When Life and Beliefs Collide

by Carolyn Custis James

In Praise of When Life and Beliefs Collide. Sooner or later, life’s difficulties bring every Christian woman to God’s doorstep with questions too personal to ignore. “Why does God let me go through such painful circumstances?” “Why does he seem indifferent to my prayers?” We’re tired of spiritual pie in the sky. We want authentic, God-as-he-really-is faith—the kind that holds us together when our world is falling apart and equips us to offer strength and hope to others. When Life and Beliefs Collide raises a long-overdue call for us to think seriously about what we believe about God. With passion, brilliance, and eloquence, Carolyn Custis James weaves stories of contemporary women with episodes from the life of Mary of Bethany to illustrate the practical benefits of knowing God deeply. Examining the misperceptions and abuses that discourage women from pursuing a deeper understanding of God, this insightful book demonstrates how practical and down to earth knowing God can be. “This outstanding book offers the best demonstration that everyone needs theology, the best expository account of Mary and Martha, and the best trajectory for women’s ministry in modern North America that I have yet read.” —James I. Packer “Thoughtful, scholarly, and motivating . . . should inspire and encourage women for years to come.” —Joni Eareckson Tada “You will not think the same way, nor hopefully be the same, after reading this thought-provoking book.” —Vonette Zachary Bright “. . . affirms women in their calling, chosen-ness, and gifting, and makes us know we are cherished and planned for.” —Jill Briscoe

Genres: Theology, Christian, Nonfiction, Christian Living, Faith, Womens, Religion

268 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2001

About the author

Carolyn Custis James (M.A. in Biblical Studies) is an evangelical thinker who loves God enough to break the rules--rules of cultural convention which attempt to domesticate the gospel message of the Bible.

Carolyn is president of WhitbyForum, a ministry dedicated to addressing the deeper needs which confront both women and men as they endeavor to extend God's kingdom together in a messy and complicated world. She is the founder of the Synergy Women's Network--an exciting new ministry for women in ministry leadership. www.synergytoday.org

Her books have been described as "provocative", "honest", and "deeply moving".

Reviews

[Jennifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

It seems like Carolyn Custis James has an ax to grind and she hammers her main points of the book over and over and over: women can and are good theologians and women should be more active in church leadership. While there are some highly beneficial parts - new perspectives on Mary and Martha, discussion and illustration of the importance of theology in everyday life - this book is weighed down with repetition, verbosity, and a bit of angst from the author, and was ultimately lackluster. I was especially disappointed with the last two chapters where she examines the role of women in the church and completely ignores key passages on this topic and says things that almost seem in opposition to these passages. I think a complete discussion of the woman's role in church should include the whole picture, not just the parts that fit with the author's points.

[Samantha Barnes · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s been ten years since I first read this book (though I have read it one or two more times between then and now), and I think I had forgotten how much of an influence this book has had on my spiritual growth and my understanding of the importance of knowing God as you walk through crises.

While some aspects of this book may seem dated — there are more women writing and speaking about theology now than when James wrote this book in 2001 — the exploration of Mary and Martha, and the understanding of the importance of our theology, has not changed.

[Ben Cumerford · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really powerful and persuasive call to arms for all Christians (the book is directed at women, but there's plenty for men to gain from this as well) to know God better, because it's only when we know God that we'll be best prepared to face the difficulties that life throws at us. Ultimately, we all have some understanding of who God is and who we are (i.e. we all have theology), and it's important for everyone to get it right, because when we truly know God we will find him a true refuge in times of distress, but if we don't know him, we'll struggle. And everybody has difficulties sometime, so everyone has to get their theology right for themselves, it's not something we can outsources to others - it doesn't matter if my pastor has good theology if I'm not sure that God is good when I'm struggling myself. The book draws heavily on the characters of Mary and Martha and clearly shows that there is so such thing as 'thinkers' and 'doers' in the church, as we are all called to be both and the more we understand about who God is and who we, and then act out of that knowledge, the more of a blessing we are to each other, to our churches and to our communities. There are no passengers in a church, and after reading this book, you can't help but feel that. I challenge anyone to read this book and not be encouraged to want to grow in their understanding of God.


I like the personal stories she used and the character studies of Mary and Martha (though at times I wonder if the author was reading a little too much between the lines) as it made it real. I had a few struggles with chapter 8 trying to understand exactly how Mary did what the book said she did and exactly what the author meant by 'pastoral' ministry, but aside from those 2 critiques, I would strongly encourage every woman to read this book and men will get a lot out of it too if they can get past the fact that it's directed at women.

[Liz Baker · Rating 5 out of 5]

This might be one of the best books I've ever read. It is for sure the best book I've ever read written by a Christian woman for women. It's a call to dive into knowing God--for ourselves, for our families, for our friends, and for our churches. At some point in life, we will face adversity, be crushed by grief, or find ourselves living a life different than what we expected. In those times, our theology, what we *know* to be true about God, will matter more than anything else. This book is good for women in all stages and life circumstances. I highly recommend it.

[Heidi · Rating 2 out of 5]

While this book has some good points in it, its premise, “can/should women read theology” grated on me throughout. It’s particularly disturbing that this book, published in 2001, is still recommended as a resource for shaping women’s ministries. I found the author’s views of women quite outdated, clinging to feminine stereotypes, and predominantly shaped by and addressed to marriage. Don’t recommend this one.

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Only read some of this for a course but was definitely very interesting and worth investing some time in.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

I first read this book lying in bed wondering what in the world was going on in my life. I had just lost my job, moved in with people I barley knew and was losing my health and the ability to do much of anything. I appreciated that book so much at that time and I still appreciate it. I rarely read a book twice but I recommended this one for my book club, so I recently reread it. The first time it was such a comfort to me in a terrible time that God indeed loved me and had something for me. He cares about his daughters. That message still came through in my second read.

James's thesis is that women need to do theology. I love that her definition of theology is "knowing God". This book is hugely affirming in a sub culture (conservative evangelicalism) where theology is often thought of a man's pursuit. It was so freeing to think that I can study God's word with abandon and not worry about appearing unfeminine. Her explanation of the Hebrew word "ezer" for woman in the Garden of Eden is wonderful exegesis. She explains how the term is used most often in the context of battle. God knew that man would would need woman to help him in the conflict that was unfolding on earth (there was already a snake in perfect Eden). It is so refreshing to think of men and women fighting together for the things of God not fighting against each other, or against God.

[Becky · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book changed my life. It is thoughtful, profound, real, and immensely challenging. It questions the notion of what it is to be a "theologian" and points out that we all do theology every day, whether we acknowledge it or not. James's personal story has striking similarities to my own. Her husband almost completed a PhD at Westminster and then decided to go to Oxford to do a 2nd one. What she came to see is that God brought her young family to the UK not primarily so her husband could do a PhD but because He had amazing plans for each one of them. I read this book when we first moved to Aberdeen and it profoundly shaped my experience there.

[Ingrid · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good stuff here.

Carolyn Custis James writes a beautiful argument for why theology is important for women. She clearly lays out the dangers of ignoring this aspect of your faith or allowing others to do your thinking for you. Using the stories of Mary of Bethany, she makes a compelling argument for why we need to be well-versed in our theology for our lives, for our families, and for the overall good of the Church.

Star taken off for being super repetitive. The book could have been shorter. At least what was being repeated was great material!

[Angelique Tembo · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a really good book. It was very up to date, easy to follow, easy to understand and allowed you to really think and examine self

[Lisa Miller · Rating 4 out of 5]

James presents some well-reasoned and scripturally supported arguments for why women not only need to be theologians but already are, whether they want to be or not. What we as Christians believe and know about God and Jesus can have huge impacts on our lives and the lives of those around us.

I’m glad she didn’t lead off with Mary and Martha simply because I tend to stop listening. She brought a different perspective to these two women.

My only criticism, and it’s a minute one, is that I hope women don’t read this book and feel pressured to be the ezer (helper) to everyone, to be the best at everything- especially theology. It’s okay to draw near to God and still be a little toe in the body of Christ.

[Everardo Curiel · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Algunos de los libros que he recomendado contienen puntos de vista con los cuales yo personalmente discrepo. Pero en su mayoría, los puntos fuertes son más que los débiles, tanto que me siento cómoda recomendándolos".

Esas son las palabras que usa Carolyn Custis James al final de su libro, en una sección en la que enlista (y recomienda) varios títulos de otros autores. Son las mismas que yo usaría para referirme al suyo. Aunque no estoy de acuerdo con todo lo que plantea, me sentiría cómodo recomendándolo, pues hay temas que aborda de una manera extraordinaria.

En Cuando la vida y las creencias chocan, Custis analiza al personaje histórico y bíblico, María de Betania, y su relación de discípula de Cristo. La autora concluye (y este es el tema central del libro) que la teología también es importante para las mujeres. No mencionaré los puntos en los que discrepo, pues, aunque son pocos, tendría que extenderme demasiado para evitar malinterpretaciones. Es mejor que cada lector haga un análisis concienzudo y responsable; confío en que sabrá tomar lo bueno y desechar lo otro.

¡Ah...! Este se presenta como un libro para mujeres. No estoy de acuerdo 😜. Casi todo lo expuesto en sus páginas (si no es que todo), es útil y provechoso para el público lector femenino y masculino.

[Clare Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

i needed this book. reading took me on a beautiful (tear filled) journey of what it looks like to know God when life is unexpected & when i am questioning all i thought i knew about God. we need theology that can stand firm no matter what life throws at us. if you’ve ever asked “why” when life collided with what you thought to be true, this book is for you. our theology shapes our day to day & will determine if we sink or swim when hard things happen. for the sake of your family, your friends, your church, yourself, & everyone you interact with who will be influenced by your theology, please read this book.

[Shawna · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a good reminder of how important it is that women’s voices are heard in theological discussions. Not just for ourselves, but because women complete the story of God’s work in creation.

It is also a good reminder of why it’s important for everyone to continue to ask the following questions, as it relates to Scripture, theological writings, even sermons and bible classes:
1. What does this tell me about God?
2. What does this tell me about myself?
3. What difference does this make in knowing this?

[Maria · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent book for women on the importance of theology and how our knowledge of it greatly impacts how we handle the many challenges in life. It is written in an easy to follow format. The author uses the examples of Mary and Martha as women of theology which I loved.
One of my favorite quotes is: “The moment the question “Why?” crosses our lips, we are doing theology...sooner or later, one way or another, theology finds us.”
I highly recommend It.

[Cyndie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a wonderful book that explores practical theology and its importance for women. The author uses many illustrations from the Bible and her life. At times the examples can be a bit exhaustive and personally I haven’t been in situations like she experienced where women were discouraged from learning theology so it made it difficult to relate for me.

[Isaac Goodspeed Overton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow, what a book! This one was recommended to me as a resource for learning and for discussing the empowerment of women in the Church within various traditions. I cannot recommend this enough if you are someone who either is a woman, or who knows a woman. This is a wonderful telling of a simple truth, everyone needs theology. Highly recommend.

[Mikayla · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book. Really makes you rethink women's responsibility for learning theology and supporting the husband's theology. Was inspirational to listen to.

[Nicole Wilson · Rating 4 out of 5]

James early work shows how she is starting to deconstruct complimentarian ideals while arguing for the value of women to understand theology. She uses Mary of Bethany as her primary example

[Elisabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book on women (and all people) needing to learn theology. Helpful in some ways, lengthy and confusing in others. However, I do recommend it and will likely read it again. The final chapters were most helpful, especially in terms of the relationship of husband and wife from a view that we are equal soldiers of Christ.

[Linda Santavicca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Any book by Carolyn Custis James is a must-read. This book underscores the need for women to be not just godly women who serve but theologians who encourage others in their faith.

[Erin M · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have always been encouraged that Jesus Christ is the greatest liberator of women, and this book has deepened my gratitude and awe. The author surmises that Mary of Bethany was the first great theologian of the New Testament. She broadens the limited definition of theology from merely the study of God to truly knowing God in an intimate relationship (John 17:3). This book is an important addition to my understanding of the critical need for theology: first listening intently and struggling to understand God's character while sitting with Mary at Jesus' feet, next falling in the trenches with Mary where the collision of life and theology creates real theologians, and lastly considering how Mary's knowledge of God affects her ministries with others.

A few meaningful passages:

"True Christian theology does not stand aloof from life but fearlessly gets its hands dirty in our everyday lives."

"The mistaken assumption that God uses the same plan for all women - to marry, conceive children, raise a family, and move on to grandmothering - is painful for women who fail to fit the profile at any given point. In the meantime, there is an unspoken consensus among Christians that what a single woman does with her life is an interim or makeshift plan - a way to mark time until she marries and the real plan begins. Such notions can to lead to rather half-hearted living...God's sovereignty puts women back on the map of life. It reminds us that God has a unique plan for each woman. We are called not to sit on the sidelines, but to be players, active contributors, to run the race he has marked out for us. If God is sovereign, then every day of our lives has meaning and purpose because God has planned it. We are not left in the wake of God's plan for someone else. No matter how intertwined our lives become with the lives of husbands, friends, and family members, God's plan for us is individual and personal."

"No, Jesus wanted Mary to learn because he knew how desperately she and other women would need it - not just for the terrible shock of first grief but for the long road ahead. When the bottom dropped out of her life and she was in free fall, what she knew of Jesus would be all she had to hold her up. Knowing him wouldn't spare her from pain and suffering, or even from disappointment, confusion, and grief. But it would give her hope in the darkest moments and a pervasive sense of purpose in the most confusing times."

"The problem of life cannot be remedied by a pill, even if we wish it were so. Life has a way of crashing down on us without warning. Whether we like it or not, sooner or later all of us end up in the war zone, where life ceases to be tidy and the pain threshold goes off the charts. Women are not spared this kind of active combat, which makes it all the more urgent for us to think through our theology so our views of God will sustain us when the battle begins to rage. Otherwise we will sink in despair instead of standing firm and fighting with courage, determination, and confidence in God."

"The greatest asset a woman brings to her marriage is not her beauty, her charm, her feminine wiles, or even her ability or bear a child. It is her theology. Every wife is her husband's partner, pastor, spiritual counselor, motivational speaker, and his fellow soldier in the war zone. With her eyes fixed on Jesus, she is less inclined to make her husband, herself, or her children the center of the universe. With head and heart filled with the knowledge of God, she will find strength to enter the fray and wrestle with all of life's problems alongside her husband. As she lives in the light of God's sovereign goodness, she will radiate hope and courage to him in the darkest hours. With her feet firmly planted on God's holy character, she will find boldness to stand up to her man when his disobedience is tarnishing God's glory. And her husband will only be the better for it."

[Jo · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book aims to convince women that theology is essential, both to their personal lives, and to their role in the church.

It was hard to quiet all my presuppositions in reading this one, as the roles of women can be a pretty loaded issue. I certainly have a slight tendency to allow the “pendulum” effect to take place in my thinking—swinging my opinion too far in the other direction in overreaction to what I feel is an incorrect viewpoint. I tried not to let that happen when reading this book, but part of me just wanted to say “Yes!” and agree with everything the author said. Here’s a more realistic reaction though: I didn’t agree with all of the author’s claims (and there are some that I would like to look into further), but the book was a catalyst to my thinking, and I think it would be a refreshing challenge to many Christian women.

The main points I took away were as follows:

1. All women have some sort of theology (defined as their view of God). It can be good, bad, or otherwise, but everyone has it.
2. Life is going to force us to use theology. When bad things happen, our theology is going to kick in. Whether our theology is good, bad, or otherwise is going to make a huge difference in how we confront these circumstances.
3. Our theology will inevitably affect those around us. As wives, friends, daughters, we are often the “soldier nearest” when crises strike. Our theology “oozes out” and determines how we will respond to these people.
4. We have a responsibility to the church. When women “check out” on the subject of theology, they are doing a disservice to the body of Christ, because half of the body is not functioning properly.

Of course, James was swimming some dicey waters with some parts of this topic, as there is a lot of disagreement about what kinds of roles women should be allowed to take in the church. She chose to sidestep this issue for the most part, and I think that was actually for the best. Her message in regard to the church was that women have a responsible to minister to the whole body with their theology, not just other women. If we’re willing to take the time to interact with other individuals in the church, the possibilities for this type of ministry are endless.

One of the most powerful sections of the book for me was when James lists numerous examples from Paul’s letters to the churches in which he names women as fellow-laborers in the cause of the gospel. She follows up with an example of sitting beside a scientist on a plane, and discovering that she was the “latest link in a chain of other Christians who had engaged this intelligent man as he searched for meaning in his life and investigated the claims of Christianity.” The punch is her question that follows:

“No one in the church would question me for joining the efforts of other Christians I didn’t even know in fighting for this man’s soul. Yet if this same man walked into church on any given Sunday, would I feel the same sense of responsibility (and would anyone encourage me) to promote his spiritual well-being? Or would I shrug off such thoughts with impunity because I am a woman or because I didn’t think my particular gifts were suited for such a need?”

Convicting question for me.

There were some parts of the book that dealt with the Mary/Martha stories in the Bible. They were interesting enough, but personally I thought the first and last parts of the book packed the real punch. I would encourage everyone to at least read Chapter 10, “Body Building in the Church.”

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

EXCEPTIONAL! The BEST book I've read in a very long time. Carolyn Custis James is a sound theologian and engaging author. The title - When Life and Beliefs Collide - concisely summarizes the book's content and clearly articulates how good theology is not only relevant, but essential to daily living. In my reading of this quality selection, I was nodding my head, "amening" out loud, and ran dry a collection of highlighters. It is so chock-full of juiciness that I actually forced myself to read it slowly and digest a small section at a time.

The development of the Biblical concept of ezer was carefully negotiated throughout the text. The theological context shed light on the practical outworking of what it means to be a Christian woman (ezer). I was grateful for the attention James paid to the pre-fall Eve as the source of womanhood and her fresh evaluation of the scene at the fall.

A majority of the book reflected on the three Gospel vignettes of Mary of Bethany (Lazarus & Martha's sister). I applaud James' stance that the dichotomy of "thinkers" and "doers/carers" was not delineated by Jesus nor upheld as a standard for us to establish separate camps of femininity. Caring and doing flow from solid theological grounding and thinking correctly will motivate us to care and do for others. They coexist in Scripture, as they should in our lives.

The emphasis that God has gifted us to fully participate in his kingdom work was heartening. God wants us to do more, not less. Arbitrary limits on expressions of gifts and talents not only discourage women, but damage the body of Christ as a whole.

I am thankful for this encouraging, yet challenging, work clearly imploring women to know God intimately. I highly recommend it to you!

[Julie Biles · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dr. J.I. Packer recommends this book, "...a must-read for Christian women and a you'd-better-read for Christian men."
I read a review that said that Carolyn Custis James's views as detailed in this work are contrary to the complementarian position. After a careful read of this book, that was not my take-away. Although I understand over time, James views have morphed into an egalitarian position.
Her thesis is that we must ALL pursue to be good theologians. To know Christ is our highest calling. "It's time we rolled up our sleeves and took our responsibilities seriously. The price for turning our backs is higher than any of us can afford." She explains that because life is hard, we all must know well the One who anchors our souls when the tempest come and they will for all of us, we must be prepared.
The biblical portraits she paints of Mary and Martha of Bethany are stunning! We all, men AND women, are called to think AND serve. The two verbs cannot be separated. As we serve we are demonstrating, living out, that which we have thought about deeply and come to believe. We live our theology.
James explains that during certain phases of a woman's life, her family may be her only ministry. This is hard work, I argue quite possibly the hardest work! To serve her family well, a woman must be a solid theologian. When crises happen, she must have that prepared "bank" of truth on which she can depend. In the moment of crisis, there is no time to start searching and figuring out what she believes, she needs to be biblically prepared.
Thank you Carolyn Custis James for this inspiring, encouraging book.

[Debby · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is well written, very well researched and also easy to read. It's a book on the subject of women and their theology, but it is definitely NOT a stuffy read.
The book is written from the perspective of the 3 different meetings Mary and Martha have with Jesus - Mary at the feet of Jesus while Martha is busy in the kitchen; Mary and Martha after the death of their brother Lazarus; and Mary and Martha at the home of Lazarus after he has been raised rom the dead. The author's insight into how Jesus relates to both these women in the details of their lives is very challenging and very moving.
Through reading this book I learned that my understanding, my belief, my trust of who God is and my relationship with Him through Jesus Christ matters in how I look at and face the issues of life. To be honest, the title of the book is what captured my attention, as so often "life" and my beliefs about God always seemed to be colliding. When confronted with life in this world, it's joys, sorrows, struggles, conflicts and suffering that we all experience, I found my beliefs about God being challenged and needing to be confronted or clarified for their accuracy. Is my theoloy valid according to Scripture or am I really just trying to get God to work my agenda so my life will be comfortable and work better for me. Not an easy thing to face, but definitely a prefitable thing to do.
This bood was very challenging and immensely helpful to me. I very highlyrecommend this book!

[Callie · Rating 3 out of 5]

"If God is sovereign, then Plan B is a myth. no matter how dark things look to us, or how big the mess we're in, we're in plan A. God's plan for us is intact, proceeding exactly as he intended....not our sins, failures, bad decisions, nor the sins of others, can deter a sovereign God from accomplishing his purposes. God does not wait for perfect conditions to advance his purpose. Our obedience is always flawed, our best efforts are never enough."

Things that keep women away from Theology:
1. belief that theology is for men (not in a woman's domain, may step on her husband's toes, "too deep", idea that deep knowledge conflicts w/submission, diminishes headship)

on submission: a call to ALL believers, not passive. Carries a heavy responsibility to know, approve, and pursue what is pleasing to God; passivity renders us incapable of distinguishing when to move forward and when to resist "We must obey God rather than men!" Acts 5:29

2. bad for the soul
it's just thinking w/no action
3. it's for professionals
restricting theology to church leadership also permits the church to turn a blind eye when women get stuck on a milk diet, never advancing to solid foods. There's a fear that women who get serious about theology will become resless and start an insurrection at home and in the church.

[Dorothy Greco · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of Carolyn Custis James's seminary professors made a clueless statement, "You know, there have never been any great women theologians." After reading this book, I can say with great confidence, Carolyn Custis James is and will be counted as one of the best theologians of all time, regardless of her gender. Her thorough exegesis coupled by her understanding of women—historical and current—makes for an inspiring, thoughtful read. Rather than elevating theologians to some lofty and inaccessible station, she writes, "Theology is a relationship—our relationship with God."

Few of us have easy lives. Few of us are spared pain. In order for us to not only survive but thrive, we must understand who God is and how our relationship with him is meant to impact us. James writes, "Jesus taught women theology because he knew they needed it." And no surprise, we still do.

As I read each of James's book, I am convinced that this woman is inspired by God and not only a gifted teacher but a prophet. When Life and Beliefs Collide will encourage, teach, strengthen, and convince you that as you seek answers to difficult questions, you too are a theologian.

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an absolutely wonderful book. I think that all women (and men!) should be required to read it. I had already come to many of the same ideas and conclusions as the author before reading the book, but she manages to say things in such a clear, coherent way that I truly enjoyed and benefited from reading the book. I bought copies for many of my female relatives. They all thought it was very thought-provoking (in a very good way), thanked me for sending it to them, and are now passing their copies on to their women friends. Don't miss out on this great book.

[Angie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book helped me to reorient my view of life and purpose in living into alignment with God's view. I would make this required reading for all women age 18 and older, but alas, we won't receive the truth until we are ready for it. It sat on my shelf for 3 years before I read it through. When I did, I was so glad. I think I have read it more than 2 times. I have added colored tabs so I can quickly refer to favorite parts. I actually met the author at a conference for which she was the speaker. FABULOUS!!! Love all her stuff!