Love in Abundance: A Counselor's Guide to Open Relationships

by Kathy Labriola

Beyond the basics of polyamory lies a complex web of negotiations, agreements, pitfalls and rewards. Kathy Labriola, a relationships counselor who has worked for many years with singles, couples and groups in polyamorous and open relationships, sets forth some of the realities of alternative dealing with some of the common relationship-disrupters, managing jealousy, choosing compatible partners, combining BDSM with polyamory, distinguishing between sex addiction and polyamory, and much more.

Genres: Polyamory, Relationships, Nonfiction, Sexuality, Psychology, Self Help, Love

192 pages, Paperback

First published June 1, 2010

Reviews

[Rachel Krantz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kathy is all over my memoir OPEN for good reason! By far the most practical book I’ve read when it comes to examining my own jealousy in my open relationship, Love in Abundance is a must for anyone who’s seriously considering any relationship model other than monogamy. Actually, it’s a must for anyone who’s ever experienced the very human emotion that is jealousy and would like to investigate it. But it goes beyond jealousy, too, and challenges other preconceived notions about what romantic love has to look like to be considered “real.”

[Kerry · Rating 3 out of 5]

didn’t really give me anything that i didn’t already take away from polysecure. doesn’t hurt to read it again though. also obviously more exclusively geared towards polyamory, but still addresses skills like communication in a way that apply to any kind of relationship

[Kaci · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting perspective on open relationships from an author who identifies as polyamorous. Could use some proofreading, but it seems to be a small publication so there may have been less time or resources to be as thorough as larger publishing houses.

[Laura Vee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Let me preface this by saying that I didn’t pick this book up expecting to take notes (spoiler: I did anyway). I thought it would be a niche, maybe a little preachy, but mostly just an interesting read on non-monogamy for people who practice it or are curious about it. What I didn’t expect was just how practical and thoughtful this book turned out to be, not only for open relationships but for relationships in general.

Labriola approaches the topic with warmth and an impressive lack of judgment, which is honestly refreshing for a book on something as loaded as polyamory. Her writing style is clear, conversational, and at times even funny, like sitting down with a wise, slightly quirky counselor who genuinely wants you to live your best life.

The book covers just about everything you’d hope for: communication skills, handling jealousy, managing time with multiple partners, and even how to recover when things go horribly wrong. (And let’s be honest, even the best relationships hit rocky patches, so this advice is gold no matter what your relationship structure looks like.) Labriola gives real-life examples from her work as a counselor, and while some are admittedly a little too perfect or feel slightly oversimplified, they’re still useful illustrations of her points.

I especially loved her chapter on jealousy, it’s not just “jealousy bad, communication good.” She acknowledges that jealousy is normal, often rooted in fear or insecurity, and gives step-by-step guidance on how to unpack it, both alone and with your partner(s). This isn’t just “talk about your feelings” advice, but more like “here’s what to say when you’re spiraling because your partner is on a date, and here’s what they can say back to help you feel safe.” It’s practical, it’s actionable, and it actually feels doable.

Of course, the book isn’t perfect. The tone is a little too self-help-y at times, with some repetition that might feel tedious if you’ve already read other books on the subject. And while the advice is mostly grounded and applicable, there are moments where it leans a bit too idealistic for real-world polyamory dynamics, like, not everyone has the emotional bandwidth to have a deep-dive, boundary-setting conversation every other day. But hey, it’s a self-help book, not a magic wand.

That said, this is a solid resource whether you’re polyamorous, curious about open relationships, or just want to improve your communication and conflict resolution skills. It’s practical, empathetic, and filled with advice you can actually use: because let’s face it, relationships are messy, no matter how many people are involved.

Bottom line: If you’re looking for a judgment-free guide to navigating non-monogamy, Love in Abundance delivers. Think of it as a roadmap for love, in all its complicated, abundant glory.

[Shelby · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great resource! This is the first book I’ve read on polyamory, at the recommendation of a therapist friend. I wish I’d have read this 10 years ago when I was first discovering polyamory. (Oh, to have avoided so many rookie mistakes!)

I do think it could use a second edition with updated terms, and I take some umbrage with the emphasis on hierarchical polyamory (termed “primary” and “secondary” relationships in the book). The author certainly covers different approaches to polyamory (which we would now call non-hierarchical polyamory or solo polyamory, as two examples) but the target audience clearly is established couples looking to open up their relationships without changing too much in the foundations of their dynamic.

The first two parts in particular suffered from this and frankly felt too basic for anybody already versed in polyamory. Part three was a good primer on how to approach jealousy (even if it suffered from the hierarchical perspective described above). Part four was five-start content; it felt like elder wisdom from the poly community, crossed with therapeutic knowledge. The special topics in part five were not very relevant to me but would probably be excellent resource for people who care a great deal about them.

On the whole, totally worth the read and I’m glad this book exists!

[Jes Irwin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This has mostly aged well. Mostly.

Clearly written around the turn of the millennium, heirarchies and couples privilege are assumed not only as givens but as positives, with an uncritical, unexamined assumption of amatonormativity.

If you can look past that part, this book has plenty of good practical advice for dealing with the challenges of newly-opened relationships or baby’s first poly partner.

[KT · Rating 4 out of 5]

A practical and concise guide to navigating open relationships blending advice, theory and case studies
I particularly enjoyed the author's outline of different forms of hierarchical open relationships, advice on managing jealously and other useful skills to develop when communicating and regulating intimacy and autonomy

Recommended for those new to open relationships and want practical advice in shaping new forms of open relationships in their lives

[Anna Kraft · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rounded up from 3.5🌟

There were several typos and formatting issues, likely due to coming from a smaller publisher. Overall, I found this book to be very helpful and it included tangible tools. I wish the author had included references throughout the book to support some of her information as it seems that most of the information shared is anecdotal.

[Jasmine Rippey · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wish there was more clinical data here instead of it being largely anecdotal, but Labriola still does an excellent job communicating the key attributes of ethical, loving and fulfilling polyamorous relationships.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a wonderful book! Clear, comprehensive, helpful, educational. Nonjudgmental and supportive. Can be of great benefit to readers in all kinds of relationships

[Wei-Wei · Rating 3 out of 5]

There’s a lot on hierarchical poly relationships but overall, is an accessible and insightful read.

[Morpho · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this a second time, this time with my husband because it's so helpful.
❤️

[Pat · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was OK. I found it a bit broad, and would've gotten much more out of it about 10 years ago before life did its thing. Also, some of the scenarios are unrealistic (especially conversations) outside the setting of a therapist's office.

[Indra Gooris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Must read if you are thinking opening up your relationship or if you already are in an ENM relationship!

[Tom Bateman · Rating 3 out of 5]

A 30,000 foot view…

This is a quick read, and probably a good starting point, but it definitely lacks the depth of more renowned books like The Ethical Slut.

[Tishka · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must-read for the ethically non-monogamous!