after finishing this book, i would like to shout from the rooftops that i’d rather read eileen myles than dante any day. that’s not to say that she’s perfect- there was a lot i didn’t love about inferno. but the personal connection i felt with the author after finishing this book will stay with me through every other novel i read.
i don’t think any line has stuck with me as much as “it was ours now. i would show her my hell.” that little sentence, lost among the sea that contains this blazing mess, can mean so many things and yet nothing at all. water always quells fire, or so they say, but that fire must be swept up in an ocean or it will burn for eternity. that was certainly not the most impactful sentence in the book, nor was it the most creative or well-written, but from the moment i read it, i knew i was being shown eileen myles’ personal hell. hell curates just for me, the reader. her hell. this is how a memoir shouldn’t be written- but it’s absolutely how myles’ should’ve been. she brings you along with her through chaos and disorder and love and pain, and sprinkles in a fair share of drugs for you to try out as you go. it’s messy, it’s disorienting, but it always holds itself together, wonderfully, i may add. this entire book is getting lost in a hazy embrace. it’s a film scene made from words. it’s not quite a novel, it’s not quite a poem, it’s a poet’s novel and a beautiful one at that. it reminds me most of a vignette, one extended across pages i never wanted to end, pages i found myself sucked into and thinking about at all hours of the night. this book is an offering, an invitation into eileen myles’ stream of consciousness, her thoughts that were once ink from a pentel pen on a yellow legal pad painted or printed onto six inches of white paper in front of me. this book builds a library inside you, like the arlington library, which looks like a bank, this book gives you a word bank to fill in or cross out as you read. that’s a horrible line- i absolutely hate the way i wrote that, but i’m not writing poetry, i’m writing a book review, and it can be whatever it wants to be. you find a word you’re searching for- for me, it was poetry, because every time it came up, i felt relieved. as if i could cross it off of my list. it was what i searched for in this novel, the meaning of poetry, how to write poetry, how to discover poetry, and i loved seeing that word. each word, especially one you’ve banked, gives you a space to escape, both physical and in your mind, and brings you into myles’ mind with it. she’s incredibly forward, incredibly descriptive, and yet so relatable. myles’ description of the electricity of boredom, the wanting of conversation, bodies, people to be with and be around- it’s all so raw and real and yet packaged in such a normal, digestible manner. “the material of poems is energy itself, not even language.” this book isn’t even energy, it’s space. it’s space for the reader to hide and find solace in words they probably can’t grasp the true meaning of, and space for the author to express those thoughts on a page without anyone to tell them they’re wrong. these thoughts are so valid that you might not believe them. they’re myles’ truth, their world, their space. they’re an entire universe burnt to a crisp and yet still in flames, because this matter cannot be destroyed and it is one that must be discussed. it’s something that doesn’t quite make sense but at the same time can be held and crushed in a closed fist, something that is abundantly clear and yet fogs up all that you can see for miles. it’s research- myles loves research. research on the self and what that really means, studying the very definition of our humanity through the eyes of society’s supposed outcasts. i believe that poets will understand our world better than anyone who studies it for their entire lifetime, because poets spend that time living it, writing the stories that a researcher may or may not come across- but at least they have put it on a page. this poem, this novel, this poet’s novel- it is an inferno, burning, destroying, and leaving space for renewal. it’s somewhat voyeuristic, this exposure into myles’ thoughts, and i can’t help but feel as if i am in on a big secret as the reader who just gets to sit back and watch her life unfold from the six inches of paper and ink in front of my face. to quote myles, “this proposal is a guidebook; it follows the utter singularity of [her] writing career. the shape [her] writing forces you through.”literature is boring sometimes. poetry is boring sometimes. but this, this little rectangle of thoughts and ramblings and ideas, this is invigorating. writing never rots, and hers will stay with me long after we’re both gone.
after all of that, though, it’s time for somewhat of an actual review. i loved the rawness, the reality, and the truth that this book held. however, i couldn’t help but find it draining at a certain point. all of the other people she mentioned began to feel the same to me, and suddenly i couldn’t tell you who alice was compared to eden, who helene was compared to kathy. the story seemed to go on in a seemingly endless loop- she reads a poem, somebody likes it, somebody hates it. she meets a famous poet or someone slightly less famous and something happens, sometimes sexual, sometimes platonic. she tells a story with description i could truly never find elsewhere, with chaos that shook me to my core, but the story itself becomes too dull for the description to compensate for. this was a wonderfully weird book, a collection of ramblings that were shockingly challenging to put down, but i felt tired by the end. it’s all too familiar after the hundredth page or so, and the plotline that sucked me in becomes more of a marathon than a sprint. i’m not saying that every book i read must be fast-paced or contain a chronological order, but inferno just felt redundant. they’re all poets and politicians and alcoholics and they all live together because that’s the way poets and politicians and alcoholics spend their time. that was the message i took away from probably the last two hundred pages of this story. i don’t think i would read it again, though i’d like to keep it on my shelf. i’d like to be able to flip through it when i need inspiration, to have access to her own hell of poetry that i bought for $6.99 plus tax.
to cap off the review portion of this incoherent mess of paragraphs, i’d like to note that her process of self-discovery- through not only her sexuality, but her writing, as well- it was the part of this story that spoke to me the most. if nothing else, i resonated with the road to finding yourself. there was little else i related to, but not every story has to be an introspective map of your being- this felt more like a path i could follow than a guide to do so. and i loved that.
this is certainly not my best review. it goes from adoring to aggressive, it contains a lot of filler that i think sounds poetic but likely comes off as annoying to a reader who just wants to hear about the book itself, and it doesn’t provide any real explanation for my rating itself. nonetheless, i believe that my all-over-the-place, semi-incoherent review perfectly fits what i found within these six inches of paper and ink and a beautiful mind immortalized forever. so many different thoughts and lives and realities walking side by side and none of them will ever touch. this review is one of those thoughts and realities that will likely sit here in cyberspace and rarely interact with anything but the other thoughts just like it. it doesn’t make much sense, it being this review, it being inferno. i love it a whole lot and i hate it just a little bit. what even makes good poetry? is this good poetry? i don’t know what it is. i don’t have the authority to tell you. it’s something that i don’t think deserves to be judged, purely because it is real. if you’re going to judge eileen myles’ inferno, read it first. to read this is to live forever within the bounds of poetry, literature, and love. just give it a try! i can promise you one thing: it’s more enjoyable than dante.
also, i loved the ending.