That Melamia, she’s always stirring up trouble. It’s like she’s got it in for me or something. No respect for the office! The other day she tells me I’m not spending enough time with Barron, just like that, outta the blue, like I got nothing better to do than entertain some kid. Next thing I know the twerp’s showing me one of his video games. I never seen anything like it, that little weirdo can blow through one of these puppies in sixteen hours straight, he don’t even speak or stop to take a dump or nothin’. This game is all about a bunch of smelly peasants south of the border who kidnap the President’s daughter, a real looker, just like my Ivanka, and you gotta shoot them in the head. That Baron’s a real killer too, no mercy in that kid. Gets it from his mom, that shrew. After it was all over he just handed me the remote so I could give it a shot, didn’t even say a word. BIG MISTAKE! I been playing this game for three days, and the fat bastard with the chainsaw kills me every fuckin’ time. I got so mad I bought this book to help me. Read it cover to cover. I learned how to shoot the gun, but I still can’t beat the chainsaw guy. Talk about a ripoff! On the third day I fell asleep right there in front of the TV with the remote control still in my hand, and that game gave me nightmares like you wouldn’t believe! I dreamed those stinking farmers kidnapped Ivanka and held her for hostage in their crappy town. I don’t even wanna tell you what they wanted to do, real lewd intent. I called up Mad Dog and made that “pueblo” look like the surface of the fuckin’ MOON! When I woke up Barron had the remote and he had almost won the game all over again. I told him next time he gets kidnapped by crazy villagers he’s on his own, since he’s such hot shit. Then I kicked his Play Station right into the frickin’ wall. Don’t waste your money on this rag!