A Box of Darkness: The Story of a Marriage

by Sally Ryder Brady

In the tradition of Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking, comes a poignant memoir about a marriage that was as deep and strong as it was mysterious and complex Upton and Sally Brady were a rare cultivated and elegant, they lived a life of literary glamour and high expectations. Sally a debutante; Upton a classics major from Harvard, they met at the Boston Cotillion. He was articulate, witty, and worldly, and he danced like Fred Astaire. How could she resist? Despite raising four children on Upton’s modest wage as the editor-in-chief of the Atlantic Monthly Press, theirs was a world of champagne, sailboats, private islands, famous writers, family rituals, and ice-cold martinis. They lived life on their terms. But as time wore on, Upton, the charming and brilliant husband, the inventive, beguiling partner, grew opinionated, cranky, controlling, and dangerous. When Upton died suddenly one evening in their Vermont cottage, Sally began uncovering secrets. As she went through his papers, she discovered that her husband of forty-six years had desired the love of other men. Her riveting, charismatic husband was not quite the man he appeared to be, and a year of mourning became for Sally a time to unravel the dark and unexpected web he had left behind. Hers is a moving and powerful story of coming to terms with what cannot be changed. It is also a story of great love.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Marriage, Autobiography, Biography Memoir, Audiobook, True Story

256 pages, Hardcover

First published January 22, 2011

About the author

Sally Ryder Brady, writer, teacher, and free-lance editor, is the author of the novel, INSTAR (Doubleday 1976; Ballantine 1977), an illustrated book of adult humor, SWEET MEMORIES (Bloomsbury USA 2006), and two books of non-fiction, A YANKEE CHRISTMAS Featuring Nantucket & A YANKEE CHRISTMAS Featuring Vermont (Yankee Books/Rodale 1992 & 1993) for which she appeared on Oprah. Her short stories and essays have been published in House Beautiful, The Boston Globe, Good Housekeeping, Yankee, Womans Day and other publications, and also appear in three anthologies."

Reviews

[Jill · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm always grateful to Goodreads First Reads to have the privilege of reading a pre-pub book. I gravitated to this one because of the publisher's comparisons to Joan Didion's Year of Magical Thinking, a lyrical, unflinching highly introspective book about the death of Didion's husband, John Gregory Dunne.

This is not that book.

Sally Ryder Brady -- the long-time wife of Upton Brady, the editor-in-chief of Atlantic Monthly Press -- lived in a rarefied world of famous writers and parties, sailboats and elegance. Inexplicably, Sally -- who comes across as a very likable person -- only touches on this world, without carefully exploring the juxtaposition of the public Upton Brady and the private man.

The private man is a closeted gay man (or, perhaps, bisexual) and Sally is shocked - SHOCKED! -- to develop the secret stash of porn after his death. However, there are ample hints that Upton Brady is gay, including his own admission to her about his forays with a family friend, early on in the marriage. Upton Brady is also displayed to be a raging alcoholic, narcissistic, selfish (although Sally has born him several children, he piggishly states that his earnings are "my money"), abjectly cruel, and emotionally abusive. Yet Sally eulogizes their marriage and this book is described as a "story of great love."

In addition, in an all-too-familiar tale, Upton Brady is forced by the rigid and judgmental tenets of the church to feel that he is "sinning" by embracing who he really is -- and, in fact, "sinning" with premarital sex (although substance abuse, of course, is fine). Rather than explore the paradox of a "loving church" that forces people into self-hatred (by the laws of man, not God), Sally never casts her eye on this diachtomy.

I was left with feeling that this was a mildly titillating read that did little to explore the big picture, and never fully convinced that it was "worth it" to remain in this marriage. I wish I could write a more favorable review.

[George Ilsley · Rating 4 out of 5]

A tender and reflective memoir that is not always easy reading. Her husband's alcoholism and anger were really the big issues, more than his sexuality, although probably all those things were connected.

The grieving process is distressing enough without complicated by discoveries about your deceased spouse. This is the story of a marriage, and intertwined lives of privilege, but is also about secrets and the mysteriousness of the other.

[Philip · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is one of those memoirs that most likely served as a cathartic experience for its writer, and is of such a personal nature that, while one can thus understand the writing of it, one really can't understand the need to publish it. Barely five pages into her narrative the author recalls an act of physical intimacy with her husband so personal that I think I actually recoiled from the page: Too much information, lady, I thought, What made you think anyone needed to know that?

One of the questions the author asks herself repeatedly towards the end of this story is, Would her husband have wanted her to write it? I sincerely doubt it, and he'd have wanted even less for her to publish it. And apparently her four grown children didn't object to her writing or publishing it.

And like so many memoirs today, it carries a disclaimer: "This is a true story, though some of the names have been changed."

[Karlene · Rating 4 out of 5]

WARNING: LOTS OF SPOILERS.

I absolutely enjoyed reading this book because the author is quite adept at telling a story, and has a gift for detail. She definitely transports the reader to the particular time and place, and I thought the subject matter was absolutely compelling. That being said, I found Mrs. Ryder Brady's reaction to her husband dislosing to her that he had slept with another man to be disingenous, perplexing and downright idiotic. She literally packed her skis and took off for the slopes. Then apparently nothing ever gets said about it for years and years and years, then she purports to be surprised when she discovers his stash of pornographic magazines after his death. She also reminisces about noticing he changed his swim shorts to "fig leaves" after she told him that she realized their vacation beach was a gay beach. Another factoid: two of her husband's siblings were gay. Somehow, none of this registered or set off alarm bells? Even more unbelievable is the fact that after years and years of therapy the subject never came up on EITHER spouse's part during these myriad individual therapy sessions. How could the pyschotherapist have actually helped either of them when they were aggressively burying one of the root causes of the problems in their marriage? I also find it odd that her children would allow the mother to publish such an expose about their father, after his death, when he was unable to defend himself. It's all rather strange. Despite all of these holes, I still rate the book 4 stars because the book was fast paced, well written and worth a read. Upton was certainly an interesting man.

[Victoria Whipple · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a title I got through Goodreads First reads, and I put off reading it because it's not my usual fare. As a school librarian, I usually read children's and YA books, and if I actually read a "grown-up" book, I usually prefer fiction. But having devoured Sapphique and not being prepared with another book I picked up "Box of Darkness", and I didn't want to put it down. Sally Ryder Brady has written a story of the marriage to her husband of 45 years. After his death, she used the writing process to help her deal with her grief and unanswered questions she had about her husband and her marriage. Each chapter of the book opens with current day happenings; her discovery of her husband's body, the memorial service, visits with friends (including the one where her friend encouraged her to write it all down). The balance of the chapter recounts her courtship with and marriage to Upton Brady. As anyone who has been married for any length of time knows, a marriage has its ups and downs. During her time married to alcoholic Upton who was a slave to his routines, Sally had many deep disappointments and crises, and even her day to day living was often done in the shadow of Upton's moods and anger. Despite all their problems, Sally stuck with her Upton and was able to fulfill her wedding day prayer to "make this marriage work." Not a storybook romance--although publicly it appeared to be--but a memorial to a marriage and Sally Ryder Brady's one true love.

[Roseana · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was mildly interesting for its description of a time gone by, when good girls from Northeast Protestant families went "bad" by dating outside their denominations, dropped out of Barnard to become someone's secretary, took acting classes and did one year of summer stock, got emotionally steamrolled by their awful, borderline personality disorder mothers, and then, their husbands. This story is probably entertaining for the seersucker suit set, many of whom must know the Bradys by reputation (Upton Brady having been a figure on the Atlantic Monthly books and magazine scene); their worst suspicions about this couple have been confirmed at last. But ultimately, Ms. Brady's lack of finesse with writing mechanics hampers her ability to go beyond her mere recollections and into something that's both literary and meaningful.

[April · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is another in those bitter modern memoirs that are circulating now, but better written than most. The gist of it is that Sally Ryder Brady married and had 5 children with (SPOILER ALERT) a man, who became a prominent editor of The Atlantic Monthly, who she realizes after his death was either bisexual or gay but unable to accept his homosexuality. Still, I kept getting an uneasy feeing throughout the book...she seemed just too good to be true (verbally and emotionally abused by her mother and later her husband, she just takes it all on the chin and keeps it together for the kids). She keeps talking about how much she loved him and she quotes friends reassuring her that he loved her...but then why would she write this expose about a fact of his nature he desperately tried to hide even from himself? And then there's the fact which she makes much of that his therapist for a decade never even knew he had had homosexual affairs...but she, his wife, knew. I'm glad she wrote about the good times as well as the bad, but I guess I'm not sure why she wrote it.

[Angie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a wonderful reminder to me of what my dear and amazing friend , Diane, and I so often talk about - " Everyone has a story " . This is Sally Ryder Brady's story .
My three star rating only reflects my humble opinion of the book , it's cover , the writing style , etc . Sally Ryder Brady's " story " deserves a 5 star rating .
Her " story " told on the written page through timelines , events and other characters really is much deeper than any written word . It is HER story and speaks volumes about who SHE really is .
Married to an alcoholic , closet gay man for 46 years and living through all his bullshit baggage that he dumped on her and their 4 children would have made most of us have a very different " story " to tell . Hers however is a story of love and total acceptance of another .

[Cynthia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very well written and certainly held my interest - but there were times in the middle when I took a real dislike to the author. If you are afraid for your children - not physically but emotionally - is it really a good idea to stay married? It would be interesting to have their take on things. I also found it hard to believe that she was surprised, after her husband's death, to find out that he was either gay or bisexual - after all, he admitted during their marriage to having sex with another man. And finding out, the first thing she does is call up each of her four (grown) children and tell them, seemingly to be more interested in her emotions than the impact on them. Still, I'm glad I read it

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got this book as a Goodreads First Read.

It was fascinating. Like watching a train wreck fascinating.

In the beginning, I wasn't sure exactly what it was that drew Sally to Upton other than the fact that the dancing was magnificent. (She admits there were red flags during their courtship.) By the end, I got the sense that the other things she loved about him she loved simply because they had been together so long. But she did love him, and the way she tells her story is lovely in a way that is hard to explain ... I guess I simply liked her prose. Her voice drew me in and I gobbled this book up (despite the fact that I felt she was kind of a door mat).

[Bekah · Rating 2 out of 5]

I received this book as A First Reads giveaway. I enjoyed the book, though I think the author sold herself short. I was left wondering why she remained in her marriage for so long when she really only presented a cursory and superficial description of her husband's good qualities. He was presented in a very negative light. I was left feeling--not that they had a deep and complex marriage--but rather that she was a weak and co-dependent woman who chose to ignore major warning signs in her attempts to "stand by her man."

[Diane S ☔ · Rating 4 out of 5]

While I was reading the first half of the book I thought Sally Brady was either stupid or a saint. Upton Brady was in turn either delightful to be around or destructive. But by the end of the book I applauded her courage in staying in a marriage that was difficult to say the least and in finding a way to get her husband to accept help for his problems, while finding herself and helping her come to terms with her marriage. She loved him with an unconditional love and it is just sad that he was incapable of knowing or feeling this.

[Sherry · Rating 4 out of 5]

I just finished this book. Once I started reading I didn't want to quit till I finished it. The story draws you in. It is a story about marriage and betrayal. A story about finding out that you don't really know the person you thought you knew best. An excellent book.


I received an advanced reading copy of this book through Goodreads.

[Susan · Rating 1 out of 5]

Sorry, this book was not for me. I felt it was slightly disingenuous for the author to proclaim love and admiration for her deceased husband then write an intimate expose about his alcoholism and bisexuality/homosexuality, while presenting herself as a mostly normal wife and mother. I guess I missed something as most people who read this book gave it high ratings.

[Christina · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received Sally Ryder Brady’s book A Box of Darkness: The Story of a Marriage for free through Goodreads First Reads.


Sally Ryder Brady’s A Box of Darkness: The Story of a Marriage offers a glimpse into the lives of two fascinating individuals who share a deep love and enduring friendship, as well as a passionate commitment to making their partnership work. The author brings you on a tumultuous ride that is the story of her life with Upton Brady, a victim of a conservative upbringing, strict religious beliefs, self-deprecating tendencies, and his own time. Any reader can easily relate to the ups and downs of Sally and Upton’s relationship, work, money, alcohol, and in-laws being the primary factors contributing to the low points. Despite Upton’s lifelong struggle with his closeted homosexuality, he lived a long and full life, now immortalized through his wife’s writing.

Sally Ryder Brady is an excellent story teller. She recounts her past in a way that is riveting through both the exceptional moments and the mundane. The prose in this work is fluid and the jumps in the timeline are easy to follow and thoughtfully executed. Exciting times in the American art and literary scene are shared with readers through very personal experiences, and intimate moments are shared in an open and genuine manner.

My only complaint with this work is the title. There are positive and negative aspects to every experience, every individual, every marriage, and every family. Despite the quote at the end of the first chapter, A Box of Darkness: The Story of a Marriage implies something quite negative. Not only does it sound like the title of a low-budget made-for-TV movie about a husband hiring a hit man to kill his wife, it suggests constant abuse and isolation, not years of family, love, and support. At one point during her grieving, the narrator expresses that she is living with rupture and suggests that this would be a good title for a best-seller. Living with Rupture: The Story of a Marriage would be a fitting title for this work, a metaphor for Sally’s loss as well as Upton’s dual life.

[Darlene · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very honest and at times, an uncomfortable and painful memoir to read. Written by Sally Ryder Brady about her relationship with her husband, Upton, this memoir alternates between the past (when they first met and the course of their relationship) and comes back to the present where Sally is learning how to deal with her life as a widow.

While going through some of Upton's belongings after his death, Sally discovers something which is very shocking to her and leaves her questioning whether Upton truly loved her and wondering how she can go on. This memoir is the account of Sally's struggle to join the seeming two separate lives of her late husband together to find something that makes sense and allows her peace of mind. The result is a very poignant story which left me full of admiration for Sally Brady and her grace and courage. Her story leaves you with a question I have thought about many times... how much can you truly know another human being... no matter how close you feel you are to them?

[Annie Garvey · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book unsettling. The shocker is that Ryder Brady and her husband Upton went to couples counseling for years and never bothered to mention to the counselor that Upton was bisexual. Why bother going the counseling if you're not going to address the problems in your relationship? One person being bisexual in a relationship is a problem. Also Ryder Brady takes a trip with her ex-boyfriend while married to her husband who she keeps saying she loves. She states, "Hungry as I was for someone to love me, court me, bed me, dissolve all boundaries for a brief time, would I have ever left Upton for Nikos, or for any lover?" I liked the fact that Nikos realizes he escaped the clutches of this mixed-up woman:
"Suddenly Nikos returned to me.
'Your perfume!" he said. 'It's making me sick!'
'I'm not wearing perfume,' But he didn't seem to hear me, . . ."

[Wanda · Rating 2 out of 5]

Superficial in the extreme. This book offered no insights into either Upton or Sally or their worlds; except perhaps that Sally's connections managed to get her a publisher for this self-indulgent, cathartic novella.
After reading the publisher's blurbs and reviews, I thought I would get some sort of idea as to how a woman can stay with a man who she knows to be gay, who is abusive, and who is an alcoholic who will not stop drinking. Not.
This read like a cliff notes and gave nothing except a sketch of life with a tragic figure who was tormented by his church, the times, and the fact that he could not come out of the closet. This is a theme that has been done to death before and done better.
Luckily, being short it is a very quick read, so I did not feel as though I had my time wasted. Since it was a library book, I did not waste my money - thankfully.

[Judy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very well-written memoir of a marriage that was richly blessed, idyllic, and filled with pain and sorrow. The author writes eloquently and simply about her complicated husband - there was so much that they shared; love, intelligent conversation, music, dancing, literature - but there was also a part of her husband that he held back. Lots of love and lots of anger - the writer conveys her memories without seemingly to breach their intimacy. Brady decides to share her story after secrets are revealed upon her husband's death, leading her to question his love for her. All relationships are complicated, hopefully wonderfully so - and this marriage was complex. There is something to be learned in this book for anyone in a committed relationship.

[Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was certainly an enjoyable and engaging read. Sally Ryder Brady's writing style creates and maintains a bond with her readers, but the story lacks satisfaction. Maybe its a study in resignation and determination. At times, especially in the early days, Upton was charming and magnificent to behold, but that didn't last. The marriage did, but as a reader, I'm not convinced why. Was she saving him? Did Upton want saving? A Box of Darkness remains an intriguing story of a marriage, with depth, hope, and certainly more than a fair dose of darkness. It's definitely not a Nicholas Sparks romance, but it will make you consider what a person should reasonably sacrifice in the name of matrimony.

[Wally · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't remember the last time I was so moved by a book. The storybook romance and the true difficult romance and love were blended together in a way that made me appreciate the genius of Upton Brady and feel touched by his frailities and Sally's steadfastness and love! Sally Ryder Brady is as much a genius as her husband was and she has displayed her skill with words that tell the whole story of their life together in a beautiful and truthful manner.
I feel extremely fortunate to have been selected to be given, by Goodreads, an Advance Readers' Edition and I look forward to sharing this book with my friends.

[Beverly · Rating 2 out of 5]

Every marriage is different for sure, and everyone has his or her own line in the sand, but wow! It was difficult to connect or empathize with these characters, especially Sally. I found the flashbacks hard to follow, and some storylines just dangled and died. Didn't have great expectations, but was disappointed overall.

[Laura · Rating 1 out of 5]

How did this book got published? How did this book get any reviews at all? Why did I read this book past the first page?

[Sherry · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not sure why she needed to tell this story. Seemed quite self serving.

[Perri · Rating 4 out of 5]

An searingly honest reflection by Brady of her troubled marriage to a complicated man.

[Linda Doyle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Brady's book is an easy read that I devoured in two days. It was interesting to read about a world of high literary society, one of which I am completely unfamiliar. It was also interesting to read about Brady's dysfunctional marriage. I felt a bit voyeuristic about it all, but that didn't stop me from reading. But something was missing from this otherwise interesting and entertaining book: I didn't feel any sympathy, any anger, any emotion at all. This was unusual, considering the nature of Brady's marriage and the hardships she endured. I don't know why that was the case. Perhaps the author is at fault? Is her writing too mechanical to elicit an emotional response from me? That didn't seem to be the case. Yet, I felt nothing but an emotionally detached interest in her life and marriage. Maybe I simply couldn't relate.

[Janakap · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this in one day, an easy read - if you enjoy trainwrecks....the author had me by the second paragraph, and held me transfixed as she created a time warp between WASP America of the 60's and the New England of today. The author seems like an intelligent lady. The keyword in that sentence is SEEMS. I am single and not religious, so my worldview (and also the times we live in) are considerably different. So....good writing 👍 definitely kept my interest. Believable? Kinda not really. My view is that the author needed a paycheck since her husband left her in debt and owing, so to get back at him, she aired all the dirty laundry he hid during their marriage. She should have been a soap opera screenwriter. I gave 3 stars because I really enjoyed reading it, even if I feel like it never should have been published.

[Jan · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author's husband was the director of the Atlantic Monthly Press and together they hobnobbed with the literary lights of the time. However, they had four children and no trust funds to back up the his modest salary at the Press. When he suddenly died, the author learned that he left thousands in debt and that was only the beginning of the surprises. There were indications that his attraction to men continued parallel to their "charmed" family life.

Most striking about this book for me is the author's evenhandedness. I came away believing that their marriage was, despite everything, a genuine love story.

[Cat · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a book for the author. Period! I’m sure it helped her, but did absolutely nothing for me as a reader. If you’re sitting on the fence as to if you should read this or not. I say not! You’re life will not be enriched by reading this.

[Alisha Linehan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fascinating portrait of a marriage in the 50s and 60s. This really does read like a time capsule in that the author wrestles significantly more with the idea that her husband had sex with men than she does with his history of abuse.