Mortification: Writers' Stories of Their Public Shame

by Robin Robertson (Editor)

A writer's public life is not -- as is often thought -- a round of glamorous parties, prize-acceptance speeches, and triumphant readings to amphitheatres full of loyal, cheering fans; it is, in fact, a grim treadmill of humiliation and neglect. Mortification sets the record straight, once and for all. A collection of seventy specially commissioned contributions -- true stories of public indignity by some of our finest living writers -- this is a celebration of defeat, and a chance to indulge in that most malicious of pleasures: schadenfreude.

You will read about dashed hopes and collapsing bowels, thwarted desire and unimpeded drinking; of fans queuing up for Stephen King's blood; Margaret Drabble bidding at a mock slave auction in Dallas; Louis de Bernières and the S&M prostitute; A. L. Kennedy's disintegrating trousers; William Boyd endorsing Shake 'n' Vac; Margaret Atwood's on-air brush with the Colostomy Association; about an author wanting to kill a member of her audience or another succeeding (accidentally) in killing his host's beloved pet.

These are the best kind of stories: those told against the teller. While readers may be transfixed by the baroque twists of fate, the toe-curling embarrassments, the body's betrayals, and the mind's vanishing acts, they will also wonder at these writers' brave acknowledgment of their own vulnerability and the willingness to expose their shame, a second time, before the public.

Genres: Nonfiction, Writing, Essays, Memoir, Humor, Biography, Short Stories

288 pages, Hardcover

First published November 3, 2003

About the author

There is more than one author with this name in the Goodreads catalog. This entry is for Robin ^3 Robertson.

Robin Robertson is from the north-east coast of Scotland. His four collections of poetry have received the E.M. Forster Award and various Forward Prizes.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robin_R...

Reviews

[Jenny · Rating 3 out of 5]

It seems like such a good idea in concept- stories of embarrassment by people who really know how to tell it- but the execution was just not what I'd hoped for. This is the second time I've read this and I feel exactly the same way. Yeah, there were parts where I laughed out loud, but not nearly as many as I'd hoped. I think the problem is that writers (like most artists) suffer from an all-or-nothing ego complex and most of their stories are about the same ego blow: nobody showed up at their reading, nobody wanted their book signed, the writer got drunk. There are variations, but that's the underlying theme and it's such a common problem that most of the writers refer to it as a cliche. Even the stories about something else didn't find empathy in me- they just didn't feel that embarrassing, like it was made into something bigger because of the author's fragile ego. Or maybe I'm cynical because I basically read the same story twenty times. The one who really stood out from the pack- even telling the same story- was Roddy Doyle, but I suppose that's why he was one of the two authors in the book that I'd ever heard of. So I say it must have seemed like a good idea, but as I read I thought a better book would be embarrassing stories from average folks retold by those same authors. Then you'd have the benefit of variety while showing off the writer's skills. As one author said, the problem with meeting the writer is that people believe it will give them special insight into the work. It doesn't, because the only answers are found in the work itself, so readings and signings are doomed to fail and the authors are going to look ridiculous. You'd think that would make for some funny stories, but it doesn't really.

[J.H. Moncrieff · Rating 2 out of 5]

Minor spoilers below (in this case, I'd like to think of them as warnings).

Margaret Atwood recommended this book during her Masterclass, and I stupidly bought it, thinking it would be a collection of funny true stories that any writer could relate to. I realized too late that she recommended it not because she thought it was a great book, but because she was a contributor (and one of the only ones who wasn't from the U.K.)

It would have been more enjoyable, I'm sure, if I'd heard of the other writers who shared their stories. One of the few I had heard of was Michael Ondaatje, who didn't even share his own story, but someone else's. Guess he's above this mortification thing.

Some of them were mildly amusing, sure, but it was hard to relate to a bunch of authors I'd never heard of (most who seemed to be included because they'd won some fancy award) complaining about the indignity of their book tours--poor accommodations, lack of food, etc. Too many of them were about the writer getting drunk and throwing up during the reading--one also shat his pants and another was caught masturbating--mortifying, sure, but it really had nothing to do with the writing experience, except that the teller was a writer. (Neither of these lovely interludes occurred at a reading, thankfully.) The worst were the ones who got all literary about it, and wrote some near-incomprehensible drivel in an attempt to be poetic, but which didn't really tell us anything--certainly not a story.

I'd expected fun tales of insane fans, bad reviews, awkward encounters, etc., but instead got a litany of people complaining about their hotel rooms and confessing how they'd hurled during a reading. Not exactly the inspiring "You too can survive this" account I was looking for.

[JimZ · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a book of some 72 short to very short essays on how fiction writers or poets were mortified at one or more times in their lives when they had to do readings from their works or attend book signings. Or at least that was what most of the essays were on. There were many famous authors and then some authors I did not recognize because I do not read works of poetry, I think the authors were evenly divided up into writers of fiction and writers of poetry – most were from the UK. It was somewhat of an interesting theme (asking writers to relate episodes in their life in which they were mortified concerning giving readings and such to the public….book signings), and all of the vignettes were supposed to be humorous. I think the problem was the sheer number of them….some 72 essays on a rather narrow topic and after a while it got old for me. Although I have to say some were really good, and a couple made me laugh out loud.

I very much liked John Lanchester’s opening part of his essay….I think there was a good deal of wisdom in what he said. I will relate it here: The truth is that the whole contemporary edifice of readings and tours and interviews and festivals is based on a mistake. The mistake is that we should want to meet the writers we admire, because there is something more to them in person than there is on the page, so that meeting them in the flesh somehow adds to the experience of reading their work. The idea is that the person is the real thing, whereas the writing is somehow an excrescence or epiphenomenon. But that’s not true. The work is the real thing, and it is that to which readers should direct their attention. The writer herself is a distraction, a confusion, a mistake – she should be heard and not seen. If you want to go and meet her, go to meet her on the page. The failure to see this basic reality is the reason why book events are so prone to go wrong; and the melancholy truth is that even when they go right they are usually, in the words of Dave Eggers, “aggressively boring.” (p. 241)

Here are some of the authors in this collection: William Trevor, Margaret Atwood, Julian Barnes, Louis de Bernieres, Roddy Doyle, Margaret Drabble, A. L. Kennedy, Jonathan Lethem, Michael Ondaatje, Thomas Lynch, Rick Moody, Colm Toibin, and Irvine Welsh.

[Ben Carroll · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't believe in schadenfreude until I read this. For example: even though it's the funniest show on earth, I have to force myself to sit through an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm: I don't get any pleasure from other people's misfortune.

But most of these stories of awkwardness, disappointment and embarrassment gave me a warm feeling inside, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's jealousy? These authors have 'made it', so they somehow deserve it. Maybe it's optimism? If these idiots can make it, so can I. Or maybe it's recognition. These particular neuroticisms are mine as well! I've certainly picked the right ambition.

There's another pleasure here, besides schadenfreude: I love reading about writers. I read about writers all the time, but those accounts are usually about very successful writers, or newly practising writers, and are sometimes fictional. The writers and poets in Mortification cover the wide gamut of success, but are mostly from the obscure middle: they write, do tours and do readings, but they are not well-known.

For someone who wants to be a writer but is scared of success, it's great to know that this strangely obscure middle exists, and functions, and is even fairly well-populated. It's less great to realise how few of it's members I've ever heard of -- and I am a representative of the bookier end of the public spectrum.Maybe I do want success.

Still. It's good to know writers spend the times between writing getting fully immersed in mortification, over-analyzing the minutest moments in their lives, and honing every minor event into a perfectly sleek anecdote. Once I sell a novel, I'm there. I won't have to change at all.

[Rogue Reader · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not the worst that can happen for most authors, but tmi for a couple.

[Paula Cappa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Writers, or artists of any kind, might enjoy this romp, but it’s a long one. This book is for anyone who has had book events, public readings, speaking engagements, TV/Radio events, or business presentations promoting their work. I found it entertaining, some stories are really funny, and other stories tedious, ordinary, self-indulgent. Written by famous authors and poets (over 80 stories) like Margaret Atwood, Carl Hiaasen, Rick Moody, Edna O’Brien, Thomas Lynch, Chuck Palhniuk, Margaret Drabble, Colm Toibin, John Banville, Billy Collins, and more (many British authors that I was not familiar with), offer their experiences of humiliations at public or private events. What I got out of it was that many of the most talented and admired authors have unglamorous public moments. I liked the little twists of fate that leveled the self-absorbed egos of the famous. But the book was way too long, and the stories became redundant. I found myself skipping paragraphs that were wordy, dry, whiny, or just plain fluff. One thing to its credit, I would say this book is cheaper than therapy if you are suffering from public mortifications in your artistic or business appearances. Moderately recommended. Paula Cappa is an avid book reviewer and an award-winning supernatural mystery author.

[Stephen Dedman · Rating 4 out of 5]

An amusing collection of writers' embarrassing (sometimes alcohol-induced) moments, recommended for other writers in need of schadenfreude after poorly attended readings and/or signings. (I can vouch for the truth of Louis de Berniere's story: I was not only there, I was on the festival committee, and we were also extremely embarrassed by the incident.)

[Zoom · Rating 2 out of 5]

Love the concept, but it falls short. There are some excellent pieces in this anthology (Irvine Welsh, author of Trainspotting, comes to mind, as do Elizabeth McCracken, Simon Armitage and Sean O'Reilly). But for the most part, the collection suffers from mediocrity, repetition and lack of diversity.

Most of the contributors are male poets from the British Isles (not that there's anything wrong with that). But a more diverse selection of writers might have resulted in a more interesting collection of stories about mortification.

I also found that a number of these stories ended rather abruptly. It made me wonder if the editor simply truncated their stories at the place where they ran afoul of the word limits.

[Christina · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this at the library while searching for Chuck Palahniuk's novels. As someone who hopes to be a writer one day, this novel immediately stood out. Writers and their horror stories? AWESOME.

Yeah... not so much. While the concept sounded promising, the delivery did not live up to expectations.

A few were outright funny, most were disappointing - Chuck Palahniuk included. Glyn Maxwell stands out, however, because I KNOW if I was ever interviewed, he is exactly how I would sound.

[Aislinn · Rating 1 out of 5]

Mortification? The only trace of mortification I could find was how mortifyingly uninteresting and unfunny all the tales were. Spolier alert: tragic tales were along the lines of 'no one showed up at my reading, how awkward' or 'I got drunk at my reading, how awkward' and 'No one showed up at my reading and I was drunk, so awkward'. I suppose it's saving grace was the individual stories themselves were only a few pages long, any longer and THAT would have been terribly awkward.

[Augustin Erba · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some of the many stories are great entertainment. My favorite is the depressing booksigning where nobody bought a book from the poor writer. Yeah, and then one guy approaches him and says something along the lines of: "Your book is a waste of trees. I'm returning it to you"
That's funny. Selling -1 books is a new low.
There are many, many stories in this anthology. Too many. It seems that everyone that wrote was published. They should have rejected 50%.

[Becki · Rating 2 out of 5]

You'd think a compilation of essays from famous writers talking about being embarrassed would be more interesting. Instead, most of the pieces seemed pretentious and/or dull. Parts were okay, but overall it was hard to slog through--especially when I tried to read it all at once.

[Kris · Rating 1 out of 5]

Skipped the vast majority of these. It seems like a promising idea, but wow, writers suck at writing about their public shame. Even the stories that are actually interesting are not written in an interesting way.

[David · Rating 2 out of 5]

No one goes to see writers read their work.

So writers write horror stories about how it sucks that no one goes to see them read their work.

Some essays are funny, but I couldn't read it without a break.

[Halina]

Overall fun. The standout tales were Rupert Thomson and Matthew Sweeney and Hugo Hamilton’s - they had me laughing out loud.

[Correzionebozze Punto it · Rating 4 out of 5]

Il proprio libro viene finalmente pubblicato, l'editore organizza eventi promozionali come presentazioni, reading, conferenze e occasioni mondane con aperitivo e salatini. Si comincia ad annusare l'odore della celebrità, della vita dorata da scrittore professionista... ed ecco, in agguato, lo spettro della brutta figura, dell'umiliazione pubblica, dell'episodio imbarazzante che rischia di marchiare a vita la propria carriera.
Chiunque sia intimorito da questa prospettiva, leggendo Le umiliazioni non finiscono mai di Robin Robertson (Guanda, 2005) potrà scoprire come in sostanza qualunque autore, esordiente un tempo e affermato in seguito, possa contare nella propria storia almeno un episodio di cui vergognarsi fin nel midollo, senza che ciò abbia seriamente minato la sua rispettabilità professionale.
L'autore ha infatti raccolto una robusta serie di testimonianze oggettivamente esilaranti da parte di numerosi autori di area anglosassone: dalla presentazione totalmente deserta capitata a Jonathan Coe (e a molti altri), a David Harsent che si presenta al proprio reading completamente ubriaco ed è costretto a correre a vomitare, fino a Chuck Palahniuk che mentre firma copie del suo libro, con un pacco di surgelati sulla spalla per lenire l'indolenzimento, si accorge che una transgender di nome Margo-Monster sta spacciando Vicodin fra la gente in coda per il suo autografo.
Da non perdere, per il bene della propria autostima.

http://autoriesordienti.blogspot.com/...

[Rea · Rating 3 out of 5]

A very specialized topic; authors and poets write of their worst mortifications; some authors are (predictably) pretentious, the majority write about the shame of badly attended readings (seems to happen a lot, expect to Chuck Palahniuk and Stephen King) and even fewer are honest enough to write about their true worst mortification from their personal life instead of bland anecdotal ones from their professional careers. The book is better read by dipping into rather than cover-to-cover, although it is a fantastic opportunity to discover new authors/poets with the help of the glossary. Only criticism is that the large majority of participants are all English-speaking Westerns (British, Irish, American, Canadian), it would have been nice to have had more of a world variety.

[Colleen Coyne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall, not terribly impressive. As you'd expect, lots of stories about how no one (or very few people) showed up for a reading or a book signing - the stories start to run together after a while. However, there are two that stand out for their originality and pure hilarity: Julian Barnes's awkward attempt to schmooze at his very first writers' party and Duncan McLean's series of demeaning public appearances that culminate in an open-mic that's more like a battle...

[Erika Anderson · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was definitely a laugh out loud book though only three of them could be described as utterly hilarious. As usual, now I want to meet those authors and become best friends. On the other hand, its interesting to hear successful writers complain about book tours and publicity events. I'm not denying that they sound awful. There are just so many writers who would be dying to be in their shoes. Next up: Filthy Rich: Not Everything its Cracked up to be

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book, a collection of anecdotes about writers' mortifying experiences (usually while on book tours, at readings, etc.), is very funny when it's funny. Unfortunately though, it's not funny often enough. More often, it self-consciously attempts to be funny, or becomes whiny or ventures into bitterness, and I found these aspects more cringe-worthy than all the gastric hellfire, flea-bitten motels, and signed-books-found-for-sale-at-Goodwill stories put together.

[Jennifer Monroe · Rating 5 out of 5]

For anyone who writes or reads or who just enjoys knowing how very humiliating it is to be a human being. Great short essays from a variety of writers on a particular mortification from their book tours and other humbling events. I laughed and laughed, which is not a normal occurrence, unfortunately.

Each has a unique perspective and is written quite differently, varying from informational essay to lyrical story-telling. A fun read.

[Debbie Jacob · Rating 4 out of 5]

I never thought I would laugh aloud at some authors' embarrassing moments, but I found this book to be a guilty pleasure. Yes, some of the anecdotes were not that embarrassing, but I found myself sighing with relief that some of them weren't. It is comforting --in a bizarre way-- to know that famous writers have had their share of ironic moments. This turned out to be a strange, uplifting book.

[Rozanne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fluffy and lighter than air, but quite entertaining for the most part. Most of the authors are Brits and many are poets (which means I'm not familiar with their work), but that doesn't really make any difference.

This would be a great book to read on a plane (doesn't require concentration, but will keep your from being bored) or in an airport waiting lounge.

[Hannah Garden · Rating 4 out of 5]

This collection is perfect. I found it in the closet of my sister's and my old room when I was in Florida in December and I snatched it right up without a moment's compunction. Rewarding my thievery were a slew of little essays about horrible, shaming things happening to poor slobs who, by and large, have come to expect it.

[Paul · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sort of like listening to embarrassing anecdotes from celebrities on a late-night talk show. Some really great writing, but too many of the stories are about poets who go somewhere to read from their poetry book and only their mother shows up--and she leaves halfway through. A nice book to read while waiting for your computer to be fixed or recovering from a minor illness.

[Raimey Gallant · Rating 3 out of 5]

A 2003 anthology on the topic of public humiliations experienced by authors and poets while being authors and poets. Essays by Margaret Atwood, Chuck Palahniuk, and Alan Werver are among my favorites. Read what interests you; skip the rest, because not all of these essays are particularly good or particularly inoffensive.

[Elizabeth · Rating 1 out of 5]

I only got halfway through this book. The language from some of the authors was terrible, and I'd never heard of half of them. You can only read the same story so many times ... and they all were the same, essentially. Skip-worthy.

[Hannah · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bit disappointing; I was expecting mortification in general, but all these stories are about embarassments suffered in relation to the writing life. And they're all much te same, although there are some standouts (I liked the one about the picture of Jeanette Winterson!)

[YZ]

My husband thoughtfully gifted me a used copy of this book, to prepare me for my career as a writer. I am now thoroughly ready for there to be subzero people at my next event, which I will attend wasted, having picked up a drinking problem between now and next month.

[Rachel Cassandra · Rating 2 out of 5]

publication tours/readings are shameful happenings
i didn't finish this book, but i'm not going to.