Tales of Un-knowing. Therapeutic Encounters from an Existential Perspective

by Ernesto Spinelli

Ernesto Spinelli is one of the leading exponents existential therapy today and one of its most brilliant practitioners. Rather than expounding a set of theories, Spinelli here gives an account of some of the most unforgettable therapeutic encounters that he has experienced during his professional life. His method comes to life in a way that is compelling and often profoundly moving.
These stories of conflict and anxiety derived from human relationships illustrate the existential concern with being in the world and act as catalysts to challenge the reader s personal experience even if he or she has had no direct experience of therapy.
Told with an Oliver Sacks-like skill, these encounters introduce us to Mr Jones who refused to grow old gracefully, to moody and introverted Amanda who believed she had been given the wrong body, to Jim the octogenarian who lived in two time zones and to Giles whose obsessive identification with Einstein meant that his sexual activity was like a living mathematics full of enthralling permutations. In the course of this book Spinelli also tackles head on the last great taboo of therapeutic practice sexual attraction between therapist and client.
In Spinelli s previous and highly acclaimed book, Demystifying Therapy, he began the process of peeling away the layers of mystery that surround therapeutic practice. Now, with astonishing effectiveness, he explains the core of his work and why the existential approach is the way forward in the treatment of the psychological condition. This is not the way of psychotherapeutic certainty and reductionism. It is a way of Un-knowing.

"To a certain extent every attempt to translate lived experience onto paper is doomed to failure, and it takes not only a skilled writer but also a skilful practitioner to elicit in the reader some of the sense of humanity, immediacy and reality of the original relationship while not retreating into sentimentality and narcissism... Spinelli's book is difficult to put down and one is continually reminded with vivid clarity of the personal and universal dilemmas of the interlocking of normal and therapeutic life". Martin Adams

"His modesty inclines me to believe that he is a therapist who can be trusted". Anthony Storr

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Counselling

156 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 1997

Reviews

[Ugnė · Rating 5 out of 5]

Imdama knygą truputį nerimavau, kad ne tuo laiku ją pasiėmiau - vasara, šilta, daug ką veikti noris, o čia bus kokia sunkenybė. Tačiau kadangi knyga bibliotekos ir kadangi buvo nuojauta, kad paskui taip greit ir lengvai galiu jos ir negauti, nusiteikiau skaityt savaitę, bet perskaityti. Pradėjus nebegalėjau sustoti ir prarijau per dieną.

Čia ne Yalom'as, todėl truputį daugiau teorijos ir mažiau puikavimosi "štai, koks aš šaunus ir kaip viską supratau". Tačiau visos istorijos papasakotos (ir išverstos) paprasta, aiškia ir gražia žmonių kalba ir pasakojama apie kasdienius mūsų visų poreikius, apie kuriuos galbūt per daug ir nemąstome. Skaitant itin jaučiasi, kad E. Spinelli bando suprasti ir pamatyti savo klientų pasaulį jų akimis ir žiūri į juos kaip į lygiaverčius (o ne tuos, kuriuos reikia nuo kažko išgelbėti ar kažko išmokyti).

[Paul Ataua · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great introduction to existential psychotherapy and one therapist’s interpretation of it. Spinelli discusses 8 of his cases, focusing not on symptoms but on the ‘living in the world’ experience that gives rise to those symptoms. Excellent on giving insight into the philosophy that underpins the practice, and although I found myself questioning a couple of things, a good introduction to the methodology.

[Brian · Rating 5 out of 5]

A less well-known, but much more theoretically sophisticated alternative to Yalom's "Love's Executioner."

[Emilis Kuke · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wanted to understand how Existential therapist work and was looking for stories from therapy beginning to the end. So this book fulfilled my expectations greatly!

[Happy Squid · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's a bit of a whirlwind to read. It's an interesting collection of 'case studies' that really makes me think about what age and death is, how being aware of these concepts in detail affects the human experience. It makes me question what it is to be human, and how my possible (and probable) ignorance of the inevitability of death impacts my daily life.
It raises a lot of questions, and wonderfully answers none of them.

[Natasha · Rating 5 out of 5]

I took so much from the encounters in this book. It resonated with me on so many levels and inspired me to believe that there is a way of being in therapy that requires no more and no less than understanding and accepting of the lived experience of the client.
No jargon - it is told as it is simply and beautiful.

[Emma Bailey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I got so much more from those stories than I got from my academic books. A lot of what Spinelli wrote vibrated with me. He has a gift for putting in simple words incredibly complex ideas. Wonderful book.

[Dovilė Stonė · Rating 5 out of 5]

Istorijos, dosniai papildytos autoriaus pastebėjimais apie pačią egzistencinę psichoterapiją.

Apie "fiksuotą praeitį" ir "pasąmonę" kaip sustabarėjusios savasties gynybos priemones:

Siekiant pokyčių, idėjos apie pasąmonės ir fiksuotos bei dabartį lemiančios praeities įtaką tampa papildomomis kliūtimis, bet, kita vertus, leidžia išsaugoti dvilypę nuostatą tų pokyčių atžvilgiu ir toliau likti įsitikinus, kad jokio dvilypumo nėra. Taigi galynėdamasis su praeitimi ir savo nuostatomis pasąmonėje, kurią reikia iššifruoti ir interpretuoti, galiu reikšti nepasitenkinimą, piktintis dėl man jos primetamų prieštaravimų bei suvaržymų, o kartu ne tik palaikyti ir pateisinti tą pačią savasties šerdį, bet ir saugoti ją nuo bet kokių naujų, netikėtai atsirasti galinčių potyrių ar įtakų.

Apie priklausomybę:

Priešingai paplitusiai nuomonei, manau, kad mano klientai kur kas daugiau laimi, kai nemėginu įtikinėjimais, prievarta ar dovanomis keisti dabartinio jų gyvenimo būdo, bet stengiuosi “būti” su jais “tokiais, kokie yra”, ir tyrinėti, kokia gi jų patirtis “būnant tokiems, kokie yra”. Tai kelias, kuriuo einant galbūt gali išryškėti tą gyvenimo būdą palaikančios disocijuotos vertybės ir “sustingę” požiūriai. “Kokiam būti jums leidžia priklausomybė ir koks negalėtumėte būti be jos?”, “Ką jums priklausomybė leidžia daryti, ko be jos negalėtumėte daryti?”, “Kaip, jūsų nuomone, pasikeistų jūsų santykiai su savimi ir kitais, jei nebūtumėte priklausomas?”, “Kai sakote “esu priklausomas”, kokie teiginiai ar vertinimai iš karto seka po šių žodžių?” - tokie ir panašūs tyrinėti skatinantys klausimai ne kartą yra atskleidę svarbių įžvalgų apie kliento gyvenamą prasmių pasaulį ir apie priklausomybę kaip būtiną veikiančią to pasaulio dalį.

Apie neapibrėžtumą:

Ši ne-žinojimo briauna - t. y. psichoterapeuto suvokimas, kad būti su klientu visada reiškia tam tikrą riziką, - atspindi, mano supratimu, vieną pagrindinių egzistencinės fenomenologinės teorijos prielaidų. Susitinkant su kitu žmogumi visada laukia nežinomybė - galime apsirikti, pasakyti ar padaryti ne tai, ko reikia, gal atsakas bus ne toks, kokio tikimės, o gal būsime nuvilti, apgauti, suklaidinti ar išduoti; lygiai taip pat galime pasielgti ir patys savo ar kitų atžvilgiu. Toks netikrumas, neišvengiamas painumas lemia, kad visus mūsų santykius - su žmonėmis, su savomis vertybėmis ar įsitikinimais - žymi neapibrėžtumas. Gelbėdamiesi nuo jį lydinčio nerimo, kartais stengiamės apsigyventi tokiame pasaulyje, kur reikia kuo mažiau susidurti su kitais žmonėmis. Arba, ko gero, maksimaliai mažindami riziką, dažniau siekiame nustatyti griežtas ribas, kaip, kur ir kada sus jais susitinkame. Turbūt nesunku suvokti, kokią tenka mokėti kainą: gyvenime nebelieka gyvybės, jis netenka pasitenkinimo, tampa siauras ir beveidis - pasak vieno autoriaus, “su juo taikstaisi, kol galų gale tau leidžiama numirti”.

[Duliniuku · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vertinga, daugiasluoksnė. Pasakojamos istorijos atskleidžia ir paaiškina egzistencinės psichoterapijos požiūrį ir būdus, tad knyga turi daug pažintinės vertės. Iš kitos pusės, pasidalinti terapeuto išgyvenimai būnant santykyje su klientu, atsivėrimas ne-žinojimui ieškant kelio, daro pasakojimą jautrų ir asmenišką, leidžia pažvelgti į terapeuto darbo iššūkius. Galų gale, istorijų dalyviai - žmonės, kurių patirtys, išgyvenimai, sutrikimai nors ir labai skirtingi, neretai primena savuosius ir padeda atrasti svarbių įžvalgų apie savosios savasties atvirumą ir ribas, santykių su žmonėm ir pasauliu išgyvenimą. Pakliuvo į rankas labai tinkamu metu.

[Neal Tognazzini · Rating 4 out of 5]

After reading and enjoying an different book by Spinelli that was more of a textbook, I decided to try this collection of therapeutic stories, each of which contains some reconstructed (and to a certain extent fictionalized) dialogue as well as his reflections on how he approached each encounter. At times the stories seemed a bit too wrapped up in a nice narrative bow, but on the whole I thought they were entertaining and illuminating examples of the existential-phenomenological approach in practice. Took me awhile to finish it because it was too easy to put down in between chapters, but I’m glad I kept at it.

[Aaron Makepeace · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book with an aim to better understand the existential modality of therapy as i am in training myself.
Whilst this book was indeed a pleasant read, i still find the modality most alluring but infuriatingly vague. It seems to differ greatly in terminology & application between each published therapist who practices it.

[Bríd O'Farrell · Rating 5 out of 5]

A profound thinker and experienced

I will need to read this book again,and many times over, and I suspect I will be more grateful each time.

[Sad · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tiesiog puiki knyga.

[L.J. Cherry · Rating 5 out of 5]

A therapists companion, this book reminds us of the importance of forgoing all assumptions and being a naïve listener.

[Seymour · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was my first introduction to the existential phenomenological approach to psychotherapy and opened a whole world of gentle possibilities and a different approach to solving the big and small challenges of life. The author tells the stories of a number of the people he has helped over the years from the couple whose marriage has grown cold to the man facing a terminal illness - showing in each case how the existential methodology works out in practice for them. This book blew like a cool breeze through my own mind and offered hope and new perspectives to me as a practitioner in mental health. We could all do with an hour on Spinelli's couch.

[Matthew Eaves · Rating 5 out of 5]

Moving and Informative

Spinelli's account of the various client relationships recounted here, along with his explanation of his way of working (well supplemented by his other books) provide a vivid portrait of the novel, heterogeneous and moving world of the therapeutic encounter. Well worth the read for therapists, students and those with any interest in existential-phenomenological therapies.

[Tara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book. It was an easy To read, well-written book by an experienced clinician. I enjoyed hearing about the author's ability to reflect on his practice, and realise that at times, the therapist learns as much from the therapeutic encounter as the client.

[Bryan Elsley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent

Mr Spinelli thoughtfully recounts not only the successes but sometimes the relative failures of his practice. At the same time he sets out a cogent theoretical view which is illuminating and surprisingly easy to follow.

[Randomerde · Rating 5 out of 5]

spools of lives unwound
& rewound from giving
& receiving wounds.

[marta · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m 1 person away from Ernesto Spinelli that’s the tweet