God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation

by Andreas J. Köstenberger, David W. Jones

The release of the landmark first edition of God, Marriage, and Family provided an integrated, biblical treatment of God's purposes for the home. Since then, explain authors Andreas Köstenberger and David Jones, the crisis confronting modern households has only intensified, and yet the solution remains the obedience to and application of God's Word.

In the second edition of God, Marriage, and Family, Köstenberger and Jones explore the latest controversies, cultural shifts, and teachings within both the church and society and further apply Scripture's timeless principles to contemporary issues. This new edition includes an assessment of the family-integrated church movement; discussion of recent debates on corporal punishment, singleness, homosexuality, and divorce and remarriage; new sections on the theology of sex and the parenting of teens; and updated bibliographies. This book will prove to be a valuable resource for personal and group study, Christian counseling, and marriage and family courses.

Genres: Marriage, Theology, Family, Christian, Parenting, Christianity, Counselling

400 pages, Kindle Edition

First published November 11, 2004

Reviews

[Pedro Pamplona · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eu ouço falar muito bem desse livro há anos e nunca tinha lido. Parei para ler agora nas férias e madrugadas acordado com o Davi e ele realmente vale todas as indicação e elogios. Kostenberger fornece uma ótima introdução sobre casamento e família mais ao estilo teologia bíblica. O conteúdo é bem direto e possui muitas e ótimas notas de rodapé para aprofundamento.

Os temas como casamento, família, filhos, homossexualidade, solteirismo e divórcio são tratados com boa base bíblica e aplicações para pastores e famílias. Posso dizer que concordo com tudo, exceto a parte dos anticoncepcionais, que gostaria de estudar mais o lado científico (mas sua opinião é muito boa e provavelmente a mais sábia). Seu trabalho de pesquisa exegético em temas que levantam alguns tabus é muito bom, como o divórcio e o significado de “marido de uma só mulher” em 1 Tm 3. Gostei demais!

Muita gente diz isso pra tudo quanto é livro, mas aqui está uma leitura essencial para casais e principalmente pastores e líderes.

Kostenberger é fera demais!

[Frank · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent book on God, Marriage, and Family. The author gives a comprehensive understanding of God's design and will for marriage and family from sound biblical exegesis. He also details the various positions concerning areas of controversy like disciplining children, the use of contraceptives, homosexuality, and the family-integrated movement. In each case, he provides a biblical argument followed by a logical evaluation of the various views on the subject.

[Amber-Leigh · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read parts of this book for a paper I’m writing on changing family structures and roles throughout the ages, and frankly what little I did read I found appalling. Though much of the information was useful for my work - in so far as I was better able to ascertain the meaning of family from a Christian perspective (which is what I was going for) - the book’s approach to topics such as homosexuality, gender and relationships outside the scope of marriage comes across as derisory and offensive. The sentence that particularly struck me - and in turn lead to my writing this review - is:

“Homosexuality deprives children in households run by same-sex partners of primary role models of both sexes and is unable to fulfil the procreative purposes God intended for marriage union.”

The underlying implication that same-sex couples are somehow less capable of successfully raising children is one I find intolerable in every respect.

[Evan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book.

Minus a star for using endnotes. Minus a star for chapter 13. Plus a star for the excellent tables. Every book needs to have these kinds of tables.

[Mike E. · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book would make a good gift to a married couple.

It is comprehensive and thoroughly biblical. The strength of the book is that it is fair in presenting competing views on various issues--like parenting philosophies, the use/non-use of birth control, the permissibility of divorce and remarriage, homosexuality, etc.

Chapter eight is the best chapter in the book. It includes excellent and practical help for parenting--especially teens. For example the authors list seven signs of spiritual maturity that parents should look/pray for in their teens:

(1) an independent life of personal worship and devotion;
(2) a desire for corporate worship and instruction;
(3) a pursuit of fellowship in the body of Christ;
(4) an openness to discuss spiritual things;
(5) approaching decision-making from a biblical perspective;
(6) a desire to serve others and to share one’s faith; and
(7) a desire to give of one’s financial resources to support God’s work.

The authors also include a conflated form of questions (originally from Douglas Wilson) to utilize with prospective spouses of their soon-to-be-engaged children:

1) Are you a Christian? Tell me your testimony about how you came
to faith in Christ. Tell me also about your current Christian reading
and devotional life.
2) What is your church and denominational background? Which
churches have you attended in the past, and of which church are you
currently a member?
3) Do you attend church regularly and are you actively involved in the
life and ministry of the church? Tell me about your involvement.
4) Tell me about your family. What kind of lifestyle are you accustomed
to? How would you describe your parents’ marriage and what was
it like growing up in your family?
5) What is your relationship with your mom and dad, and how are you
getting along with your brothers and sisters?
6) How would you describe your work ethic? How many jobs have you
had in your life, and what was your experience?
7) What is your current occupation, what are your vocational goals,
and what do you see yourself doing ten years from now?
8) Do you have any debt? If so, what kind of debt and how much? How
do you make financial decisions? What kind of standard of living do
you hope to have?
9) Tell me about your experience in school. What are your educational
goals and how are you planning to go about meeting them?
10) Is there anything in your background that, if I knew it, might make
me less likely to approve of your spending time with my son or
daughter? Have you ever been in trouble with the law? Can you tell
me about your previous relationships? For young men: Do you have
a problem with pornography? For young women: Do you believe in
dressing and behaving modestly?
11) God willing, are you hoping to have children one day? For young
men: How do you plan to support a family? How do you see your
role in relation to your future wife? For young women: Do you enjoy
exercising hospitality? Do you like children? How do you see your
role in relation to your future husband?
12) What attracts you to my son or daughter? What do you think you
have to offer to this relationship? What do you think is God’s will in
this regard and how do you know?

In chapter 13 the authors fairly and boldly analyze the currently popular way to do church called "family integration." They write:

The family-integrated church approach can actually tend to promote a lack of general integration as these churches may at times neglect to include those from broken families . . Nowhere in Scripture is it taught that families must cluster together at all times when the church is gathered. Just as fathers may lead their family in worship and Bible reading at home, so the pastor of a local church may lead the entire congregation made up of people
from a variety of familial and social backgrounds, in joint worship. . . Another question that arises is to what extent the
family-integrated approach is predicated upon a theology that stresses the continuity between Old Testament Israel and the New Testament church
and neglects to give proper recognition to the pronounced New Testament emphasis on individual faith.


Weaknesses: The book reads kind of like a dictionary or encyclopedia with repetitive and formula-like conclusions. Few will read through this book in its entirety. However, this is a volume that will be rewardingly pulled off the shelf periodically when issues related to family, parenting, and marriage arise.

[Paul · Rating 5 out of 5]

Daniel Akin, President of Southeastern Theological Seminary says this in his forward, "Perhaps more books ought to be written by a biblical scholar in collaboration with Christian ethicists who have a special interest in and love for marriage and family.
I have found this book to be excellent as it approaches marriage and family from the biblical standard and provides wonderful practical application for contemporary marriages and families.

[Ietrio · Rating 1 out of 5]

Or how to live the good life like an illiterate goat herder from three millennia ago.

[Michael Beck · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is worthy reading through once and then having on the shelf to reference over and over. It touches on all the issues of singleness, marriage, parenting, homosexuality, church leadership, and much more. Highly recommended.

[Abbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very in-depth, biblically based and extremely well researched theology of marriage and family. Additional topics included singleness, divorce, homosexuality and the church. Several controversial views were discussed at length.

[Alan Rennê · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excelente obra!

[Evan Dozer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Currently in the western world, we are being confronted with the need to define the meaning of marriage and family. As we navigate this, everyone has to answer the question: "Who has the authority to define these institutions?" And for Christians, we look to God's Word which is not dependent on man's approval and is also not silent regarding the issues we face today. While this is not easy, it is needed and it requires that we consciously place ourselves under, rather than above, Scripture.

This book provides a clear yet thorough study of what Scripture has to say about marriage, the family, and numerous issues related to the two. This book does a great job of focusing on the theological as well as the practical aspects of how to live out these relationships in a way that honors the Lord.

The author's make clear that their goal is to bring Christians back to the higher standard, God's standard, which is the biblical foundation of marriage and family in God's Word.
They recognize that marriage and family are super important, yet they also have roles within the larger framework of God's plan in bringing all things together under Christ.

May we approach God's Word with a humble, submissive posture that seeks to gain understanding in faith. Allowing God to work in us so that we can live for Him.

[Laurent Dv · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finally the book that I was looking for : a global exegesis and study of family, man and woman, children, marriage, celibacy (the best part I think). All the subjects that are interwoven..

In fact this is a biblical theology of sexuality or humans from the point of view of family and sex.
I goes from Genesis through Revelation. And as we go along, themes are dealed with. For example on the NT part with Jesus and Paul, divorce is the main subject. On Ephesians 5, the chapter speaks of marriage. I don't agree with all, or just the author remains vague, but all the main and basic irenic tenets are here. There are plenty of diagrams and charts that sum up the chapters (all the content is in).

The best book on sexuality.

[Blake · Rating 4 out of 5]

An excellent book that is a must read for all who want to understand a Biblical perspective on the marriage and family structure in more than a basic level. In a culture where there are many perspectives, Kostenberger takes the reader back to the Creator's pespective and provides many answers to, oh-so-many questions. I highly recommend this book for your reading.

[Jacob O'connor · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve read a few from Kostenberger now. Always solid stuff.

[Jónatas Rafael Lopes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Muito bom. Recomendo a leitura.
Já a fiz o ano passado e reler foi uma bênção

[Elizabeth Eflin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'll definitely come back to this one. Very informative while also feeling pastoral. I especially appreciated the chapter on singleness, and how it was handled.

[Kendall · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nothing fancy. Just a good, pleasantly written, reference for the shelf. I think the best application is a quick skim through, not stopping too long unless a section catches your eye.

[Matthew · Rating 4 out of 5]

The 2nd edition of God, Marriage, and Family by Andreas Kostenberger (first edition was published in 2004) adds several sections to this jam-packed theology book on all things family as the challenges to the Bible in these areas continue to change quickly. God’s Word hasn’t changed on these topics, but the ways in which believers must apply the Word is becoming increasingly confusing these days. Homosexuality, for example, is gaining acceptance even among many in the church, many using the Bible to support this acceptance. Believers must know what the Bible says, how it’s arguments and commands are constructed, and then be able to proclaim and defend these truths in matters of the family.

This book is a shield against the attacks against the biblical family.

Methodically walking through the different topics (marriage, sex, family, birth control, singleness, divorce, homosexuality, etc.), Kostenberger presents the biblical picture from both the Old and new Testament. At times forceful and no doubt alienating some with his blunt confirmation of the Bible’s stance on certain issues, he nevertheless speaks with both authority and love for God and people. He doesn’t sever the discussion of these issues from people, and realizes the impact of the biblical commands in these areas.

Much has already been said about this book, and it went into a 2nd edition for a reason. It’s simply the most thorough (and thoroughly biblical) treatment of these topics I’ve ever seen. The traditional family is under constant attack, and many times, the arguments seem appealing in certain areas. We need to be grounded in the truth of the Bible, understanding that God designed things to work in certain ways for our good. This book will help many (in addition to the many it already has) to defend not just “traditional values,” but God’s values and his Word. I would highly recommend this resource.

[Guillaume Bourin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A careful analysis touching on marriage from the standpoint of Biblical Theology. Comprehensive and useful volume. I have read the second edition (2010), with includes several extra materials.

[Jeremy Canipe]

Dr. Andreas Kostneberger teaches at Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. He is a distinguished scholar of the Bible and Christian theology in application to the family. This book is a terrific one, which seeks to address key topics of marriage, gender, sex, the family, and how, at the end, that impacts how the church should be organized.

In addressing each topic, this book is focused on what the Old Testament and the New Testament teach about each topic. He does a good job of showing the continuity as well as how God has progressively revealed more detail over the course of the Bible and how that relates to human being's eternal state for the saved. He also deals with both historical theology as to how various people have written about various Biblical topics and then then-contemporary debates. Reading his book in 2020, I am also reminded that these truths are all the more needed to steady the church as American society drifts further from the positive memory of Christian truth claims towards, more and more, seeing these timeless truths as dangerous and repressive prejudices to be suppressed.

Highly recommended as a deep and biblical introduction to these important topics.

[Josiah Young · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very thorough introduction to most family issues, providing a relatively consistent depth of biblical assessment and reasoned thought on each issue. While I felt the argument for defining marriage as covenant (vs contract) was poorly argued (though the conclusion is not wrong) and would have appreciated more coverage in the section on divorce and remarriage (though the appendix in this edition is helpful and it is true that this survey is only meant to be introductory), I greatly appreciated the careful hermeneutic and wide-ranging familiarity with Scripture that the authors consistently demonstrated throughout.

They kept a good pace (not boring) and structured their chapters in an accessible format (clear intros and helpful summaries). This is a helpful textbook and would be easy to recommend to any lay person with a serious interest in God’s design for the family.

[Brooke E · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is extremely helpful personally to help me truly see a full picture in the Scriptures of God's good desire and design, and His seriousness on marriage and family. This book is expecially helpful in this age that all things regarding marriage and famliy are being redefined. This provides a view of the family rooted in bibilical theology tracing through all of the Bible from Genesis to the Epistles. Some can surely reject it, but the bibical reference and the clearity of the work of biblical theology cannot be easily dismissed. If you need a biblical, comprehensive (in the sense it covers all major areas) and clear working-framework for marriage and family based on the Bible (not just popular Christian values but the text itself), this book would be so helpful.

[Shaun Marksbury · Rating 4 out of 5]

With fourteen chapters, an appendix, and 110 pages of notes and indexes, this book isn't simply another book on family - it's a systematic theology. Even though it's theologically thick, Köstenberger delivers a readable text from which a lay person can easily benefit. He covers controversial topics important both to our current culture as well as pastorally, such as sexuality, roles within marriage, and divorce and remarriage. He also includes content on child-rearing and how home-life reflects upon ministry qualifications. I strongly recommend every family have a copy of this book: it's far better than the typical marriage and family fare.

[Tim Franks · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a strong work covering a wide range of topics when it comes to God's Word and family foundations. This book covers everything from a narrative style of the Bible and it covers topics such as sexuality, abortion, gender roles, and much, much more. This book is probably better read in chunks as you are thinking about different topics. Was a bit of a tough read straight through. I didn't agree where they landed with all of their beliefs, but they did a great job with explanations and strong research on all of the topics. Would highly recommend this resource for these topics, with the understanding of some changes in the past decade on these things.

[Andy Hickman · Rating 1 out of 5]

"God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation" by Andreas J. Köstenberger

Over a decade ago I got this book so that I could stock up all the justification I needed to refute my opponents who somehow thought that women and gays should be afforded love and respect.

But I have since seen the Imago Dei in people and in Scripture in ways I had never thought possible.

Now that I am unpacking my boxes (Covid lockdown activity) from storage I am repulsed by the content in here. Throwing a brick at someone's head will do less damage than reading this. This book will give you plenty of black/white categorical ammunition. *

[Ben · Rating 4 out of 5]

While this book isn't short (275 pages plus an Appendix), it offers a comprehensive biblical theology of God, marriage, and the family. It also engages in contemporary arguments in areas such as marriage, contraception, homosexuality, and divorce. Most helpful, the book ends (chapter 13) with a discussion on the relationship of the family and the church, their ordained roles and spheres of influence, and how the church can support the family. This is a solid resource to parachute in on one particular topic, or to read all the way through. The authors won't answer every question you have, but they will give you helpful parameters and suggestions for engaging the topics further.

[Nathan Stine · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.6 stars, so I rounded up

Until the last chapter, it was gonna get a 3 star for too much redundancy, some poorly defined terms, and a couple edgy statements about young women exhibiting “inappropriate initiative” (??).

But the last chapter bumped it up by critiquing the “family integration” movement. It also implied (rightly I think) that paedobaptism lends itself to an under realized eschatology that treats the family as equal in importance to the church, but that family structures won’t exist in heaven, so we should expect a trajectory where the New Covenant community treats families as important but not as important as the church. *plz don’t attack me, presby brothers and sisters*

[Maegan Spivey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read the second edition. I think this book is important because it starts from a place assuming that as Christians, the Bible is our ultimate authority no matter how uncomfortable this makes us in how it disagrees with our cultural norms. Even if you disagree with some smaller areas of application, the overarching principles do hold water and in conviction turns us right around to ask God for his will and discernment. All in all - definitely worth reading and necessary for believers to think about.

[Bryan Eberl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. I will come back to this as a resource for many years. It lays out concepts of singleness, marriage, forms of dating, father, mother; children roles, abortion, birth control, IVF and other fertilization methods, sterilization, divorce, church leadership, and soooo much more, while addressing each from an Old Testament; New Testament perspective, and the Bible as a whole. It also addresses homosexuality, and summarizes each topic into charts. I’d say this is the best book of the year, and want to recommend it to everyone I know.

[Katie Seeley · Rating 3 out of 5]

A scriptural overview of how we are to view Marriage and Family as Christians. I won’t say this is the best book I’ve read on marriage and family, but it was decent. Many chapters were well explained with biblical support and references. There were some chapters, like chapter 13, which were mainly explained just from the authors opinion and done very poorly.
If you choose to read this book, i encourage you to practice discernment in it and always double check the verses being cited and the measure the opinions given against the standard set in the Bible.