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201 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1994
I try to leave Lola for a man who loves me, who will support me, whose children I will have. A farmhouse in Vermont. My own studio. A simple life. "Maybe there could be a sheep or a goat!" I cry, overexcited. But I can't go. I'm afraid. There are fascists there.Early on in my GR career, I fell in with some rarefied myopic types who considered specific breeds of dense and esoteric lit largely stemming from dense and esoteric imprints to be the stuff worthy of notice in the 21st c. Such left me with skewed appetites and a morose outlook on contemporary lit, and when enough became enough, I was left with Carole Maso and a few others whom I was genuinely fond of, despite the best efforts of Bloom academics and their ilk. This is my third by her, and returning after many years and genders was not an experiment I was all too confident in seeing succeed. However, this work oddly mirrors this community I have spent nearly four years in for the sake of making a living, albeit what is ostentatious here Maso smooths into elegance, what is nonsensical is contextualized into the scars of survival, and what muted queer community there is is lifted up into blooming center stage glory. Such is why I found myself deeply enjoying what would otherwise fall all too close to home, which is the most one can ask of good writing at times.
She walks through the agony of the afternoon to him.To equivocate one final time, the ending to this is misogynistically predictable, and I'll blame no one for giving this a miss for that and other reasons. Still, it is rather uncanny, finding this at a local library that is not exactly brimming with the older experimental pieces. I do have to wonder what foundered aspirations and unspoken lusts led to the acquisition of a Dalkey Archive edition of all things, especially when speaking as someone similarly in charge of collection development who sometimes makes excuses in order to slyly fit something a tad more personal into the supply meant for the public. It's a history I will never know to completion, but it is comforting to think that whoever first chose this work will be pleased by my checking it out, as that is the most surefire way to spare a work from being weeded. All in all, a surprising level of indulgence supreme, which in the case of an author once peer pressured onto me turns the act of reading into reclamation, which is quite all right with me.
She imagines two women who have lived together for forty years. Their eyes haze over and they stare somewhat blankly when the other speaks, not because they are bored, but because they love each other too much. And one must begin to say good-bye, sometime.
One does whatever one must. One walks through fire if necessary, through light. Attracted to it like moths. One swims in treacherous waters like poor trout, brochette. Attracted to it like salmon to their deaths.The book opens with the narrator sitting in a bar in Vence, France watching other couple kissing – “everyone here is kissing everyone” – an activity from which she withholds herself – “I’m not kissing anyone; I’m waiting for her” – as she thinks of her distant lover – still in America, in New York – who will travel shortly to join her. The opening chapters are awash in the anticipation of reunion, until the narrator is informed that Lola, the one waited for, has met another, and will not be coming.
[...]
There is so much longing in me.
Often these days she finds she refers to herself in the third person as if she were someone else. Watching from afar. Inventing someone to be - like everyone.As the story progress the presence of the I begins to recede, and the She the narrator held at a distance - or possibly the fictive notebook version of the narrator – comes to prominence, with entire chapters narrated in the third person, with singular glimpses of the “I” reaching the surface of the narrative.
I bruise easily. I go under.Through all of this there is a supple eroticism and poetry contained with the prose – the language is, at times, highly charged and sexual.
I suck the dark fruit of our oblivion. Something opens that cannot be closed. And I am swollen with it, and I am soaked in it. "You are delicious," I say.But the danger of oblivion, of the I becoming completely sublimated into the She threatens throughout the book, and at times the reader will be overcome by anxiety at the long third person narrative stretches, wondering if the I will ever surface again. The narrator herself recognizes this potential for loss – she seems to long for the obliteration of self at times – and acknowledges this in the text.
"Et toi!" We are floating. I cannot say what ripens in me.
She feels beauty and then the absence of beauty. She feels the absence of all things. She does not cry. She just stands there and feels herself being stripped of everything. She feels all things being taken away.This book was a pleasure to read – once begun I only wanted to stay up late to finish it (I’m old, so I could not) – the writing is precise, the juggling act of the I and She narration is perfectly executed, and the writer’s descent into madness is heartbreaking. An excellent work.