Don't Tell: The Sexual Abuse of Boys

by Michel Dorais

Don't Tell examines the effects of sexual abuse on the emotional and sexual life of men, including their sense of self and their personal relationships. Using the first-hand accounts of victims Dorais shows that certain reactions are specific to male victims of abuse as they attempt to preserve a sense of physical integrity and masculinity. He also provides innovative strategies for both prevention and treatment that will be of use to those who have suffered abuse as well as to their families and all those who are trying to help them - spouses, friends, social workers, and therapists.

Genres: Nonfiction, Abuse

224 pages, Paperback

First published March 5, 2002

Reviews

[Krista Bunny · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is not for the faint of heart. However I made myself finish it because I felt that if these brave people could tell their stories & Mr. Dorais could stomach listening to the horrific things that were done to them, that I could read it. Dorais bravely tackled a very sensitive & elusive subject with tact and responsibility. I recommend this book for anyone working with boys at risk.

[Deborah · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's hard to say I enjoyed this book, but it was a very good book. The author interviews 17 males who were sexually abused as children. They are various ages when he interviews them, from youth to middle age. They relate how the abuse occurred or began, their understanding of it and reaction at the time, and how this affected their later lives and relationships.

[Andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was very insightful to what young boys deal with, and how much it isn’t talked about. The stories from the children were hard to read but needed to explain the hardship that they go through when abused. This book opened my eyes to a lot about the topic of sexual abuse and I am glad I had to read this for a course.

[Kali de Repentigny · Rating 3 out of 5]

Such an insightful yet difficult read. At times, the research was drawn out and wordy, but the message was still received. Some of the horrors experienced by these men are unimaginable or even seem fictitious, however, that is not the case. It took me a while to get through due to the heavy content, but I’m glad overall to have read this book.

[Crystal M · Rating 3 out of 5]

A book that covers many different men’s stories of abuse as children. Very interesting to see how they all turn out so different.

[Sterre De Prieelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ik raad iedereen aan dit boek ook te lezen. Een waarschuwing: het is zeer expliciet en enorm heftig om te lezen, maar het is noodzakelijk voor het begrijpen van slachtoffers van seksueel geweld. Ik vond het interessant om te lezen hoe verschillende slachtoffers verschillend reageren op seksueel misbruik en wat de gedachtegangen van misbruikers kunnen zijn.
Het is fijn en belangrijk dat er een boek is dat benadrukt dat niet alleen vrouwen, maar ook mannen slachtoffer kunnen zijn van seksueel geweld.

Doordat het een vrij gedateerd boek is, wil ik wel benadrukken dat er in de huidige samenleving natuurlijk nieuwe manieren van seksueel misbruik bestaan, die tijdens dat dit boek is geschreven, nog niet van toepassing waren; denk aan cyber-geweld.

[Ash · Rating 4 out of 5]

I hate everything. I can't deal with this I just can't. I had to skip a few things because I'm not emotionally stable enough to deal with them. But a book everyone should read because we need to know.

[Tim · Rating 5 out of 5]

very helpful in my research having been a victim in my teens and made worse by the fact the police knew the piece of s**t abusing and raping me and did nothing about it despite forcing the truth out of me when they picked me up on another matter and not making my rights to me as a juvenile clear intimidating me without a offer of a solicitor or responsible adult For many years I was untrusting of adults and would not enter any relationship because of the bad memories and fear of getting hurt. And being the coward he was soon after I turned 18 he just stopped but spoke to me like it was all my fault and he was the victim simply to humiliate me more I. found it odd someone who was full blown homosexual or in his case perverted suddenly announcing he was going to marry a divorcee it was along time before I found out she had a 12 year old son. Well that made me feel worse then ever because police did nothing to help me and I maintained my silence to my family I had overwhelming feelings of guilt the fear this young boy may have suffered the way I had. I ended up in court after my 2nd attempt to find a relationship 5 years after I overcame my fears and started dating a divorcee alas short lived I guess down to a ex husband still terrorising her as he had now lost his human punch bag As for my second effort well she had a 14 year old son who must have had the thought in his head keep away from my mum. because the next thing I know I end up in court you can guess the rest But 1 good thing came out of it I found the courage to speak up be it with some coaxing or at least I thought some good it wasn't to long before the investigating officer got back to me saying they were closing the file They couldn't find him and assumed he was dead well that sent me off the rails and getting into big trouble and twice in prison as well of a number of suicide attempts as I could take no more. it was the 2nd time in prison when I felt I had nothing to lose and complained again this time a decent cop took me for my word and within a week he found the alleged dead abuser and arrested him. well he admits some of the things he did to me denying the rape the most strangest thing admitting abusing me in my bedroom But denying he had ever been to my house well it gets to trail and he then denies every charge and because of the state of his health plays on the heart strings of the jury and gets cleared along with a little help from the crooked cop who had claimed he was dead telling the court I hadn't wanted to bring charges total lies just to save his ugly face as I had proved him wrong despite making a complaint to the police complaints commission he got away with a light slap on the wrist and me robbed of long awaited closure My last hope now is soon as I can get a place on a adult survivor group I have made contact with so I can at long last come to terms with things the good thing about this book it has help me find some answers I only wish when these things happened there could have been a better understanding like there is in the present day

[John · Rating 3 out of 5]

Deals in depth only with incest; no solutions and little advice other than to tell someone; encouraging nonetheless that the subject isn't completely taboo any more.

[Samantha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Review to come soon