Comebacks at Work: Using Conversation to Master Confrontation

by Kathleen Kelley Reardon, Christopher T. Noblet

A stimulating, thought-provoking book that lets you know how to break free of negative behavior, take control of office politics, and prevent difficult, repetitive, and avoidable situations. Reardon—a frequent HuffingtonPost contributor and professor at the Marshall School of Business—arms readers with the tools they need to take control of conversations in the workplace. Comebacks at Work combines the best qualities of Deborah Tannen's Talking from 9 to 5, Kerry Patterson's Crucial Conversations , and Douglas Stone's Difficult Conversations , a perfect workplace guide to getting what you deserve.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Business, Communication, Audiobook

240 pages, Hardcover

First published October 1, 2010

Reviews

[Cindy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm finding that this book works well outside the work world as well. I have to say that this is excellent for people who don't have a quick response to people who verbally attack. The author does a good job of giving examples of verbal attacks - how to respond to them, and she also gives pointers on what to look for - like repetitivenes (are these attacks common?), body language and so forth. She also lets the reader know that sometimes its okay to not respond - like is it really worth it to get into a confrontation? And of course most importantly when you should put your foot down.

"Each of us is at least 75 percent responsible for how people respond to us" (17).

For those that ask personal questions:
"I have a rule about personal questions - I never answer them" (56).

"There isn't much that's private in the world anymore, is ther?" (56).

"If I didn't know you, I'd think you were prying (insulting me, being a wise guy, trying to trip me up, making me look bad to your advantage)" (59).

"Someone says something he thinks is harmless only to have it be received as an insult. Perhaps he slipped verbally and used the wrong word. His mouth moved more quickly than his brain" (verbal misadventure) (63).

URP - unwanted Repetitive Episode

[Devon · Rating 2 out of 5]

Honestly, I think most of these are totally inappropriate to be used in a workplace setting.

[Charles Chan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a surprise read because I wasn't expecting much from the unassuming book cover. However the content was so useful and practical to handle tough conversations at work, in particular insults or sarcastic remarks that puts you down. The author covers sufficiently the foundation knowledge of this subject before going into the practical application with lots of examples embedded in the text. I would like to read her other titles as well in future.

[Tammy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ever found yourself wishing you had something to say to that negative remark someone makes about you? This book helps you look at the situation and see if the remark really was personal or not and if it's worth it to answer back. Though the book is aimed at a work setting, some of the advice could be used in any relationship or social setting. The book also addressed different ways you could answer a put down or negative remark in a given situation. Sometimes, all you need to do is change the subject, other times it can be deflected with humor, or do you give the person a cutting remark in return. I was concerned about the cutting remark section since it was quite extensive and some were really insulting I thought, but the author did finally address how to know if that would be acceptable where you work (or in your social situation) and how to determine if it's worth the potential consequences or not.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good read for anyone who feels as though the way they interact with others leaves them taken advantage of or perhaps a bit misunderstood; after all, Reardon states that we in fact are 75% responsible for how others respond to us. The first five chapters are slow. I felt they were directed at a more socially inept audience, but I found the following "Comeback R-List" very interesting and helpful. Reardon provides many clever examples of comebacks that she encourages readers to try using daily. She also describes extensively the happy medium of the role that logic and emotion should play in how we communicate with others. Some may say that this book seems like common sense, but it's the kind of common sense that often goes over-looked day to day.

[Jenny · Rating 2 out of 5]

I agree with Michael, this book was good for skimming through. Some of the examples were good, but it boils down to "think before you speak", body language speaks 1000 words, and develop a good "pause" or filler phrase if case you are driven to say something before you think.

It's one of those books to glance through every couple of years.

[humble.observer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Practical examples-wish I come across this book earlier

Now I am becoming a big fan of kathleen! She writes in a practical way that can immediately help my daily working life with supportive suggestions. I wish I have known her work earlier in my career!

[Pauline · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very worthwhile read. The advice about focusing on process issues rather than personality issues came in particularly handy.

[Simon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mostly for a Business setting type of job, but there are helpful and useful bits of advice and example comebacks that can help you out.

[Mimi Stein · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some of the tone of the recommended “comebacks” in this book were a little concerning, and seemed to me to allow and even prompt not-constructive work conflicts, if followed.

It felt like this book would be better as part of a workplace conflict resolution, management, and culture training rather than a standalone with limited context. In that case though, I’m sure it would be very helpful as a text and annotated reference for workshop participants.

[Liam · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was fairly helpful for those in more hostile workplaces. My work involves me being at new projects and locations fairly regularly and so my environment can change suddenly from a great situation, to one working with extremely difficult people.

As much as I hate participating in the gotcha culture of insults and comebacks, there are certain times when your reputation is on the line and you need to give somebody a bit to think about before they try to hurl an insult at you the next time. This seems to particularly be the case in the trades. As nerdy as it is to read a book on something like this, I did find some of the suggestions helpful.

The book gave me some food for thought. Much of it I found a little too self-helpy for me to enjoy the read though. Lots of imperatives throughout. All kinds of ‘If you want to be a successful business person then you’d better _____.’

However, all in all I found the book pretty helpful - if you have a hostile workplace and can get past the business lingo it will probably be useful.

[Sherry · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't finish this book. I found this book to be very logical, very explanatory, and what I did read has been helpful. I will probably be coming back to read this book again and give it the better review that it deserves.

[Victoria Shepherd · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book gives practical, sensible advice that is relevant both personally and professionally. It has a breadth of recommendations that are helpful regardless of your personality type. Will definitely be useful in my own interactions. Well worth keeping a copy at your office for reference.

[Wendy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not a bad read, but I was hoping for more.

[Michael · Rating 2 out of 5]

Funny, Worth skimming but not reading cover to cover.