Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men

by Robert Weiss

Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S, Founding Director of the Sexual Recovery Institute in Los Angeles and clinical sexual addiction expert avoids political and moral arguments to instead focus on the reality of being a gay man and a sex addict. The book raises questions for the reader like, "Is your sexual behavior causing unintended problems in your life?", while providing readers with useful insight, direction and support.  Cruise Control  helps both gay sex addicts and therapists gain a better understanding of the difference between Hypersexuality (sex addiction) and non-addictive sexual behavior within the gay experience. This book is a relevant, timely and important contribution to the body of recovery and self-help literature, Cruise Control provides understanding, empathy and encouragement to gay men seeking healthy sexual expression and intimacy - without the losses and pain brought about through active sex addiction. For all those gay guys who have ever said, "Well, it's just a gay thing" or "Having a lot of sex is what gay guys do" - this book is for you.

Genres: Gay, LGBT, Self Help, Nonfiction, Queer

224 pages, Paperback

First published July 1, 2005

Reviews

[Aaron Thiel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had low expectations going into this, perhaps ready to dismiss anything that might prove to be too confrontational, but it turned out to be an amazing read full of insight, nuance and compassion. It's tough at times and made me feel for myself and many other gay men I know. The focus and compassion we perhaps all need to heal.

[Dylan Scott · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting stuff but a less theory based than I expected and was more about finding help. Also should have checked the date cause this was published in 2005 and was outdated as hell

[Eric · Rating 5 out of 5]

While most people are familiar with Alcoholism and Alcoholics Anonymous, most don't know that the fastest growing form of addiction in the 21st century is sexual addiction. The rise of the Internet and the easy access to pornography has fueled this escalation. Add to this fact that pornography is very easily accessed by teens, and they view when the brain is still in a critical development stage, means that we are poised to face a near epidemic of sexual addiction challenges in the years ahead.

Sexual addiction is the symptom of real and deeper issues - issues of shame, trauma, neglect, fear and abuse are the real issues. Self-medicating with pornography or other forms and styles of sexual expression can initially help people relieve life's stresses. But it doesn't take long for a person to need more, and still more, and the next thing you know the disease of addiction has infected the mind and heart. Sexual addiction among gay men is found in even higher rates due to the substantially greater challenges of carrying shame and abuse due to their sexual orientation from the larger straight culture and communities. Many religious traditions still shame LGBTQ people as sinners rather than recognizing that people no more "chose" their sexual orientation than their eye color or their height.

Weiss is a student of Patrick Carnes, the pioneer in the field of sexual addiction. This book is a tremendous resource for both therapists and clergy, and gay men who are sexually addicted. He straightforwardly address what sexual addiction is and is not, and how sexual addiction develops in a person. He addressed head on the issue of drug and alcohol use in the gay community, and how this exacerbates the addiction issue, and leads to multiple addiction scenarios. Weiss then goes on to lay out a plan for creating needed boundaries for those who struggle with addiction, finding support for a life of recovery, and even issues to look for in seeking help from the therapeutic arena. Of course, the engagement in 12-step recovery programs are the foundation of addiction recovery.

As someone who knows and has worked with gay men, and others, who battle sexual addiction, I can highly recommend this book as a resource a guide to reclaiming a healthier life, and a healthier and more satisfying sexual life.

[Safi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good book

[Oiko Petersen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very resourceful, up to date and written specifically for gay men.

[Alex · Rating 5 out of 5]

Appreciative of the concrete steps and boundary setting techniques

[Gregory Lo forte · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book for clinicians studying sex addiction or working with gay men with addiction and possible sex addiction. Helps a clinician know more about the signs of sex addiction in gay men. Helps gay men who are sex and or love addicts navigate ways to help themselves as well as a chapter for those who have been "betrayed" by those who have acted out in sexual conduct. Great book all the way around!

[Freyja Vanadis · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have no idea why I bought this book, sometime after the 2005 publishing date. I'm neither a gay man or a sex addict, so I don't know what would have possessed me to buy it.
At any rate, this has some good ideas for men who are addicted to sex.