for last, because I would rate this book five stars even if the only thing in it were the epilogue. Those five pages merit reading the entire book just so that one might glory in all their richness at its end (and the book's already short anyway, so just do it).
*One of my favorite quotations from the entire book: "As a holy listener--the listening is holy, I am still me--I have to put myself out of the way, to become humble in the true sense of knowing my place in the order of God's creation. I must be disinterested, critical without being judgmental. And above all, I must be reverent, for I am entrusted with something precious and tender. As the stories are told, the vulnerability of both director and directee is apparent as masks fall off or are put aside. The director is invited to share in pain, hunger, courage, hope, joy, and holiness" (145).
I was not raised in a Christian tradition that particularly knows what to do with the contemplative life; officially sanctioned soul-care in the congregation of my birth far more often took the form of active, physical service on the behalf of those in need rather than emotional and spiritual burden bearing, the walking alongside that so characterizes spiritual direction. Reading this book feels like coming home; Guenther just gets it. She understands the blessings, burdens, potential pitfalls and temptations, and ultimate importance of spiritual direction in a way that is really affirming to those who may feel called to the ministry of holy listening,* regardless of whether that is in any sort of official directorial capacity.
At the end of the book, I find myself wishing that Guenther had further explored the distinctions between spiritual direction and spiritual friendship; she repeatedly emphasizes the importance of a loving detachment as characteristic of the director/directee relationship, but never quite explains what to do when one finds oneself in a relationship characterized by both holy listening and emotional mutuality. Notably, she clarifies that, "A good teacher (like a good parent) is educating for maturity. Parents have done their work well when they are no longer needed. In spiritual direction, a relationship that is initially hierarchical may turn into a rich spiritual friendship. This is not a sign that something has gone wrong, but it is important to acknowledge and celebrate the changed relationship. The friendship can continue, but the directee will eventually need to find a new director. The give-and-take between friends cannot substitute for the careful attentiveness of a lovingly distanced director" (69). However, Guenther never quite ventures into exploring what such a spiritual friendship ought to look like, nor what it is good for or capable of that a relationship between director and directee is not. She does quote Aelred of Rievaulx more than once, reminding me yet again that I'm several hundreds of years behind in this conversation and really ought to go and read him.
Each chapter is uniquely valuable, and, frankly, I loved all of them. Guenther's insights on liminality in the fourth chapter as well as her love letter to the vocation of teaching in the second were particular favorites. It seems, however, that she truly saved the best for last, because I would rate this book five stars even if the only thing in it were the epilogue. Those five pages merit reading the entire book just so that one might glory in all their richness at its end (and the book's already short anyway, so just do it).
*One of my favorite quotations from the entire book: "As a holy listener--the listening is holy, I am still me--I have to put myself out of the way, to become humble in the true sense of knowing my place in the order of God's creation. I must be disinterested, critical without being judgmental. And above all, I must be reverent, for I am entrusted with something precious and tender. As the stories are told, the vulnerability of both director and directee is apparent as masks fall off or are put aside. The director is invited to share in pain, hunger, courage, hope, joy, and holiness" (145).
October 28, 2013
I've read several works on spiritual direction and what I most appreciated about this was the author's down to earth approach to these matters. She begins by speaking of herself as an "amateur" in these things, which carries both the notion of learner and lover. At points I've been put off by the professionalization of spiritual direction. Her test of a calling to this is simply that people begin to trust themselves deeply to one.
She begins by describing how she welcomes strangers, those new to a directee relationship. This was very practical, dealing with her own preparation, the preparation of both physical space and a safe atmosphere for direction.
Her next chapter is on the director as a good teacher. Most striking is that good teachers encourage play. While direction often explores serious matters, there can also be a lightness, a joy, and even laughter in this relationship. Good teachers also know the pupil's limits, are hopeful, ask good questions, evaluate progress, and are themselves learners.
The third chapter explores the idea of director as midwife, the one who comes alongside a birthgiver to instruct and coach, and oft-times to simply wait as insight gestates. Most striking was her discussion of "transition", a time just before birth where the birthgiver may totally lose a sense of control and how the midwife can give good direction and support at this time to lean into the hard work of giving birth to spiritual insight and growth.
The final chapter explores the direction of women as well as what it means for women to act as directors. Two critical elements here were helping women find their voice and not simply default to submission, and to face the sin of self-contempt, which Guenther especially sees in women. She concludes with an exploration of directing those who have faced abuse.
This is a slim and yet rich book that is probably one of the best treatments of spiritual direction I've read, especially valuable for its lack of pretension and refreshing "down to earthness".
She begins by describing how she welcomes strangers, those new to a directee relationship. This was very practical, dealing with her own preparation, the preparation of both physical space and a safe atmosphere for direction.
Her next chapter is on the director as a good teacher. Most striking is that good teachers encourage play. While direction often explores serious matters, there can also be a lightness, a joy, and even laughter in this relationship. Good teachers also know the pupil's limits, are hopeful, ask good questions, evaluate progress, and are themselves learners.
The third chapter explores the idea of director as midwife, the one who comes alongside a birthgiver to instruct and coach, and oft-times to simply wait as insight gestates. Most striking was her discussion of "transition", a time just before birth where the birthgiver may totally lose a sense of control and how the midwife can give good direction and support at this time to lean into the hard work of giving birth to spiritual insight and growth.
The final chapter explores the direction of women as well as what it means for women to act as directors. Two critical elements here were helping women find their voice and not simply default to submission, and to face the sin of self-contempt, which Guenther especially sees in women. She concludes with an exploration of directing those who have faced abuse.
This is a slim and yet rich book that is probably one of the best treatments of spiritual direction I've read, especially valuable for its lack of pretension and refreshing "down to earthness".
August 23, 2024
Even if you have no intent of ordination or spiritual direction, Guenther’s words on hospitality, listening, and discernment is a gentle, flowing stream of wisdom as we work toward encountering others as Jesus would.
“Blessed are those who number babies and animals among their friends; in their embodied innocence, such small creatures keep us simple. Blessed are those who find God’s hand in the aesthetic: music, literature, and art keep us joyful and proportionate. And blessed are those who enjoy good, hard work. There is nothing like sawing through a log or mowing a lawn, scrubbing a dirty floor or kneading a loaf of bread to make us rejoice in our physicality and bring us close to the earth.”
“Blessed are those who number babies and animals among their friends; in their embodied innocence, such small creatures keep us simple. Blessed are those who find God’s hand in the aesthetic: music, literature, and art keep us joyful and proportionate. And blessed are those who enjoy good, hard work. There is nothing like sawing through a log or mowing a lawn, scrubbing a dirty floor or kneading a loaf of bread to make us rejoice in our physicality and bring us close to the earth.”
January 9, 2023
I have greatly benefited from spiritual direction over the years, even from the very first session. One of my resolutions or "inclinations" in 2023 is to potentially explore taking spiritual direction classes myself and I found 'Holy Listening: The Art of Spiritual Direction' an invaluable, insightful guide for the practice.
I am largely like those directees that Margaret Guenther writes about, the ones who so highly esteem their directors that they can be forgetful that spiritual directors are just as earthy and normal as any other person. Indeed, Guenther stresses that despite all of her years and experience in spiritual direction she is still an "amateur" (and in a culture that prides itself on credentials, we can dismiss the "amateur" but I firmly believe, especially in the church, that we ought to value the thoughtful, sensitive amateur or "layperson" who can help share the burdens and blessings of ministry with ordained clergy). Guenther is warmly disarming about the vocation of spiritual direction; it requires tremendous sensitivity, attentiveness, prayerfulness, being present, discernment, and spiritual intelligence, but we are all of us also limited human beings and because spiritual direction is about guidance and not imposition, it is ultimately up to the directee to be responsible for their own actions.
This book is brimming with practical guidance on how to be a spiritual director, from how to cultivate a hospitable space (does one wear vestments or normal attire?), when it might be useful to self-disclose to a directee, how Jesus shows us how to model spiritual direction, how to listen well, etc...Guenther is particularly sensitive to the experience of women in spiritual direction, both as those who have often - sadly - been the victim of abuse and suffer trauma as a result - and as women who have unique capacities and sensitivities to the Spirit (the last chapter is entirely dedicated to women and spiritual direction while another uses the metaphor of "midwife" to describe how a spiritual director helps to come alongside in the labour of experiencing God).
There are numerous typos and one notable printing error but despite all of that, I would highly recommend this book; it is rightfully considered a classic in the area of spiritual direction and is beneficial to both women and men.
I am largely like those directees that Margaret Guenther writes about, the ones who so highly esteem their directors that they can be forgetful that spiritual directors are just as earthy and normal as any other person. Indeed, Guenther stresses that despite all of her years and experience in spiritual direction she is still an "amateur" (and in a culture that prides itself on credentials, we can dismiss the "amateur" but I firmly believe, especially in the church, that we ought to value the thoughtful, sensitive amateur or "layperson" who can help share the burdens and blessings of ministry with ordained clergy). Guenther is warmly disarming about the vocation of spiritual direction; it requires tremendous sensitivity, attentiveness, prayerfulness, being present, discernment, and spiritual intelligence, but we are all of us also limited human beings and because spiritual direction is about guidance and not imposition, it is ultimately up to the directee to be responsible for their own actions.
This book is brimming with practical guidance on how to be a spiritual director, from how to cultivate a hospitable space (does one wear vestments or normal attire?), when it might be useful to self-disclose to a directee, how Jesus shows us how to model spiritual direction, how to listen well, etc...Guenther is particularly sensitive to the experience of women in spiritual direction, both as those who have often - sadly - been the victim of abuse and suffer trauma as a result - and as women who have unique capacities and sensitivities to the Spirit (the last chapter is entirely dedicated to women and spiritual direction while another uses the metaphor of "midwife" to describe how a spiritual director helps to come alongside in the labour of experiencing God).
There are numerous typos and one notable printing error but despite all of that, I would highly recommend this book; it is rightfully considered a classic in the area of spiritual direction and is beneficial to both women and men.
December 5, 2020
This book is superb, a classic for the person that wants to sit better with other people as they struggle on their spiritual journey.
July 13, 2024
I read this for a spiritual direction seminar, and found a lot of it really helpful as far as the practicalities of spiritual direction—both in practicing spiritual direction with others, as well as honestly confronting your own internal habits and avoidances. A lot of it is really dated, especially when it comes to gender, but I will definitely return to it for the wisdom it offers in many other ways.
July 28, 2019
Spiritual Direction was something brought up in the Episcopal church. Recently I have been jealous of the sacramental practices in the Catholic church ( even though I am not Catholic). The main purpose of spiritual direction is holy/attentive listening and having a loving presence. I am glad this practice is now being introduced in the Evangelical church. Spiritual Directors should be like a teacher, host, and midwife. These topics go in-depth in this book. This book is written mainly intended for Spiritual Directors. However, directees will benefit from it as well. I can't wait until I find a Spiritual Director compatible with me.
June 22, 2007
Guenther's writing style is very readable. She brings warmth and humanity to a challenging topic. Her writing is honest and direct, encouraging and sensitive.
April 15, 2021
This is my favorite exploration of spiritual direction that I've read so far. Guenther emphasizes her position as an amateur and thus offers her insights lightly, humbly, and with a bit of humor.
She explores the spiritual direction relationship through the lens of host, teacher, and midwife. These were all helpful images for me that resonated deeply. I especially loved the idea that good teachers encourage play and that as a midwife of the soul we are "with" people in their waiting and in their birthing of new life. The final chapter focuses on the unique perspectives that women bring to spiritual direction and it skillfully named realities that are often dismissed. I loved this concise, but deep little book.
She explores the spiritual direction relationship through the lens of host, teacher, and midwife. These were all helpful images for me that resonated deeply. I especially loved the idea that good teachers encourage play and that as a midwife of the soul we are "with" people in their waiting and in their birthing of new life. The final chapter focuses on the unique perspectives that women bring to spiritual direction and it skillfully named realities that are often dismissed. I loved this concise, but deep little book.
April 12, 2022
The concepts are good and transferable to ministry I am involved with. But there are some outdated topics and the language is of a more formal religious belief that doesn't relate to me.
November 20, 2023
Helpful and thoughtful.
February 17, 2025
Very helpful for a new director.
May 20, 2025
a lot of wisdom
October 29, 2023
Read this for my class for Spiritual Direction. Interesting take on the listening skills that women in particular bring to this ministry. Enjoyed insights with her directees and how she grew in her faith as well.
February 6, 2021
One of the formative books on present day spiritual direction.
Particularly helpful chapters on women in spiritual direction
Particularly helpful chapters on women in spiritual direction
August 31, 2024
A lot of wisdom in these pages.
--
"The person standing at my office door is rarely disheveled or dust-covered and would resist any attempt of mine to wash his feet. But spiritually, he has come a great distance and is still far from home."
"The radically simplified environment discourages inner clutter. ... For those of us who get trapped in crowded schedules and fall into the dangerous and sinful delusion that we, the administrative assistants of a well-meaning but inefficient CEO God, are really the ones who hold up the world, even a brief retreat is a powerful corrective."
"Again and again, in the silence at the beginning of a session, I hear in my heart the words from Aelred: "Here we are, you and I, and I hope a third, Christ, is in our midst.""
"This is perhaps the ultimate act of hospitality, epitomizing the generous mutuality of the direction relationship. Like Abba Bessarion, the director knows that he, too, is a sinner: "A brother who had sinned was turned out of his church by the priest; Abba Bessarion got up and went to him, saying, I, too, am a sinner! Director and directee are united in the glory and sinfulness of their humanity; they are part of the same family."
"Unless I experience some heaviness, how do I know I have accepted a burden? There is a cheapness and spiritual dishonesty in opening oneself to another's story while keeping one's fingers crossed—"I'll let it touch me, even touch me deeply, but not for long." On the other hand, I accept the burden, not to hoard and cherish it as mine but rather to pass it on immediately. As Williams observes, "the carrying of the cross may be light because it is not to the crucifixion.""
"Then, as we end our meeting with absolution and a blessing, I can almost feel the heaviness drop from the directee. ... Lay directors and those from traditions lacking the sacrament of reconciliation need to remember that all baptized persons can declare God's forgiveness to those who are truly contrite."
"Jesus had a way of taking over at the dinner table. So too in the ministry of spiritual direction— when all is said and done, the Holy Spirit is the true director. I find this reassuring when I am overcome by performance anxiety. Will I be wise? Will I be sufficiently holy, or at least look that way? Will I do even a half-way decent job? But if I am ready to relinquish my role to the true Host, the burden of responsibility drops away and the space I have prepared becomes gracious and holy."
"The shared commitment to truth ensures that the spiritual direction relationship is one of true mutuality, for both director and directee must allow themselves to be known. This marks one of the major differences between spiritual direction and psychotherapy: the director must be willing to be known-not just by her credentials, affiliations, and titles, but known in her vulnerability and limitations as a child of God."
"A good teacher is always hopeful. ... Seeing the potential for growth and transformation in even the least likely, he is willing to wait for fruition. In dark times, his quiet hope can sustain the directee."
"Similarly, our true work is neither to impart information nor to support a change in the directee's lifestyle, however desirable these aims might be. Our work is to follow Christ's example and inwardly teach those who come to us to seek him."
"Along with our high valuation of activity itself, we believe that we can make things better by our actions. Everything can be fixed; if it isn't broken, it can be improved. ... Yet much of spiritual direction is in the company of those who are waiting, who cannot be fixed, repaired, or made right, and the spiritual director does well to emulate the midwife's restraint. ... She intervenes only when necessary and helpful, never for the sake of "doing something." In spiritual directors as in others, the urge to "help" people dies hard. ... This is especially true when someone is in genuine distress and when it is obvious that remediable outward circumstances are affecting her spiritual life. People come to us with what seem like crushing burdens: chronic illness, both physical and emotional, poverty, the scars of physical abuse. To the director, such conditions may seem like adverse ones to be got rid of, or at least tidied up, and it is a hard lesson that life in Christ is not necessarily a life free from pain."
"Finally, I blurted out, "I want to take away your pain. I want to be able to make all this go away!" Jennie looked at me with infinite patience, patted my hand, and said, "Honey, just knowing that you're there and that you love me is enough. Don't worry about it." She knew what I had forgotten: that sometimes one waits because there is nothing else to be done. The greatest gift I could give her was not to play social worker or psychotherapist, but to quiet down and wait with her. Be with her. To do this, I had to recognize my discomfort at my own powerlessness."
"As midwives of the spirit, we will do a great deal of waiting and encourage others to wait, not always in comfort and sometimes in great pain. Those who are graced with insight are able to glimpse their essential powerlessness..."
"My only task, at this point, is to hang on with him. ... We wait too with the bereaved, knowing that grief cannot be hurried but must be lived through."
"Then, too, both people may be growing uncomfortable with the uncertainty of waiting and yearn for clarity, even if it is premature and mistaken. For most of us, loose ends are frightening reminders of our own powerlessness. To name, to label, to classify gives us the illusion of control, even if the closure reached is a false one."
"The questions are not a means of amassing data; rather, they are open-ended and compassionate, an invitation to trust. ... It is gratifying to be trusted and heady to be relied upon. Human life and lives are infinitely fascinating; and, unless the director works out of a satisfying context of personal relation-ships, there is the danger of becoming a spiritual voyeur, of using and feeding upon the other. My inner alarm bells sound when I find myself growing curious, taking sides, or becoming over-invested emotionally. I know that I am about to step over an invisible line and that the delicate balance can be destroyed. Even if my words and actions remain correct, I am in danger of using the directee for my own gratification."
"My two favorite questions- "What do you want?" and "Where do you hurt?" - are excellent diagnostic tools..."
"The victim [of abuse] is filled with shame, and almost always suffers the typical confusion of guilt and shame: she feels somehow to blame for what was done to her. As she moves toward greater healing and its concomitant awareness, she is frightened by glimpses of her own deep rage and her fear of what might happen if that rage were expressed."
"Love impels [the director's] work and lies at its heart. Spiritual direction, as a work of love, is also a work of freedom. The director is willing to let be, to love with an open hand. Hers is a contemplative love, immune from temptation to devour, possess, or manipulate. Always seeing the other as a child of God, she is filled with respect, even awe in the presence of the person sitting across the sacred space... Willing to let go and let be, the director is unwilling to despair. He has faith in the process of growth and change—and even more faith in the power of God's grace. This is a ministry of hope and newness that enlivens, and even helps define, the status of the amateur."
--
"The person standing at my office door is rarely disheveled or dust-covered and would resist any attempt of mine to wash his feet. But spiritually, he has come a great distance and is still far from home."
"The radically simplified environment discourages inner clutter. ... For those of us who get trapped in crowded schedules and fall into the dangerous and sinful delusion that we, the administrative assistants of a well-meaning but inefficient CEO God, are really the ones who hold up the world, even a brief retreat is a powerful corrective."
"Again and again, in the silence at the beginning of a session, I hear in my heart the words from Aelred: "Here we are, you and I, and I hope a third, Christ, is in our midst.""
"This is perhaps the ultimate act of hospitality, epitomizing the generous mutuality of the direction relationship. Like Abba Bessarion, the director knows that he, too, is a sinner: "A brother who had sinned was turned out of his church by the priest; Abba Bessarion got up and went to him, saying, I, too, am a sinner! Director and directee are united in the glory and sinfulness of their humanity; they are part of the same family."
"Unless I experience some heaviness, how do I know I have accepted a burden? There is a cheapness and spiritual dishonesty in opening oneself to another's story while keeping one's fingers crossed—"I'll let it touch me, even touch me deeply, but not for long." On the other hand, I accept the burden, not to hoard and cherish it as mine but rather to pass it on immediately. As Williams observes, "the carrying of the cross may be light because it is not to the crucifixion.""
"Then, as we end our meeting with absolution and a blessing, I can almost feel the heaviness drop from the directee. ... Lay directors and those from traditions lacking the sacrament of reconciliation need to remember that all baptized persons can declare God's forgiveness to those who are truly contrite."
"Jesus had a way of taking over at the dinner table. So too in the ministry of spiritual direction— when all is said and done, the Holy Spirit is the true director. I find this reassuring when I am overcome by performance anxiety. Will I be wise? Will I be sufficiently holy, or at least look that way? Will I do even a half-way decent job? But if I am ready to relinquish my role to the true Host, the burden of responsibility drops away and the space I have prepared becomes gracious and holy."
"The shared commitment to truth ensures that the spiritual direction relationship is one of true mutuality, for both director and directee must allow themselves to be known. This marks one of the major differences between spiritual direction and psychotherapy: the director must be willing to be known-not just by her credentials, affiliations, and titles, but known in her vulnerability and limitations as a child of God."
"A good teacher is always hopeful. ... Seeing the potential for growth and transformation in even the least likely, he is willing to wait for fruition. In dark times, his quiet hope can sustain the directee."
"Similarly, our true work is neither to impart information nor to support a change in the directee's lifestyle, however desirable these aims might be. Our work is to follow Christ's example and inwardly teach those who come to us to seek him."
"Along with our high valuation of activity itself, we believe that we can make things better by our actions. Everything can be fixed; if it isn't broken, it can be improved. ... Yet much of spiritual direction is in the company of those who are waiting, who cannot be fixed, repaired, or made right, and the spiritual director does well to emulate the midwife's restraint. ... She intervenes only when necessary and helpful, never for the sake of "doing something." In spiritual directors as in others, the urge to "help" people dies hard. ... This is especially true when someone is in genuine distress and when it is obvious that remediable outward circumstances are affecting her spiritual life. People come to us with what seem like crushing burdens: chronic illness, both physical and emotional, poverty, the scars of physical abuse. To the director, such conditions may seem like adverse ones to be got rid of, or at least tidied up, and it is a hard lesson that life in Christ is not necessarily a life free from pain."
"Finally, I blurted out, "I want to take away your pain. I want to be able to make all this go away!" Jennie looked at me with infinite patience, patted my hand, and said, "Honey, just knowing that you're there and that you love me is enough. Don't worry about it." She knew what I had forgotten: that sometimes one waits because there is nothing else to be done. The greatest gift I could give her was not to play social worker or psychotherapist, but to quiet down and wait with her. Be with her. To do this, I had to recognize my discomfort at my own powerlessness."
"As midwives of the spirit, we will do a great deal of waiting and encourage others to wait, not always in comfort and sometimes in great pain. Those who are graced with insight are able to glimpse their essential powerlessness..."
"My only task, at this point, is to hang on with him. ... We wait too with the bereaved, knowing that grief cannot be hurried but must be lived through."
"Then, too, both people may be growing uncomfortable with the uncertainty of waiting and yearn for clarity, even if it is premature and mistaken. For most of us, loose ends are frightening reminders of our own powerlessness. To name, to label, to classify gives us the illusion of control, even if the closure reached is a false one."
"The questions are not a means of amassing data; rather, they are open-ended and compassionate, an invitation to trust. ... It is gratifying to be trusted and heady to be relied upon. Human life and lives are infinitely fascinating; and, unless the director works out of a satisfying context of personal relation-ships, there is the danger of becoming a spiritual voyeur, of using and feeding upon the other. My inner alarm bells sound when I find myself growing curious, taking sides, or becoming over-invested emotionally. I know that I am about to step over an invisible line and that the delicate balance can be destroyed. Even if my words and actions remain correct, I am in danger of using the directee for my own gratification."
"My two favorite questions- "What do you want?" and "Where do you hurt?" - are excellent diagnostic tools..."
"The victim [of abuse] is filled with shame, and almost always suffers the typical confusion of guilt and shame: she feels somehow to blame for what was done to her. As she moves toward greater healing and its concomitant awareness, she is frightened by glimpses of her own deep rage and her fear of what might happen if that rage were expressed."
"Love impels [the director's] work and lies at its heart. Spiritual direction, as a work of love, is also a work of freedom. The director is willing to let be, to love with an open hand. Hers is a contemplative love, immune from temptation to devour, possess, or manipulate. Always seeing the other as a child of God, she is filled with respect, even awe in the presence of the person sitting across the sacred space... Willing to let go and let be, the director is unwilling to despair. He has faith in the process of growth and change—and even more faith in the power of God's grace. This is a ministry of hope and newness that enlivens, and even helps define, the status of the amateur."
February 3, 2016
This was recommended by a coaching colleague as an interesting commentary of the art of deep listening. What I found most intriguing as I read was that substituting "coaching" for "spiritual direction" in the narrative closely described the kind of conversations and coaching engagements that I am familiar with and aspire to with my coaching clients. Perhaps it is because the author has a down-to-earth approach to spiritual direction, helping people meet the divine wherever they are ... and I'm working with people who are seeking those deep connections in their work lives. However we get there, many of us have a deep longing for these "holy conversations" (whatever they might be called) and we can best do that together.
October 11, 2023
Summary: A modern classic about spiritual direction.
It would not be surprising to anyone who regularly reads my book reviews that I generally have a book in three broad areas going at almost all times: Spiritual direction/spiritual formation, history, and biography/memoir. I try not to have more than one of each category going at a time, but those three categories are about shaping the way I am in the world. I want to pay attention to my spiritual formation. I want to equip myself as a spiritual director. I want to understand how the world was shaped to be as it is now so I can think more clearly about the way forward. And I want to see how others have lived as a means to see how I can live well.
Holy Listening is a book I have had on my shelf for a while, but I have not read it. It is a modern classic on spiritual direction. First published in the early 1990s, when spiritual direction was starting to have a broader resurgence, Guenther wrote particularly as a female pastor and spiritual director in a way that was probably more radical than it feels now. There are many metaphors for spiritual direction that authors have used over time, but Guenther embraces the metaphor of spiritual directors as midwives. That is a particularly feminine metaphor. I think both men and women spiritual directors need various metaphors because any one metaphor breaks down when pressed too far. Guenther is aware that she is oriented toward a feminine metaphor and does defend it a bit, but essentially allows it to stand on its own.
Dr. Rudine Sims Bishop wrote a well-known essay in 1990 about exposing children to diverse books because books can be "windows, mirrors, and sliding glass doors." (The link is to a 2-minute video of Bishop describing her language.) Students can see themselves (mirror), they can see how others live in ways that they do not (windows), and they can immerse themselves in the experience of others (sliding glass doors). An important part of the essay is that Bishop argues that diverse books are important to white students who (even 30 years after the essay) mostly see themselves (mirrors) in the books that surround them. And that can create a distorting effect on those students, impacting the way that they see the world as normative for them.
The book ends with a more explicit discussion about women as spiritual directors and the need for the church to embrace women as spiritual directors and directees in part because women have been marginalized in church leadership, even as they often are the backbone of the church. I do not know if there are statistics about women and spiritual direction, but my anecdotal experience is that women are both more likely to seek spiritual formation experiences, they buy and read more books, they are more likely to attend church, they are more likely to serve, they are more likely to make up the larger percentage of spiritual direction programs. But most books are written by men with the assumption that men are the primary readers.
It is reasonably well known that men tend not to read women. Kaitlyn Schess, in her latest Getting Schooled video, speaks about the publishing reality that women authors tend to sell more books if they are marketed just to women. Women tend to read more, but when men read, they overwhelmingly read male authors (90% by one study). Women authors have overwhelmingly female audiences (about 80%). However, male authors still have a roughly even gender divide among their readers. Publishing has some responsibility here, but it seems that while women often read men, men do not read women at the same rates, even if both genders tend to read books by their same gender at higher rates.
This has mostly not been about the book itself. Still, as I read the book, I kept thinking about how the book seems to be consciously trying to speak to the reader to encourage both men and women to think differently about spiritual direction to expand what spiritual direction can be. The focus is to encourage people's spiritual lives. If we alienate women from spiritual formation or bias their understanding of spiritual formation in only gendered ways, we end up harming both men and women.
I have said it before, but we need to talk much more about becoming mature Christians and much less about becoming mature men or women. The point should be about maturity, and when we gender maturity, we harm not only the ideas of what maturity is but those that do not conform to stereotypical norms. I believe that part of why we currently embrace misogynistic Christian ideas among a too large group of Christians is because there has been a mistaken understanding of the pragmatic means of reaching men. (This is a gender impact of the Homogeneous Unit Principle.) Instead of addressing the problems of men only listening to men, many have doubled down and made it a theological requirement to become a toxic male to be a mature Christian man. And that, I think, is part of why women are leaving the church at more significant rates than men.
This review was originally published on my blog at https://bookwi.se/holy-listening/
It would not be surprising to anyone who regularly reads my book reviews that I generally have a book in three broad areas going at almost all times: Spiritual direction/spiritual formation, history, and biography/memoir. I try not to have more than one of each category going at a time, but those three categories are about shaping the way I am in the world. I want to pay attention to my spiritual formation. I want to equip myself as a spiritual director. I want to understand how the world was shaped to be as it is now so I can think more clearly about the way forward. And I want to see how others have lived as a means to see how I can live well.
Holy Listening is a book I have had on my shelf for a while, but I have not read it. It is a modern classic on spiritual direction. First published in the early 1990s, when spiritual direction was starting to have a broader resurgence, Guenther wrote particularly as a female pastor and spiritual director in a way that was probably more radical than it feels now. There are many metaphors for spiritual direction that authors have used over time, but Guenther embraces the metaphor of spiritual directors as midwives. That is a particularly feminine metaphor. I think both men and women spiritual directors need various metaphors because any one metaphor breaks down when pressed too far. Guenther is aware that she is oriented toward a feminine metaphor and does defend it a bit, but essentially allows it to stand on its own.
Dr. Rudine Sims Bishop wrote a well-known essay in 1990 about exposing children to diverse books because books can be "windows, mirrors, and sliding glass doors." (The link is to a 2-minute video of Bishop describing her language.) Students can see themselves (mirror), they can see how others live in ways that they do not (windows), and they can immerse themselves in the experience of others (sliding glass doors). An important part of the essay is that Bishop argues that diverse books are important to white students who (even 30 years after the essay) mostly see themselves (mirrors) in the books that surround them. And that can create a distorting effect on those students, impacting the way that they see the world as normative for them.
The book ends with a more explicit discussion about women as spiritual directors and the need for the church to embrace women as spiritual directors and directees in part because women have been marginalized in church leadership, even as they often are the backbone of the church. I do not know if there are statistics about women and spiritual direction, but my anecdotal experience is that women are both more likely to seek spiritual formation experiences, they buy and read more books, they are more likely to attend church, they are more likely to serve, they are more likely to make up the larger percentage of spiritual direction programs. But most books are written by men with the assumption that men are the primary readers.
It is reasonably well known that men tend not to read women. Kaitlyn Schess, in her latest Getting Schooled video, speaks about the publishing reality that women authors tend to sell more books if they are marketed just to women. Women tend to read more, but when men read, they overwhelmingly read male authors (90% by one study). Women authors have overwhelmingly female audiences (about 80%). However, male authors still have a roughly even gender divide among their readers. Publishing has some responsibility here, but it seems that while women often read men, men do not read women at the same rates, even if both genders tend to read books by their same gender at higher rates.
This has mostly not been about the book itself. Still, as I read the book, I kept thinking about how the book seems to be consciously trying to speak to the reader to encourage both men and women to think differently about spiritual direction to expand what spiritual direction can be. The focus is to encourage people's spiritual lives. If we alienate women from spiritual formation or bias their understanding of spiritual formation in only gendered ways, we end up harming both men and women.
I have said it before, but we need to talk much more about becoming mature Christians and much less about becoming mature men or women. The point should be about maturity, and when we gender maturity, we harm not only the ideas of what maturity is but those that do not conform to stereotypical norms. I believe that part of why we currently embrace misogynistic Christian ideas among a too large group of Christians is because there has been a mistaken understanding of the pragmatic means of reaching men. (This is a gender impact of the Homogeneous Unit Principle.) Instead of addressing the problems of men only listening to men, many have doubled down and made it a theological requirement to become a toxic male to be a mature Christian man. And that, I think, is part of why women are leaving the church at more significant rates than men.
This review was originally published on my blog at https://bookwi.se/holy-listening/
July 26, 2017
I'm not sure why I ended up reading this book. I mean I know why I picked it up. I wanted to learn about discerning the Holy Spirit's direction in my life, but it turns out this book was about being a spiritual director. I kept reading thinking I would still find helpful information. It was a good reminder of ultimately what we are searching for is God.
July 8, 2018
Some pearls, but a large part is outdated.
June 30, 2020
I think it's a pretty clear sign of a good book when you underline at least half of it. This book was so insightful and practical, profound and applicable, even nearly 30 years later.
December 9, 2017
Tonally, I connected with this book less – probably it’s the older female Episcopal writing in the 90s – just not my world or scene. For me, that mainly was about the style of the book – language, tone, sentence structure… stuff that shaped a less riveting experience as a reader. That said, there was lots I found really helpful. I’ll note just a few things.
1) The midwife chapter and language was attractive. When I hear men talk about birthing this or that creative project, like their book or film or business or church was this baby they birthed, I want to throw up in my mouth a little. I wonder if they’ve really watched a woman experience pregnancy and childbirth. I feel they’re appropriating a metaphor that doesn’t belong to them – a sex/gender form of cultural appropriation, I guess. And it sounds self-centered to me, I supposed, and de-sanctifies the costly and beautiful and painful experience of pregnancy and labor and birth. And yet… (Elie Wiesel once said that was one of his favorite phrases, or most powerful phrases, I forget which.) And yet, my spiritual director talks about being stirred, and that being a sign of the Spirit at work birthing something. There have been times in my 4 1/2 years in spiritual direction where we were discerning this happening in me, as it is now, and other seasons that were more dormant, or that seemed to call for rest. The interesting thing about noticing the Spirit stirring in me, or in someone else, is that we usually don’t know to what end the Spirit is stirring. We’re called to pay attention – to watch and wait and cultivate. But to exactly what end, well, we must wait and see and discern. And we are given choice to shape that process as well. In the work of the soul, we co-create with God, as the Spirit of Jesus stirs.
2) In the chapter on “The Spiritual Director as Midwife,” in the section on transition (the model seems to be stirring, presence, transition, then second stage of active work toward the bearing of new life), Guenther talks about three ways we can experience God – as loving and immanent, as forbidding and punitive, and as absent or indifferent. I love that she is not driving at the right way to experience God, but affirming that each of these three are ways people have experienced God. And in fact, she provides scriptural support from the Psalms and prophets for each of these experiences. (pg. 100-101). This was inestimably rich for me.
3) I really enjoyed the section on the spiritual director as a good teacher. Perhaps this is because given my temperament, gifts, and experience in education, this is a model I can imagine returning to and embracing myself as a spiritual director. It was all useful (Jesus as teacher, desert teachers, discerning the questions, knowing the pupil’s limits, asking questions, willing and able to evaluate progress, vulnerable, oneself a learner, teaching prayer, and homework in the slow work of God – again, just a great framework for me.) What struck me most was the good teacher as hopeful. In education, this is often framed in terms of expectations. High expectations, well supported, tend toward high growth. Whereas low support, low craft, or often, low expectations, even unconsciously low ones, tend to diminish the possibility of growth. To expect is after all, to hope. I’ve benefited greatly from people who have had hope for me, and hoped that God was at work in me, and want to be a person that has hope for others, and prays that hope and expresses that hope well.
1) The midwife chapter and language was attractive. When I hear men talk about birthing this or that creative project, like their book or film or business or church was this baby they birthed, I want to throw up in my mouth a little. I wonder if they’ve really watched a woman experience pregnancy and childbirth. I feel they’re appropriating a metaphor that doesn’t belong to them – a sex/gender form of cultural appropriation, I guess. And it sounds self-centered to me, I supposed, and de-sanctifies the costly and beautiful and painful experience of pregnancy and labor and birth. And yet… (Elie Wiesel once said that was one of his favorite phrases, or most powerful phrases, I forget which.) And yet, my spiritual director talks about being stirred, and that being a sign of the Spirit at work birthing something. There have been times in my 4 1/2 years in spiritual direction where we were discerning this happening in me, as it is now, and other seasons that were more dormant, or that seemed to call for rest. The interesting thing about noticing the Spirit stirring in me, or in someone else, is that we usually don’t know to what end the Spirit is stirring. We’re called to pay attention – to watch and wait and cultivate. But to exactly what end, well, we must wait and see and discern. And we are given choice to shape that process as well. In the work of the soul, we co-create with God, as the Spirit of Jesus stirs.
2) In the chapter on “The Spiritual Director as Midwife,” in the section on transition (the model seems to be stirring, presence, transition, then second stage of active work toward the bearing of new life), Guenther talks about three ways we can experience God – as loving and immanent, as forbidding and punitive, and as absent or indifferent. I love that she is not driving at the right way to experience God, but affirming that each of these three are ways people have experienced God. And in fact, she provides scriptural support from the Psalms and prophets for each of these experiences. (pg. 100-101). This was inestimably rich for me.
3) I really enjoyed the section on the spiritual director as a good teacher. Perhaps this is because given my temperament, gifts, and experience in education, this is a model I can imagine returning to and embracing myself as a spiritual director. It was all useful (Jesus as teacher, desert teachers, discerning the questions, knowing the pupil’s limits, asking questions, willing and able to evaluate progress, vulnerable, oneself a learner, teaching prayer, and homework in the slow work of God – again, just a great framework for me.) What struck me most was the good teacher as hopeful. In education, this is often framed in terms of expectations. High expectations, well supported, tend toward high growth. Whereas low support, low craft, or often, low expectations, even unconsciously low ones, tend to diminish the possibility of growth. To expect is after all, to hope. I’ve benefited greatly from people who have had hope for me, and hoped that God was at work in me, and want to be a person that has hope for others, and prays that hope and expresses that hope well.
May 22, 2021
Spiritual direction is about learning to integrate the spiritual into our daily lives. Margaret Guenther has given us a practical book about the how a relationship between a spiritual director and directee works. She describes this in four chapters, the last being a focus on the distinctive gifts of women as spiritual directors. The first three chapters, summarized here, focus on the skills and nature of spiritual direction.
Welcoming the Stranger: Preparation of oneself, the physical space, a safe, listening atmosphere, and the role of self-disclosure. A key quote from this chapter:
Good Teachers: Jesus as the Good Teacher, the Desert Fathers as good teachers, discernment, skills, teaching prayer. A key quote:
Midwife to the Soul: The role of patience, presence, transition, and celebration as modeled by the midwife. Key quote:
Though there is definitely a bent toward women as spiritual directors, both genders can learn much from this book. I appreciated that it focused less on the tools of spiritual direction emphasizing instead the character of the spiritual director and the nature of the relationship with a directee. Though many may think of spiritual direction as something only professionals can do, Guenther reminds us that we are all amateurs. Anyone can learn to accompany someone else on their spiritual journey. In this sense, the book offers valuable insight for those who may think of spiritual direction in terms of discipleship and disciple making.
Welcoming the Stranger: Preparation of oneself, the physical space, a safe, listening atmosphere, and the role of self-disclosure. A key quote from this chapter:
The director's task is to help connect the individual's story to the story and thereby help the directee to recognize and claim identity in Christ, discern the action of the Holy Spirit. This story must reach into the future. Spiritual direction is about hope, and there is always a next step.
Good Teachers: Jesus as the Good Teacher, the Desert Fathers as good teachers, discernment, skills, teaching prayer. A key quote:
Jesus taught in the "correct" and predictable places, such as the temple and the synagogue, but he also taught at the dinner table and as he walked along the road. His methods were varied - stories, parables, hard sayings ... [He] taught also by indirection and silence ... Teaching is a dangerous activity ... Jesus' teaching is clearly subversive, as all transformative work is."
Midwife to the Soul: The role of patience, presence, transition, and celebration as modeled by the midwife. Key quote:
Much of spiritual direction is in the company of those who are waiting, who cannot be fixed, repaired, or made right, and the spiritual director does well to emulate the midwife's restraint.
Though there is definitely a bent toward women as spiritual directors, both genders can learn much from this book. I appreciated that it focused less on the tools of spiritual direction emphasizing instead the character of the spiritual director and the nature of the relationship with a directee. Though many may think of spiritual direction as something only professionals can do, Guenther reminds us that we are all amateurs. Anyone can learn to accompany someone else on their spiritual journey. In this sense, the book offers valuable insight for those who may think of spiritual direction in terms of discipleship and disciple making.
September 12, 2019
I’ve read and re-read many of the insights she shares in chapter 4, “Women and Spiritual Direction”, including the following:
“Maternal conversation is an appropriate mode for spiritual direction. The director is willing to listen and to be present to the directee where he is. By the very nature of the relationship, the director has been given tacit permission to ask questions. (This is in contrast to polite conversation, which forbids asking anything that really matters.) But they must be the right questions, asked in a spirit of attentive love.”
“In the meantime, [women] must still work to be taken seriously - especially lay women, whose gifts in spiritual direction are often unrecognized or undervalued. It is easier for directors who are ordained or are members of a religious order: a clerical collar or a religious habit makes a statement of authority. While academic courses or an impressive certificate cannot form a director when the innate gift is not there, seminary study, programs of certification, or a unit of Clinical Pastoral Education can set a woman director free to acknowledge and claim her authority. This is not to minimize the importance of formal study or supervised work, but the chief value of training is to legitimize this ministry in a time obsessed with credentials.”
Guenther’s insight into the potential overlaps between spiritual direction and motherhood provoked another whoop of “Amen!” later in the same chapter:
”While I haven’t yet reached this state of detachment, I have spent too long with the day-to-day realities of mothering to be sentimental about it. If I am now perceived as a motherly person, I would prefer to be seen as a desert amma rather than a Hallmark mommy. Most important, for good or ill, I know that my own experience in mother colors the way in which I do spiritual direction. And lest it sound as if I am excluding a large segment of the population, Meister Eckhart reminds us that we can all be mothers. While the experience of bearing nurturing a child is unique, maternal ways of being are available to all of us, men and women.”
“Maternal conversation is an appropriate mode for spiritual direction. The director is willing to listen and to be present to the directee where he is. By the very nature of the relationship, the director has been given tacit permission to ask questions. (This is in contrast to polite conversation, which forbids asking anything that really matters.) But they must be the right questions, asked in a spirit of attentive love.”
“In the meantime, [women] must still work to be taken seriously - especially lay women, whose gifts in spiritual direction are often unrecognized or undervalued. It is easier for directors who are ordained or are members of a religious order: a clerical collar or a religious habit makes a statement of authority. While academic courses or an impressive certificate cannot form a director when the innate gift is not there, seminary study, programs of certification, or a unit of Clinical Pastoral Education can set a woman director free to acknowledge and claim her authority. This is not to minimize the importance of formal study or supervised work, but the chief value of training is to legitimize this ministry in a time obsessed with credentials.”
Guenther’s insight into the potential overlaps between spiritual direction and motherhood provoked another whoop of “Amen!” later in the same chapter:
”While I haven’t yet reached this state of detachment, I have spent too long with the day-to-day realities of mothering to be sentimental about it. If I am now perceived as a motherly person, I would prefer to be seen as a desert amma rather than a Hallmark mommy. Most important, for good or ill, I know that my own experience in mother colors the way in which I do spiritual direction. And lest it sound as if I am excluding a large segment of the population, Meister Eckhart reminds us that we can all be mothers. While the experience of bearing nurturing a child is unique, maternal ways of being are available to all of us, men and women.”
October 31, 2024
Spiritual directors ask themselves:
"What is happening? Where is God in this person's life? What is the story? Where does this person's story fit in our common Christian story? How is the Holy Spirit at work in this person's life? What is missing?" (p 43)
The difference between spiritual direction and psychotherapy is that the director also shares their humanity and story, when useful for the directee, being aware that "she too is a traveler, neither authority nor a guru" (p 35).
"When all the layers have been stripped away, God is what the directee wants" (p 26).
"All too often, we miss the point, assuming... that adjustment of the external environment will somehow fix everything. Yet what we really hunger for is wholeness and God" (p 2).
"'I'm not really sure why I'm here. I don't know what I want.' They want God, of course, but they aren't able to say so. They want to know themselves in relation to God, but they aren't able to say that either" (p 3).
"The director knows, of course, that the yearning for God and a relationship with God--eternal life--underlies everything in the work of direction and knits the disparate parts together" (p 55).
Sabbath and fun are both parts of self-care.
"Self-care is a holy obligation" (p 74).
Physical experiences and mundane parts of life are useful for exploration, even if we think they are "too homely for theological reflection.... All of this is the raw material of spiritual direction; all of this has a God-component, even though the directee does not see in the minutiae of her life an experience of God" (p 125 - 126).
Two favourite questions:
What do you want?
Where do you hurt?
"I always assume that God is indeed at work" (p 91).
"What is happening? Where is God in this person's life? What is the story? Where does this person's story fit in our common Christian story? How is the Holy Spirit at work in this person's life? What is missing?" (p 43)
The difference between spiritual direction and psychotherapy is that the director also shares their humanity and story, when useful for the directee, being aware that "she too is a traveler, neither authority nor a guru" (p 35).
"When all the layers have been stripped away, God is what the directee wants" (p 26).
"All too often, we miss the point, assuming... that adjustment of the external environment will somehow fix everything. Yet what we really hunger for is wholeness and God" (p 2).
"'I'm not really sure why I'm here. I don't know what I want.' They want God, of course, but they aren't able to say so. They want to know themselves in relation to God, but they aren't able to say that either" (p 3).
"The director knows, of course, that the yearning for God and a relationship with God--eternal life--underlies everything in the work of direction and knits the disparate parts together" (p 55).
Sabbath and fun are both parts of self-care.
"Self-care is a holy obligation" (p 74).
Physical experiences and mundane parts of life are useful for exploration, even if we think they are "too homely for theological reflection.... All of this is the raw material of spiritual direction; all of this has a God-component, even though the directee does not see in the minutiae of her life an experience of God" (p 125 - 126).
Two favourite questions:
What do you want?
Where do you hurt?
"I always assume that God is indeed at work" (p 91).
Currently reading
April 4, 2020I was thinking about the comment Ms. Guenther mentioned regarding highly structured prayer time. I think that may very well be true for some, but for someone whos fairly new to prayer or lacks discipline may well need a structure. I think that the structure allows us to better reflect on lifes challenges and or needs and have the time to meditate on what we are praying or what God is trying to say. I could be wrong but I think what is being said is not so much Structured time but not limiting ourselves to certain times where we need to see God as walking with us and a partner in whatever comes our way or what we choose to do. So in closing, I think some Highly structured time along with ongoing prayer are both extremely important in out affairs. I for one need the structure as my prayer life is very hit and miss and when I do prayer the quality is not quite there.
November 28, 2024
I am shocked and awed by how good this book was. From the first sentence of the introduction, I was intrigued, but I could never have guessed how insightful this little blue bundle would be.
I grew up Baptist and reading a narrative written by a WOMAN CATHOLIC PRIEST was rather funny to me. It only became ironically humorous when the text proved to be one of the most attentive, wise works I’ve come across.
If you are curious what Spiritual Directing is all about, especially as a woman, then this is the book for you. It gave me an honest look into what the profession entails and clearly differentiated it from psychotherapy. More interestingly, however, it answered matters of life and of the heart in such a way that I feel I’ve found answers to questions I’ve been asking (internally) my whole life.
What a joy. Such a blessing. Thank you, Margaret Guenther.
I grew up Baptist and reading a narrative written by a WOMAN CATHOLIC PRIEST was rather funny to me. It only became ironically humorous when the text proved to be one of the most attentive, wise works I’ve come across.
If you are curious what Spiritual Directing is all about, especially as a woman, then this is the book for you. It gave me an honest look into what the profession entails and clearly differentiated it from psychotherapy. More interestingly, however, it answered matters of life and of the heart in such a way that I feel I’ve found answers to questions I’ve been asking (internally) my whole life.
What a joy. Such a blessing. Thank you, Margaret Guenther.
May 19, 2018
Exceptional treatment of spiritual guidance as spiritual midwifery. The author parallels stages of the work of midwife in the birthing process to companioning persons in spiritual transformation. She explores how to balance silent, passive receptivity with offering verbal guidance. Both directee and director are seen as sharing in communion with unseen Presence and the subtle unfolding of the workings of Grace. This approach contrasts with the results-oriented approach of most counseling and much conventional religion, reminding us the way of spiritual Wisdom is countercultural and challenging to the addictive busyness and aggressive drivenness of many cultures. In this sense, the book is helpful in providing insight as to contemplative spirituality in general.
January 2, 2025
I think I’ll likely re-read this book again at some point to allow the art of holy listening to sink in and grasp things I likely missed in a single reading. What I loved most was seeing others as valuable merely b/c they exist and how tenderly listening without judgement or an agenda (detached in a sense, yet engaged) helps another to feel seen, to ponder how God is at work in their story in ordinary, joyful, and difficult experiences - He’s in it all. It’s the beauty of being present, slowing to notice and welcome whatever He’s inviting one too…at the pace one is able to embrace such things.
February 3, 2021
This book is written by an amateur, Guenther herself points it out. Yet, she provides a unique perspective - her insights come both from the perspective of a directee and from a female spiritual director. Among other things, Guenther speaks about the importance of hospitality in the setting of spiritual direction, about what it means to be a good teacher in the same setting, and how spiritual direction is similar to being a midwife. Anyone who would to gain a perspective from a female point of view will benefit from reading this book.
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