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It's Not Just Who You Know: Transform Your Life (and Your Organization) by Turning Colleagues and Contacts into Lasting, Genuine Relationships It's Not Just Who You Know: Transform Your Life
In It’s Not Just Who You Know, Tommy Spaulding—the former CEO of Up With People—has written the new How to Win Friends and Influence People for the twenty-fist century. Success—in business and in life—is all about relationships. In this powerful guide to reaching out to others, Spaulding takes Dale Carnegie’s classic philosophy to the next level—how to create lasting relationships that go well beyond mere superficial contacts and “second floor” relationships.
Tommy Spaulding learned at a very young age that he was not destined to be an academic star. He may have gotten a 4.0, but only if he added his high school and college GPAs together. The reason he found academics so challenging, he discovered later, is that Tommy is dyslexic. But his dyslexia didn’t hold him back—in fact, it helped him to develop the talents he did have. For Tommy is a natural leader; he realized early on that he had a unique ability to connect with others, whatever their age or background. As a teenager, he was given a copy of How to Win Friends and Influence People by his father, and it quickly became his bible. He became a national finalist for the DECA Entrepreneurial Business competition in high school, and ran successfully for senior class president. He went on to become the CEO of Up With People, one of the largest nonprofit international leadership organizations in the world.
At every step, Tommy learned that the secret to getting ahead was reaching out for the support and insight and influence of others. None of us achieve great success alone. We need the help of other people.
In this candid, revealing book, Tommy expands upon the principles that Dale Carnegie outlined 75 years ago, and shows us how to take them one step further to accomplish the impossible in our lives and careers. To invite others to be genuine partners in our lives and success, Tommy explains, you have to first be interested in other people. It’s not just who you know, or what they can do for you, but what you can do for them. Motives matter. Establishing a deeper connection is about authenticity, not manipulation. Reciprocity, not selfishness. Every relationship is a two-way street; we never know when a chance encounter can change the direction of our life.
In the bestselling tradition of Dale Carnegie’s classic, It’s Not Just Who You Know shows how each and every one of us can use the power of netgiving—of helping others—to expand our world and achieve our goals, and make a difference in our job, our career, and our community.
From the Hardcover edition.
Tommy Spaulding learned at a very young age that he was not destined to be an academic star. He may have gotten a 4.0, but only if he added his high school and college GPAs together. The reason he found academics so challenging, he discovered later, is that Tommy is dyslexic. But his dyslexia didn’t hold him back—in fact, it helped him to develop the talents he did have. For Tommy is a natural leader; he realized early on that he had a unique ability to connect with others, whatever their age or background. As a teenager, he was given a copy of How to Win Friends and Influence People by his father, and it quickly became his bible. He became a national finalist for the DECA Entrepreneurial Business competition in high school, and ran successfully for senior class president. He went on to become the CEO of Up With People, one of the largest nonprofit international leadership organizations in the world.
At every step, Tommy learned that the secret to getting ahead was reaching out for the support and insight and influence of others. None of us achieve great success alone. We need the help of other people.
In this candid, revealing book, Tommy expands upon the principles that Dale Carnegie outlined 75 years ago, and shows us how to take them one step further to accomplish the impossible in our lives and careers. To invite others to be genuine partners in our lives and success, Tommy explains, you have to first be interested in other people. It’s not just who you know, or what they can do for you, but what you can do for them. Motives matter. Establishing a deeper connection is about authenticity, not manipulation. Reciprocity, not selfishness. Every relationship is a two-way street; we never know when a chance encounter can change the direction of our life.
In the bestselling tradition of Dale Carnegie’s classic, It’s Not Just Who You Know shows how each and every one of us can use the power of netgiving—of helping others—to expand our world and achieve our goals, and make a difference in our job, our career, and our community.
From the Hardcover edition.
322 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2010
45 people are currently reading
731 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 50 reviews
September 22, 2015
Didn't finish as it was made abundantly clear from the very beginning that apparently all you need to be successful is a winning personality and a strong sense of leadership and you'll go far. That's great and all, but what about some advice for someone who is more on the introverted side and is not so athletically inclined... I'm sure he had some valid tools in there somewhere, but I just couldn't relate at all the the speaker and therefore didn't feel compelled to finish. That's just my take on it, but clearly I was not the targeted audience here.
February 5, 2011
Tales of a goody two shoes. In the world of the Lion’s Club, Elks Club, Rotary, Shriner’s and other community-minded organization networking, Tommy Spaulding is a ninth-degree blackbelt. Everyone likes him and he likes everyone. Despite being a self-described idiot, he has achieved an ill-defined level of success by being a mensch. Unfortunately his book offers little insight into how one emulates this ability. Rather the book covers his life of do-goodery and willingness to spend a lot of time listening to people’s dull, self-involved stories. Readers for some reason interested in Spaulding may find some value in the book but those looking for self-help should look elsewhere.
October 12, 2018
In 2010, Tommy Spaulding published his first nonfiction novel, It’s Not Just Who You Know. He writes in first person to expose his personal stories from his upbringing with informative lessons that challenge you to revaluate the kinds of relationships you develop and how to build upon those relationships with various tactics. Tommy informs his readers about the deeper meaning and philosophy behind relationships within our lives. He dives into unknown depths about love, business, friendships, and how to become a successful leader. As a child he struggled in school, sports, and hope for his future. Until he discovers his true purpose in life and how it led him to be the powerful and well acclaimed author he is today. He also expands his audiences intellect of why and how to become a social person and build your relationships, through his touching and insightful life experiences. Each story he shares answers why relationships matter, how to create/strengthen them, the workings behind it, and how our change of heart and understanding of our relations can influence the minds of others. He used his understanding and his own personal guidance to collectively teach others the importance of knowing how to deepen your relationships for your personal and career development. For example, as a kid on his way to college, Tommy applied to multiple Law schools. He was dyslexic growing up and school never really clicked for him, even though he worked really hard to maintain average grades. Just as he thought, he was denied from all colleges that he applied too. Instead of giving up, Tommy discovered a passion of his in creating and business and knew he wanted to be an entrepreneur. So, with the gracious help from his cousin, he landed an interview with East Carolina University and nailed it. He got accepted into this school where he was able to get his academic degrees while working as the president of CEO with Up With People. It was in this situation where he re-evaluated his life to this point in time, where he noticed the types of friendships and relationships he had built with teachers, family, and within the professional world, that led him to the foundation of his journey to success. Another part of the book that really interested me was chapter twenty-five when Tommy talked about Kurt and Brenda Warner and their generosity. Before Kurt became a a celebrity NFL quarterback for the Rams, he stocked shelves at a grocery store where Kurt, his wife, and his 7 kids got by paycheck to paycheck. However, after his football career thrived, he was financially well off. His family and him would go out to dinners and restaurant managers would randomly comp their meals, even though they were more than capable of paying. They were very appreciative of the kind gesture, but wanted to do something nice in return. They made a little game from them on where each time they went out to eat, the kids would get to anonymously choose a person or table that they wanted to cover the bill for. This little game they started taught the children generosity and how a small act of kindness can change someone else's life. This books real, authentic, and informative timeline of Tommy Spaulding’s life, truly set this book apart from any other nonfictional book I’ve read. His tactics and true stories are so raw and vulnerable that it captivates the audience. His major themes consisted of being genuine, trustworthy, loyal, and giving in order to deepen our bonds with others and create, or build, real lifelong relationships.
August 5, 2023
I listened to this on Audible.
I think the punchline is simply that life is about serving others, not serving yourself. Relationships are the bedrock of a fulfilling life and often provide what we were after in the first place. Building strong, healthy relationships ("Penthouse relationships") is worth the investment of time, attention, and commitment. He provides several practical habits and routines that he has found to be effective in building genuine relationships.
He describes the 5 levels of relationship: often the lower levels are where you start when you first meet someone – you exchange niceties and opinions about the weather or sports — and each level higher involves sharing about more important topics until you reach level 5 (penthouse) relationships that are characterized by authenticity, mutual trust, and a genuine desire to help one another. The process of progressing from one level to the next requires risk but leads to more genuine connection. The goal is to build level 5 relationships that are based on shared passions. He encourages you to assess your relationships in these terms and think about how you can progress one level higher.
He talks about honoring the law of random encounters and expressing a genuine interest in every person you meet.
Practical tips include:
- Make lists of the people you want to know and start learning about who they are
- Do your homework - fill in the "back of the business card" collect information about others you want to know better (similar to collecting baseball cards when you were a kid). The better homework you do, the better questions you will ask
- Send handwritten notes, cards, gifts (books make great gifts)
- Volunteering is a great way to find other people your age who like helping others
I really enjoyed learning Spaulding's story over the course of listening to this book. Despite being a below-average student, he had a gift for building relationships and shares many inspiring stories of the impact he been able to have just by reaching out to people and bringing people together around shared passions; and he has achieved success through mastering the art of forging genuine relationships.
I think the punchline is simply that life is about serving others, not serving yourself. Relationships are the bedrock of a fulfilling life and often provide what we were after in the first place. Building strong, healthy relationships ("Penthouse relationships") is worth the investment of time, attention, and commitment. He provides several practical habits and routines that he has found to be effective in building genuine relationships.
He describes the 5 levels of relationship: often the lower levels are where you start when you first meet someone – you exchange niceties and opinions about the weather or sports — and each level higher involves sharing about more important topics until you reach level 5 (penthouse) relationships that are characterized by authenticity, mutual trust, and a genuine desire to help one another. The process of progressing from one level to the next requires risk but leads to more genuine connection. The goal is to build level 5 relationships that are based on shared passions. He encourages you to assess your relationships in these terms and think about how you can progress one level higher.
He talks about honoring the law of random encounters and expressing a genuine interest in every person you meet.
Practical tips include:
- Make lists of the people you want to know and start learning about who they are
- Do your homework - fill in the "back of the business card" collect information about others you want to know better (similar to collecting baseball cards when you were a kid). The better homework you do, the better questions you will ask
- Send handwritten notes, cards, gifts (books make great gifts)
- Volunteering is a great way to find other people your age who like helping others
I really enjoyed learning Spaulding's story over the course of listening to this book. Despite being a below-average student, he had a gift for building relationships and shares many inspiring stories of the impact he been able to have just by reaching out to people and bringing people together around shared passions; and he has achieved success through mastering the art of forging genuine relationships.
January 16, 2018
I listened to the audio book and it is awesome! The story about Tommy and the bar tender and the Rotary scholarship was enough to give this a 4-5 star rating and make the book worth it. I will not ruin the story by re-telling here, I will only say it is a great story and the book is full of other stories very similar to this one.
This is a book about creating, developing, and cultivating relationships and moving them beyond 1st to 3rd floor relationships where you talk only about NSW (News, Sports, and Weather) and moving them to 5th floor relationships or penthouse relationships where you are sharing intimate details and would feel comfortably calling that person at 3 AM in an emergency.
I highly recommend this book and thoroughly enjoyed it. If you work in business and want to build relationships and/or make them stronger this book is for you.
This is a book about creating, developing, and cultivating relationships and moving them beyond 1st to 3rd floor relationships where you talk only about NSW (News, Sports, and Weather) and moving them to 5th floor relationships or penthouse relationships where you are sharing intimate details and would feel comfortably calling that person at 3 AM in an emergency.
I highly recommend this book and thoroughly enjoyed it. If you work in business and want to build relationships and/or make them stronger this book is for you.
December 24, 2024
Tommy Spaulding’s It’s Not Just Who You Know offers a refreshing and practical perspective on building genuine, meaningful relationships that go far beyond surface-level networking. The concept of “netgiving”—focusing on what you can give to others instead of what you can gain—was especially eye-opening and something I find incredibly valuable for both personal and professional growth. The “Five Floors of Relationships” framework is a great way to think about deepening connections, and I appreciated the actionable advice and relatable examples throughout the book. It’s a helpful guide for anyone looking to cultivate stronger, more impactful relationships in their life. Highly recommend it for students, professionals, or anyone who values authentic connections.
August 27, 2022
I enjoyed listening to this book as the information provided by the author is how I have built and developed relationships over the years. Even though my fifth-floor friends are not influential as his friends. They are ordinary people.
My only complaint with the book is how he was able to always meet wealthy individuals willing to invest in him and his projects. This does not happen to everyone. The right introduction
leads to the right person. Wow if only this happens for me. He is blessed to have the people who help to guide him throughout his life. What a blessing.
I would have given the story a five but had issues with some of it.
My only complaint with the book is how he was able to always meet wealthy individuals willing to invest in him and his projects. This does not happen to everyone. The right introduction
leads to the right person. Wow if only this happens for me. He is blessed to have the people who help to guide him throughout his life. What a blessing.
I would have given the story a five but had issues with some of it.
January 22, 2020
I really enjoyed this book. Lots of endearing and motivating stories but to be honest it was Avery long book that didn’t really teach a lot. I thought the book was a bit redundant but I enjoyed hearing about his leadership journey and the people he has been able to rub shoulders with. I struggle with the humble brag.
December 5, 2020
After two awful biographic first chapters, I begrudgingly pushed myself to continue reading this with hopes that I would end up learning something. I made it to Chapter 12. The book provides nothing that isn't obvious to anybody alive for more than 15 years. It is also another tale of how to be a people pleaser/brown noser to succeed in life.
June 4, 2025
This was an ok book. While I thought the principle behind it was a clever twist on Dale Carnegie I found it to be a little too rudimentary. In addition I wasn't a fan of the "flexing" that was going on within the book. Overall this is was a decent book for someone that wants a more modern versus of Carnegie's work.
August 16, 2025
2.5 stars from a reader who understands and embodies this etiquette practice and servant leadership. Filled with great tried and true advice, a four-star read for someone who is entering this theme for the first few times.
great book, but not worth the slowness for someone in modern business with classic practice etiquette.
great book, but not worth the slowness for someone in modern business with classic practice etiquette.
June 21, 2017
This is the second time I have tried to read this book and I still cannot get past the first two chapters. This is basically just the author's personal memoir/history and does not provide any useful information that you cannot get elsewhere.
September 17, 2018
Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People is one of my favorite books; thus, I wanted to love this book. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a bad read. It’s just not as enlightening as I hoped for.
April 17, 2020
For a business based book this has to be one of my favorites. The author is so raw and real with you and also gives you stories while teaching you lessons. I truly loved it and have pulled so many quotes out of it to apply to my own life.
March 12, 2025
A book about how to begin personal and professional relationships and keep them!
Yes it's longer then what it needs to be but because the author shared his personal opinion and experiences what I particularly enjoy
Yes it's longer then what it needs to be but because the author shared his personal opinion and experiences what I particularly enjoy
September 8, 2018
A book on personal networking that could have been a 100 page book. Instead, it went on, and on, and on.....
December 21, 2018
Some useful segments, but overall a bit superficial.
January 28, 2019
Basic ideas and a little name throwing at times but overall great messages about servant leadership and success by helping others. Greatly needed in today’s divided society.
May 28, 2014
To start off I want to thank 12books for giving me this book.
My Official Review!
I don't know how anybody can have an "official review". This is just my opinion of the book by Tommy Spaulding, so you can take that as you wish. I will review this book by giving it a star rating. 5 stars is the max and best. Also I am going to break the ratings down into 3 sections:
Message - Was the overall message good?
Entertainment - Was it entertaining to read or boring?
Ease of reading/understanding - Was I able to move through the book pretty quickly? Was the message easily understood?
After that I will give it an overall rating. This is just the average of the 3 categories.
Message 5 stars
Tommy Spaulding has a great message. It is not just about making relationships to grow you business. It's not just making people like you so you can get something from them. The main point is to create great relationships so that you can move other's lives forward. If you do that, you won't need to worry about getting anything in return. It will happen naturally.
Also this is not just a book on how to meet people and make them like you from talking with you for a minute. This is more about how to take friends you already have and move them into a deeper friendship.
Entertainment Value 4 Stars
Tommy Spaulding is a great story-teller! The only reason this didn't get a full 5 stars is at the end of the book it started to drag a little for me. It may have not been the storytelling aspect. It could be I was just losing it! The end of the book is necessary to read so by no means should you skip it.
It is about the dangers of relationships. That might be why I didn't enjoy reading it. Tommy Spaulding spoke truly though and you need to be aware of the dangers of relationships.
Other than that I was glued to this book. I am a fairly busy guy and I was making time to read at least 50 pages a day if not more. Usually I listen to books on audio, but this was a good book to get back into reading the real thing!
Ease Of Reading/Understanding 4 Stars
This criteria goes hand in hand with the entertainment value section. I still think this is a very important section because it outlines how easy it was to understand the message of the book.
I gave Tommy Spaulding a 4 star rating on this because I think he did a great job on explaining his concepts. The one thing that I think it was missing (Since Tommy Is asking!) is the action steps. This book did not have very clear action steps. I think the best way to learn is to do. For many people doing is hard without explicit direction.
Overall 4.33 Stars
With 5 stars being a perfect score, 4 and 1/3 stars is pretty darn good! In fact I have to say that this book is my favorite business book I have ever read. I have read quite a few business books. That should tell you something!
My Official Review!
I don't know how anybody can have an "official review". This is just my opinion of the book by Tommy Spaulding, so you can take that as you wish. I will review this book by giving it a star rating. 5 stars is the max and best. Also I am going to break the ratings down into 3 sections:
Message - Was the overall message good?
Entertainment - Was it entertaining to read or boring?
Ease of reading/understanding - Was I able to move through the book pretty quickly? Was the message easily understood?
After that I will give it an overall rating. This is just the average of the 3 categories.
Message 5 stars
Tommy Spaulding has a great message. It is not just about making relationships to grow you business. It's not just making people like you so you can get something from them. The main point is to create great relationships so that you can move other's lives forward. If you do that, you won't need to worry about getting anything in return. It will happen naturally.
Also this is not just a book on how to meet people and make them like you from talking with you for a minute. This is more about how to take friends you already have and move them into a deeper friendship.
Entertainment Value 4 Stars
Tommy Spaulding is a great story-teller! The only reason this didn't get a full 5 stars is at the end of the book it started to drag a little for me. It may have not been the storytelling aspect. It could be I was just losing it! The end of the book is necessary to read so by no means should you skip it.
It is about the dangers of relationships. That might be why I didn't enjoy reading it. Tommy Spaulding spoke truly though and you need to be aware of the dangers of relationships.
Other than that I was glued to this book. I am a fairly busy guy and I was making time to read at least 50 pages a day if not more. Usually I listen to books on audio, but this was a good book to get back into reading the real thing!
Ease Of Reading/Understanding 4 Stars
This criteria goes hand in hand with the entertainment value section. I still think this is a very important section because it outlines how easy it was to understand the message of the book.
I gave Tommy Spaulding a 4 star rating on this because I think he did a great job on explaining his concepts. The one thing that I think it was missing (Since Tommy Is asking!) is the action steps. This book did not have very clear action steps. I think the best way to learn is to do. For many people doing is hard without explicit direction.
Overall 4.33 Stars
With 5 stars being a perfect score, 4 and 1/3 stars is pretty darn good! In fact I have to say that this book is my favorite business book I have ever read. I have read quite a few business books. That should tell you something!
June 16, 2014
I won this book from the 12 Books Group and overall, really liked May's selection. I felt it was easy to ready and had a good overall message.
I think the biggest takeaway is the chart of the Five Floors of Relationships. The book goes into much detail about each of the relationships in the chart and Tommy Spaulding does a good job of filling in the pages with personal stories of these kinds of relationships and how it has led him to success in his own life. I felt the stories were pretty good, but I did feel at some points that the relationships he had were a lot by chance for him and that most people don't get so lucky. But, I think the overall takeaway is great.
I enjoyed the "relationship shifter" points at the end of the several chapters/sections.
I give this book 4 stars because I really thing this book or at least the concepts are really great. I think relationships take you a long way and no opportunity to develop meaningful relationships with people should be missed. But, I felt like the last third of the book suffered from repetitiveness and I think could have been shortened. I felt the book dragged a bit towards the end and the stories weren't as strong anymore. But, that's just my opinion, and either way, I felt like the overall book was well written and really flowed well.
I definitely will refer to these different floors of relationships in my work and leadership roles!
I think the biggest takeaway is the chart of the Five Floors of Relationships. The book goes into much detail about each of the relationships in the chart and Tommy Spaulding does a good job of filling in the pages with personal stories of these kinds of relationships and how it has led him to success in his own life. I felt the stories were pretty good, but I did feel at some points that the relationships he had were a lot by chance for him and that most people don't get so lucky. But, I think the overall takeaway is great.
I enjoyed the "relationship shifter" points at the end of the several chapters/sections.
I give this book 4 stars because I really thing this book or at least the concepts are really great. I think relationships take you a long way and no opportunity to develop meaningful relationships with people should be missed. But, I felt like the last third of the book suffered from repetitiveness and I think could have been shortened. I felt the book dragged a bit towards the end and the stories weren't as strong anymore. But, that's just my opinion, and either way, I felt like the overall book was well written and really flowed well.
I definitely will refer to these different floors of relationships in my work and leadership roles!
June 15, 2014
The author talks about this book as a modern evolution of Carnegie's classic, "How To Win Friends and Influence People." Spaulding accurately suggests that that book seem to be border line based on techniques for manipulation. Spaulding's book talks about true principles for building deep and lasting relationships.
Two term/principles that I will also remember from the book are netgiving and ROR.
Netgiving is the term Spaulding uses to communicate the true purpose of getting to know others. This focus on thinking how you can serve others is the key to building deep relationships.
ROR or "Return on Relationship" is Spaulding's play on ROI and refers to how deeper relationships always pay you back far more than you ever put into them so long as your focus is on adding value to the other person. This semi economic term applied to relationship building is a quick and fun way to think about it.
Read this book to understand the core principles that will help you grow more and greater relationships.
If I had a criticism it would be that the author uses his own story as an example in too many instances. As such a successful netgiver his high profile network of friends may seem intimidating to some readers. Don't let this stop you from reading the book and learning some great principles.
Two term/principles that I will also remember from the book are netgiving and ROR.
Netgiving is the term Spaulding uses to communicate the true purpose of getting to know others. This focus on thinking how you can serve others is the key to building deep relationships.
ROR or "Return on Relationship" is Spaulding's play on ROI and refers to how deeper relationships always pay you back far more than you ever put into them so long as your focus is on adding value to the other person. This semi economic term applied to relationship building is a quick and fun way to think about it.
Read this book to understand the core principles that will help you grow more and greater relationships.
If I had a criticism it would be that the author uses his own story as an example in too many instances. As such a successful netgiver his high profile network of friends may seem intimidating to some readers. Don't let this stop you from reading the book and learning some great principles.
June 28, 2014
'It's Not Just Who You Know' is more that a tremendous success story of someone who overcame a significant learning disadvantage, dyslexia, and turned it to his advantage, but also a blueprint for how we can excel at building real and long term relationships. In a world where far too many of our relationships are transactional in nature and, hence, short term and shallow, Tommy Spaulding shares from his personal experiences how to build what he terms, Fifth Floor, or Penthouse relationships. Early in his life when his dyslexia seemed to limit his options, a significant choice was made. In his words, "I shifted my attention to what I could do, rather than getting caught up in what I couldn't." Powerful and sage counsel for all of us, especially the youth of the world, today. That shift in focus also lead him to discover that you "don't have to be a prodigy to change the world" and so Tommy Spaulding has spent his young life doing just that, changing the world one life and organization at a time.
Get it, read it and enjoy it and learn what "Don't Be A Chirping Bird" means, learn how to become a "Fifth Floor Giver" and how to live the "Give/Get from the Outside/In."
I read this book as '12 Books Group.' Come join and read with us here http://www.12booksgroup.com/.
Get it, read it and enjoy it and learn what "Don't Be A Chirping Bird" means, learn how to become a "Fifth Floor Giver" and how to live the "Give/Get from the Outside/In."
I read this book as '12 Books Group.' Come join and read with us here http://www.12booksgroup.com/.
May 26, 2014
I just finished reading this book. I took it slowly because of the memoir aspects of the book. I am also an introvert, and that can be a problem. By the time I process something, the extroverts around me have galloped off to the next thing, chattering all the way. Parts of the relationship building described in this book appear to mix both personality types. We have the wide open extrovert tendency to open and forge relationships where they can be useful with the introvert desire for deeper knowledge and understanding of the other person.
While I have read abridgments of Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People, I have not read the book itself. What I have read leads me to feel that that book forges a form of manipulation that I do not feel comfortable with. Mr. Spaulding says he took the book as a starting point and expanded it, adding a "win/win/win" component to the basic principles, and that I really approved of. It's been a long time since I studied business in school, but this work could fit in the lesson plan successfully.
While I have read abridgments of Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People, I have not read the book itself. What I have read leads me to feel that that book forges a form of manipulation that I do not feel comfortable with. Mr. Spaulding says he took the book as a starting point and expanded it, adding a "win/win/win" component to the basic principles, and that I really approved of. It's been a long time since I studied business in school, but this work could fit in the lesson plan successfully.
May 25, 2014
As a matter of disclosure I received this book as part of the 12 Books Group with the expectation that I would participate in the discussion on Goodreads and post reviews to Amazon, Goodreads, my business book blog and other sites.
I have to admit if I hadn't made the commitment I would have not finished this book. While the concepts in the book in expanding on the basic Dale Carnegie principles is good, I found the first two sections of the book to be boring and tedious and the fourth section just downright nauseating. I am always leery of the approach of "LOOK WHAT I OVERCAME AND HOW SUCCESSFUL I AM AND YOU CAN DO IT TOO!". Like most books of this style Tommy Spaulding spends more time on his story rather than a the proposed theme of the book.
While a number of people will find this book to be of interest (especially if they have not been exposed to Dale Carnegie), I can only say that this book was a huge disappointment.
I have to admit if I hadn't made the commitment I would have not finished this book. While the concepts in the book in expanding on the basic Dale Carnegie principles is good, I found the first two sections of the book to be boring and tedious and the fourth section just downright nauseating. I am always leery of the approach of "LOOK WHAT I OVERCAME AND HOW SUCCESSFUL I AM AND YOU CAN DO IT TOO!". Like most books of this style Tommy Spaulding spends more time on his story rather than a the proposed theme of the book.
While a number of people will find this book to be of interest (especially if they have not been exposed to Dale Carnegie), I can only say that this book was a huge disappointment.
August 21, 2013
Personally, the word "networking" does not conjure up positive associations for me. It has always seemed like a selfish venture: a system of collecting, using, and then discarding people. Because of this, I was very pleasantly surprised with this book. The author encourages keeping an open mind as you meet people in even the most mundane circumstances and building genuine relationships with people, not for what you can get out of them or how you can use them, but for the sake of enriching both lives. Not everyone will like the format- the author does rely heavily on personal anecdotes to illustrate his points. All in all, this provided good food for thought, and in the age of social media, it is refshing to see a focus on building relationships of quality rather than just quantity.
October 26, 2013
a fantastic book about the power of relationships and the importance of being selfless in them. He emphasizes over and over again the power of caring more for your friend's needs than your own. his idea is that the more you try to help others and actively look for ways to lift them, you invariably help and lift yourself in the process, which he assured is the true power of relationships. this thought resonated with me and I found his stories and his optimism very inspiring.
the book was a little light on actionable suggestions and advice, and I came away more feeling inspired by the principles than I was motivated to perform some specific action. it came across to me as a very high-level ideas book, not a "here are specific ideas that you can try" book. Still, I loved it!
the book was a little light on actionable suggestions and advice, and I came away more feeling inspired by the principles than I was motivated to perform some specific action. it came across to me as a very high-level ideas book, not a "here are specific ideas that you can try" book. Still, I loved it!
April 30, 2011
The theme of this book is very simple: "It's more about giving than getting." "Netgiving" is a recently coined word that appears in this book.
Something that puzzled me was that he said at age 40 he still couldn't read, but in the book he referred to a lot of other books. A reviewer on Amazon said that it is ghostwritten, which would explain this inconsistency.
A delightful read through the first half of the book. After that the stories and names began to be sprinkled so thickly that I switched to speed reading mode.
In any case, I like the message of serving others as being a better motive than serving self.
Something that puzzled me was that he said at age 40 he still couldn't read, but in the book he referred to a lot of other books. A reviewer on Amazon said that it is ghostwritten, which would explain this inconsistency.
A delightful read through the first half of the book. After that the stories and names began to be sprinkled so thickly that I switched to speed reading mode.
In any case, I like the message of serving others as being a better motive than serving self.
May 9, 2014
While we've all experienced business 'relationships' where the only thing that you have left of it when you are no longer useful is the boot print in your back, it is a fact of business life that part of the process is cultivating relationships that can open the right doors.
If one is running their business strategically, it makes perfect sense that cultivating strategic relationships would be part the overall approach.
This is a good guide to finding and nurturing strategic relationships in a mutually beneficial and ethical way.
Favourite quote from the book: 'Focusing on the relationship fist means taking the risk that you might never get some of the things you want.'
If one is running their business strategically, it makes perfect sense that cultivating strategic relationships would be part the overall approach.
This is a good guide to finding and nurturing strategic relationships in a mutually beneficial and ethical way.
Favourite quote from the book: 'Focusing on the relationship fist means taking the risk that you might never get some of the things you want.'
October 28, 2020
I was introduced to the author, Tommy Spaulding, a few weeks ago when he was guest co-hosting a radio show when I was a guest. (Mondays at 3 in Denver Colorado).
I quickly liked him as I listened in to the segment before I was on. During my segment we talked about books (mine and Tommy’s) and we talked about my practice of regularly reviewing books on my blog (like now). At the time, I had already Googled Tommy in prep for the show and knew about his book; in fact, I had ordered it.
- See more at: http://blog.kevineikenberry.com/leade...
I quickly liked him as I listened in to the segment before I was on. During my segment we talked about books (mine and Tommy’s) and we talked about my practice of regularly reviewing books on my blog (like now). At the time, I had already Googled Tommy in prep for the show and knew about his book; in fact, I had ordered it.
- See more at: http://blog.kevineikenberry.com/leade...
January 27, 2015
I found this to be an inspirational guide for anyone who seeks to have and maintain quality relationships of any type. At the same time it serves as a very tastefully done autobiography. There were a few parts of the book that described how to seek out and research people that I thought were a bit conniving but then it makes sense to know something about the people that you want to have a relationship with on any level. It's a lengthy book but I appreciated the author speaking humbly, and speaking completely from personal experience which makes the information more credible.
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