ACE and ARO Journeys: A Guide to Embracing Your Asexual or Aromantic Identity

by The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project

What does it mean to be ace or aro?
How should I approach the challenges that come with being ace or aro?
How can I best support the ace and aro people in my life?
Join the The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project (TAAAP) for a deep dive into the process of discovering and embracing your ace and aro identities. Empower yourself to explore the nuances of your identity, find and develop support networks, explore different kinds of partnership, come out to your communities and find real joy within.
Combining a rigorous exploration of identity and sexuality models with hundreds of candid and poignant testimonials - this companion vouches for your personal truth, wherever you lie on the aspec spectrum. You are not invisible! You are among friends.

Genres: Nonfiction, Queer, LGBT, Asexual, Sexuality, Self Help, Psychology

272 pages, Paperback

Published April 21, 2023

Reviews

[lapetitepritt · Rating 3 out of 5]

As usual with this kind of non fiction, take my rating with a grain of salt, especially since I have realised I do not really enjoy reading non fiction about topics I already know a lot about, and generally I prefer memoirs and non fiction about personal experiences or crime.

Anyways, this is a great book if you are new to the aromantic and asexual spectrum discussion, and especially — I believe — if you are questioning yourself. This book will surely help you feel seen, understood and affirmed, so I would highly recommend it for this.

What I liked the most about this guide were definitely the quotes from people who compiled the survey from The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project, hence my realisation I do prefer “personal” non fiction to general non fiction. I wish there were more of those, but at the same time I believe they were placed perfectly, and it was interesting to read from different perspectives. The ace and aro communities are very much about sharing experiences to understand each other and one self, so it made sense to have them sprinkled throughout the guide.

The book was also really inclusive, and took into account how experiences may vary for people with different cultural, ethnic and religious background, disabilities of any kind or traumas of multiple origins, and for people of different races, genders and with varying sexual and romantic orientations other than on the asexual and aromantic spectrum.

This, I really appreciated, however it still felt a bit anglophone world-centric, but that was addressed by the authors themselves. Sadly, in Italy, we don’t have as many aro and aces communities in real life, and all the aro and/or ace people I met, I met online.

I also really liked that the authors took time to showcase how, while often linked and somewhat similar in some aspects, the aromantic and asexual spectrum are two different things, and it was nice to see such attention given to the aro-spec people. I find that usually, when talking about aromanticism and asexuality, the bigger focus is on the latter, and the former is often disregarded or treated as the same thing as asexuality. Aromantic people often feel alienated for this, but I find that this book will make them feel seen and understood.

Personally, I wasn’t a big fan of the “Our advice” sections at the end of each chapter, but that was more of a me problem, due to the fact that all the information contained in the book, I already knew. For people who are just now approaching the subject, this advice may be vital, and I am glad it was included. It is a guide, after all, and it is written like one.

Overall, I would recommend this book. However, if you — like me — already know a lot of things about aromanticism and asexuality, this might feel reduntant. But, if you are looking for answers, knowledge or if you need a book to make you feel understood as an aromantic or asexual person, this is definitely the book for you. I am very happy to have read it, so that I can now recommend it to questioning people and allo people wanting to know more about the a-spec and how to be a better ally to their friends and a-spec people in general.

[Julie Decker · Rating 4 out of 5]

Inclusive and emotionally resonant, Ace and Aro Journeys offers an authentic look at asexual and aromantic identity from every imaginable angle. It's written by people who have lived these specific trials and triumphs, with relatable examples and quotes from diverse ace– and aro-spectrum people, and dispensing wisdom regarding processing negativity as well as celebrating ace/aro joy. Aces and aros will see their identities thoroughly explored and validated beyond the usual token statements of "this exists," while those who want to learn about us will learn how to conceptualize us as we are, not as people with something missing.

[Steph Medlock · Rating 4 out of 5]

really appreciate how inclusive and informational this is! it spurred a lot of great conversations and personal reflections for me. it was really nice to see ace and aro represented and talked about separately and together. i really liked the guide aspect of helping think through your personal identity vs other ace books i’ve read that are more anecdotal / memoir-esque or more theory-based. it covers a lottttt and i’m glad i have a copy to go back to for reference whenever something new comes up in my own self-discovery!

[Annie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ace and Aro Journeys by The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project Review

Well when i saw this as read now i immediately hit that button

And you know what i went in hoping it would not just be about one type of Asexual person or one type of Aromantic person or just be AroAce people. And you know what it absolutely delivered

It has a little bit of everything, it talks about AceAlloro, AroAces, AlloAces, AroAllos and gray/demi sexual and romantic. I was just astounded that there was so much inclusiveness around people's identities even with gender, disabilities and Race. It even talks about Kink.

It goes through the basics, it has a glossary at the end for a lot of terms and it was just so lovely to see. I even found myself in the book that i did not think would be possible because I differ from what a lot of AroAces are. And it was just so nice to see it there on the page.

Also it has places to look up for communities, People, Books, and media.

I definitely recommend this book for sure

The only thing i did not like was the HP reference honestly. I guess there might have been more that could have been said but you can only say so much without repeating yourself

CW: HP Reference, Acephobia, Arophobia, Racism, Ableism, Transphobia.

Thanks to @netgalley

[Benjamin Betscher · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed it, but it was quite dry. I think it is a great introductory book for people who have absolutely no clue of their sexual or gender identity, and someone who has never come out as a sexuality or gender other than hetero and cis. I think for me the book was kind of repetitive, and I feel like my confidence as a queer person made it more challenging to read because I have already gone through my own “identify development model” so the discussion felt a bit unnecessary for where I am in life. I would have liked to have more descriptions of terms and whatnot, separate from the glossary. I think that would have been helpful because I’m actually finding myself a bit more confused about what certain things mean and where I fall on the ace spectrum, if I do at all, or if I can say that I do.

Again, I think it’s a good introductory book, but I think I want something more exploratory that will actually help me do the work to really discover my presence on the ace spectrum.

[Haylee Perry · Rating 3 out of 5]

Updating to 3 stars after my book club conversation!

I had a hard time trying to understand the intended audience the entire time I read this. I don’t think I was the intended audience, but honestly, I cannot figure out who really was. There were so many different sections about so many different topics that seemed directed at so many different groups of people. This was also written like one giant Tumblr post (with actual mentions of Tumblr posts throughout) which felt really unprofessional I guess? It felt really inaccessible for anyone not on or questioning if they are on the aro or ace spectrum. And for anyone who is homophobic/uncomfortable with queer identities.
I have several questions still about aromanticism and asexuality, but I do think this book provided some useful information.

[Andrew Eder · Rating 4 out of 5]

many thoughts. many feelings. not my favorite ace book because it’s not Ace by Angela Chen. but it gave a lot. a looooot. it’s definitely a level 2 on ace literature so don’t start with this one. But i have many fond comments and highlighted a bunch and it lended itself to a reallllllllly great book club conversation

[Andrea ☾ [is inconsistently consistant]]

This is an interesting and informative guide to understand asexual and aromantic people.

It felt like it was well-researched and highly involved, trying to give as many resources and viewpoints as possible. It was highly theoretical at times, even though there are many quotes and experiences from people in the aspect community. Personally, I think the writing made it hard to stay engaged in the book, but I don't think that's the point of this. It's not a novel - it's a resource, a guide. And for that I think that in a world where a life of sex and amatonormativity seems like everyone’s goal, this book felt a universal ok to just drop it and actually pay attention to all the options that exist. I feel like I’ll come back to read some parts of this from time to time.

Thank you Net Galley for the eARC.

[Kara Babcock · Rating 3 out of 5]

If it is possible to get burnt out on reading nonfiction about asexual and aromantic identities, that might be happening to me thanks to all of the great books Jessica Kingsley Publishers has put out this year. Ace and Aro Journeys: A Guide to Embracing Your Asexual or Aromantic Identity is yet another, though the Ace and Aro Advocacy Project has done a good job of making sure it is providing a valuable and different perspective. My thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for the eARC.

I think the book itself sums it up nicely when it says it aims to be both ace/aro 101 and 201. It covers the basics that so many books already cover about what asexuality and aromanticism are—and then it goes beyond those basics. Like several of the other books I’ve read from JKP this year, this one includes quotations from ace and aro people. However, the authorial voice of Ace and Aro Journeys remains casual yet organizational, a departure from the much more personal voices of individuals who wrote the other books.

Another contrast to the other books I read was that they were all mostly aimed at a-spec audiences, especially a-spec people who are just finding or coming to terms with their identities. While allo people could enjoy those books and learn a lot from them, they weren’t the primary audience. Ace and Aro Journeys, on the other hand, aims much wider. It in fact includes a lot of guidance and advice for allies who want to support their a-spec friends and family. So if you are searching for a book to get the allo person in your life to help them understand you, this one might be it.

Beyond that, I’m going to be honest: the burnout I’m feeling makes it difficult for me to be as enthusiastic about this book if I had just read it on its own. I’m trying to be clear about this because I don’t want to damn the book with faint praise—I think this book is good, and I’m really happy it exists and that I got to read it, but I’ve had too much of a good thing these past few months, and it is showing! What a time to live in when I can complain about reading too much nonfiction about ace and aro experiences, eh?

There are a few other highlights I can mention that make it easy to endorse this book. First, it is very focused on practical steps. It talks about finding support networks and specifically traces the origins of a-spec havens online. From an anthropological perspective, anyone researching or trying to learn more about the earlier days of asexuality on the web could do worse than starting here. As someone who hasn’t ever engaged in specific a-spec communities (I only really found my people on Twitter, and nowadays many have left), this part of the book made me feel a kind of … I don’t know, yearning? So many of the queer spaces where I hang out online are inclusive of ace people but are not necessarily ace-focused. I’m not sure I am going to rush out and join an online space dedicated to a-spec experiences, but this book really got me reflecting on it and what kinds of ace connections I might want in my life.

The sheer number of testimonials from different people is also very powerful. My experiences as an ace person don’t always match up with many of the most visible ace voices out there (and the same is true for my experiences as an aro person). This is the case for a lot of marginalized communities; I am sure my experience of this is not unique! But in this book, I definitely heard stories that felt closer to mine. I hope other a-spec readers find that too.

On that note, I’ll close my review with one other wish that I’ve said previously: these books do a good job of acknowledging the limitations of their positionality, but we need to go further. It’s great to say, “hey, this is primarily from a white and Western point of view.” Nevertheless, it would be even better if publishers like JKP could invest the time in finding non-white, non-Western voices to explore ace and aro identities from those perspectives as well. I hope in the years to come, I can complain about being burned out by the number of those books too.

Originally posted on Kara.Reviews, where you can easily browse all my reviews and subscribe to my newsletter.

[Kj · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is THE BOOK

Of all the (though there still aren't that many yet) books subtitled "a guide to understanding / navigating/ embracing et. al. one's Ace or Aro identity", this is the book that truly does it. More texts are coming every month (fiction, memoir, nonfiction, etc.), but for now, "Ace and Aro Journeys" should be the go-to book for understanding these orientations, not just for folks questioning or wanting to more fully integrate their aspec identities, but significantly,
for health care professionals, therapists, and for LGBTQIA+ community members who haven't yet caught on to what Ace and Aro identities are or what people holding those identities are dealing with in an amatanormative society of compulsory sexuality.

The most effective difference in this text, versus the more conversational "guides" or the (excellent) journalistic/academic works of the past few years is that the book is structured around Ace and Aro identity development—zooming in on the non-linear trajectories of folks who come out as Ace or Aro, the challenges to beginning that process, being within that process, and the benefits of understanding the stages of those processes. As the book points out, unlike many LGBT+ identities, Aro or Ace people tend to come out later in life, in no small part due to lack of representation or information about these identities, but also because it can be extremely difficult to identify a lack of something, rather than a "different" something, especially if one doesn't understand what the "lacked" thing is in the first place, i.e. an aromantic person who fundamentally can't conceptualize what romantic attraction feels like in the first place.

So, helpfully, this book feels very much geared towards adult readers. Not that anything will go over the heads of younger readers, but many new Aro/Ace texts aim to encourage young people in their coming out process, whereas a lot of folks needing help in coming out or identifying potential aspec orientations have been doing adulthood for decades—which brings a different set of challenges. This book addresses this implicitly and explicitly, while being clearly and effectively written for many kinds of readers.

While some readers may desire the more narrative/memoir based style of recent Ace and Aro "guide" texts, the real strength here is that it takes an authoritative stance on what's being discussed, while always acknowledging the diversity of experiences and potentially mitigating factors. So you don't have one person's journey, but it's also not trying to generalize or speak for all. The descriptive, rather than prsescriptive, posture is emphasized throughout, augmented by helpful hypothetical examples as well as collected quotes that enable readers to identify with what's being described without feeling like they are being compared or measured to a standard. Additionally, while this book is chock full of helpfully-organized information, it manages not to re-tread the standard first 4 chapters of most aspec books—(what is asexuality? aromanticism? what's the difference between sexual attraction, sexual desire, sexual activity, libido....etc.); instead, it gets right down to identity formation and integration discussions and provides a thorough end glossary for readers to do their own question-answering.

Basically, this is the Ace and Aro book I've been saying SHOULD exist and it has apparently been sitting on my shelf since last summer. Thank you to the Ace and Aro Advocacy Project and these specific authors—you delivered.

[Ashley Heuser · Rating 2 out of 5]

While I appreciate the goal of the authors to provide a safe space and comprehensive guide for ace and aro journeys and experiences, I did not mesh well with the writing style. There were lots of syntax errors with the advice sections, inconsistent use of singular or plural second person, inconsistent capitalization of titles, etc. While none of these errors on their own are a problem, typos and grammatical mistakes were so frequent that I found it distracting. I also felt disengaged when the authors would encourage people to read the previous section (it felt like they were working off of the assumption that the book was not read linearly).

My biggest complaint (and the reason for my two star review rather than three stars) is the discussion on accessibility on page 126. While I cannot speak for all the online platforms listed, many of them do have accessibility features for people with disabilities (including people using screen readers). Individuals choose not to use the functions and accessibility best practices (like camelcase hashtags, abstaining from keyboard smashes, limiting the use of multiple emojis in a row, imbedding images with alt text, or including image descriptions in posts). By placing the onus on platforms for not being accessible takes responsibilities from individuals to make their online communities accessible. This is not at all exclusive to the aro and ace community, lack of awareness of accessibility is widespread. In the advice at the end of this section, I wish the authors had encouraged readers to research accessibility best practices and gently remind others to incorporate these best practices.

Other reviewers have highlighted a confusion about the intended audience of this book, the HP reference, the density of sentences with multiple clauses, and how cumbersome the advice sections can feel at the end of every section. I agree with these sentiments, but others have done a good job expressing them so I will stop here. It is clear that the authors have passion and wanted to help others through writing this book, I just could not settle into the writing style and had issues with the misinformation about accessibility.

[LG (A Library Girl's Familiar Diversions) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book covers a lot in a fairly small number of pages. The introduction states that it's intended for all ace and aro people, as well as those who'd like to be allies, but the authors particularly hope to reach people who might not already be involved in online ace and/or aro communities. If you're truly new to information about ace and aro identities, be prepared for lots of flipping to the glossary in the back as the authors use lots of terminology that isn't always defined in-text. (And, er, if you're like me and are having trouble finding a term in the glossary and it begins with either ace or aro, try chopping that part off and looking for the rest of the word. For example, aceflux or aroflux are under F for "flux.")

The first chapter goes over reasons people might identify as aro or ace, as well as the basics of various models and types of attraction and orientation. The next chapter broadly covers ace and aro history, culture, and communities, common symbols used, and representation in media.

Then the authors lay out the identity development model they use as the framework for the rest of the book: "ignorance," "discovery of terminology," "identity confusion," "exploration and education," "identity acceptance and salience negotiation," "coming out," and "identity integration." To be clear, the authors aren't trying to say that everyone has to go through every part, in that order, and they recognize that some people will need to go through various parts multiple times throughout their lives.

With each part, the authors cover multiple topics/concerns/issues that may or may not apply to readers, along with applicable quotes from surveys ace and aro folks, as well as occasional bulleted lists of advice. Most of it boils down to "you're not alone, do or think about as much or as little of this as is comfortable for you, and remember that you know your own experiences and feelings better than anyone else."

The chapter that had me perking up was "Identity Acceptance and Salience Negotiation" (hey, people with similar fears about the future...and not necessarily any answers). The "Coming Out" chapter was lengthy and included various approaches, their pros and cons, and examples - something about the level of detail was a bit anxiety-inducing for me.

The book wraps up with a glossary (which is helpful but may not age well as terminology shifts, expands, or changes), a list of aromantic and asexual organizations and online forums and groups, and people to follow. There's an annotated list of nonfiction (yay!), a non-exhaustive list of ace and aro characters from non-book media, and a list of zines and other resources. There's also a blank "Will, Want, Won't" table that would likely be useful for readers in, or contemplating being in, relationships, as well as ace and aro "coming out" bingo cards (I get why those were included, but they still make me wince).

Overall, I thought this was a good and very readable guide, particularly for folks who, for whatever reason, aren't comfortable with or able to do some digging through online resources right out of the gate. It tries to encompass as broad of an ace/aro audience as possible, although, as other reviewers and the authors themselves note, its resources are fairly US-centric.

One thing I'd liked to have seen more of was lengthier quotes from people surveyed. The brief illustrative quotes were nice, but it would occasionally have been nice to hear a bit more about particular people's experiences, thoughts, concerns, etc. Well, maybe there's already a book that does something like that - I'll have to see.

(Original review posted on A Library Girl's Familiar Diversions.)

[Anna (RattleTheShelves) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another aspec nonfiction and once again I'm on the fence. This one took me a long time to get through and there were multiple times when I wanted to put it away and not come back. Which doesn't mean that it's a bad book!

My main problem was that I really don't know who is the intended audience of this book. A vast majority of this book is dedicated to expanding on an aro/ace identity development theory. Which is a psychological theory... but this is not a psychology book. And the theory doesn't pretend to be academic, either, there are hardly any references and the research behind it is never explained. Which is confusing because that means it's basically unuseable for academics, especially psychologists, but the semi-academic language makes it way less accessible for an average reader.

Is it written for aspec or questioning people? I'm not sure, it was a heavy read full of dismantling of aphobia and negative experiences and violence but even more strikingly, it seems almost hostile towards aspec communities, mentioning multiple times (basically almost any time an aspec community is mentioned) that you're basically only likely to experience prejudice, violence or other form of hostility there. It made it really hard to read and these were the times when I almost dnf-ed it.

Is it for the allies? Maybe? There are some pretty nice guides on how to react to someone coming out in various settings and lists of resources.

There are some great lists and advice for various situations here. However, it's also another aspec book that is very US-centric (I love when authors pretend that it's "Western" but their reality doesn't transcribe to Western Europe at all) and a lot of advice just isn't relevant to someone who doesn't live there. While the author's try to be super inclusive and it's noticeabe, they fail to realize that not everyone lives in a place where queer identities have any sort of protection or acceptance, much less aspecs. At the last check, the only place where aspecs were legally protected was New York City so some of the advice is almost dangerous - you can't fall back on legal regulations in a workplace to protect you if there are no regulations like that in the first place. They also repeatedly recommend to turn to your local aspec organizations as if that was a popular thing that exists all over the world.

Also, format note - I think it would read much better in a physical copy, all the lists and appendices would be much more accessible.

***Thanks NetGalley for the eARC***

[Eliott · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ace and Aro Journeys
Overall Rating: ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ (4/5) or 8.28/10 overall

Credibility/Research - 8

Authenticity/Uniqueness - 9

Writing - 8

Personal Impact - 8

Intrigue - 8

Logic/Informativeness - 9

Enjoyment - 8

Overall Thoughts:
I'm really glad this book exists! It does a great job of explaining the nuances of asexuality and aromanticism in an understandable way. I also loved that it listed so many resources at the end! This is a great book for anyone who is on the aro and/or ace spectrums, anyone who is questioning whether they might be on the aro and/or ace spectrums, and allies alike! I did feel like it got a bit repetitive at points, but I still felt engaged throughout and it was quite simple to read. :)

[Heather Marie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I appreciate the effort that this book makes in trying to educate for Ace/Aro identities, but I don't think it was accomplished as well as they hoped. It felt very blog/Tumblr heavy, and that can be a detriment (as someone who has frequented that site) to the average person picking this up. In addition, the topics covered were a little all over the place, and most points were covered multiple times, and large chunks of text could've been cut. And the text itself almost felt AI generated at times, if that makes any sense, and there were multiple places where it felt like "word vomit".

So, in general, I believe this book was born from a good place, but needed another crack at editing before it was published.

[Tala🦈 (mrs.skywalker.reads) · Rating 3 out of 5]

3,5
bardzo podręcznikowa, trochę toporna, ale z drugiej strony, jakbym miała teraz polecać komuś coś na początek, poleciłabym to

to też idealna książka dla osób, które chcą wspierać aro/asy poprzez edukację

[Aisha · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a wonderful follow-up to the classic "Ace" by Angela Chen by being inclusive of a much broader range of experiences - for one, including aro! But also the wide variety of experiences within ace and aro. I'm already very comfortable in my gray-ace identity, but still loved reading such recognizable and therefore validating stories, while also learning more from new perspectives unlike my own. Definitely recommend this book to anyone who is or knows someone who is aspec.

[V · Rating 2 out of 5]

Long one incoming.

Sigh. Was really looking forward to reading this book after I spotted it at my local uni library. Whoa, I thought, the aroace flag on a book cover? Let’s go.

It got weird almost instantly with the first HP reference.

The writing style is odd and seems to be oscillating between academic and personal and not integrating the two in a way that is helpful. And it’s such a shame because it clearly was written by a group of people who care deeply about our community and wish to help. The practical advice is thoughtful, and TAAAP’s philosophy of support and acceptance is evident, but this needed more editing/detail, I believe.

And yes, what so many have mentioned already but I’ll add another bit - this is very Anglocentric and assumes that people have access to aro/ace communities, pride parades, etc. Fair enough! The authors acknowledge this ‘gap’ themselves, and TAAAP is a mainly US-based organisation so checks out. But then… they just stop there? The resources in the appendix follow the same pattern of Anglophone-US/UK centric etc, with an exeption of Indian Aces. There is a multitude of charities and organisations around the world that provide and create resources for their communities that do not have access to these English-language resources, or that are based in countries where being part of LGBTQIA+ is punishable by law. Even if they are not strictly aro-ace focused, they usually include some resources and/or are be open to discuss them/work with researchers, specifically on the aro/ace spectrum. At least a few names would have been helpful, or starting points for research… Anyway.

Another issue - they say that many aro/ace people are also neurodivergent, which is a really interesting aspect of this topic, but there is no source or citation for this. Fair enough, there’s minimal research into aro/ace identities, but this is a theme of such potential (relationship between aro/ace identities, rejecting amatonormativity and implications of neurodivergent experience of not relating to societal norms, etc), so it feels odd that there is no footnote/prompt for further research into this..? This is coming back to my earlier point of the book’s ambigious tone. Is it academic, is it…? What is it?

Final point - and I hope this happened because the book came out in 2023, not because of what would be an ironic oversight by Anglophone authors: if you are aroace and own a copy of this book, please add Koisenu Futari (2022) to the list of media in the appendix. You won’t regret it.

[Tara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and to the Ace and Aro Advocacy Project for this eARC, which was given in exchange for an honest review.

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Actual Rating: 3.75 stars

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I requested this book on NetGalley for many reasons, but one of the biggest ones was because I was intrigued by it. People are so diverse and it is interesting to read a book like this to learn more about where they are coming from. Plus I think we should all do our due diligence to educate ourselves on these experiences when people are facing barriers and difficulties in life because of certain aspects of their identity.

I did learn an awful lot from this book. Asexuality and aromanticism are identities I didn’t know much about before I read this. I feel like I came out of it knowing much more than I thought I would have, especially in terms of how important the internet was and continues to be for members of these communities. Having testimonies from members of the respective communities definitely helped with my understanding some of the things that were discussed in the book.

Each chapter is thorough and very informative, to the point where it is almost academic. This is not negative critique in my case, but I do think it would put a reader off if that is not the type of book they want to use to first dive into the subject.

This is one I read more or less in one sitting, but I feel it is more a guide to dip in and out of as the reader wishes. The extensive appendixes at the back would lend itself greatly to this type of a reading experience.

All in all, I think this is a good book for educating people on ace and aro identities and the issues they face. I’d love to see more books like this pop up in the future, they’re needed.

[Lydia · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Your orientation doesn't need to be considered an identity as much as a small, descriptive detail about your experiences".

I've read a couple of books on aro and ace (mostly ace) experiences and all of them are not only a pretty good guide but also incredible at exposing ace stories and its results/effects in the persons every day life. Ace and Aro Journeys takes the cake for best elaborated guide, though.

I know it's in the name, but still, going on to this book I didn't expect it to be as elaborated it as it was. First, it distinguishes itself from other a-spec books because it has "aro" on the title and it takes special parts of the book to also talk exclusively about aromantic experiences, and later compare them to asexual experiences. This is something I appreciate so much, because for most of the time, aro never appears by itself, but always accompanied by ace (and that's great! Both a-spec communities are amazing and they can overlap, but they're still different).

"Ace and Aro journeys" covers the different stages of the aro and ace experience, all the while offering pros and cons and adding the authors' advice to different situations. At one point, I really found myself paying close attention (and perhaps taking notes) of the authors' advice. They also make it clear that those stages aren't in any strict order and there's no problem in receding or not advancing at all, ever. This is also important and should be reinforced - because no sexuality depends on how much you interact with your community or how much impact you have in it, or even if you're out. It's still your sexuality, even if you never tell anyone. I appreciate how they repeat it subtly throughout the book.

Most importantly, "Ace and Aro journeys" isn't only for a-spec people. It's for everyone, either they have an a-spec friend or not.

It's sad to finish a book I enjoyed and learned with but, with this book, it's also exciting - because I get to the lists of books, characters, tv shows, celebrities, etc., who identify as a-spec. My list is evergrowing. In addition, this book also comes with a very detailed glossary to help out whilst reading.

I'm very excited the Ace and Aro Advocacy Project decided to write this book and I'm very excited to buy it!

[Rae's Reading Corner · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 rounded to 3

As someone who is ace/aro, I was really excited to read this book. I was hoping that I would be a brilliant book that I knew a younger me would have loved and appreciated.

While the personal accounts/quotes did help a bit with the writing, the book felt very repetitive and insensitive to ace/aro people.

I genuinely felt a bit uncomfortable when reading it.

It would have been so much nice if they went on the personal route a bit more, seeing if they could source conversations from online forums rather than a lot of the statistics that just felt harsh and weren't explained very well.

I almost DNF'd this book at the HP reference 15% into the book (because please, STOP. If you truly respect and support Trans people ans Jewish people and everyone that that author has offended and continues to harass, you wouldn't even think to add a reference to a book like this.) But I decided to continue on because I wanted it to get better.

That being said, some things I did relate to eg the mention of ace/aro people trying to fit in at a young age pretending to have crushes on people to fit in. I did that a lot.

But overall, for anyone who is new to the terms aro and ace, I don't think this is the first book you should pick up. It can be confusing, repetitive and just lacks personal experiences to back up all of the facts that it gives.

I do appreciate the publishers for providing me with an eArc of this book, I'm genuinely sad that I didn't love it as much as I wanted to.

[Jennys Bücherkiste · Rating 3 out of 5]

In most regards that was surprisingly unhelpful. The introduction was nice, especially for people who have not done any research on asexuality and aromanticism before. And the Coming Out section provided some interesting ideas and helpful reminders both for the person coming out and for the people someone comes out to.
The rest of the book was very meta and almost completely theoretical. I expected it to include personal stories, snippets of one's life as an asexual, concrete descriptions of one's approach to dating while being aromantic and so on. Some everyday details to relate to. Instead the book took a lot of pages to tell me an excessive amount of times to go to the internet and read narratives of aro / ace people that match my own. There are quotes included from people who identify as aro / ace and these quotes support what the book suggests, but they are also completely superficial. "I found a blog of a person describing experiences I share. This person identifies as asexual, that's how I figured out I was too." That's great, I'm happy for you, but I would have benefited more from someone actually telling me what experiences are described in the blog article.
So basically it's a book that tells you multiple times to go to the internet to find content, instead of giving you the content on page. That kind of raises the question what I need this book for?

[Sophia · Rating 3 out of 5]

This certainly clarified some concepts or brought things up that I want to explore more but overall as a book felt more like an introduction to having/claiming an identity than what the identity can be. Though written through the lens of being ace/aro it really could have applied to any queer shit and since I've already had two alphabet letter realizations I was hoping for more clarity and information on (experiences of) being ace or aro than on the process of coming out. I usually feel like those expectations are my fault for not reading the description well enough though so...idk, this would probably be good for someone who is just coming to terms with having a queer (ace/aro specific) identity, but was not helpful for me. If anything, kinda left me in the same confused spot as before about aro stuff...so...rats. (Also felt really repetitive and kinda rudimentary but i might just be being a hater since it didnt specifically tell me that i was aro lol)

[Elisabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dense but a worthwhile read for any ace/aro or questioning folks!

[Swankivy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great job covering the bases regarding diversity within ace/aro communities, statements on where the perspectives are lacking, and explanations of why such a book is needed to reach individuals who are not already in the community with a sophisticated examination of how meaningful ace and aro identity can be integrated into the self. The statements made about how terms are used and how their use of terms does not contradict or invalidate other uses is very well thought out; the examples used illustrate the issue very well.

In the first Basics section (Asexuality and Aromanticism as Complex Identities), I was impressed by how many very familiar experiences were catalogued in such a concise way. As an ace and aro reader, it was validating to see experiences mentioned such as being in a platonic relationship and having others insist it has signifiers of a romance even though the people involved do not consider those experiences to represent a romantic relationship. I also appreciate that they specifically call out how these perspectives on sex and romance have the capacity to be relevant in the lives of non-aces and non-aros and their communities.

Discussion of possibly problematic or outdated attraction models was well done; it's important to understand that these models have been used to understand attraction and may still be used for measuring or conceptualizing attraction, and that they can be quite useful in personally understanding oneself even if one can actually find issues with the presentation and identify aspects of each that "send the wrong message." Also, I appreciated the room this text makes for uncertainty, fluidity, and shifting labels. The point they make about aces and aros being frequently categorized as late bloomers and the effect that can have on us wanting to resist changing labels because we don't want to fall into those tropes is very accurate. I also like the discussion of "was my previous orientation label inaccurate/incomplete, or was it right at that time and I have changed?" Anyone can decide whether they think a new label applies retroactively or if they think they just shifted.

In Chapter 2, Community History and Culture contained some interesting history of the actual and potential pre-internet ace and aro communities. I liked that it pointed out that we have always existed and just had to figure out different things to call it, and that where we existed in historical figures it usually had to be summed up with behavior (e.g., someone was solitary or never married or was suspected to be gay even though there was no evidence for that either). It's also great that the importance of the bisexual community to providing a home for ace issues was highlighted; many people (including myself) have found their "not-queer-enough" struggles within the community and the expectation that they were doing it for attention to be quite relatable, and many of us who did not feel anything toward men that we didn't feel toward women might have mistaken ourselves for bisexual for years. The history of early communities and the language they used was interesting to read, though it wasn't new to me since I was there!

The bits on ace and aro community signifiers was really fun to read, too. I think someone who wasn't already acquainted with such things would be delighted to read through the historical and current forums, survey systems, and symbols associated with modern ace and aro people, and maybe feel that a culture is out there ready to welcome them. The breakdown offered for misrepresentation aro people experience in the media is more or less comprehensive and very poignant--everything's there from how aromanticism is conflated with asexuality to how it's used as a shortcut to suggest a character is childish or underdeveloped, including the tendency to only represent aromanticism with nonhuman characters in fantasy/sci-fi. It's also great to see it acknowledged that often a character who is known to be aromantic is not referred to as such in the canon materials, but only in external interviews or companion materials.

I appreciate that when in-group issues are explored, it's pointed out that just about every marginalized group also struggles with racism, ableism, transphobia, and misogyny--it's not some special issue for ace and aro communities, but we're also not exempt from experiencing or perpetuating them just because we might be marginalized on other axes. And the outline of in-group objections we sometimes see in favor of being more exclusionist is VERY accurate--I've seen all of those arguments myself, from "we can't use more inclusive definitions because THOSE people are doing it as a TREND and it takes away from the legitimacy of REAL ace/aros like me" to "my specific definition is the only real definition and words will stop having meaning if I accept yours too." And there are some great points made here about how traditional LGBTQ+ rhetoric is sometimes alienating for asexual and aromantic participants, and how INTENTIONALLY anti-ace and anti-aro sentiments sound and look.

In the next sections about identity development, I liked how concisely and accurately the stages of identity development for asexuality and aromanticism were summed up: "Ignorance" being possibly feeling broken or out of touch or thinking everyone else is making up their attraction experiences; "Discovery" involving how we encounter/search for and integrate vocabulary to discuss our experiences; "Confusion" relating to understanding that ace/aro identities exist but being unsure whether to apply them; "Exploration/Education" highlighting the importance of communities/interaction; "Acceptance/Negotiation" discussing someone concluding they're ace and/or aro and embarking on the question of where they go from here; "Coming Out" exploring how we communicate our identities to others; and "Identity Integration" going over an ace and/or aro identity becoming fully incorporated into a person's understanding of themselves, allowing them to explore nuances or contribute to broader concepts. A chapter outlining the stages introduces them, and then each stage gets its own chapter.

As we approach the first section on "Ignorance," we get some very accurate explorations of different assumptions aces and aros might make when their attraction can only be described by absence. I think most ace and/or aro people would be able to easily say whether they thought it was normal to not experience attraction, or whether they thought others' attraction was like their non-romantic or non-sexual attractions, or whether they felt different without being able to put a word on it. I also like the examination of how some people realize they might be ace or aro all at once when someone says something they can't relate to, or they might just gradually realize their orientation(s) based on building evidence over time. And a very nice nuanced bulleted list is offered of thoughts that might occur to ace and aro people as they develop their identity--from feeling above it all to feeling left out; from blaming their orientation(s) on some other aspect of themselves to believing they're broken or damaged.

It's nice to see a book acknowledge that typically sexual/romantic people conflate all their attractions and assume they all happen together, while ace and aro people may feel some attractions and not others and have to pick apart what they feel to understand it. I also very much appreciate that the book acknowledges some ace or aro people might guess that they are different from others because of feeling indifferent to certain ideas while others might be repulsed by them; there are many common misconceptions that all aces or aros would be horrified by sex/romance, and many other misconceptions that aces or aros SHOULD be indifferent--that being horrified would indicate pathology. The exploration of why aces and aros might fake their feelings and why they might push themselves into sexual and/or romantic situations despite lacking the usual feelings felt very authentic. How many of us asexual people have worried that we have to have sex because we're way too old to be a virgin, or have assumed that sensual attraction might as well be sexual attraction while wondering why it doesn't match up to what the media and our friends say? How many of us aromantic people have felt pressured into relationships because everyone around us made us terrified that being "alone" would be a fate worse than death, or have convinced ourselves that going through the motions of a romantic relationship will make the feelings develop and become real?

In the "Discovery" section, we get an acknowledgment that older aces usually went longer without having terminology for their orientations and lacked community for longer. It's noted that terminology isn't as omnipresent or even as likely to be encountered for aces or aros as opposed to other members of the LGBTQ+ community. It's also good that they mention the experience many have of being confused even after they find labels that fit, even though for some just finding the labels provides a lightbulb moment. And then there's the near-reversal, where people who didn't think anything was "wrong with them" suddenly discovers asexuality or aromanticism and thinks oh dang, you mean this is pretty uncommon? Crap! And it's noted that some people experience denial or reject accurate labels at first--it's normal if it happened to you. The advice offered in this section to people who might be at this stage is quite simple but validating. I particularly appreciate the advice to emerging aces/aros that they can take a break from exploring if they want to and don't have to figure it out or process it right away. The hints for allies are nice too--especially the emphasis on why no one (ace/aro or not) should tell potentially emerging aces/aros that this is or isn't their identity. Giving them the info and letting them process it is the way to go; trying to convince them they're ace/aro or suggesting you can externally confirm or deny someone's ace/aro identity is inappropriate. And spreading the word about asexuality's existence is important not only for aces/aros themselves, but for other people to be aware of it and become good supporters and allies.

When we get to "Confusion" about identity, we touch on professional help and that is both realistic and affirming; too often people use "wow, YOU need to GET HELP" as an insult or a way to invalidate, but accessing mental health services that are ace and aro informed is vital for some of us. Intersection of other marginalizations some of us might deal with is acknowledged here as well. The section expertly covers ace– and aro-specific experiences that many may not have thought of which can cause confusion for us, like low libido being conflated with illness and leading some of us to conclude "oh, well maybe I AM actually sick and not asexual," or having trauma in one's past and worrying our orientation is not authentic because it might be just a trauma-based aversion.

I especially appreciate that the section points out natural conclusions some ace or aro people come to that can confuse us, like people with low libido might push themselves into sexual situations or try to jump-start their drive and then regret it or be ashamed, and they might mistake their worry over not being able to feel attraction as intrinsically theirs when actually it's just a reaction to everyone else being so concerned about it. And sometimes the ace communities try so hard to emphasize that asexuality "isn't low libido" that aces with low/no libido might STILL think even within ace communities they're supposed to have a libido and they really are broken. There are so many familiar stories in this section. The emphasis on different aces and aros having different opinions and experiences with their identities is very appropriate; I really like that the authors are so clear about how aces/aros may choose the same labels for different reasons and don't necessarily separate all the different attractions out in strictly delineated categories because the lines might blur for them and that's okay.

A section on compulsory sexuality was well done, especially as it highlights expectations of sex in relationships (to the point that marriages are sometimes considered not "real" if sex doesn't take place) and examines societal attitudes toward perpetually abstinent people as LOSERS for being eternal virgins. And it's great to see the acknowledgment that actions coded as romantic don't make a person alloromantic if they don't do those actions in response to romantic attraction. I especially liked that a whole subsection on amatonormativity is in this book, highlighting how it makes people elevate romantic relationships above all other kinds of relationships and makes aro people think they will never find fulfillment in categorically lesser relationships. Aro experiences of dating are offered with much variety and inclusion of even opposite reactions to dating that can all be aro experiences. And that experience (not exclusive to aros, but probably shared by many of us) of thinking we feel attraction because we WANT it to be attraction is very relatable. This is especially relevant to my life. Some quotes suggesting it's harder to accept being aro than being ace match my experience too--I've never been unhappy with it, but sometimes other people who could accept that I wasn't into sex thought not wanting to date either made me a soulless, cold person. (One person literally told me my aromanticism rendered me "spooky, hardly human." Wow.) And queerplatonic and other types of partnerships get a little highlight in this chapter too. Hooray.

It is also really good to see an examination of pathologization and what beliefs about ace and aro people pathologization can give rise to, with the complicated acknowledgment that ableism is so intertwined with these attitudes and we actually might have some of the conditions or variations often "blamed" for ace/aro identities without them making the orientation simply a symptom, invalid as an identity. And graysexuality and grayromanticism are also examined here, pointing out that orientations aren't "all or nothing" and need to be understood as spectra, and the helpful advice that matching a definition on paper does NOT mean you must adopt it is appreciated. Some advice is given on how to handle shifting orientations (in oneself and others); I was particularly pleased to see the advice to adopt labels that describe you, not feel compelled to demonstrate the traits of a label you picked that no longer fits. And there are some great examples of intersectional identities that can complicate ace and aro identities, like what racial groups might be expected to be more or less "sexual," or how disability leads to fetishization or desexualization. There are even some tough examinations of why some aces and aros might not feel comfortable identifying as part of the LGBTQIA+ community, and under what circumstances a straight person on the ace or aro spectrum might still want to identify as queer. And gatekeeping is included as a subsection in a very effective discussion--of both how aces and aros might try to exclude others they think don't belong, and how people outside our communities insist our identities aren't real or don't make us queer/worth attention/special.

"Exploration/Education" highlights how important it is for ace and aro people to not only have a factual framework for definitions and terminology but also encounter real-life stories from other people with similar identities. Both are often needed to fully understand where one fits. It's acknowledged that many online communities are overwhelming at first but that they are probably the most likely place aces and aros can find important discussions and camaraderie that are relevant to them. The in-person group option is also explored, pointing out that usually aro representation will be within an ace group and it's possible allosexual aromantic people will feel less welcome since asexuality seems to be the primary focus. Still, many groups are welcoming to both identities. The issue of exposing one's identity depending on what groups one shows up to is discussed, and why that might be uncomfortable, and the pros and cons of going to ace/aro-only groups versus groups that welcome allies. Engagement with either can be difficult if one is still exploring (which also may be the time that one NEEDS the most support and information), but this book makes it clear that you don't have to be sure about your identity to check out these options and see if it feels right, and you aren't obligated to engage actively. And it's acknowledged that bigotry or harassment infiltrating spaces can have a worse effect in smaller communities, making them unsafe for people who really needed them; there are risks, but it's important to not lose hope of being able to safely engage, and to consider that usually the benefits outweigh the risks. Stories of very meaningful, vital relationships are shared here, many formed in online spaces. A small mention is given to aces and aros maybe wanting to engage the larger LGBTQIA+ community and why that can be beneficial even if there are NO other ace or aro members, since even being around people similarly affected by heteronormativity can be helpful and eye-opening.

In the "Acceptance" section, I appreciate seeing it acknowledged that people may process for a long time and not always conclude that an ace or aro identity has the same relevance to their overall life as another ace or aro person might. Some of us might conclude "wow, this revolutionizes everything about how I thought I was going to live my life," and others might conclude "yeah, it's good to know I'm ace/aro, but it doesn't actually change anything about what I'm going to do in terms of relationships, sex, or lifestyle." That might change over time, too, and some people may never be wholly happy with their conclusions or fully "sure" of how they identify. It's okay to be in flux or not get a "certain" answer. All identities are complicated and asexuality and aromanticism are just held under a magnifying glass because we're expected to be way more certain to be seen as valid. I also like that the book mentions that people who don't need microlabels may think it's silly to invent or adopt very specific labels, but that many people trying to define and understand themselves need that specificity (and it doesn't hurt anyone!).

I wrote a lot more while reading, but looks like I'm over the character limit! I will share the rest of my thoughts in a comment.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars.
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for allowing me to read an ARC of this book.

I only managed to get through about 80% of this book before it was taken away from me, because I took too long to read it, but I still liked it! It was very informative and I'm glad I read it, so I educated myself just a little bit more on this book's topic.

[Dylan Miller · Rating 4 out of 5]

While at times a bit on the dry side, Ace and Aro Journeys was a perfect step into explaining the categories of asexuality and aromanticism. It's more than a simple introduction, but not daunting or overwhelming. I'd recommend for people on the spectrum, people questioning, and people who want to learn more.

[Mara · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 stars, rounded up to 3

I'll start off by saying that there's a lot about this book that was good. For one thing, it gave equal weight and attention to aromanticism, rather than treating it like a less important extension of asexuality. There was also consistent acknowledgement of the fact that the labels people use for their orientation can change over time for any number of reasons and that that's okay. All the information was laid out in very clear language. And personally, I was super relieved when I checked the table of contents and saw that we were finally getting an aspec book without a chapter about dating.

However, there was one big, glaring issue that I feel the need to bring up, and that is the fact that throughout the book there is a sense of deep discomfort with the existence of sex-repulsed and romance-repulsed people. This is a problem in the ace and aro communities in general, not just with the authors of this book, but it is very obviously there. The authors make sure to include paragraph after paragraph about how romance-favorable aros and sex-favorable aces are good and valid. There are weird little lectures directed at romance-repulsed and sex-repulsed readers about how frustration with compulsory sexuality and amatonormativity are a slippery slope to shaming people for having and enjoying sex. There are even hypotheticals featuring sex-repulsed and romance-repulsed strawmen who advocate for banning sex and bully people for liking romance novels. And then there is literally half a sentence begrudgingly acknowledging that romance-repulsed and sex-repulsed people might have valid feelings too. And there is no acknowledgement of the fact that sex- and romance-repulsed aces and aros often face bullying and pressure to engage in sex and romance from other aces and aros. Considering how careful the authors were to acknowledge and address other problems in these communities, this felt deliberate.

There were other issues as well, such as the claim that exclusionism and gatekeeping are "unique to ace and aro communities." That is just incredibly untrue. The nonsense about who "counts" as X identity and how Y experience means you can't use Z label happens in every queer community. The phrase "gold star lesbian" comes to mind, as does the accusations that bi people aren't really bi if they "end up with" someone of the "opposite" gender. It was really weird and baffling to see a book with upwards of eight authors claim that this is in any way unique to asexuals and aromantics.

Also, the section about "ace discourse" really waters down what was actually happening. First of all, calling it "discourse" just makes it sound like silly disagreements rather than what it actually was, which was an organized, bigoted mass harassment campaign against aromantic and asexual people. The authors mention aspec blogs on tumblr "[becoming] notably harder to find" but makes no mention of the reason for that, which is that a large chunk of the community actively recloseted themselves in an attempt to avoid harassment, threats, and doxxing. Asexual and aromantic communities were decimated by this and it warrants a more honest discussion of what was happening.

This is I guess less of an issue and more of an annoyance but there's also a recurring theme in this book of aromantic and asexual identity being tied to participation in fandom. The worst part was the claim that dragons became a symbol of asexuality because of a Harry Potter character which is...just not true.

[Rachel Nevada Wood · Rating 4 out of 5]

ARC from Net Galley

I've read a lot of books on asexuality (like at least 5 + several zines + some fiction) and Ace and Aro Journeys is the best book I've read when it comes to practical advice about asexuality or aromanticism.

Written by members of The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project (TAAAP), Ace and Aro Journeys is both well-researched and intentionally inclusive of a wide variety of community members. The book's structure is inspired by the Asexual Identity Model proposed by Robbins, Low, and Query in their article "A Qualitative Exploration of the 'Coming Out' Process for Asexual Individuals." This means that following three introductory chapters (The Basics, Community History and Culture, and Identity Development), there are seven chapters dedicated to each stage of identity development-- Ignorance, Discovery of Terminology, Identity Confusion, Exploration and Education, Identity Acceptance, Coming Out, and Identity Integration. Each chapter is written in clear, plain language and is accompanied by bullet points that help the reader digest information and asses whether or not information is relevant to them. Throughout each chapter, there is a strong emphasis on practical advice and figuring out what works best for you; a sentiment that is supported by their robust appendix. For example, Chapter 9 on Coming Out lists several different ways for ace and aro people to come out, with an exhaustive exploration of the pros and cons for each way, as well as an acknowledgement of how coming out as ace or aro might differ from other queer communities.

Unlike other introductory guides (like Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen and Sounds Fake But Okay by Kayla Kaszyca and Sarah Costello), Ace and Aro Journeys appears to be written for ace and aro people. For example, the guide skips over defining basic community terms (though a glossary is provided for those that need further context) and often addresses ace and aro people directly. My favorite addition is a Ace/Aro Coming Out 'Bingo' card available in the appendix.

One note I will make specific to my Goodreads review, is that a lot of people mentioned a Harry Potter reference. I don't know if I just missed this entirely, but I don't recall a Harry Potter reference appearing in this book at all. It makes me think that people are confusing this with Sounds Fake But Okay? If I'm mistaken, I'd love to be corrected.

That being said, this is the book I would hand to baby ace and aro people who understand parts of their sexual and/or romantic orientation, but who remain curious about what that means fin practice.

[Amanda M · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've read quite a few non fiction books that cover asexuality (and very briefly aromantacism), and I have to say, this has to be one of my favorites.

One thing that I'm always hoping for when reading another book about identities is to learn something new, and I was pleasantly surprised that even with my background, this book had more to give. This book is laid out in a very accessible manner, full of great information and resources throughout, and written in a light enough way that it can easily be read in a day. This book is honestly a fantastic resource for everyone, no matter their familiarity with asexuality and aromantacism.

The first thing I want to say that's amazing about this book that I have yet to see in others like it: aromantacism isn't neglected and given a paragraph explanation that it exists and is different than asexuality. This book carries on throughout with both orientations, showing the similarities and differences in experiences for each. There are excellent quotes throughout that come from a diverse group of people with different intersecting identities, including allo aros.

This book has a great tone and voice, it is written by a collective of people, but the writing is consistent throughout (with one exception with some awkward theoretical dialogue). It is done more from an educational and informative point of view rather than relating information through the authors' own stories, which I really enjoyed. Quotes were inserted throughout the book from surveys/interviews to support the information presented in a very effective way.

I think this book does a great job of showcasing some aspects of the aspec experience that I haven't seen talked about much in other books, including that some people don't even realize their experience differs from most people and that sometimes there is a period of mourning your imagined future in your identity journey. Not only that, but also showing the parallels and differences that exist between the aspec communities and the broader LGBTQ+ community.

Intersectionality is brought up throughout this book, mostly from a more broad perspective, but this book acknowledges the way that different parts of a person's identity will change their experience with asexuality and or aromantacism. If you're looking for a book that goes more in depth with intersectionality though, I would recommend Angela Chen's Ace.

There is a lot more I can talk about with this book (acknowledging that some existing representation is not accurate or harmful! Yes!) But I want to end by emphasizing how many resources this book provides. There is a fantastic glossary of terms at the end as well as a monster of an appendix that has tons of other resources and descriptions of them. I'm really excited for this book to come out to use as a resource for myself and others.