‘Good morning. We’re doomed. Would you like a cup of tea?’
On the far side of a break in the fabric of space is the planet Zamper, home of a secretive organization that constructs and sells the mightiest warships in the galaxy. It is to Zamper that the last warriors of the fallen Chelonian Empire have come in a final attempt to restore their race’s glory.
Separated from the TARDIS, the Doctor and his companions are intrigued by the bizarre operations on Zamper. Why are accidents and power failures afflicting the planet? What is the true agenda of the mysterious Management? And what are the strange powers of the alien shipbuilders?
Gareth Roberts has written TV scripts for various soap operas (including Brookeside, Springhill, and Emmerdale), Randall & Hopkirk (deceased), the revival of Doctor Who, the Sarah Jane Adventures, and Wizards vs Aliens.
Also for the Doctor Who universe, he has written the interactive adventure Attack of the Graske, the mobile phone TARDISODEs accompanying the 2006 series, several Big Finish audios, and multiple novels, as well as contributed to Doctor Who Magazine.
A most excellent read. Intriguing storyline and some great guest characters, even the nasty ones.
I especially loved the zoologist, (Doctor or Professor, not sure) Smith. Awesome character who reminds me a little of one of my own creations. She complements the Doctor perfectly and I can't help thinking the Smith name was used as a nod to the Doctor's alias of John Smith. We never do find out her first name though.
Some brilliant comedy too, including a hilarious scene whereby one of the Doctor's companions ends up sharing a bed with a giant tortoise after going into the wrong hotel room by mistake.
My least favourite of Gareth Roberts' "Doctor Who" novels...which means it's still extremely readable, but his heart doesn't seem to be into this book as much as his other efforts. There's a feeling of just going through the motions. But servicable Roberts remains enjoyable Roberts, despite not reaching the lofty heights of "Highest Science" or "Romance of Crime".
You know, I've spent ages thinking I was too kind to Tragedy Day, and while I still think that's true, I've come to the conclusion that the reason I was is because at least in that one I didn't have to deal with the Chelonians, who are basically the Ice Warriors but boring and with more transphobia/intersexism sprinkled in. That being said, they are used slightly better here than in The Highest Science, if only because there's no 'hur dur he's acting irrational because he's on his period' joke around. Unfortunately that doesn't change the fact that this was legitimately a slog to get through. I realised very quickly that I just didn't care, . Here's to the next VNA being better!
This is a very disappointing book. The chelonians continue their move into being boring sontarans, the plot makes little sense as things just happen as they need to, it is very violent and gruesome for little purpose and, in spite of being one of the shorter VNAs, the whole thing really drags on. Worst of all this continues the trend of Chris and Roz being separated from The Doctor and Benny for most of the story, with us just being told of their interactions between stories. As such I feel I understand the crew dynamic less than back in Original Sin.
There are some good points. The little bit of interaction between the regulars is good and it is nice to see the series has moved to the point where it is referencing itself more than the original TV series (even if it gets them wrong most of the time). But overall it is not worth the effort.
A 1987 Doctor Who cast of characters in a 1989 Doctor Who plot about sums up Zamper, Gareth Roberts' last novel for the Virgin New Adventures line. In this novel, he brings back the Ultramilitarized Mutant Space Turtles called the Chelonians (not terribly original given that "chelonian" is Greek for turtle). However, he has moved the story forward quite a bit in their history. The Big Mother, presumed supreme ruler of Chelonia, has been usurped. Little Sister is now in power with a reform policy turning the collapsing Chelonian Empire into a cooperative, prosperous, peace-loving society. What is left of Big Mother's loyalists are now desperate to find a means to take back power. They have landed on a scheme to get a gleaming new powerful battle cruiser from the mysterious shipbuilders of Zamper. This Zamper is a planet set up by a mysterious consortium 472 years earlier, impregnably protected, and absolutely neutral with regards to what side of a war its clients are on. Zamper does two things only - build military space ships better than anyone else and run an intergalactic online gambling business on a "duty free" basis. This latter business seems to be beside the point as far as the main plot goes, and is one of the weaknesses of the novel, which is basically a failure to tightly connect all of its pieces. Only five people actually work on Zamper, all of whom have been more or less kidnapped and forced to work on Zamper for the rest of their lives, forced never to mention anything of their identity before Zamper. This is another weakness, as even with future technology, it seems unlikely that an establishment that big would not require a vast number of workers. Zamper is run by the mysterious Management, a computer avatar that appears only on video screens, but has absolute control over everything that happens there. The Chelonians send two delegates to Zamper to collect their space ship. The problem is that Management is failing, systems are breaking down, and something is going on with the genetically modified slimy critters that the consortium originally set up to be the shipbuilders. Into this explosive mix, The Doctor and crew accidentally arrive, separated from the TARDIS. They quickly become embroiled in the unfolding disaster.
Zamper has many features that hearken to Roberts' favorite era of Doctor Who, the Graham Williams period. The warlike despotic ruler kicked out of his home planet reminds one of Graff Vynda-K from The Ribos Operation. As in Williams-era Doctor Who, the dialogue is of two kinds - the overly serious, which is to be laughed at by the reader, and breezy flippancy in reaction to the overly serious. Another such trait is splitting the Doctor from the companions for half or more of the story.
There are some weaknesses. One is that Roz and Chris do not have much of a role in this story. As in the previous New Adventures novel, the writer seems to want to just push them aside for a while until they might prove useful. I suspect, and it is just a suspicion, that Roberts originally had Ace in mind as Roz and Chris seem to be Ace split into two characters, Roz being soldier-Ace and Chris being romantic-Ace. Also, toward the end, Roberts seems to be in a rush to kill off every character but the TARDIS crew. I don't see a good reason for him to do this. The major weakness in the novel I found was, to me, a botched ending. Roberts writes about the basic setup of the failing Zamper quite well, creating a mystery and a problem. However, he pulls a "surprise" in the last few chapters, an indication that the previous part of the novel was just misdirection. The surprise is just not nearly as interesting as the setup. What seemed to be a theme of "there are no real bad guys here" gets swapped for an "I want to conquer the universe" bad guy. The bad guy is a kind of Cthulhu with an Etonian manner. I found this resolution boring and unimaginative, and I would have much preferred that Roberts had stuck with the logic of his starting points.
The strengths of the novel are quite good. Roberts does very well at giving each character a distinct identity and voice. Characters who appear at first one-dimensional gradually gain depth and aspects. The dialogue moves along quite briskly, and Roberts has a special affinity for Bernice, who seems to me to be fully herself for the first time in a New Adventures novel. I like it that Roberts has gone back to the earlier TV series in giving us a Doctor who just stumbles upon a problem rather than one who has a save-the-universe plan already in place, and just uses everyone as pawns in the plan.
In total, I got more enjoyment than dissatisfaction out of Zamper, but just couldn't take the ending.
Now, he dabbed at Forrester’s brow with a piece of cotton wool dipped in iodine. ‘Superficial injuries. Doesn’t she look sweet when she’s asleep?’ He rattled inside the kit and drew out a probe which he used to examine her eyes for concussion. ‘I’m not ready yet, Doctor,’ said Bernice. He looked blank. ‘For cracking jokes over dead bodies.’ ‘Oh. Sorry.’ He squinted up at the sun, and she noticed that he was wearing a very strange pair of spectacles. ‘A rest called for, I think. Earth? Allen Road?’ ‘Whatever.’ She kicked at one of the rubbery coils with the toe of her boot. ‘Only an hour ago you were very frightening,’ she told it. ‘But in the end, you were all mouth and no knickers, like the rest.’ She started to laugh. ‘What’s the matter?’ ‘I really am beginning to sound like you.’
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TW: Misogyny, (transphobia / intersexism ?) )
Zamper is such an odd book to rate and review.
Overall, it was a decent novel and a step-up from the highest science. However, G*reth R*berts is known for being transphobic and the Chelonians seem to be a favourite species of his to write in regard to intersexism. I don't really much care for the Chelonians, but they were used better here than in the Highest Science. The Highest Science was fuelled by drugs and a Time-loop, and R*berts making male period jokes about them going into hatchling season, which take what you will from that.
Zamper it has toned down. ish?
The writing and the pacing was easy enough to read, making it easy to fly through this novel. I liked the way he wrote Roz/Chris and Benny's friendship here, and even though the three have only been together for a relatively short period of time, they have grown close. Close enough that Benny sometimes seeks out comfort and sleeps in their bed which is cute. And I loved the way he wrote Roz. Roz was super, (I'm not going to count on Sky Pirates since I DNFed it) and I love the writers making her stronger each novel as a character. And she and Chris together. I did like his writing of the Doctor, for the most part.
Let's talk about his side characters.
The humans of Zamper-Don't bother getting attached to them because they all die in the end. Some rather pointless deaths, like he didn't quite know what to do with them after the story was over. I did like how he fleshed them out, but I did not like the way he wrote the Secunda / Christie either from their own perspectives or from other characters' POV'S. Especially from Taal's POV's.
I felt Taal was just a Gary Sue of Roberts essentially.
The two Chelonians on Zamper were your typical older General put with a young, rebellious soldier dynamic. Hezzka was interesting to read about until he died at the end. And I liked his and Benny's friendship and putting aside their prejudice to fight the Management.
Speaking of the Management...
In the beginning, I found they were intriguing. I liked management as a mysterious figurehead, scheming and hiding behind the screen, whilst not being all they say they are.
The ending was rather lackluster to them if I got to be honest. Smith's research was overall pointless, and i wasn't sure why the zamps wanted her there to study them in the first place if they had no use for her eventually.
I think maybe 2/3 stars? It wasn't awful, but not the best and the parts I did like I did actually like. But I'm also keeping in mind of Roberts personal views on transphobia.
The Virgin New Adventures brought about a great many ingenious and bright writers who would one day contribute to the revival, Gareth Roberts unfortunately being one of them. Whilst I do love his 4 and Romana stories a couple of his new series episodes and his contributions to the Sarah Jane Adventures, he's unfortunately a bigoted piece of shit whose hatred towards trans people is downright inhumane. But I decided to read Zamper simply because it was the last of the Virgin New Adventures to be written by him and since I just reached it in my marathon I decided to just get it over and done with.
On the other side of a tear in-between space is the planet Zamper, a lonely isolated world where the inhabitant's - slug-like creatures help to produce space crafts built for war under the gleeful eyes of The Management, an A.I interface designed to keep things in motion. But unfortunately for the humans helping at the facility, it's breaking down and is now showing signs of a hostile capability. The Doctor and the others arrive after a crash landing in a spaceship only to find the mysterious Zamps acting odd and showing signs of a previously unquestioned intelligence. Meanwhile, The Chelonians have arrived hoping to purchase a warship to help them win a war and rebuild their falling empire. But it isn't long until everything dissolves into chaos.
The Highest Science will always technically be Gareth Roberts' best story for the Virgin New Adventures, but Zamper will always be the better written of the two. It's a fun little story with some neat ideas but admittedly very light on plot or interesting themes. It's a story that's begging for a gut punch and an interesting twist but ultimately Roberts decides to take this story down a fairly safe route until its finale.
I do like how Roberts characterized the Tardis team and expanded upon The Chelonians as a species. But other than playing the story too safe, the finale is rushed and the violence that unfolds throughout its last few pages is incredibly forced and meaningless. The ideas are interesting and the villain is a unique threat in its own right but the finale lets this novel down a great deal with its unsatisfying and bloody conclusion. It also leaves open a few threads that honestly feel like Gareth Roberts forgot to tie up and had to quickly remind us at the end that The Doctor will resolve the loose ends another day, which to me felt incredibly lazy.
Overall: I didn't hate this book, but I didn't love it either. It's an enjoyable story with interesting ideas and nice characterization, but it suffers from a lack of a punch and a very unsatisfying and bloody ending. Very mixed feelings on this one. 5/10
A decent read. Whilst not the best written of his novels, probably Roberts' most enjoyable VNA (though all three pale in comparison to his VMAs - masterclasses in writing Who books). The plot was straightforward and didn't drag - It was nice to read a shorter book again! The era of 300+ page books is largely over now, save for a few exceptions, and as the New Adventures begin to rapidly approach their 'twilight era', there's a nice conciseness to the message they seek to portray. I'm not exactly a fan of killing off literally all of the supporting cast, or, indeed, leaving yet another massive unresolved thread with the unhatched eggs (reminiscent of The Highest Science's bleaker ending, a comparison I wouldn't be surprised to find out was deliberate), but I can respect these. If only Smith and Taal had got out alive! Probably a 7or 8 out of 10. Not innovative, but enjoyable. To me, after 4 books of intensity (plot wise, emotion wise, or both) back to back, it was nice to have some respite. The next 2 won't be so easy. Roz and Chris get a fair bit to do, and I enjoyed Roz and the Doctor's dynamic.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
While it’s probably the Roberts NA I like the most it’s still pretty weak all round. The initial setup is interesting enough and it feels like things are actually being threaded along quite nicely... until about halfway through when suddenly everything’s happening all at once and none of it really feels coherent at that point.
Having a fairly small group of characters usually means we get a nice bit of development, but most of the characters feel pretty flat. The few that we do get some insight into feel like they don’t really contribute that much overall either, beyond maybe getting some funny moments that I guess is meant to make the reader feel more when the character inevitably becomes cannon fodder.
But yeah, it would probably have scored lower if the first half wasn’t fairly decent so credit where it’s due.
Another Roberts effort which, like the preceding Tragedy Day, consists of a bunch of little incidents which are each fun enough to read in the moment but don't add up to much satisfying when you take them in aggregate. This one, I think, is even weaker - I kept going trusting that, like The Highest Science, it would all kind of pull together in the end, only to be disappointed when it didn't. Full review: https://fakegeekboy.wordpress.com/202...
This seems to be one of the most hated VNAs, but I found it perfectly middling. It replicates the feel of a filler story in a lesser season of Classic Who well, which seems to be Gareth Roberts' specialty, and is a blisteringly quick read.
An okay read. The story is simple enough, and aside from a few references and the Chelonians, it's a self-contained book which delivers a *mostly* enjoyable McCoy adventure. With content like this, it really is a shame how far Gareth Roberts has fallen in society. It's books like these which are why I have such a soft spot for the VNAs.
In a way, it almost feels like a spiritual re-do of "The Macra Terror", what with a 'human' face on a screen in charge of a colony-esque base which turns out to be giant alien crabs/slugs. However, I love that story too, so that isn't a bad thing at all. In fact, I loved having the Seventh Doctor in that style of story. Although since I made this connection early on, I kind of guessed where the story was going so a lot of the so-called surprises were lost on me.
Regarding the Chelonians, it's funny how we have the same inconsistency here as we did with "The Highest Science"; the cover portrays them as bipedal, yet in the text itself, they are clearly depicted as only ever walking/"motoring" on all fours. Despite all that, General Hezzka was easily my favourite supporting character in this one.
Exactly what I come to the NAs for, but then again Gareth Roberts is always a straightforward, gleefully mordant and self-aware writer. (Even if, truthfully, this is not him at his peak.)
http://nwhyte.livejournal.com/2090310.html[return][return]The militant turtle-like Chelonians are a particularly entertaining creation of Gareth Roberts', here attempting to take over the planet Zamper, a building yard for warships with its own intriguing secrets of who is really in charge, and how. The story actually reminded me quite a lot of The Leisure Hive, and that in a very good way, though the settings are quite different. The Doctor and companions Benny, Chris and Roz get a little crowded out of the plot by the bullying Chelonians, but that's all right - the Tardis crew will be back in the next book.
It's barely scraping a full three stars rating on this site, which is a little harsh in my opinion. Sure, it doesn't want to bend your mind as the ones that came just before this one in the range and it certainly doesn't offer much complexity, but I found it a charming read especially for that reason. There's nothing wrong with a good old traditional story to get a bit of breath before the next NA excercise in space psychedelica comes along.
I really enjoyed this Who story, it's a good space yarn. The Chelonians take a bit of getting used to being effectively Klingons who look like giant turtles.
It had been ages since I read any Doctor Who books and what with the upcoming new series of Bernice Summerfield I decided to go back to the series that introduced her.
Overall, a good story with strong characterization of all the principals, great aliens in both the chelonians and the zampers, and a strong plot with some surprises. The book's only real problem is that it takes a 100 pages to get going.