When Love Goes Wrong: What to Do When You Can't Do Anything Right

by Ann Jones, Susan Schechter

Millions of women each year find themselves in relationships with controlling or abusive partners and don't know what to do, or even what's wrong. A woman may feel anxious, inadequate, intimidated -- and as if she is walking on tiptoe. And she may find herself trying harder and harder to make things right without ever being successful. Ann Jones and Susan Schechter bring together their more than fifteen years of experience working with women in abusive relationships to offer an eyeopening new analysis of controlling partners and a wealth of empowering information for women who want to change their lives for the better. Full of moving first-person stories, When Love Goes Wrong shows women what their options are in or out of the relationship, provides concrete guidance on finding safety and support for themselves and their children, and includes a comprehensive list of agencies offering information or assistance.

Genres: Psychology, Relationships, Nonfiction, Abuse, Self Help

368 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1992

About the author

Author of Kabul in Winter: Life Without Peace in Afghanistan, Ann Jones is a journalist and activist for womens rights around the globe. She is currently working on a book about women, war, and photography.

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Reviews

[Emily Green · Rating 5 out of 5]

When Love Goes Wrong by Ann Jones and Susan Schechter might have the worst title ever, but the book is excellent—it provides both practical information and hope for those who suffer from a controlling relationship or who know someone who does. The authors characterize the symptoms of the relationship, the abuser, and the victim. Especially helpful are the refutations of stereotypes of both victims and abusers. For example, they confront head-on such myths as wives should stay in abusive marriages for the sake of the children or that victims provoke their aggressors. By examining our views on women, relationships, and abuse, the authors show where society's misguided thinking not only makes leaving difficult for victims, but also contributes to the abuse they receive.

Topics addressed include how to find a safe place, how to find an advocate, how to protect your children, and how to begin gathering the courage to leave. Through lists, logical reasoning, statistics, research, and testimonies from women, When Love Goes Wrong is able to show that women who are in abusive relationships are neither stupid nor crazy, and that they do not have to continue being controlled and hurt. The authors posit that women with controlling partners do not wish to be in their situations, but are too afraid to leave, both because of possible retaliation, but also because they feel pressure to fix the relationship and the responsibility to fix their partner. Fascinating, informative, and empowering. If you ever wondered why someone just can’t seem to leave a relationship, or if you are the one who just can’t seem to get out, this book will not only tell you why but help you to assist others and help yourself.

[Elizabeth Gibbs · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was hard to read - depressing and heavy, but I made it through because I wanted to know more about the situations women face with controlling partners, and the suggestions to help those women. I have a deeper understanding and more empathy now. Even though it was difficult, I'm glad I read it.

[Dianne Ashworth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tricked into a relationship with a psychopath, I fell in love with the act and six months later I started learning about the real man. "Your probation's over." Being very sheltered as to how healthy relationships work, I believed that our relationship was "normal" even though it felt wrong to me. He said it was normal and he said he loved me so who would lie about that to someone you love? I thought it felt wrong because I never wanted to marry and living with someone is supposed to end up in marriage. I was still in love and thought if I worked hard enough I could make this thing work.
23 years of hell before this book showed me that I was right in feeling so wrong, feeling so angry. I was told that I wouldn't live without my ex who said this as he was cleaning his guns and pointed an empty revolver at my head. Sneaky words and actions. He made me wonder if he'd just threatened my life. Scared for my life and of those I loved, I would never have left but this book showed me safe ways. It literally saved my life.
I spent the next 20 years moving, staying off the grid as much as I could, distancing myself from friends and family to protect their lives convinced that if he knew he was dying he'd come for me or my loved ones. An entire life wasted because a man wanted something.
Read this book as a cautionary tale. Know what to look for. Don't become me.

[Kim McCool · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good!

[Bonnie Zackson Koury · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read !!!!!!!!