Growing Through Divorce

by Jim Smoke

Forced to accept drastic changes, make lifestyle–altering decisions, and develop new coping skills, many people going through divorce are left with little hope for the future and even less energy for daily living. Drawing on insights garnered through years of helping people survive divorce, Jim Smoke offers God’s wisdom and step–by–step guidance for anyone experiencing divorce. Topics Discussion questions and a “working guide” section help readers take stock of their situation, handle day–to–day details, and rediscover hope and joy in their lives. Growing Through Divorce (more than 540,000 copies sold) now has a fresh new cover.

Genres: Relationships, Nonfiction, Self Help, Divorce, Christian, Christianity, Family

264 pages, Paperback

First published May 1, 1986

Reviews

[Rachel Croce · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book for small groups working through divorce in supportive settings. It is simple, right to the point, and has practical advise on a variety of issues around a pre and post divorce process. Most of all, I appreciate the invitation for growth as an outcome to such a relational loss.

[Maddie Sprik · Rating 3 out of 5]

Helpful, but it’s not the greatest if you don’t have children or if you’re escaping a DV situation. I’ll definitely still take some advice from it though.

[Alana · Rating 4 out of 5]

I actually finished this one a couple of weeks ago and I had gone through it quite slowly, since I was reading it to slowly digest it rather than as a fun reading experience (as the title implies). When my ex-husband and I first separated I had a very difficult time finding good divorce resources. I had little money, so buying books on Amazon was not an option for me, the library selection was not very good and thrift stores have only the selection that is available on a given day. Also, I approach the subject of divorce from a strongly Christian perspective, which means I was looking for something to speak to my situation: namely, how to approach a divorce when it is not my desire or wish and when I'm strongly opposed to the idea in general? This one, thankfully, was available at a thrift store, was in my price range and has some Christian principles so I didn't feel I was being preached at to hate my ex, as some of the other "resources" I'd come across had done.

I wish I'd come across this one much earlier on, before the divorce was finalized, in fact, even at the beginning. But in the beginning I still wasn't considering divorce, I was still trying to save my marriage, so I don't know that I would have read this anyway. I didn't agree with everything in it (still don't) but nothing was so drastic that it either offended or made me angry. It talks about the fact that yes, this is happening, and yes, there are things that one MUST do to make the longer-term consequences easier... but even if you don't or you've skipped steps or made mistakes, it's not the end of the world and mistakes can be overcome. It discusses everything from attorneys to how to handle the ex and the kids and the in-laws, to what to do about income and finances, to what to do about living situation, to dating and remarriage. He is very clear that each situation is unique and each of those topics must be handled according to the unique situation. No one's story is just like someone else's.

My beefs with the book: he states somewhere in the middle that there is a bibliography of resources at the back of the book. Not so (and yes, I know it was a thrift store find, but I could not see evidence of any pages having been removed) and the author does not appear to have a website or anywhere that lists these resources, which I very much would like to scour through, because as I stated, I had difficulty finding resources aimed at the Christian perspective. I may just have to write my own someday. Two, it's not until about halfway through the book that he strongly recommends that no matter the circumstances of the divorce or how amiable it appears, GET AN ATTORNEY! This is something I strongly hold to as well, because even though my divorce was relatively peaceful in the legal and financial settlements, there were still issues and the peace of mind of having someone who understands the legal elements advising me along the way was worth far more than the money I paid him. This point should have been made very early on in the book, as it's very essential (which I suppose means I should have put it early in my own review?)

All in all, it's a good resource to try. It has points that were helpful and others not as much, and some that simply don't apply (as in my case, since there were no children or property involved in my divorce). I'm not saying you will love or hate it, just that part or all can be helpful.

[Iain Baker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Extremely helpful, encouraging book for anyone that has gone through divorce. Jim writes empathetically, with a real understanding of what people going through a separation are going through. The book covers some tough topics and doesn't shy away from getting you to confront the situation and take control of it, in order to grow through it rather than just go through it.

[Frans Kempe · Rating 4 out of 5]

A help for people that are divorced. A practical and hopeful book that speak of how you can grow through a divorce. Each chapter deals with a different topic from putting your spouse and your own responsability in perspective to help with lawyers and setting goals for the future. Comes with study questions and a working guide.

[Jocelyn Paige Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Helpful book on how to grow from the experience of divorce. I liked what it had to offer in the chapters that seemed more applicable to my situation, though I think it is best suited for those divorcing with children who are also dealing with the stigma of divorce within their faith and community.

[Marie · Rating 3 out of 5]

What an excellent resource! This is the book that covers it all. In summary, those faced with divorce and go through it or grow through it. For me, this is a very validating book, and one that offers hope, encouragement, and direction.

[Carmel Westerman · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was written over 30 years ago. It is a book that I bought in Garden Grove, CA
when Jim Smoke was the leader of the singles group, Positive Christian Singles, at the Crystal Cathedral. Divorce was rampant and our group was eager for any glimmer of hope for the future.

[Kylene Jones · Rating 2 out of 5]

Was given to me by an acquaintance when she found out my husband left me. I wish something had been on it warning me it was a religious healing book. Some advice was good but I do not do the religion thing so was not ever all happy with the book.

[Kim · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought it was a good book with practical tips and advice. A lot of the information I already knew, but they were great reminders. I rated it three stars because I've read a few more divorce books that were more helpful.

[MMBell · Rating 4 out of 5]

I reread this book in 2016 from having read an earlier edition years ago. I think Jim Smoke is a good read for persons who doubt their faith when going through a divorce. Using scripture and life related examples Smoke explains a broad spectrum of emotional issues to define feelings about divorce.

[Jim George · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you are in the middle of one, there is some good advice to be found in this book.

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book that provides a wealth of knowledge for those who are divorced as well as those who are working with others that are divorced. Nice resource

[Alora · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great, non-judgmental approach to healing and moving on after divorce. However, he says that (all) divorce is sin. That's not Biblical.