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What Did You Say?: The Art of Giving and Receiving Feedback
Offering opinions is the second most necessary ingredient for human life. Studies show that we can go only three minutes without air, perhaps three days without water, maybe three weeks without food. . . and but three hours without offering somebody our suggestions, responses, or critiques. A perennial "hot" topic in management circles is the process of giving, getting and analyzing advice. This brief and engaging book can be of use to anyone who has to interact with other people. You'll enjoy the "read" so much that you may not realize how much you have gained - all in words of one syllable! How to offer feedback when asked (or hired) to do so. Why feedback tells more about the giver than the receiver. How feedback is distorted or resisted by the receiver's point of view and defense mechanisms. And in dozens of enjoyable vignettes, how humans have struggled to understand each others' responses.
211 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1992
19 people are currently reading
331 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
June 23, 2015
This book nails the subtle nuances of feedback - getting at all the psychology behind our reactions and reluctance to both giving and receiving. Jerry is one of my favorite writers in IT and psychology. This one is perhaps experiencing a revival as one of his early books that was somewhat neglected for a period. It's a great book to use in a study group or for preparing a workshop on feedback. Or, just plain old read it alone to understand your own dynamics on this important topic. It's also now available via Leanpub as an e-book! Read it, you won't regret it!
August 15, 2018
This is a fairly difficult book to review; I ended up restarting after reading half of the book and then had to review my notes a few times after completing the book before I was able to come to a conclusion that I'm both intellectually and emotionally satisfied with.
This is a book that presents a lot of critical information, but it fails at the presentation in a number of ways:
1. The actual presentation of the content is distracting. There are a lot of poorly-designed diagrams that take up entire pages, text that hasn't been formatted properly (for example, "**header**" instead of "header"), humongous headers, or strange sections that look like screenshots from a text editor, complete with automatically-colored text and line numbers.
2. The information density is WAY too high for this book to be read straight through once; it should really be read a number of times, preferably after communication failures -- so that those failures are fresh in the reader's memory.
3. This book doesn't simply cover "giving and receiving feedback" in the sense of "knowing how to give useful feedback," but actually covers a lot of psychological mechanisms involved in both giving and receiving feedback as well as communication essentials. But the huge range of topics is done a disservice by the fact that the book is only around 150 pages. So not only is it incredibly dense, but it also covers a large breadth.
Due to the breadth of this book, it reads more like a summary of common fallacies about communication, rather than something focused on feedback. This is partially due to the expansion of "feedback" from the common idea of "verbal or written feedback" to "every kind of stimulus that can affect a person."
Basically, I think the authors bit off way more than they could chew in the space of 150 pages or even three or four books.
As a result of this overarching (though technically correct) definition, the book really wanders across topics such as non-verbal feedback, situational nuances, and contextual difference between participants in the conversation.
The authors attempt to group everything in layers, so that you attack one layer at a time and delve progressively deeper into what it means to communicate with another person, but as a result, there's a complete loss of focus due to the sheer breadth and density of what they themselves are trying to communicate to the reader.
This isn't to say that there are some great (and quotable) nuggets of wisdom, or that the book isn't useful -- there are lots of nuggets and the book is incredibly useful! The presentation just fails its contents.
There isn't really much more I can add beyond that. I would recommend this to people who want to be better communicators, but with the caveat that they should be ready to read it multiple times in multiple ways.
For more digestible takes on the topic, I'd recommend The Culture Map: Breaking Through the Invisible Boundaries of Global Business and If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face?: My Adventures in the Art and Science of Relating and Communicating. They attack the problem of communication in different, but very much related ways.
This is a book that presents a lot of critical information, but it fails at the presentation in a number of ways:
1. The actual presentation of the content is distracting. There are a lot of poorly-designed diagrams that take up entire pages, text that hasn't been formatted properly (for example, "**header**" instead of "header"), humongous headers, or strange sections that look like screenshots from a text editor, complete with automatically-colored text and line numbers.
2. The information density is WAY too high for this book to be read straight through once; it should really be read a number of times, preferably after communication failures -- so that those failures are fresh in the reader's memory.
3. This book doesn't simply cover "giving and receiving feedback" in the sense of "knowing how to give useful feedback," but actually covers a lot of psychological mechanisms involved in both giving and receiving feedback as well as communication essentials. But the huge range of topics is done a disservice by the fact that the book is only around 150 pages. So not only is it incredibly dense, but it also covers a large breadth.
Due to the breadth of this book, it reads more like a summary of common fallacies about communication, rather than something focused on feedback. This is partially due to the expansion of "feedback" from the common idea of "verbal or written feedback" to "every kind of stimulus that can affect a person."
Basically, I think the authors bit off way more than they could chew in the space of 150 pages or even three or four books.
As a result of this overarching (though technically correct) definition, the book really wanders across topics such as non-verbal feedback, situational nuances, and contextual difference between participants in the conversation.
The authors attempt to group everything in layers, so that you attack one layer at a time and delve progressively deeper into what it means to communicate with another person, but as a result, there's a complete loss of focus due to the sheer breadth and density of what they themselves are trying to communicate to the reader.
This isn't to say that there are some great (and quotable) nuggets of wisdom, or that the book isn't useful -- there are lots of nuggets and the book is incredibly useful! The presentation just fails its contents.
There isn't really much more I can add beyond that. I would recommend this to people who want to be better communicators, but with the caveat that they should be ready to read it multiple times in multiple ways.
For more digestible takes on the topic, I'd recommend The Culture Map: Breaking Through the Invisible Boundaries of Global Business and If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face?: My Adventures in the Art and Science of Relating and Communicating. They attack the problem of communication in different, but very much related ways.
April 17, 2018
Whether you like it or not you’re right
Very revealing and intriguing - I like it because I see things that I like - I don’t like it as I see things that I don’t like - Feedback a la the Mothers Law.
Very revealing and intriguing - I like it because I see things that I like - I don’t like it as I see things that I don’t like - Feedback a la the Mothers Law.
January 2, 2020
I created a re-read shelf for books like this one. I would re-read sometime. Feedback comes in many forms, it is embedded in human interactions, essentially about information gathering, sharing, extraction and reflection.
September 24, 2019
As entertaining as illuminating.
June 1, 2015
This is a seemingly simple book, that at first glance says some obvious things, but they are things we rarely pay attention to. "Feedback" can often sound like a thing to fear. This book gives you the ability to understand that the problems when you give (or receive) feedback badly, and the tool to give and receive it effectively. The typography of the Kindle edition wasn't perfect, but that did not take away from the value of the messages. I'm hard pressed to think of someone who would not benefit from reading this book, if only to better understand yourself and your reactions to others. And like all good books of this type, it has an extensive annotated bibliography for those who want to dig deeper.
September 7, 2018
Covers feedback from a great many angles forcing you to think, reflect and rethink many aspects of interaction, collaboration and communication. The structure and writing style was at odds with my learning habits when it comes to reading and required skipping back and forth all the time. Doesn’t work well with ebooks. Many examples and stories felt constructed and not so real.
These are minor gripes and the book contains a wealth of advice on how to master feedback. Instead of presenting one or two models for good feedback, it makes available a multitude of options and considerations from a large range of sources. A good investment of time.
These are minor gripes and the book contains a wealth of advice on how to master feedback. Instead of presenting one or two models for good feedback, it makes available a multitude of options and considerations from a large range of sources. A good investment of time.
January 20, 2016
This is not just a great work book, but a great "life" book. Feedback is everywhere. We are givers and receivers of feedback have the ability to control how the feedback is either given or received, how it is processed/interpreted, and how to make the feedback process easier. Thanks Alex G. for the recommendation of this book. Wished I read it years sooner!
December 31, 2020
This book is thought provoking because feedback is something we give and receive daily. The authors have put their finger on some challenges of feedback, and how to get better at it. Reminds me of "Crucial Conversations."
August 10, 2015
One of the best resources on feedback available. Sophisticated thoughtful and complete with a charming sense of humor
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews