Mother Had a Secret

by Tiffany Fletcher

As a teenager, Tiffany Fletcher knew that her mother, Vickie, had been brutally abused as a child. She knew that the abuse caused her mother's severe mental and emotional instability, which brought painful complications for the entire family. But until a horrific car wreck landed Vickie in the hospital, Tiffany didn't know that there was a name for the turmoil grippng her dissociative identity disorder, which produces multiple personalities in victims of profound trauma. For some girls it's hard enough getting along with a mother who has one personal identity, Vickie had fifteen. The true story of this complicated mother-daughter relationship unfolds in a weave of memory and emotion as Tiffany recounts the challenges of growing up in the care of a woman held hostage by her own shattered mind; a woman who inadvertently hurt the children she only wanted to love and protect; a woman whose premature death brought deep waves of loss but also much-needed healing. Poetic, poignant, and heart-wrenchingly honest, this riveting narrative offers hope to victims of mental illness and their families and provides insight to readers unacquainted with this struggle. It invites compassion and inspires positive action in our most treasured relationships.

Genres: Nonfiction, Biography, Book Club, Memoir, Religion, Biography Memoir, Mental Health

188 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 2010

Reviews

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tiffany Fletcher lives in my neighborhood, and on the outside she just seems like the perfect Mormon woman: mother of 5, home-schooling, head of the children's organization at church, etc. This book just goes to show that you can never judge someone simply by their outward appearance.

The book begins at her mother's funeral, and flashes back and forth between Tiffany's memories of her past and confronting the reality of her mother's death. I was grateful for this - the memories were sad, sometimes frightening, and always emotionally overwhelming. The interludes as she and her siblings prepare for the funeral give readers a chance to catch their breath before plunging into the past once more.

I know that writing this book was cathartic for Tiffany, and the ending is cathartic for the reader as well. She describes how she came to peace with her mother and was able to say goodbye to her, leading my tears of sorrow and empathy to turn to tears of relief and admiration.

I would recommend this book to anyone who enjoys memoirs, particularly those that tell of how someone from an unusually difficult family situation was able to overcome their past and attain a well-adjusted life despite their childhood difficulties.

[Elizabeth Huffman · Rating 4 out of 5]

poignantly describes finding healing after parentified mother/daughter relationship

The book switches between the past and present, describing her mothers struggles with mental illness and substance abuse. This child was her mother's caretaker, and it describes her process of finding peace and acceptance. I would recommend this book to anyone who's family has struggled with mental illness and substance abuse.

[Kathleen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was creatively and sensitively presented. It is well worth reading to gain a perspective on the behavior of not only the mentally ill, but others who bear the burden of living with them. There is much to be gleaned and a few tears to be shed.

[Jeni · Rating 3 out of 5]

The writing on this book is fair, but the story fascinating! I learned a lot and it made me think. I felt it was worth my time. I think we talked longer about this book at book club the any other book so far.

[Rahni]

Discussing in book club next week.

[Eve · Rating 4 out of 5]

A grown woman with children reflects back on her childhood as the daughter of a woman with multiple personality disorder, then her mother's prescription drug abuse, and finally a tragic death which was shrouded in mystery as to the cause. She discusses how the LDS church community she lived in responded to their family's situation and also how her mission president influenced her personal journey toward recovering and her own journey of healing as a survivor of living with someone with the disorder. She dealt with difficulties in allowing herself freedom from the family's pain and freeing herself from the co-dependent cycle she found herself pulled into because of how her parents dealt/didn't deal with the situation.

I found this book intriguing as topics like this are of great interest to me, and this author particularly interested me as we have so much in common. We are both mothers, survived some difficult family relationships that were shrouded in secrecy and shame and defined by an aura of helplessness, are active LDS, and are homeschooling our children. Those who are relatives of those with mental illness need healing, even thought we are not the primary sufferer. I appreciate this theme I saw in Tiffany's book. I felt the ending was abrupt and could have been written better, but overall, this was a decently written story.

[Brynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

i heard about this book from a coworker; her niece wrote it. at clinton elementary's spring social i was eating lunch with the preschool ladies and the conversation turned to family, and specifically one lady's crazy mother. a conversation during which this book was mentioned. i really enjoyed this book, a quick read (about 2 days), and a true story. the author is LDS and she frequently refers to and/or explains beliefs, values, and practices of the LDS faith. i found this book very interesting. the book, as well as the conversation in which i heard about it has opened my eyes and understanding about trials, struggles, and life lessons.

[Apzmarshl · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although the story is about a fractured and broken life lived in the shadows of mental illness, it is also an amazing account of forgiveness and compassion that I think anyone can relate to.
This family was haunted and tormented daily by the living ghosts of their mother's multiple personalities. It was madly compelling to read. Towards the end, the shock and awe give way to lessons hard for all of us to swallow, but illustrated well enough for me to WANT to live what I had learned.
Read Jan. 7, 2013

[Christie · Rating 4 out of 5]

My therapist recommended this for me and I blazed through it. I don't know just how relevant it is to others, but anyone with mental illness in the family and/or a strained parent relationship would probably benefit from reading it. I don't have the exact life story of the author but it was surprising how many parallels there were with my own situation. The author's thoughts and feelings were really interesting, and I had several a-ha moments about my own thoughts and emotions. At the very least, I'm excited to talk to my therapist about this book. 😂😂

[KaLisi · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author was one of my roommates in college. Although I had no idea of the hard childhood she had, she was a wonderful, kind, inspiring person. "Mother Had A Secret" is well written and gives insights into the misconceptions that surround mental illness... but more importantly, it explores her journey of acceptance, forgiveness and love. I would highly recommend it.

[Carolyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, this book was not only fascinating but also a literal medicine I needed. It's difficult to put more into writing why, so I help people trust me on this review and pick it up for themselves. For the mother she detested, the daughter learns why her mother deserved to be seen as a savior.

[Deb · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was pretty good and I had a hard time putting this audiobook down. A heartbreaking tale as the reader gets the inside story of what a family goes through when a parent has dealt with abuse and mental illness.

[Sean Fletcher · Rating 5 out of 5]

A remarkable story of a remarkable woman who I happen to be blessed to have as my wife.

[Nicole · Rating 3 out of 5]

Just ok. I ran into the author at a Costco book signing and decided to pick up a copy. Interesting subject matter but the writing wasn't great.

[Wendy · Rating 3 out of 5]

About an LDS girl who grew up with a Mom who had multiple personalities. Story was really interesting, but the writing could have been better.

[Marilyn Nielson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an intriguing true story of a mother and a daughter. The daughter, Tiffany, is the author of this book. Tiffany’s mother had been abused as a child and had dealt with all the hurt and pain while trying to raise her children. As a teenager, Tiffany found out her mother’s condition had a name, dissociative identity disorder. Her mother actually had 15 different personalities to deal with the trauma. Vickie, the mother, dies at a young age and as the family prepares for her funeral the details of her life and the children’s lives unravels. This book helps the reader to understand mental illnesses and the affects on the entire family.

[Janaye · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have to admit that I first began this book because I wanted to know all the "gory" details about what it was like living with a mom with DID. So after the first couple of chapters I was somewhat disappointed because it is definitely not that kind of book. But, I am so glad I kept reading because to surprisingly it is a story about love and forgiveness and expectations and learning how to be enough and how the Atonement of Jesus Christ can save you. I wasn't expecting it to touch my heart like it did!

[Cathy Hable · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fascinating, troubling, heartbreaking. This story is a daughter's account of her mother who had been abused as a young girl and developed multiple personalities as an adult to cope with the trauma. The multiple personalities of her mother created a different kind of disfunction and instability in her own childhood and family. It really made me question whether there are people I've known who have been hiding and coping with such "secrets" and how people can overcome such trauma.

[Britney · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a quick read about learning from what seem like impossible life circumstances and moving forward. I was grateful it was gospel centered and didn't go into details about the abuse her mother suffered. Great lessons about changing your mindset in order to free yourself.

[Makenzie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book so much! I love her rawness! I loved that she was willing to share and grow and realized all that her mother was. I will read this again! I have already recommended it to several people!

[Melinda Farley · Rating 4 out of 5]

This reminds me of a lot of the books I've read recently from the child's perspective growing up with a troubled parent, a very similar feel to Educated. The writing is pretty good and the story is pretty fascinating and I enjoyed reading it.

[Lalove · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really great insight into what it's like living with someone who has dissociative identity disorder. It was such a sad story, but also an inspiring story. I loved reading about how Tiffany learned to have compassion and forgiveness for her mother.

[Bonnie ElHalta · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love you even more Tiffany! Thank you for sharing! You are amazing!

[Suze Price · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an honest and brutal story!

[Diane · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author was very courageous to tell this story. She told it well and gained my sympathy.

[Jaylynn Gold · Rating 4 out of 5]

Heartbreaking true story of a local woman who was raised by a mother with DID.

[Steven Rawson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book! It really shows the struggles people have and hide with mental illness. Great book to learn about the ongoing struggles families go through.

[Angela · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautifully written.

[Victoria · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good story of a mother with multiple personalities and how it affected the family

[Estee Hull · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very eye opening, quite enjoyed this