Belly: How I Made Peace with Food, My Body and Myself

by Emily J. Johnson

In 1985, at the age of thirteen, I began my first diet. I didn't like the girl I saw in the mirror. But what started as a diet quickly turned into an obsession, leading me into a dangerous eating disorder called anorexia nervosa. Without professional treatment, I remained trapped in a toxic relationship with food and my body for over three decades.

By the age of 45, I had developed a new disorder: binge-eating disorder. I kept it buried beneath immense shame and self-loathing for nearly five years ... until therapy changed everything.

This emotionally raw, true story takes you on an inspiring journey to healing and acceptance along with me – a woman once known as Belly.

268 pages, Paperback

Published January 26, 2023

About the author

Having spent fifteen years living in Western Australia, Emily returned to the UK in 2010 and lives on the south coast of England. Her first book Pushing Through The Cracks was one of four finalists for the The Selfies Book Awards of 2022 and nominated for The Wishing Shelf Book Awards 2022.

Her second book BELLY, shares her raw and brutally honest account of struggling with eating disorders and how she’s grown to finally make peace with food, her body and herself.

Following a cancer diagnosis in 2023, Emily returned to writing during her recovery, publishing her third book SUNSHINE, sharing her cancer journey.

Once fully recovered, Emily re-trained as a mindfulness & meditation practitioner and will embark on her teaching practice in 2025, supporting cancer patients along with other members of her community in learning these beneficial practices.

Reviews

[Sonja Charters · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the second of Emily's books that I've read and I absolutely loved them both. Now, loved might not be quite the right word - but the way that Emily writes just really touches my heart.

Dealing with such a sensitive subject is always difficult to both write and read. But I think that coming from someone who has personally suffered these conditions makes this such an inspiring read and means that it's so much more relatable.

Emily tells of her journey and experiences fighting with food, weight issues, diets and hating the skin she's in.
I'm sure that there are many of us who at some point have looked into the mirror and mentally (or verbally even) berated ourselves.

This is such an honest and open account of her own journey and battles and I feel that so many will relate to some part of what is written.

The writing style is so easy that I honestly just feel like I'm sitting with a friend and chatting, which may be why I (again) spent most of the book with tears in my eyes - knowing the suffering she's endured but also knowing that I can relate to most of the things written as I've thought, felt or done them myself.

Having read Pushing Through The Cracks, I know some of the other issues that Emily has had to deal with and I honestly do not know how she's managed to not only cope, but battle and overcome everything she has.

She is truly an inspiration to me and so many others and I think that even if you don't suffer from any weight issues, I'm sure that you will find this book emotional and heartwarming.

[Amanda Felton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not even sure where to start with this book. I do know everyone needs to read this. Emily's story is truly amazing and through so much of the book I was like yep been there or yep I've thought that. I've struggled so much with my body I've been in Emily's shoes throughout so much of life especially currently I've had 2 kids we moved to a new state and I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression so my body isn't the same and I struggle. I avoid mirrors I avoid clothes I avoid it all. So for me this book was a true eye opener really was some of what Emily does with her food in the book I've done without even knowing or realizing. I've always struggled to love me and my body I don't know how to !! I had a friend growing up who would throw up after every meal. It was hard to watch. I told the counselor about it and she stopped being my friend. I wanted to help her. Gosh this book was just so amazing in every way !!! This is a book I will be going back to many times cause you don't realize that trauma can be so many different things it's not just one bad experience it could be something you least expect and it just has been building and building.
This book truly has so many lessons in it and is so well written. I feel everyone needs to read this. I will recommend this book to everyone I know and then some !! Thank you for being valuable and telling your story for the world to read !! I hope Emily has more to come because lIl be waiting patiently for it !!! Please go check out this amazing book!!!

[Daisy Bee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Belly is one of the most relatable and moving memoirs I have read. Searingly honest, it was the story of a woman struggling profoundly with feelings of low self-worth and abandonment. These feelings manifested in disordered eating for 37 years.

As a teen, life felt out of control for Emily and feeling less than, she began severely restricting her food intake, which developed into anorexia.

Recovering from anorexia was a slow process, and food continued to consume her thoughts the majority of the time. Always searching for the magic formula that would see her thin and happy. Not realising this was an impossible goal.

As Emily reached her forties, she found her only momentary comfort was in binge eating, a secretive and shameful habit that only consolidated her feelings of self-loathing.

Always fiercely independent and unwilling to ask for help, she did eventually turn to a therapist friend who unlocked her deepest feelings of abandonment and pain. It was this therapy session that changed things for Emily and finally allowed her to make peace with food and with her body.

It was a privilege to read Emily's story and I certainly related to so much of it. The fear of rejection and abandonment. The unwillingness to seek help. The deep feelings of shame and low self-worth. But Emily gives all of us who struggle, the hope for brighter days.

[Charlotte Mylifeinbooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had the privilege of reading this authors debut book last year where she wrote about the mental health conditions that tore through her family. This time Emily talks about her relationship with food and her recovery from eating disorders.

This wonderfully courageous lady has written another emotionally charged novel, which while written fantastically well hits hard to its readers.

Anorexia and Binge Eating Disorder aren’t conditions that you can truly understand unless you’ve fallen victim to them yourself. It’s accounts such as these that give sufferers the ability to realise they are not alone. That there is hope and that there is help available. That there will be relapses, but those relapses are just that. Relapses. That they don’t define you. For those that haven’t seen the dark days inside an eating disorder, you get a glimmer of the condemnation and the harsh critic that lives inside its sufferers.

This book is so important as I feel Binge Eating Disorder isn’t discussed as much as some other disorders are. It should be, it’s real, and it is a relentless burden to those that suffer from it.

[Staceywh_17 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Emily, I applaud you for your honesty and openness in sharing your journey through food with us; the highs, the lows, the diets and the disorders.

While I've never had an eating disorder there was so much of the book that resonated with me. I too used to be a skinny Minnie, until I hit middle school. It was then that I'd be going to my Grandmother's for a cooked dinner, and pudding, at her insistence and then after school home for a cooked tea. I've done Weight Watchers, Slimming World, Xenical capsules from the GP, my weight fluctuating on a daily basis. I've eaten because I'm depressed with my weight, and then eaten more feeling angry with myself because I'm stressed that I've just overeaten.

I've spoken to Emily several times on a personal level regarding binge eating and I'm definitely going to be looking into the advice she offered.

And a first for me, I made it through a book that mentions food without feeling the urge to snack myself. Baby steps and all that...

Belly is definitely a book I'll be returning to in the future.

Many thanks to the author for my gifted copy in return for my honest review.

Rating ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

[Pauline Knox · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh my word! Did this book ever resonate with me or what? I’m so impressed with Emily and her generosity of spirit in openly sharing such personal experiences with us. And I’m so glad that she has managed to break away from that cycle of self-sabotage and self-destruction. I have had a very unhealthy relationship with food for most of my adult life. Although never diagnosed with an eating disorder, at the age of 54 I have managed to binge eat myself into being a diabetic.
I am sure that this book has the power to help a lot of people. It’s well written, not at all preachy, and not dry and filled with data and figures and written by some medical expert who has no idea how it feels to be trapped in the cycle of ‘I’m down, eat something nice, I shouldn’t have eaten that, what the heck I’ve blown the day now so I might as well eat some more now’…and on it goes over and over again.
This is a fabulous book and a great read for anyone in general, but if you have any issues in your relationship with food, then I think it’s definitely worth reading.
My thanks to the author, the publisher and to LoveBooksTours for gifting me this book. I am leaving this review of my own volition.

[Jacqueline Gunningham · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed Reading Emily’s book “Belly”, this book was fantastic, It bought reality to life, it also really opened my eyes and feelings about myself and how we feel especially as women, it is quite normal to experience different emotions , it is normal to dislike ourselves when we look into the mirror, we are our own worst enemy when it comes to be judgemental about ourselves . But learning to love ourselves as we are is the hardest challenge ever, Thank you Emily for sharing your deep encounters of your life, the highs and the very lows of how food affected you especially in your early years . It’s beautiful to hear that you have found love within yourself again and you have been able to get an understanding of the trials and tribulations of why these challenges happened, it’s very inspiring and it’s great you have found peace with yourself and friendship with food , congratulations on a fabulous book, I loved it .

[Naturalbri (Bri Wignall) · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a person who has struggled with my body and self-image, throughout my life, this book called to me. Whether I have been skinny or larger, poorly or healthy I have always struggled with the me I saw in the mirror, and i unfortunately still do. It is an ongoing battle and this book really rang true to me. I was drawn in by the blurb, as it seemed so honest, and the cover matched exactly what I would expect from this truth of a read.
Upon diving in to the book, I found the tale was just as honest and true as the blurb. It dives deep in to the world of body hate and the constant battle that brings. It looks at the good times and the bad, fully disclosing what someone with this issue goes through. From shame, to hate, to fear and the daily grind of other people and their thoughts, this book really is honest and kept me captivated from start to finish. Whether you have suffered or not, this book is a must a read.

[kirsty · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a refreshing, honest and heartfelt read. The author is so open and honest about all her struggles and journey with food, dieting, eating disorders and everything that this brings.

When I was at school I had a friend who had an eating disorder and it was truly terrifying and heart wrenching to watch and this brought that all back and just made me want to sweep the author up into my arms and hug her.

I have been through a journey myself do I felt like I could relate to the author in that way - I have never had an eating disorder but I was a child/teen who could eat anything and not put weight on until I turned mid 20s and that all changed.

This is definitely a book that I would reccomend everyone reads

[Lisa Edwards · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think many women will relate to Emily’s experiences - especially diet culture, the pressure to be thin and the how calorie-counting can make your life (and others’) a misery. A soul-baring account that will no doubt help many women come to terms with their own body-image issues. Bravo!

[Helen Arnold · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this by accident! Really enjoyed it

[Bella Bailey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fantastic well written book that felt so relatable and strangely comforting. Thankyou Emily!

[Melissa Clarke · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 ⭐️ this memoir is so raw, real and somewhat relatable. Definitely recommend! Gives some reassurance that everyone has similar thoughts and you are not alone!

[Amy B Garratt · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a breathtakingly honest account of a life that has endured disordered eating in many forms, and the toll it can take on someone and their relationships with others.

I was left with many things to think about after reading this book. The way I view my own body, the importance of health (in body but also in mind) is so important and powerful. These vivid stories of Emily’s childhood paint an extraordinary picture of how we can get swept long in our own lives, and wonder if we’re alone in our feelings. The majority of people struggle with something internally, and the traumatic experiences that affected Emily’s opinion of herself so greatly, will resonate with many people.

Overall this is a beautiful memoir, about learning to forgive yourself, accepting the past/present to find the future. I would recommend this book to anyone, particularly to those who are struggling with depression/body image/going through these difficult periods alone.

Many thanks to @emily_j.johnson @lovebookstours for my gifted copy, in exchange for an honest review.

[Liralen · Rating 3 out of 5]

A memoir of food and family and struggling with both. I don't have a ton to say here, but I appreciate that Johnson opted to focus more on binge eating than on anorexia, the latter of which is far more commonly discussed in memoirs. It sounds like when Johnson was a teen, her mother instinctively helped her through that restriction with a finesse that even now, even, with updated research, can be hard to come by—but when she started struggling with bingeing rather than restricting, shame became much more of a factor. There's also a good sense of just how much plays into mental illness; it's not just one thing but a thousand things all bouncing off each other.

What I would have liked to see: Johnston describes her eventual recovery as nearly instantaneous, which is fascinating but surprising to me, and I would have liked more detail there. (Among other things: Is this peer-reviewed? Is it being replicated anywhere? Or was she just fortunate to stumble upon the right unscientific method for herself at the time?) Still, an interesting addition to the genre.