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The Way Things Are
"'You've never told me about your marriage, Laura?' said Duke Ayland...'Yes. It's only - I'm very fond of Alfred,' said Laura, taking the plunge and temporarily unaware that almost all wives begin conversations about almost all husbands in precisely the same way" Laura has been married for seven years. On those occasions when an after-dinner snooze behind The Times seems preferable to her riveting conversation about their two small sons, Laura dismisses the notion that Alfred does not understand her, reflecting instead that they are what is called happily married. At thirty-four, Laura wonders if she's ever been in love - a ridiculous thing to ask oneself. Then Duke Ayland enters her life and that vexing question refuses to remain unanswered ...With Laura, beset by perplexing decisions about the supper menu, the difficulties of appeasing Nurse, and the necessity of maintaining face within the small village of Quinnerton, E.M. Delafield created her first "Provincial Lady". And in the poignancy of Laura's doubts about her marriage, she presents a dilemma which many women will recognise.
352 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1927
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About the author
E.M. Delafield
155 books149 followersEdmée Elizabeth Monica Dashwood, née de la Pasture (9 June 1890 – 2 December 1943), commonly known as E. M. Delafield, was a prolific English author who is best-known for her largely autobiographical Diary of a Provincial Lady, which took the form of a journal of the life of an upper-middle class Englishwoman living mostly in a Devon village of the 1930s, and its sequels in which the Provincial Lady buys a flat in London and travels to America. Other sequels of note are her experiences looking for war-work during the Phoney War in 1939, and her experiences as a tourist in the Soviet Union.
Daughter of the novelist Mrs. Henry De La Pasture.
Daughter of the novelist Mrs. Henry De La Pasture.
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Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews
December 31, 2019
I read somewhere, I'm not sure where, that this book was one of four by the author that were loosely linked by theme. That theme is what marriage has meant for women. I didn't know that before I started reading and so I didn't read them in sequence. Now that I have read all four I can say that it didn't matter at all, but that it was interesting to consider them together, and to think about how that theme and the position of women evolved.
The four books are Consequences, Thank Heaven Fasting, The Way Things Are and The Diary of a Provincial Lady and I can warmly recommend all four for what they have to say, the stories they have to tell, and the author's ability to make her reader understand and empathise.
That said, I have to say that I think this book is not as strong as the other three, because I found it difficult to warm to the heroine, and because it is a little less distinctive than the others, having too many points in common with the much better known and much loved title that followed in its wake.
This is the story of Laura Temple, a provincial wife and mother of two young sons, in her early thirties. She is also a writer of short stories, that have been praised but have had no significant success beyond that. She struggles to find time to write, because managing her household and keeping up with her social obligations seems to take up every moment that she has.
Lady Kingsley-Browne tells her that she needs to be firmer with her staff, and Laura knows that she is right but she just can't do it. She tries to be sensitive to their situations, but that often unsettles or upsets them, and they frequently decide to move on.
She also knows that she is being less than even-handed with her two boys. Edward is her first-born, and he is a bright and practical child, but Laura can't help loving the mischievous Johnny more. She knows that sometimes that shows, that her favouring of Johnny would in all probability hurt Edward, but again she seems unable to do anything about it.
This would be an unhappy tale in the hands of many authors, but E M Delafield illuminated Laura's life beautifully, she made her story easy to read, and she turned her into a very real person who you wanted to know, to speak to, and to set in the right direction.
I loved Laura's voice; her perception her friends and neighbours and of the world around her; and her understanding of her foibles. It was easy to believe that she could have been a successful author.
It doesn't help that her marriage has stagnated. She and Alfred had married young and maybe not for the best of reasons, and they had run out of things to say to one another.
They had been reasonably in love with one another. Alfred was - or so Laura supposed - incapable of being unreasonable in love, and she herself had expended most of her capabilities for romance in purely imaginary directions. She had , in her maiden days, composed speeches to an ideal lover that would have astonished and disconcerted Alfred to a considerable extent, had she ever spoken them aloud.
But she never had, and had never seriously wished to, and in the course of seven years of child-bearing and rearing, housekeeping, writing stories to augment her income, and talking about the bulbs to her neighbours, Laura had almost forgotten that she had once thought herself destined for a grand passion.
That makes her very susceptible to a man named Marmaduke Ayland, who expresses an interest in her writing, who sees her as a woman and not just a wife and mother, and who offers words of admiration and love. A love affair begins, but Laura finds that she cannot shake off her fondness of her husband, that she cannot stop thinking of her sons and so she feels terribly torn.
The romance was rather sedate, but I am afraid I couldn't quite believe in it. My feeling was that Laura was in love with being in love and the possibilities that offered, and that Duke's feelings were quite similar, and that he was unprepared for the possibility that she might really leave her husband. That meant that I couldn't feel real concern, but I did appreciate the points that were being made about the impossibility of the choices women had to make between love, marriage, family, and pursuing their own interests.
I loved the sub-plots, one comical and one serious, that said more about those important choices - and compromises - that women have to make, and about how society views them. My feelings about the two young ladies concerned - Lady Kingsley-Browne's spoilt daughter BéBée and Laura's younger sister, who had been a bright young thing about town, were much less conflicted than my feelings about Laura.
There was much about her that I liked, but I couldn't get past her knowingly favouring one son over the other, and though I knew that she was trapped to some degree by circumstance and society, I couldn't help feeling that she should have appreciated that she was luckier than a great many women, and that she could have done something to make things a little better.
That said, there are many good things in this book, more than enough for me to say that it is well worth finding and reading.
The final sentences may be the best of all, and I thought about them for a long time after I put the book down.
The four books are Consequences, Thank Heaven Fasting, The Way Things Are and The Diary of a Provincial Lady and I can warmly recommend all four for what they have to say, the stories they have to tell, and the author's ability to make her reader understand and empathise.
That said, I have to say that I think this book is not as strong as the other three, because I found it difficult to warm to the heroine, and because it is a little less distinctive than the others, having too many points in common with the much better known and much loved title that followed in its wake.
This is the story of Laura Temple, a provincial wife and mother of two young sons, in her early thirties. She is also a writer of short stories, that have been praised but have had no significant success beyond that. She struggles to find time to write, because managing her household and keeping up with her social obligations seems to take up every moment that she has.
Lady Kingsley-Browne tells her that she needs to be firmer with her staff, and Laura knows that she is right but she just can't do it. She tries to be sensitive to their situations, but that often unsettles or upsets them, and they frequently decide to move on.
She also knows that she is being less than even-handed with her two boys. Edward is her first-born, and he is a bright and practical child, but Laura can't help loving the mischievous Johnny more. She knows that sometimes that shows, that her favouring of Johnny would in all probability hurt Edward, but again she seems unable to do anything about it.
This would be an unhappy tale in the hands of many authors, but E M Delafield illuminated Laura's life beautifully, she made her story easy to read, and she turned her into a very real person who you wanted to know, to speak to, and to set in the right direction.
I loved Laura's voice; her perception her friends and neighbours and of the world around her; and her understanding of her foibles. It was easy to believe that she could have been a successful author.
It doesn't help that her marriage has stagnated. She and Alfred had married young and maybe not for the best of reasons, and they had run out of things to say to one another.
They had been reasonably in love with one another. Alfred was - or so Laura supposed - incapable of being unreasonable in love, and she herself had expended most of her capabilities for romance in purely imaginary directions. She had , in her maiden days, composed speeches to an ideal lover that would have astonished and disconcerted Alfred to a considerable extent, had she ever spoken them aloud.
But she never had, and had never seriously wished to, and in the course of seven years of child-bearing and rearing, housekeeping, writing stories to augment her income, and talking about the bulbs to her neighbours, Laura had almost forgotten that she had once thought herself destined for a grand passion.
That makes her very susceptible to a man named Marmaduke Ayland, who expresses an interest in her writing, who sees her as a woman and not just a wife and mother, and who offers words of admiration and love. A love affair begins, but Laura finds that she cannot shake off her fondness of her husband, that she cannot stop thinking of her sons and so she feels terribly torn.
The romance was rather sedate, but I am afraid I couldn't quite believe in it. My feeling was that Laura was in love with being in love and the possibilities that offered, and that Duke's feelings were quite similar, and that he was unprepared for the possibility that she might really leave her husband. That meant that I couldn't feel real concern, but I did appreciate the points that were being made about the impossibility of the choices women had to make between love, marriage, family, and pursuing their own interests.
I loved the sub-plots, one comical and one serious, that said more about those important choices - and compromises - that women have to make, and about how society views them. My feelings about the two young ladies concerned - Lady Kingsley-Browne's spoilt daughter BéBée and Laura's younger sister, who had been a bright young thing about town, were much less conflicted than my feelings about Laura.
There was much about her that I liked, but I couldn't get past her knowingly favouring one son over the other, and though I knew that she was trapped to some degree by circumstance and society, I couldn't help feeling that she should have appreciated that she was luckier than a great many women, and that she could have done something to make things a little better.
That said, there are many good things in this book, more than enough for me to say that it is well worth finding and reading.
The final sentences may be the best of all, and I thought about them for a long time after I put the book down.
July 31, 2020
"But it was no use. Her brain might function with all the clarity of 1927 but her emotional reactions remained those of 1912."
Such a delight to read. E.M. Delafield really knew how to hone in on relationship troubles and as a result, the book read as a surprisingly modern story.
Laura and her husband Alfred live in the country with their two children and an assortment of unreliable servants who keep quitting or disappearing. Although they are both happy enough, Laura can't help thinking that she has missed out in falling head over heels in love with someone (the marriage feels like one of convenience and comfort only) and finds her life rather dull and uninspiring. What makes matters worse is that Laura's neighbour Lady Kingsley-Browne's ghastly daughter Bebee (humorously pronounced "Baybay" by Laura and Alfred in private) has thrown herself at "one of the richest men in the land"(sending her mother into a tailspin of nerves) who ends up marrying Laura's sister, Christine. Along the way Laura finds herself falling in love too, with an attractive and charming man named Duke (who feels the same way), as well as having to smile through numerous social functions that bring her no joy whatsoever and tend to her children when they develop whooping cough. All the while, Alfred would rather be out in the garden weeding than taking an interest in Laura or her life. She is left with a tough choice to make - can she throw everything away for the chance of real, exciting love?
I really enjoyed this, and can't wait to read the author's many other satirical comedies.
Such a delight to read. E.M. Delafield really knew how to hone in on relationship troubles and as a result, the book read as a surprisingly modern story.
Laura and her husband Alfred live in the country with their two children and an assortment of unreliable servants who keep quitting or disappearing. Although they are both happy enough, Laura can't help thinking that she has missed out in falling head over heels in love with someone (the marriage feels like one of convenience and comfort only) and finds her life rather dull and uninspiring. What makes matters worse is that Laura's neighbour Lady Kingsley-Browne's ghastly daughter Bebee (humorously pronounced "Baybay" by Laura and Alfred in private) has thrown herself at "one of the richest men in the land"(sending her mother into a tailspin of nerves) who ends up marrying Laura's sister, Christine. Along the way Laura finds herself falling in love too, with an attractive and charming man named Duke (who feels the same way), as well as having to smile through numerous social functions that bring her no joy whatsoever and tend to her children when they develop whooping cough. All the while, Alfred would rather be out in the garden weeding than taking an interest in Laura or her life. She is left with a tough choice to make - can she throw everything away for the chance of real, exciting love?
I really enjoyed this, and can't wait to read the author's many other satirical comedies.
August 3, 2025
A prototype of The Diary of a Provincial Lady.
March 28, 2018
The Way Things Are has several elements in common with Diary of a Provincial Lady: both are about a wife and mother struggling to balance her domestic life with her emotional life and her literary aspirations. I was startled in reading the Introduction (after I read the book, in case of spoilers) to find that it's considered one of Delafield's funniest books, because although I certainly found it witty, I didn't find it nearly as funny as the Provincial Lady books. Perhaps I was simply too overcome by the subtext, by Delafield's poignant portrayal of a woman striving to find herself as something other than wife and mother; certainly this is the same theme as the Provincial Lady books, but I found it much nearer the surface and more disturbing in The Way Things Are. I may be making it sound as though I didn't like The Way Things Are, and that's not so; in fact, I liked it enough that I'm sorry it's out of print and rather hard to find, because Delafield should be better known for her books outside the Provincial Lady series.
May 14, 2013
One of the most tragic books I've ever read, though I haven't quite decided which interpretation of the last few paragraphs is the "right" one, if any. Perhaps it really isn't tragic at all. Deceptively simple and domestic at first, like its protagonist, this book becomes something quite unexpected as our heroine, the product of a conventional late-Victorian upbringing, begins to look more deeply into herself and to consider the possibilities apparently on offer to women in the larger world of the early 20th century.
On the surface a classic tale of a woman coping with confusing relationships and a restrictive culture, this is also a timeless story of the encounter with Oneself, which must be undertaken with courage and which may leave one utterly shattered.
I enjoyed the comedy of Delafield's "Provincial Lady" series. This book concerns a woman of the same era, in similar circumstances -- a writer, married, with two young children, living in the country -- but the similarities end there.
The one thing I'm sure of, having finished this book, is that I'll read as many of Delafield's other books as I can find. This one left me sad, but very much wanting to hear her voice again.
On the surface a classic tale of a woman coping with confusing relationships and a restrictive culture, this is also a timeless story of the encounter with Oneself, which must be undertaken with courage and which may leave one utterly shattered.
I enjoyed the comedy of Delafield's "Provincial Lady" series. This book concerns a woman of the same era, in similar circumstances -- a writer, married, with two young children, living in the country -- but the similarities end there.
The one thing I'm sure of, having finished this book, is that I'll read as many of Delafield's other books as I can find. This one left me sad, but very much wanting to hear her voice again.
May 2, 2024
I know this book was written a hundred years ago, but she only has extramarital sex ONCE, falls in love with the man who is obsessed with her, but ultimately decides she likes her boring mundane life and doesn’t leave her hubby Alfred and her annoying kids behind
Tbh if I were the main character, I would cheat on my husband too. Alfred is a dud who only talks about gardening
Tbh if I were the main character, I would cheat on my husband too. Alfred is a dud who only talks about gardening
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 1, 2015
Laura Temple is not particularly happy with her life. She has a nice house, big, but not quite big enough. She has servants who are always quitting and are hard to replace, but even then not as many servants as she would like. She has two sons - one whom she adores, the other whom she is fairly certain she loves. She writes when she has time, but there is never enough time. There is never enough money so writing is more of a necessity than a driving passion or pleasure. She hasn't many friends with similar interests. She is relatively happy living in the country, but has little interest in the garden. Her husband is fond of her and she is fond of him. They are respectable. Then her sister comes to visit with her friend, a musician, Duke Ayland, and everything changes. Duke falls in love with her and she with him, her self-esteem is restored and she comes to see value in herself. But she could never hurt her husband or leave her children so what can be done?
This book was often humorous. Especially the interactions with neighbors or her sister's friends. However, though I felt very sorry for Laura and her situation, I also didn't feel very sorry for Laura and her situation. I wanted her to find happiness and fulfillment, but her clear extreme favoritism for her one son over the other really grated on my nerves and made her much less sympathetic. I honestly believe if it hadn't been for obnoxious little Johnnie, whom she cherished, Laura might not have had the same qualms about leaving her family. I wanted her to have self-esteem, but even when she felt good about herself she treated Edward poorly. So though I enjoyed the book, I didn't really like the primary character.
This book was often humorous. Especially the interactions with neighbors or her sister's friends. However, though I felt very sorry for Laura and her situation, I also didn't feel very sorry for Laura and her situation. I wanted her to find happiness and fulfillment, but her clear extreme favoritism for her one son over the other really grated on my nerves and made her much less sympathetic. I honestly believe if it hadn't been for obnoxious little Johnnie, whom she cherished, Laura might not have had the same qualms about leaving her family. I wanted her to have self-esteem, but even when she felt good about herself she treated Edward poorly. So though I enjoyed the book, I didn't really like the primary character.
June 16, 2017
Parts of this were funny, in the same style as Diary of a Provincial Lady. Parts of it, especially toward the end, were sad. The heroine--whose last name was Fairfield--made me wonder how much of the book was autobiographical. The story was about a woman who was fond of, but not in love with, her husband. She meets someone with whom she falls in love, but can neither leave her husband and children nor give up on the romance she's finally encountered. A very common story, but moving none the less.
July 9, 2023
Beautifully observed if a bit of a downer (though I don't think anything of hers is ever as much a downer as Consequences).
7/23 re-read for research purposes, for which it is very useful indeed!
7/23 re-read for research purposes, for which it is very useful indeed!
May 19, 2020
3.5 stars, rounded up. My first Delafield, won't be my last, but it's a different kind of book from what I've read before. Stuff to think about and ponder before doing an official review.
November 16, 2015
Spoiler Alert: If you don't want to know what occurs in the novel, please don't read this review as it is a review of the entire book.
Laura is the bored wife of an English gentleman, also mother of two boys, who struggles on a daily basis with things she's not very good at, i.e., running a household including servants, ordering meals and other minutiae of daily life in early 20th century Britain. Much of this is strange to an American reader although I can see that dealing with servants (imagine!) must have been difficult, especially if you were a self-effacing woman who wanted people around her to be happy. Her husband is so emotionally remote that he might be diagnosed today as having mild Asperger's Syndrome (or a rich, hidden inner life like Walter Mitty).
In any event, Laura is ripe for the appearance of a lover who duly shows up in the guise of a boyfriend of her sister Christine's, Duke Ayland. They predictably fall in love and the rest of the book is given over to the tension between Laura's desire to experience passionate love and the Victorian ideal of Duty. The action is tame by today's standards but must have seemed rather darling in 1927 when the book was published. Laura is swayed by many ideas and emotions (against a backdrop of sweeping social change, illustrated here in her troubled relations with her servants and in the motley behavior of Beebee Kingsley-Browne).
Ultimately, Laura decides to stay for the sake of her children which seems an unassailable choice except for the fact that Laura really only cares for one child, Johnnie. This makes her supposed sacrifice of happiness for their sake dubious. Edward is ignored and Johnnie shamelessly indulged. (Terrible as it is for children to be left by their mother, the reader occasionally wonders if it might not be better for these children.)
In the end, the reader is left with the open question, why did Laura make this choice and was it the right one? On the one hand, the family is preserved and marital vows kept. Societal ideas of decency are preserved. On the other, Laura wakes every morning 'with nothing to look forward to' (which also gives the lie to the idea that she stays because she loves her children too much to give them up.) Her sister Christine gives us a clue as to why Laura stays when she calls her 'conventional.' Laura also recognizes in a moment of insight that she is an ordinary woman unlikely to count the world well lost for love. And then there is the fact, also mentioned by the practical Christine, that love affairs inevitably peak and fade.
I think the moral and emotional ambiguity of the book reflects the author's own uncertainty about her material. Ms. Delafield was just beginning her writing career (and probably didn't want to upset her potential audience by plumping openly for immorality- if in fact she would have). Curiously, Laura is a successful writer of short stories (although she has little time to devote to them) but this doesn't seem to constitute a source of happiness as creative outlets are commonly supposed to do.
Ultimately, The Way Things Are is an interesting example of E.M. Delafield's early work, not as polished as her later Provincial Lady novels, but still worth a read (and a think).
Laura is the bored wife of an English gentleman, also mother of two boys, who struggles on a daily basis with things she's not very good at, i.e., running a household including servants, ordering meals and other minutiae of daily life in early 20th century Britain. Much of this is strange to an American reader although I can see that dealing with servants (imagine!) must have been difficult, especially if you were a self-effacing woman who wanted people around her to be happy. Her husband is so emotionally remote that he might be diagnosed today as having mild Asperger's Syndrome (or a rich, hidden inner life like Walter Mitty).
In any event, Laura is ripe for the appearance of a lover who duly shows up in the guise of a boyfriend of her sister Christine's, Duke Ayland. They predictably fall in love and the rest of the book is given over to the tension between Laura's desire to experience passionate love and the Victorian ideal of Duty. The action is tame by today's standards but must have seemed rather darling in 1927 when the book was published. Laura is swayed by many ideas and emotions (against a backdrop of sweeping social change, illustrated here in her troubled relations with her servants and in the motley behavior of Beebee Kingsley-Browne).
Ultimately, Laura decides to stay for the sake of her children which seems an unassailable choice except for the fact that Laura really only cares for one child, Johnnie. This makes her supposed sacrifice of happiness for their sake dubious. Edward is ignored and Johnnie shamelessly indulged. (Terrible as it is for children to be left by their mother, the reader occasionally wonders if it might not be better for these children.)
In the end, the reader is left with the open question, why did Laura make this choice and was it the right one? On the one hand, the family is preserved and marital vows kept. Societal ideas of decency are preserved. On the other, Laura wakes every morning 'with nothing to look forward to' (which also gives the lie to the idea that she stays because she loves her children too much to give them up.) Her sister Christine gives us a clue as to why Laura stays when she calls her 'conventional.' Laura also recognizes in a moment of insight that she is an ordinary woman unlikely to count the world well lost for love. And then there is the fact, also mentioned by the practical Christine, that love affairs inevitably peak and fade.
I think the moral and emotional ambiguity of the book reflects the author's own uncertainty about her material. Ms. Delafield was just beginning her writing career (and probably didn't want to upset her potential audience by plumping openly for immorality- if in fact she would have). Curiously, Laura is a successful writer of short stories (although she has little time to devote to them) but this doesn't seem to constitute a source of happiness as creative outlets are commonly supposed to do.
Ultimately, The Way Things Are is an interesting example of E.M. Delafield's early work, not as polished as her later Provincial Lady novels, but still worth a read (and a think).
September 13, 2023
It’s important to keep in mind the era in which this book was written. I had to keep reminding myself as I was comparing it to The Diary series .
It’s quite, quite different .
For example , sex is discussed and the notion of infidelity. ( I thought it seemed more like a book of the 50’s as the topics of sex and neuroses were popular topics then too ) I felt much sympathy for poor Laura. She is in a traditional marriage with an all too traditional husband and then her world is nudged and bothered by a handsome admirer.
Personally I didn’t like him; he was begging for a week together but we all know that ( as did Laura) probably their relationship would not last beyond the week .
So she , a smart woman, didn’t “settle” ,but I think had new found appreciation for her situation. Not so bad . At least it was a stable situation and she had a spouse who although a bit neglectful, loved her in his own way .
I didn’t find the conclusion sad . She was made to feel desirable and that was definitely a tremendous ego boost .
It’s quite, quite different .
For example , sex is discussed and the notion of infidelity. ( I thought it seemed more like a book of the 50’s as the topics of sex and neuroses were popular topics then too ) I felt much sympathy for poor Laura. She is in a traditional marriage with an all too traditional husband and then her world is nudged and bothered by a handsome admirer.
Personally I didn’t like him; he was begging for a week together but we all know that ( as did Laura) probably their relationship would not last beyond the week .
So she , a smart woman, didn’t “settle” ,but I think had new found appreciation for her situation. Not so bad . At least it was a stable situation and she had a spouse who although a bit neglectful, loved her in his own way .
I didn’t find the conclusion sad . She was made to feel desirable and that was definitely a tremendous ego boost .
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 6, 2008
This is one of the early feminist novels, written in the 20s. The heroine, Laura Temple, spends her days dealing with the million practical details of home and family, and when she can, sneaking some time to write short stories. This wasn't how she thought her life would go. And when she falls in love, it looks like maybe there's another option for her. Or is there?
March 3, 2013
Fantastic!! And quite modern. Dealing with the same issues we have always dealt with no matter what time we live in-- Stay married to someone you like or give up everything for someone who love??
Read
July 16, 2015One of only 5 Viragos I kept....
April 4, 2017
More poignant than the "provincial lady" diaries, but worth reading.
March 11, 2023
Brilliant. A novel about love and marriage written in 1927 whose messages remain true today.
Laura, the middle-class heroine, has married a man she is "fond of" (as she says frequently) but never actually loved. Now, living in rural Devon with two children and a large house which is just about within their means, she is stifled and bored with her life and annoyed by her attention-seeking sons, her unreliable domestic staff, and her pretentious, superior neighbours. Then her younger, free-spirited sister comes to stay, and introduces her to Marmaduke Ayland, a bachelor who shares her interest in the Arts, is engaging company, and who flatters her battered self-esteem. They begin a chaste affair while Laura agonises about whether to follow her heart and be with "Duke" or remain true to her husband and family and marriage vows. A subplot about the scandal created by the spoiled daughter of an aristocratic neighbour setting her cap at a married famous author provides comic relief but also highlights the dilemma faced by Laura. The characterisation and writing are first-rate: it is a measure of the skill of the author that the reader, even in 2023, feels sympathy with a character who somehow manages to cope with a house, a husband, two children, and a very part-time job despite having only three domestic servants.......
The book is written from the point of view of a woman, by a "realistic feminist", and alludes to the unfairness of women's place in society, but not in a preachy way, and leaves the reader to make up his/her own mind about the question. Laura has married for status, for convention, for financial security, and to have children. All of these have been provided, but now she misses her lost youth and wants excitement and passion and a man who respects her for her mind. Is life unfair ? Or has she just moved the goalposts ? Discuss. Is her sister, married towards the end of the book, "luckier" than she ? Or just 10 years away from her own disillusionment ? Would the attraction of "Duke" Ayland have palled once his novelty wore off ? Does he really respect her for her mind and her talent as an author, or is he just smitten ? Because if it's the former, why can't they just be platonic friends with a shared interest ? Would Laura be less unhappy if she, like her much-maligned husband, had less time on her hands ?
Along the way there is sparkling wit, believable dialogue, and sharp observation aplenty. Her more famous "The Diary of a Provincial Lady" re-uses much of the material from this novel to great comic effect, but this has (minor) tragedy and pathos as well. Highly recommended.
A few snippets: "The maxims of parents are usually quite inapplicable to the adult existence of their children";
"Laura, in fact, shared with several hundred thousands of other people a vain desire to combine the opportunities of youth with the experience of maturity";
"The emotional instant of renunciation had passed - defeated, as are all emotional instants, by sheer force of Time's continuousness."
And, in Laura's inner monologue, a laugh-out-loud reply to the question "I'm not boring you, am I ?"
Laura, the middle-class heroine, has married a man she is "fond of" (as she says frequently) but never actually loved. Now, living in rural Devon with two children and a large house which is just about within their means, she is stifled and bored with her life and annoyed by her attention-seeking sons, her unreliable domestic staff, and her pretentious, superior neighbours. Then her younger, free-spirited sister comes to stay, and introduces her to Marmaduke Ayland, a bachelor who shares her interest in the Arts, is engaging company, and who flatters her battered self-esteem. They begin a chaste affair while Laura agonises about whether to follow her heart and be with "Duke" or remain true to her husband and family and marriage vows. A subplot about the scandal created by the spoiled daughter of an aristocratic neighbour setting her cap at a married famous author provides comic relief but also highlights the dilemma faced by Laura. The characterisation and writing are first-rate: it is a measure of the skill of the author that the reader, even in 2023, feels sympathy with a character who somehow manages to cope with a house, a husband, two children, and a very part-time job despite having only three domestic servants.......
The book is written from the point of view of a woman, by a "realistic feminist", and alludes to the unfairness of women's place in society, but not in a preachy way, and leaves the reader to make up his/her own mind about the question. Laura has married for status, for convention, for financial security, and to have children. All of these have been provided, but now she misses her lost youth and wants excitement and passion and a man who respects her for her mind. Is life unfair ? Or has she just moved the goalposts ? Discuss. Is her sister, married towards the end of the book, "luckier" than she ? Or just 10 years away from her own disillusionment ? Would the attraction of "Duke" Ayland have palled once his novelty wore off ? Does he really respect her for her mind and her talent as an author, or is he just smitten ? Because if it's the former, why can't they just be platonic friends with a shared interest ? Would Laura be less unhappy if she, like her much-maligned husband, had less time on her hands ?
Along the way there is sparkling wit, believable dialogue, and sharp observation aplenty. Her more famous "The Diary of a Provincial Lady" re-uses much of the material from this novel to great comic effect, but this has (minor) tragedy and pathos as well. Highly recommended.
A few snippets: "The maxims of parents are usually quite inapplicable to the adult existence of their children";
"Laura, in fact, shared with several hundred thousands of other people a vain desire to combine the opportunities of youth with the experience of maturity";
"The emotional instant of renunciation had passed - defeated, as are all emotional instants, by sheer force of Time's continuousness."
And, in Laura's inner monologue, a laugh-out-loud reply to the question "I'm not boring you, am I ?"
May 30, 2021
A bit rough to read because Laura's life is such a drudge. She is constantly having to find new servants when the cook or the house-parlor-maid give notice, her two boys wear her out when Nurse isn't watching them, and her husband loves his gardening more than conversation with her. Enter Duke Ayland, who shows her possibly more attention than he should, considering her marriage. But they can't stop thinking about each other.
Nicely understood, though. My favorite quotes:
I wonder whether the mere fact of being a mother does really reduce one, conversationally, to the level of an idiot.
Her brain might function with all the clarity of 1927 but her emotional reactions remained those of 1912.
...a home of one's own.... a wordless recognition of what Alfred had done for her in marrying her.
[she hadn't found happiness, companionship, and perfect love in Alfred]
Instead of suffering, she had developed an irritable temper.... remained static for years. Emotionally, she had ceased to exist.
[she] shared with several hundred thousands of other people a vain desire to combine the opportunities of youth with the experience of maturity.
It dawned on her dimly that only by envisaging and accepting her own limitations, could she endure the limitations of her surroundings.
Nicely understood, though. My favorite quotes:
I wonder whether the mere fact of being a mother does really reduce one, conversationally, to the level of an idiot.
Her brain might function with all the clarity of 1927 but her emotional reactions remained those of 1912.
...a home of one's own.... a wordless recognition of what Alfred had done for her in marrying her.
[she hadn't found happiness, companionship, and perfect love in Alfred]
Instead of suffering, she had developed an irritable temper.... remained static for years. Emotionally, she had ceased to exist.
[she] shared with several hundred thousands of other people a vain desire to combine the opportunities of youth with the experience of maturity.
It dawned on her dimly that only by envisaging and accepting her own limitations, could she endure the limitations of her surroundings.
March 29, 2024
I was in the mood for something lighter but well written so grabbed this off my shelf.
Laura Temple is married to Alfred and has two children. She counts herself lucky to be in her situation in 1927 but juggling motherhood and running a household is exhasuting and when her sister comes to stay, Laura ends up questioning her marriage.
I found this very enjoyable and might have given it 5 stars if I had read it more regularly as work was very busy. E.M Delafield captures the struggles and anxiety women faced and still face. Laura is a great main character and I loved the fact she was a writer. I enjoyed her relationship with her sister and how they made fun of some of the snooty characters they had to pay visits to. E.M Delafield is a more modern Jane Austen and I definitely want to read more of her books.
An excellent book which captures the merits and downsides of marriage. Lively, funny and tragic in places.
Laura Temple is married to Alfred and has two children. She counts herself lucky to be in her situation in 1927 but juggling motherhood and running a household is exhasuting and when her sister comes to stay, Laura ends up questioning her marriage.
I found this very enjoyable and might have given it 5 stars if I had read it more regularly as work was very busy. E.M Delafield captures the struggles and anxiety women faced and still face. Laura is a great main character and I loved the fact she was a writer. I enjoyed her relationship with her sister and how they made fun of some of the snooty characters they had to pay visits to. E.M Delafield is a more modern Jane Austen and I definitely want to read more of her books.
An excellent book which captures the merits and downsides of marriage. Lively, funny and tragic in places.
January 25, 2024
Witty and charming but not profound. Laura is 34, and cannot hide from herself anymore that she never was really in love with poor, dull Alfred, who takes her for granted and bores her to death. They have 2 adorable little boys, Edward and Johnny, who are enough to leave Laura permanently exhausted but not fully engaged. So she falls in love with Marmaduke, a very eligible single man who makes her feel alive and desirable. But of course, the romance cannot lead anywhere. Meanwhile Laura's sister Christine marries, also without passion, but since Jeremy is much wealthier than Alfred, an easier and therefore happier life seems in store for her. Delafield excels at describing the minute aggravations which are the daily fate of the wife of a poor country squire, but this book is really a bit too low on plot.
February 18, 2023
Funny how this archaic domestic scene can still resonate today. Obviously the challenges within a marriage in terms of running a home have changed but the fundamental questions about happiness and motivation are still current. An interesting and thought provoking, if challenging in terms of money, manners and class, novel.
November 13, 2019
Written in 1927, this story of a marriage takes place in small town England. Laura is in a loveless marriage, and explores other possibilities while being held back by her small children. Charming, and laugh out loud funny at many spots.
October 21, 2018
Not as wonderful as Miss Buncle!
January 24, 2020
I learned of this book here: https://heavenali.wordpress.com/2020/...
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July 15, 2018If you've read the 'Diaries of a Provincial Lady' then there's little point in reading 'The Way Things Are' - this earlier work deals with identical characters facing identical problems in an identical milieu. The 'Diaries' are lighter, accessible, ironic and caustically amusing in tone. And much more self-aware. It's difficult to sympathise with Laura's discontent with her privileged lifestyle in 'The Way Things Are' as she wrangles with 'the servant problem', hosts a tennis party or spoils her obnoxious children. Her unrest derives from her perception that in settling for marriage she has missed out on Romance. She is conflicted by her inability to choose between domestic normality and her love for her children, or the possibility a grand passion based really on nothing more than a few hurried kisses in a taxi and a lot of imagination. The novel concludes with her settling for domestic happiness but never satisfactorily examines the origins of the myth of Romantic Love, or has her compare her sexual life with her husband with what she imagines any sexual encounter with Duke Ayland might be like. There would be much more mileage gained if she'd gone on her 'dirty weekend' and then found herself entirely wracked with guilt and Duke an incompetent lover. The work is somewhat reminiscent of Jane Austen, with distinct similarity to 'Brief Encounter'.
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