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MotherStyles: Using Personality Type to Discover Your Parenting Strengths

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An antidote to our stressed-out mother culture, MotherStyles validates the notion that good mothering comes in many styles and explains how understanding how you most often react to your child and why is the most important step toward working through areas that have long given you trouble. Drawing on the personality type-theory popularized by the Myers-Briggs(r) Type Indicator and author Janet Penley's more than eighteen years of working with mothers, MotherStyles explains the combinations of traits that make up sixteen distinct mothering approaches. From the "Tuned-In Mother," the "Heart-to-Heart Mother," and the "Kids 'r' Fun Mother" to the "Responsibility Mother" and the "Independence Mother," Penley helps readers identify which style reflects her own strengths, struggles, and needs and, from there, offers unique and concrete ideas for ways to overcome the parenting challenges inherent to each type. Guiding mothers to an understanding of how type affects parent-child interactions and family dynamics, MotherStyles will help moms everywhere to recharge their batteries, and find success in this most important of roles.

276 pages, Paperback

First published March 14, 2006

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 67 reviews
Profile Image for Teri.
97 reviews17 followers
June 10, 2009
I gave up parenting books, oh about 11 years ago. I couldn't handle feeling guilty anymore about not reading enough to my 6 month old or letting my child play in (gasp!) a walker. So it was with great trepidation that I picked up this book at the recommendation of a friend. I was very pleasantly surprised. The premise is that parenting books in general don't work because they don't take into account the personality of the mother. This book helps you find your own personality type and then gives advice on how to deal with your weaknesses, use your strengths, and adapt to the different types of your children.
I had never given any thought to this before so I found the whole book fascinating. I now know why I just freak out when I'm so busy (Introvert) and why I love lists (Judging) and why it takes my daughter 2 hours to get anything done (Perceiving). I highly recommend this book to anyone with kids, even if your kids are old!
Profile Image for Suzanne.
91 reviews
February 2, 2009
I had lots of "aha" moments reading this book, even though I'm familiar with Meyers-Briggs and read parts of The Introvert Advantage. I'm an INTJ. So many parenting books (and hilariously, reading parenting books in general is a total INTJ move) don't differentiate between different, yet acceptable, solutions to parenting challenges. These authors help you find your parenting strengths and understand and cope with weaknesses. I think INT's (either P or J) in particular will love this book, because we're on the opposite spectrum of our cultural norms for moms, which are ESF.

I find some personality typing can be pretty silly (like a horoscope), but I see value in Meyers-Briggs. It's a system, and like all systems has much to offer but doesn't provide all the answers.

It's called Motherstyles, but I thought it applies equally to dads. In fact I laughed out loud at several parts because my husband is an extreme I, T and J, and I think the authors transcribed some of his daily utterances into the book.

I rated it 3 stars because after the first half I found it redundant and not too helpful. Part of the challenge is that my children are too young to type. But I recommend the first half.
Profile Image for Christine.
47 reviews5 followers
August 7, 2008
One of my favorite "mothering" books. Finally a book where I felt validated that I had an individual mothering style and more importantly that my sister, neighbor or friend probably had a totally different style and that is just fine! The real take-away from this book is that our children have a different personality than we do (yes, we know that, but do we live it?), therefore, we must reach them differently. This was also the book that finally acknowledged what I knew to be true -- I'm a misunderstood introvert!!. I appear to be an extrovert, I've been labeled an extrovert my entire life, but deep within me I am most at peace and most happy leading a more introverted life. What an aha moment for me! Now, I know how to proceed....
1,417 reviews58 followers
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January 16, 2019
I rarely read the whole book of books like this. I read about my own type, and maybe those of a few people close to me. What the author says in the summaries of type makes sense. I didn't read on to the more detailed explanations, especially not when she started getting into hypothetical family structures and charts. One thing I did notice as I skimmed the remainder of the book, though, is that this book is set firmly in traditional gender roles and family arrangements. Discussions are framed in terms of a mom and a dad and the kids. Maybe you'll like that, maybe you won't, but I figured people would like to know the viewpoint of the author before starting a book of parenting advice.
Profile Image for A.C. Bauch.
291 reviews5 followers
July 7, 2017
One of the reasons I wanted to read this book is that I wanted to gain insight to my unique parenting styles and strengths. With the few parenting books I've either read or attempted to read, I've often felt they were written for "other moms," because they didn't resonate with me. I've tended to find them ridiculous, impossible, guilt-inducing, etc., making me feel as though I'm a woefully inadequate mother.

Of course, many of those perceptions are filtered through my own insecurities. In spite of my insecurities, I've still longed for a book that validates how I think and feel about and "do" mothering.

Enter MotherStyles. I've long been a fan of Myers-Briggs personality typing, as a way of learning more about myself and for self-improvement purposes. But I'd never read anything about the types as they pertain to motherhood. After finishing the book, I feel more confident about my mothering style. I also better understand why I react to many parenting situations the way I do (and why my husband and I don't always agree), and am inspired to work on my parenting weaknesses (e.g., my rigidity often interferes with my ability to just have fun and enjoy my children).

I recommend this book for any mom trying to be the best mom she was created to be--not the mom she thinks she "should" be--as well as moms trying to understand how the types affect family dynamics.
Profile Image for Allison.
277 reviews
January 27, 2014
Interesting, useful and surprisingly inspiring. I'm an ESTP (The Action/Adventure Mother) or an ESFJ (the Happy Together Mother) and I think Mike is an ISFJ (Tender Loving Care Father). Fun to think about.
Profile Image for Stacy.
521 reviews30 followers
January 8, 2018
This fun read focuses on helping mothers understand their strengths and weaknesses in terms of their Meyers-Brigg personality.

Reading through, I had many epiphanies. For my own section (INFJ), the author mentions that we hate details. Yes, yes, yes! That's exactly it! The story of my life. I'm lost in the big ideas in my head and nothing irks me more than getting bogged down with nitty gritty details, whether it's at work or remembering to put boots on my child because the forecast included a chance of rain, or packing 19 things in the diaper bag to take care of every potential emergency that could arise when we are out.

Then there's the section that described my mother-in-law! Suddenly I understood her SO much better, her respect for privacy that could be misconstrued as uncaring or lack of interest due to the ISTP's aversion to asking personal questions. Fabulous!

I went through and found all the mothers in my life and there they all were, described to a T. Such a fun read if you're interested in personalities! The main point is, mothers comes in many styles; all have strengths, and none are perfect.
Profile Image for Stephanie Traphagan.
7 reviews6 followers
May 10, 2017
I really enjoy learning about personality types, and this was a really insightful look into how personality plays into motherhood. Could have done without the last chapter, though. Strayed too​ far towards relativism and not just types.
Profile Image for Emily M.
885 reviews21 followers
May 5, 2018
Quick read with some interesting self evaluation. I find personality types fascinating and would be interested in doing more evaluating of my kids' types and how my ESTJ meshes with them. Because she had 16 types to evaluate, the actual mother/child combo discussions were quite brief.
Profile Image for Tisha.
1,303 reviews2 followers
March 14, 2017
This was an interesting look at how personality affect your mothering style. I especially enjoyed the parts about how knowing the differences between mother and child personalities can help overcome some parenting challenges. Lots of great ideas. It inspired me to try harder to be a better mom which is ultimately what I look for in parenting books.
Profile Image for Little.
1,087 reviews13 followers
September 11, 2013
Because my field is closely related to psychology, I was familiar with the Myers-Briggs personality typing system, but I had never actually been "typed" myself. In part because you have to go to a trained professional to take the Myers-Briggs instrument and I didn't want to know badly enough to spend the money on it. But the breakdown Penley gives in her book helps you to "type" yourself reasonably accurately, and her insights into they ways your personality type affects your mothering style are excellent. I'm an ENTP, for anyone who cares.

The two take-homes every mom should hear from the work also closely align with my professional philosophy. 1) Every type of mom has strengths, so capitalize on and celebrate your strengths. 2) Every type of mom has struggles, but your kids aren't going to grow up to be perfect either, so they need your example of how real people respond to their areas of challenge. Reading the rest of the book (or at least the parts relevant to your personality type) helps you to more clearly articulate your strengths and struggles as well as develop strategies to use strengths and compensate for difficulties.

Finally, one paragraph at the end of the book that people reading for their "type" information may have overlooked: the three areas that EVERY mom of EVERY personality said were problems. 1) Every mom wishes she was more patient. 2) Every mom needs help with housework. 3) Every mom parents badly when the family is over-scheduled.
Profile Image for Melissa E.
90 reviews5 followers
December 31, 2009
I highly recommend this book for moms.

I started reading this book hesitantly. I'm usually a little skeptical when it comes to personality tests. I think we tend to pick who we want to be rather than who we are.

When I started reading, I picked out the mothering style that is the extroverted version of my mother. After actually taking the tests and reading more of the descriptions, I realized that I am almost exactly the opposite of my mom. For 5 years I have been trying to be the kind of mom and I am naturally not inclined to be.

This book was incredibly enlightening for me. It has given me information to chew on for days. It has helped me feel more tolerant of other mothering styles, and has made me want to cultivate MY strengths as a mother rather than forcing myself into a mothering mold that I will never feel comfortable in.

Basically, my fam might be eating more pizza on major holidays instead of fancy feasts. I need adult interaction away from my kids. And I will probably never feel super comfortable with complicated schedules and to-do lists. And that's OKAY!
Profile Image for Rachel.
273 reviews17 followers
June 29, 2011
The Myers-Briggs personality tests (based on Carl Jung's psychological types) help us understand variations in human behavior. This book takes the MB types a step further, tailoring the advice to mothers. How are you energized (extrovert/introvert), how do you gather information (sensing/intuition), how do you make decisions (thinking/feeling), and how do you like your outer world organized (judging/perceiving)?

Every now and then I happen on a book that makes all the thoughts swirling around in my brain click, and this is one of them. I feel a lot more self-aware, better able to take care of myself, more understanding of my limitations (and less guilty about them!). Just as importantly, I feel much more compassionate toward others (including, and especially, my children) who differ from me. I've been thinking in personality types these past few weeks, and it's been a fresh new take on all my relationships!

Highly recommend this to every parent. One caution: In a couple of these areas I felt like I could go either way. It's definitely a spectrum. Regardless, I love the solid suggestions given for parents of every type.
Profile Image for Elizabeth.
551 reviews20 followers
October 7, 2010
Familyeducation.com had a feature on this book complete with quiz which immediately took my circle of friends by storm. I've had Meyers-Briggs before and was surprised at how well this was tailored to mothering.

You don't have to be familiar with Meyers Briggs to get something from this book, although i would suggest taking one of the many free online assessments ahead of time. There is no assessment in the book and it can be difficult to determine your type without an objective assessment.

If you've already done any sort of Myers Briggs class/training/retreat you don't need to read the majority of the first half of the book although there is some good stuff in there. The second half of the book has to do with applying the knowledge to your life.

Overall I found this book to be very affirming of the differences in mothering styles. She has some really great parts about the fantasy of the perfect mother, the unsung heroes who break cycles of abuse in their families, dealing with your own mother, etc...

I highly recommend this book.
105 reviews1 follower
June 14, 2011
The authors take the famous Meyers/Briggs personality Typing and uses it to help mothers not only discover their parenting styles but embrace them. Basically, we all have personality preferences to how we get energy, handle information, organize the world around us, and make decisions. When I read my type it was crazy how right on it was about the kind of mother I am. Then I read my mothers and my sisters. They were spot on as well. One of the things that I really liked about this book is that it really emphasizes that as women we need to stop comparing ourselves to other mothers.

The first half of the book helps you discover what your mothering personality type is. Then the rest helps you figure out what type your children might be. This helps a mother to understand and accept her children for their personality type preference.

This was such a refreshing parenting book. I read it cover to cover with lots of aha! moments in between.


Profile Image for Ty.
52 reviews
October 7, 2025
"motherhood is more like a marathon than a sprint. discovering how to be a good mother based on your own nature instead of trying to fit yourself into some mold of what a good mother SHOULD Be is the only viable approach for the long haul. "

"perfectionism is not very nurturing to your child or to your spirit. our best involves embracing what it means to be human."

"being whole means embracing those inadequate parts as well as our strengths. Wholeness involves getting to know your limits and vulnerabilities, including them in your definition of who you are, accepting them just as you accept your eye color or having two hands instead of four. that's the only way to feel whole as a human being.

The reality is that the very qualities you perceive to be your personal shortcomings are the flip side of the wonderful strengths that make your children lucky to have you as their mother."
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Shevonne.
73 reviews8 followers
March 14, 2008
This book was amazing. I always wondered why I seem to get along better with my son than my daughter. After reading this book, I realized why. My personality is INTJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Thinker, Judger), my son is an ISTJ (Introverted, Sensor, Thinker, Judger), and my daughter is an ENFP (Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeler, Perceiver).

I spoke to my ex who I think is an ISTJ, and he said that he also clashes with her all the time. The book teaches way to get along with your children who have different personalities than you. This morning I tried one of the tips she gives. I was trying to dress my daughter, and I said, "Put your clothes on." My son did it right away, and my daughter started crying. I said, "Let me dress as you as a fairy princess." She stopped crying and put her clothes on with no issues.

Definitely get this book. It will help your parenting style.
Profile Image for Amy.
455 reviews
March 26, 2011
I have a love/hate relationship with these types of books. On the one hand I find them incredibly helpful and insightful...on the other I completely disagree with being locked into a set "type". While the authors made mention to be careful about imposing type on children or holding them to strictly to one, they failed to mention how adults to can overcome "type" flaws and improve or gain other "type" strengths. That being said, if I didn't already have that beef, I would give it a 4 or 5. I still find myself thinking about and have referenced in conversation some things from this book.

Helped me to see my strengths and weaknesses in a new light--which in turn helped me to view myself and others less harshly.

Would recommend it as a quick read and to new mom's who might be unsure of their strengths and preferences in parenting.
13 reviews
February 7, 2011
I walked into this book already knowing quite a bit about Myers-Briggs typology, so at first I skipped the parts that described the dichotomies and went straight to the discussion about family dynamics and parent-child type differences. I didn't know I'd missed the best part! The second part of the book is somewhat helpful, but when I went back to the beginning, I found the detailed descriptions of each dichotomy, (e.g., Intuition/Sensing, Thinking/Feeling) to be the most interesting and helpful because the author describes each type totally within the context of parenting and includes many illustrative quotes from other mothers. I found myself nodding in agreement on a number of occasions to something that another mother said. Excellent section! Recommended (if you're into this kind of thing...)
Profile Image for Heather.
270 reviews
August 11, 2012
I have always had a strong interest in personality and how we all get along together in this world. This book is helpful in showing how our personality types (which we were born with) affects our family dynamic. How we are as parents, why we may struggle with one child more than the other, how the overall family personality occurs and what that means, how to find more balance between the types in your family, what you can work on with your temperament with each child's, how to understand the other Moms & why they do what they do, and to know that one type is not better than another, they all have their strengths & their weaknesses. There were many helpful gems in dealing with others of different personality types and how to relate & how to find success in those relationships. Some things stood out & have been very useful for me...
Profile Image for Karen (Living Unabridged).
1,177 reviews64 followers
August 9, 2016
Fantastic book about parenting based on Myers-Briggs typology. Helps you find your type and understand your corresponding strengths and weaknesses in relation to your children, your spouse, and other parents.

Helpful to me because my type is rare (INTJ) and I'm also prone to thinking if other folks do things differently they are doing it "wrong". It's good to be reminded that not all things should be measured that way.

As a Christian, I'd like to see someone write this type of book from a Christian perspective because other than a vague reference to "spirituality" this author doesn't really deal with that major factor.

The 16 Myers-Briggs types are just a tool to understand people, but as a tool, I find it far more helpful than more simplistic methods. Now I need to go back through and take a few more notes.

I highly recommend this one.
Profile Image for Angie.
526 reviews2 followers
December 14, 2025
Not the best book I've read on personality type, but it was the one that made me realize that a lot of my challenges in mothering stemmed from trying to be what I thought a mother had to be. It helped me appreciate how doing what came more naturally to me (an INTJ) would better serve my kids than my exhausting attempts to be more like my SF sisters.

2025 reread: I've been doing some reflecting on motherhood, and decided to pick this book up again even though I'm almost to the empty nest stage. With hindsight, I probably should have reread it regularly through the intense mothering years! It's so hard to see how to rely on my own strengths in the midst of chaos, rather than wishing for someone else's strengths.
Profile Image for Monica Strang.
Author 3 books9 followers
August 13, 2012
This book definitely helped me understand not just my daughter better, but my husband and surprisingly, myself. I'd read it in the car when our family would drive somewhere and my hubby and I would discuss it. I can already see a difference in the way I deal with everyone and I know now that with my personality type, I need "alone time" to help me process things and re-energize. I'd recommend it to any mother, father, or anyone who'd like to better understand why people are the way people are. However, I would have liked more concrete examples and tips on dealing with specific children's personality types. It seemed very general in that area.
Profile Image for Christi.
816 reviews7 followers
May 14, 2015
This book was so fun to read. It's based on the Myers-Briggs personality system (the four letters are your type), it focuses on how that plays into your mothering style, where you have strengths and weaknesses, and how to make it easier for you as a parent and to parent your children. I have taken the personality tests before but it was still worth the time to read and look into. I look forward to seeing how some of the things she mentioned play out in family dynamics in the future. Mostly, just a fun new way to view how I "mother" and why I am the way I am. Also, it was very validating and helps with "mother-guilt."
Profile Image for Julie Verner.
21 reviews
August 29, 2009
I give a high recommendation for this book. She uses the Myers-Briggs temperament scales to discuss mothering. The book offers wonderful insight into the ways in which women mother differently based on their own personalities. Not only can women walk away understanding themselves better, but it provides a nice cure to the tendency to compare ourselves to each other and draw unfavorable conclusions. I used this book for a mom's book club and it drew consistently favorable responses from everyone.
18 reviews
February 14, 2011
Great book using personality type and mothering styles. Becoming a mother can stretch you, teach you, grow you, but at times you can get lost in "mothering" without really understanding or remembering who you really are and what kind of mothering is most natural to you. It's a great book to read through and work through. Put what you are doing as a mother in perspective and make wise choices about how and when to use your energy and how and when to recharge your batteries. I'd love to read a "WifeStyles" if there is anything like that out there!
Profile Image for Megan.
384 reviews
February 16, 2014
4.5 stars. I enjoyed this book very much! I feel like I learned a lot about myself and my family members by reading this book. It is not so much a personality quiz book as it is an approach to parenting based on knowing your personality strengths and struggles and how to work with then instead of fighting your natural tendencies. I did wish there were a few more concrete examples, as especially near the end it seemed a bit vague. Overall, a great read for learning to understand family dynamics and personality conflicts.
Profile Image for Brittany K.
621 reviews
November 16, 2011
This book is based on the Myers-Briggs personality profile and uses your personality type to help you understand how to use your strengths as a mother. It was interesting but didn't really teach me anything about myself that I didn't already know. I am Introverted, Sensing, Thinking, and a perfect balance between Judging and Perceiving. I appreciate that this book helped me recognize that there is nothing wrong with me, I just respond to motherhood according to my personality.
Profile Image for Laura.
122 reviews
May 7, 2013
This is a fun book to flip through. You take a little test on parenting styles and it tells you what kind of mother you are. Then it has a whole chapter on what your pros and cons are and how you interact with your children. I don't know if you can pin down exactly what kind of parent you are because we are evolving every day as parents. Anyhow, it is a fun read and it might make you think about how you do certain things and if they are things you want to keep doing or change.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 67 reviews

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