Winning Him Without Words: 10 Keys to Thriving in Your Spiritually Mismatched Marriage

by Lynn Donovan, Dineen Miller

Week after week, they sit in church . . . alone. They are the spiritually mismatched, those who are committed to a spouse who does not share their faith. Feeling abandoned by their spouse and forgotten by their church, they live out their faith in survival mode, guarding the spiritual flame yet never feeling free to share it. But God wants them to thrive—not just survive.                                  
Winning Him Without Words presents 10 Christ centered keys to thriving in a spiritual mismatch. Readers are encouraged to commit to Christian community, to release their spouse to God’s capable hands, to find peace in their relationships with Christ and with their spouse, to continue their pursuit of a growing faith and to love their spouse with fresh enthusiasm. God wants every marriage to exude peace and love, and Winning Him Without Words empowers readers to create that environment in their homes and thrive as God works.

Genres: Christian, Marriage, Relationships, Nonfiction, Christian Non Fiction

203 pages, Paperback

First published February 15, 2011

About the author

Lynn Donovan is an author, playwright, and director who spends her days chasing after her muses trying to get them to behave long enough to write their stories. The results are numerous novels, multi-author series, anthologies, dramatizations, and short stories.
Lynn enjoys reading and writing fiction, paranormal, speculative, contemporary romance, and time travel. But you never know what her muses will come up with for a story, so you could see a novel under any given genre. All that can be said is keep your eyes open because these muses are not sitting still for long!
Oops, there they go again…

You can learn more about Lynn when you follow her on Facebook Author page, Join her reading group on FB at Books by Author Lynn Donovan, her website, and Twitter,
For more publications by Lynn Donovan go to: Amazon.com/author/ldonovan

Reviews

[Kym McNabney · Rating 5 out of 5]

WINNING HIM WITHOUT WORDS by LYNN DONOVAN AND DIANEE MILLER, came to me in a rather unique way. In reading DIANEE MILLER’S book, THE SOUL SAVER, which was amazing, I learned of WINNING HIM WITHOUT WORDS.

WINNING HIM WITHOUT WORDS is a must read for those that are married to a spouse that is a non-believe or one that may believe, yet doesn’t live their life for the Lord. This book is instrumental in bringing peace to those who feel they are alone in a mismatched relationship.

With ten key points to guide you through your mismatched marriage, WINNING HIM WITHOUT WORDS is a great tool for gaining peace, love, acceptance, and purpose. Not only will your marriage be enhanced by this amazing book, so will your life as you learn how you can be instrumental in God’s work in regards to your spouse.

There’s even a website for the spiritually unequal married, a wonderful place where you can be encouraged and uplifted at, spiritually unequal marriage dot com. Through WINNING HIM WITHOUT WORDS, I was introduced to another book that has been a tremendous help, BOUNDARIES, by DR HENRY CLOUD and Dr JOHN TOWNSEND.

10 Key points:

1) Commit to Christian community.
2) Don’t save your husband, save yourself.
3) Stay connected to your man.
4) Discover the essentials to love.
5) Believe your marriage is blessed.
6) Trade perfection for authentic.
7) Pick and choose your battles.
8) Cherish each new season.
9) Put on the armor of God.
10) Pray the most dangerous prayer.

You may think you are alone is this big world in regards to being married to one that does not share the same beliefs as you, but it just isn’t so. What a blessing it is to be able to read about others going through the same journey as you.

[Ashley Bowman · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like that this books focuses so much on the attitude, heart, and expectations of the saved spouse and less on the “how to save him/her”

[Stephanie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really struggled with this book - it was so theologically sound in so many parts, and in others the authors really missed the boat. To the detriment of encouraging their readers that everything will end up "rosy" by the end of their lives. While I believe the authors intended to be encouraging (and they were), it came off as unrealistic and too "pie in the sky" for me. One example: at the end of the book there is an appendix about raising children in a spiritually mismatched marriage; she laments about fearing for her child's salvation (which is not an uncommon fear in a spiritually yoked marriage, but I digress). She quotes (from a reminder by a friend) about Prov. 22:6 (train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it) and is encouraged to pray for her child (excellent!) and trust God to fulfill His promise (yikes!). She then equates this Prov. to God's promise to Abraham who didn't see his promise from God fulfilled in his lifetime. The Proverbs are not a book of promises - they are an excellent source of wisdom to live by, that generally come true... but NOT promises. Abraham did have a promise from God.... we do not have the promise that God will be pleased to bring all of our loved ones to saving grace. I fear this book could be detrimental to a new Christian who would hold on to the promise of saving grace instead of hoping and praying. The best thing you can do for your unbelieving spouse is pray for them and live out Jesus to them.

On a positive note, the authors mention more than once that if you are in an abusive situation, to flee for safety and get help (physical, and spiritual). That a separation may be in order to provide safety (physical and mental/emotional). Not all spiritually mismatched marriages are abusive, but it was comforting to read that the authors recognize this trend and offered wise, sound counsel.

[Sally · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book in order to provide an evaluation for my church's caring ministries program. So I felt rather schizophrenic while reading it. Wearing my reviewer's hat, I found this to be a helpful book for women who are 'unequally yoked'. I suppose men could benefit from its concepts, but it was definitely a feminine kind of book. The key idea here is applicable to any situation that causes pain for a believer: cling to God, and don't let your circumstances rob you of your joy in Him. He is working out His perfect plan, and He will use all things for our good and His glory. Chapter themes include getting close to God, working on communication within your marriage, being prepared for spiritual battles, etc. At the end of the chapter, there are questions for consideration, suggestions for practical exercises, and a prayer. This would be a good book for women in spiritually mismatched marriages to work through together or with a prayer partner.

And my evil self had a hard time with some of the poorly-constructed sentences, the awkwardness inherent in co-written books, and worst of all, the phrase "my man". I suppose they wanted to avoid saying "my husband" over and over, but I'd prefer repetition to such irritating words. They conjure up all kinds of white trash connotations in my mind.

[Ian · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book drips with grace!

This book has transformed my heart.

I love it when God nudges my heart, but this time I experienced a solid whack. In a gentle kinda way. I feel like the scales have fallen from eyes so that I can now look forward with an open heart to all the blessings that God has for my marriage.

The whack came within the first chapter - yes, "you had me at hello!"

For too long I've allowed the past and the fact my beautiful bride isn't a believer to effect the hope for our future together.

But no longer.

Lynn's words on page 28 said it all for me: "It matters not how we came to be in our crazy, mixed-up and expected marriage situation. What matters is that God desires that we honour our marriage commitment and fulfil our marriage vows through His power and His strength."

BAM!

This book is part Bible-study, part practical guidebook, written by two women who are switched on to the Lord having lived it. They share their hearts, their failings, and lightbulb moments of grace and learning.

Most of all they keep bringing the reader back to the only source of true grace and the lover of our souls as the one to hold onto during the trials and also the uplifting moments.

Highly recommended for those of you in a marriage where only one of you believes in Jesus.

[Kari · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was really looking forward to reading this book but as I was reading it I was a little disappointed because I had already learned almost all that they talked about the hard way. I would have loved to have this book earlier in my marriage. However, God has a special way about things. Even though I felt as though I wasn't learning anything He has shown me through events in the last few weeks that I actually did get quite a bit of encouragement from this book. Different parts of the book just keep popping up in my mind as we experience some very difficult things in our lives right now. So yes originally I was not so excited about what I learned in this book and felt it was more for the new believer or new wife but I have come to find out that God has used this book in ways I never saw coming!

[Janna Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I may not be in a spiritually mismatched marriage myself, but I know lots of women who are and this book could be a marriage saving tool for so many of them. It could also be the tool that eventually turns that spiritual mismatch into a match. This book is easy to read and full of real life examples that make it very engaging. Lynn and Dineen really bare their souls as they go through their personal experiences and what they have learned. I personally found it wonderful just as a refresher on important things in a marriage (your husband needs and deserves your respect...) for me personally as well. Though this book may seem to have a limited audience who will really be able to appreciate it, every marriage could learn a lot from this little gem.

[Joan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is co-written by two women; it is written by and for women in "spiritually mismatched marriages." These are Christian women who have been married 12 and 23 years, one to a husband who is athiest and the other to a husband who is agnostic. The book has applications for any marriage that is spiritually "mismatched."

The book is well organized and methodical, with each chapter focused on a key principle to help a marriage thrive. Each chapter ends with "discovery" questions and a related prayer. It is a book steeped in scripture, applications and encouragement. Much of the book focuses on helping the reader grow her relationship with the Lord, first and foremost. It is God's job to change an unbeliever's heart. And a wife's job stay out of His way.

[Becky · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a great resource for me! And other women in a spiritually mismatched marriage. So much I can finally relate to with these women (I am not alone!)...so much hope offered.. great practical advice given...I'm sure I'll continue to read this book in my life as a source of encouragement and peace.

[Tammy Schott · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found a lot of hope and help in this book. Loved the scripture references and prayers. I would highly recommend this book for anyone in a spiritually mismatched marriage.

[Brooke Fradd · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a reread. Didn't really glean anything new.

[Jay Cee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book to read if you're in a spiritually mismatched relationship, know someone who is, or work in certain professions. I enjoyed the prayers and bible verse refences.

[Chantel · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars

This book is fantastic although it will be a difficult read for women in unequally yolked marriages. I honestly believe that reading this book even if you AREN’T spiritually unequal is beneficial for every married Christian woman. I learned things in my research through this book that could honor and respect my husband more! The one downside is that some of the women who are in unequally yolked marriages have husbands walking in significant sin they are now struggling with, causing serious strain and even some verbal abuse in their marriages. This book lacked some relation for women in situations like that as well as situations where husbands may be professing faith but not POSSESSING. Both of these situations can still benefit greatly with the biblical standards expressed in this book, but it would be easier for some women I have talked to relate better if there were some stories more diverse than “nice and good but unbelieving spouse” stories mostly. Thats not the only case when spouses are unequally yolked. Seriously, fantastic read and biblically solid advice.

[Kymberly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. I wished I had it years ago. Wish it had some more stories of success in waiting. (Not necessarily success of husband coming to Christ but success in leaning & waiting on God). I think that would of helped me with my waiting period. Love everything else about this book! Want one for this for my home and work.

[Sandra Arbeni · Rating 5 out of 5]

A truly insightful book.

What a wonderful and engaging book which is a practical guide to how we can better interact with our unbelieving spouses.
There is so much hope that my spouse will eventually accept the gift of salvation and eternal life!

[Jessicah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow I cried so many times through this book.

[Krystle Fogliani · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written with gentle approaches how to love and respect your spouse despite being in an equally yoked marriage.

[Jordan Gillick · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book to be highly encouraging!!

[Morgan Farr · Rating 4 out of 5]

Winning Him Without Words: 10 Keys to Thriving in Your Spiritually Mismatched Marriage is a really good book in a lot of ways. Mismatched marriages are a huge challenge to the body of Christ. It seems (to me) like churches are mostly filled with women bringing their children to church these days, while men chose to stay at home.
Winning Him Without Words is encouraging and uplifting. The main message is that you need to cling to God in all things, even an unbelieving spouse. The authors give solid advice because they have been in the position of loving a spouse who does follow Christ. I would like to note that this book is also relevant to women whose husbands profess to be believers but who are not living a Christian life.

Overall, I give Winning Him Without Words: 10 Keys to Thriving in Your Spiritually Mismatched Marriage 4 stars. It is a good book to read through and glean as much as you can. It would make a great book club for a women's group at church. The main reason that it wouldn't get five stars is because having read it once, I wouldn't read it a second time.

[Kristin Sheffield]

Loved this book.