To Love and Be Loved

by Sam Keen

To Love and Be Loved is a spirited challenge to a culture obsessed with romance and intimacy but dangerously ignorant of the full range of human love. Like a fresh wind, Sam Keen sweeps away tired self-help nostrums and reams of "bad advice from Dr. Lonelyhearts" to reveal a stunningly new map of love in all its forms.



Love is not something we "fall" into, claims Keen, but a complex art combining many skills and talents that take a lifetime to learn fully. At the center of his book are sixteen distinct "elements of love": ranging from attention --a precious gift we can bestow on co-worker, friend, child, and spouse alike--to more exclusive gifts like desire and sexuality . Combining stories, poems and quotes with insights from modern psychology and spiritual tradition, Keen brilliantly explores the elements of memory and solitude in love, the importance of both enjoyment and commitment , and how we can cultivate the essential qualities of empathy and compassion . Each piece ends with suggestions for strengthening our daily practice of the element, so that we constantly enlarge our ability to love in all our relationships.



The final section of the book is a soaring meditation on the claim that "those who love know God," an invitation to experience our place in the universe through the eyes of love.

Genres: Relationships, Self Help, Psychology, Nonfiction, Philosophy, Love, Spirituality

245 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1997

About the author

Sam Keen was an American author, professor, and philosopher who is best known for his exploration of questions regarding love, life, wonder, religion, and being a male in contemporary society. He co-produced Faces of the Enemy, an award-winning PBS documentary; was the subject of a Bill Moyers' television special in the early 1990s; and for 20 years served as a contributing editor at Psychology Today magazine. He was also featured in the 2003 documentary Flight from Death.
Keen completed his undergraduate studies at Ursinus College in Collegeville, Pennsylvania, and later completed graduate degrees at Harvard University and Princeton University.
Keen was married to Patricia de Jong, who was a former senior minister of First Congregational Church of Berkeley, United Church of Christ, in Berkeley, California.

Reviews

[Bob · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great understanding of a central concept that we throw around lightly. He challenges all our myths and presuppositions about love in order to move us to a deeper appreciation for and practice of this crucial element of human existence.

[Weekend Reader_ · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so dense and requires you to sit and think. I think it took me 2-3 months to read what is a fairly short book. It was so good! It challenged how I thought and about love and relationships. I questioned my authenticity and willingness to be vulnerable. And don't talk about forcing me to confront things that normally I would brush off and then eventually boomerang back as an issue. This book should be read with other people so you can share the nuggets of goodness. So good, I just can't stop saying it.

[Steven Fournier · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciate the way he approaches the concept of love in a wide stance. Circling the topic and asking the reader to contemplate separate aspects until delving into some more profound revelations. Certainly a recommended read for anyone that's wondered what love is, or has felt if it has alluded them or that they have lost it.

[Ryan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wasn't a huge fan of this book. I'm not stupid nor illiterate but I felt this book was a little out of my league. I didn't feel like I learn or understood any of the ideas he was trying to get across if there were any. I did though relate to some of things he stated.

[Courtney · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book to be really enjoyable ! His philosophy on love was refreshing and honest. He has a way of making you review your own interactions without judgement.

[Public Scott · Rating 4 out of 5]

A deep meditation on love and relationships. The author uses a mind-boggling array of references from world history and literature. I really liked this book.

[Artika · Rating 2 out of 5]

The author is clearly a talented writer and he has a brilliant mind but it's clear in between the lines that he has not opened his heart to love, at least not at the time of writing.

[Andrew Emmanuel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Broke down the basic understanding of what love is. The book is quick and easy to read. Stright forward and as questions to help grasp what is being spoken of. Was fun. The book was choosen to be read in my Philosophy of Love class.

[Scott · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautifully crafted and deeply insightful.

[Cyla Jbeily Al AKoury · Rating 5 out of 5]

i had a great time in reading this book. it was sooo helpful for me in many subject 2 resolve.