The Brides of March: Memoir of a Same-Sex Marriage

by Beren deMotier

The bride was covered in cracker crumbs, but didn't care.The Brides of March drove mini-vans, paid taxes, bought braces, and joined the PTA,never expecting the phone call in March, 2004, that would send them leaping throughthe suddenly opened window of same-sex marriage, with their kids along for the raucousride.The Brides of March is a bride's eye view of same-sex marriage at a moment's notice, witha bevy of brides, their coterie of children, donuts, newspaper reporters, screamingprotesters, mothers of the brides who never thought they'd see the day, white weddingcake, and a houseful of happy heterosexuals toasting the marriage.But that was only the beginning as these private declarations of love became publicfodder, fueling social commentary, letters to the editor, and the fires of political debate,when all the brides wanted was the opportunity to say "I do" in this candid, poignant,and frequently funny tale of lesbian moms getting to the church on time in MultnomahCounty."DeMotier opens your eyes to the heart and soul of this generation's civil rights battle."- Diane M. Linn, former Multnomah County Chair" a beautifully-written, quirky look at the pros and cons of same-sex marriage from theinside out, smart without being preachy, funny without being bitter, emotional withoutbeing maudlin."-Anne Mini, Ph.D.

Genres: Memoir, Marriage, Nonfiction

164 pages, Paperback

First published April 19, 2007

Reviews

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I followed the news avidly four years ago when Multnomah County announced that they would begin offering marriage licenses for same-sex couples. I felt proud that I lived in a community that was making such a strong statement about equal rights.

This slim narrative tells the experience of one family’s personal travels through the same-sex marriage rollercoaster. DeMotier and her partner shared a house, three kids, and 17 years of commitment when the announcement came that they could be legally married. They were among the first of the 3000 couples who rushed to the Multnomah County Courthouse for licenses that month. Surrounded by their children, friends, and their friends’ children in one raucous group they joyously claimed their license and that same afternoon married and witnessed their friends’ marriages.

They were thrilled by the outpouring of support from their community as friends, family, neighbors, acquaintances, and even strangers shared in their happiness. Their excitement and feeling of validation is all the more heartbreaking in the circumstances that followed. Multnomah County eventually rescinded the licenses, declaring all same-sex marriages void at the time of issue, even returning the checks for the license fees. Along with many states, the Oregon State Legislature also later enacted legislature declaring marriage “between one man and one woman.” The Oregon domestic partnership bill that eventually passed in 2007/08 doesn’t make up for the fact that gays are still treated as second-class citizens by our government. But at least it’s a step in a more equal direction, with hopefully more to come.

[Sarah]

An intimate and interesting look at what the brief window of same-sex marriage in Oregon meant to one couple. While the beginning is a bit slow and bogged down in detail (I wanted more about who they were and what it felt like and less on the logistics of who went where), the book quickly picks up pace once they get married and end up wondering what that means to them and their family. The final chapters, mired in rage at having their marriage forcibly annulled, are the best of whole book and make sticking with the muddled beginning worthwhile.

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

I absolutely loved reading this book. While it was by no means perfect, and certainly not cheerful, it highlighted many of my personal experiences of being a married lesbian. I don't often reflect much on the experience, my marriage being the same as every other marriage I encounter in terms of content. This book helped to voice some of my own underlying struggles with the experience, particularly the notion of living out "separate but equal" status. I'd recommend it to anyone who is curious about what a same sex marriage looks like from the inside.

[Mary Whisner · Rating 4 out of 5]

This brief memoir is about the brief period when the county council in Multnomah County, OR, decided it was a violation not to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, despite a state law to the contrary. The author and her partner married, joined by several other couples and their kids.

This memoir gives a peek at the lives of one family -- two moms and three kids -- affected by the national marriage debate. Often comic, it also conveys the pain and disappointment when the voters of Oregon voted against same-sex marriage and then the state supreme court voided their marriage.

[Jacki Kane · Rating 4 out of 5]

My friend wrote this book. It's inspirational and heart-wrenching at the same time. It's so hard to believe that same-sex people can't get married. What's even more sad is the hate mentality that circles them like vultures. The government granted them the right to marry, then literally refunded their money. It's an outrage. My friend and her partner have been together for two decades and are raising a family together. Meanwhile, my marriage is perfectly safe.

[Brigid · Rating 4 out of 5]

This came highly recommended and it didn't disappoint. I don't know if this would change the minds of anyone who doesn't support marriage equality, but it does provide insight into the day to day lives of one particular couple and what marriage (and their wedding) meant to them.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Explains all the feelings I have about our marriage. The love I feel for my wife and the fear that our marriage could be taken away.

[Mary · Rating 2 out of 5]

Nice story. Not very well written. Many of the pitfalls of self-published books. Needed better organization and a fact checker.

[Julie Jones · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nice read but not extraordinary.